Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grandma

[thompatricks]

Here's a story.

I'm in the final stages of choosing an engagement ring for my girlfriend of three years. She's traditional and wants no part in picking out a ring, but humored me last year by visiting a Tiffany's and trying a few on (did the, hey, look where we are, let's browse! thing).

She was surprised that she didn't love the Tiffany-style princess cut in platinum, and was warm on it in gold. What she did love was a 1.02ct Tiffany Novo ring in platinum. Loved it. After checking the local stores here in Vancouver -- Birk's, a couple independent jewelers -- I've decided to buy online, likely from James Allen.

From what I remember of her liking the Novo, and her reaction at a friend's blingy ring -- three small stones set into a narrow band -- I've more or less settled on this one:

Platinum 2.2mm 0.54 common prong brilliant from james allen
http://www.jamesallen.com/engagement-rings/settings-with-sidestones/ring/item_58-2855.asp

Here are some IRL pics from avatarreb
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/ja-ering-she-said-yes.140246/#post-2518852#p2518852

Still undecided between a cushion cut and a round. Advice all around is much appreciated! It seems, to me, to be the closest to the Tiffany Novo. I think the platinum looks much more modern (we're in our late 20's) and comparable to what friends are wearing.

ANYWAY. The catch:

Her grandmother died two years ago, and while on her deathbed -- quite literally -- she gave my girlfriend her gold wedding ring, that had to be cut off her finger a few days before. She wanted my GF to have the ring, and made her promise to melt it down to be turned into HER OWN wedding ring. Grandma wasn't really in her normal state of mind, but that's how it all played out. Since then the GF has mused about what to do with the ring. I know she wants to honor her grandmother's wishes as much as possible.

So now I'm stuck: Must I choose a gold engagement ring to match a not-yet-in-existence new band? Can you even melt a gold ring down to make a new one? Could she craft a new ring out of the old one, and then cover it in platinum/white gold to make it match?

Anyone encounter this before? Some advice would be lovely. Thanks!

 

[kelpie]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

James allen has some nice cushions that look novo-esque. What specs and budget are you looking for? I used to have a .95 novo and several times a day people would say "OMG that's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen!". I sold it and bought a 2ct european cut which no one ever mentions but I adore. In my opinion the Brian Gavin novella is the closest replica of the setting. My cousin received an engagement ring made out of her two grandmother's rings placed on either side of the solitaire and soldered together and platinum plated for the look of three bands (she doesn't wear a wedding ring because it already looks like one). It came out very modern and elegant, I'd never guess its provenance if I didn't know. I bought my novo used on ebay for 6k (it was originally 12k) and that may be an option if your GF doesn't mind, I had it re-appraised, polished and sized by tiffany which they did for free. All my jewelry is very very finely made but I will say it is the only piece I had (including another Tif engagement ring) where the craftsmanship was perfect, everything was exactly symmetrical, ect...

Sorry for the random thought dump

 

[lizzyann]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

Maybe take Grandma's ring, melt it down, and create a wedding band that can be used for ring exchange at the wedding. Then your GF can wear it as a right hand ring after the wedding. Your GF can still get a white metal engagement ring and matching wedding band to wear on her left hand.

 

[kelpie]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

also, a good custom jeweler can take g-ma's ring and make it 24k and then into an 18k white gold alloy. They do it in batches so it won't all be from grandma's ring but it would definitely satisfy the request.

 

[thompatricks]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

James allen has some nice cushions that look novo-esque. What specs and budget are you looking for?

I tried looking last night but became overwhelmed after an hour of browsing for settings.

I'm looking to spend between $3000 and $4000. Ideal cut, VS1 or VS2 is fine, not sure of color yet. Any pointers would be great!

My cousin received an engagement ring made out of her two grandmother's rings placed on either side of the solitaire and soldered together and platinum plated for the look of three bands (she doesn't wear a wedding ring because it already looks like one). It came out very modern and elegant, I'd never guess its provenance if I didn't know. I bought my novo used on ebay for 6k (it was originally 12k) and that may be an option if your GF doesn't mind, I had it re-appraised, polished and sized by tiffany which they did for free. All my jewelry is very very finely made but I will say it is the only piece I had (including another Tif engagement ring) where the craftsmanship was perfect, everything was exactly symmetrical, ect...

I think a used ring is (unfortunately) not an option. Cool idea about your cousin's ring, too.

 

[Imdanny]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

If you and your future fiancée want to honor the deathbed promise then I recommend you have the ring remelted into a new band (yes, it can be done) and choose yellow gold for the engagement ring.

You can't have everything- honor the wish/ choose white metal engagement ring/ have matching rings for her.

So to me it would boil down to do you want to honor the promise or not.

I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. But if it's any comfort a sizable number of people haven't given up on yellow gold (check this forum). It's been around for millennia as jewelry. It will be around for millennia. It might or might not be "fashionable" but it is classic.

 

[Lula]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

I would have the engagement ring made in white gold (unplated -- i.e., with no rhodium plating that looks like a chrome bathroom faucet) and wear it with the yellow gold wedding band. There's nothing wrong with mixing yellow gold and white gold. If I remember right, Princess Diana wore her white gold engagement ring with a yellow gold band.

You could also have the jeweler that makes the engagement ring add a little yellow gold detail to the engagement ring as an accent.

Or you could have the wedding band designed so it is two-tone yellow gold and white gold. This band from Tiffany is yellow gold and platinum.
http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Ite...params=s+5-p+2-c+288152-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+ 2 mm wide.

ETA: Whoops -- just saw that you're thinking of platinum. In that case, I'd go with the suggestion someone else made -- have a ring made from the yellow gold for her to wear on her right hand. Or reverse the two-tone design above, meaning that the body of the ring would be platinum and the accent would be yellow gold. I'm concerned that if you wear yellow gold and platinum next to each other the gold will scratch and rub away part of the the platinum on the engagement ring.

 

[TheDoctor]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

We have used a few of these by milling them out and using them as liners in wider rings. The old ring is next to the skin, doesn't get worn away over time. No-re-melting necessary. You can even see the original hallmarks sometimes...Use any leftovers for a liner in your wedding band. This won't be as satisfying if the whole works get rhodium plated though. That would suck.
There's always going to be someone who will tell you that have re-alloyed the original ring to white gold (while secretly pitching Granny's ring into their scrap and using new white gold instead) but you need to be assured that the integrity of Granny's ring is mostly maintained.

It's not rocket science, it just takes a bit of imagination and a lot of care on behalf of a jeweller who cares more about your wishes than your money. If he/she treats you well, the money will find its way.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

Gold won't wear platinum in the least.

To illustrate the Doc's suggestion, here is an interesting ring.

 

[kelpie]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

Here's some cushions for your consideration:

http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/H-VVS2-Ideal-Cut-Cushion-Diamond-1278865.asp
http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/H-VS1-Premium-Cut-Cushion-Diamond-1279865.asp
http://www.jamesallen.com/diamonds/H-VS2-Ideal-Cut-Cushion-Diamond-1339840.asp

 

[Imdanny]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

Maybe take Grandma's ring, melt it down, and create a wedding band that can be used for ring exchange at the wedding. Then your GF can wear it as a right hand ring after the wedding. Your GF can still get a white metal engagement ring and matching wedding band to wear on her left hand.

That's not a bad idea, but does anyone think Grandma meant "turn my ring into a white gold ring"? I doubt it.

 

[aviastar]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

Even if you were to melt the ring and have it remade into a yellow gold band, it will probably not be 100% Grandma's gold because you need more metal than the finished product requires to ensure a good casting (casting method of construction, of course, not as familiar with fabrication). Also, it will depend on what karat the original ring is; 18k is 75 % pure gold that can be refined and used again. New gold will need to be added to the project to make up for the mass lost during the refining process. Further complicating that- you never know how much pure gold is going to end up coming out of a piece; it was previouly legal (pre 1983, I think) to stamp 14k if it was actually at least 12k.

The custom jeweler I use refines his own gold on site, like Kelpie said, normally in batches that do not ensure that your specific gold ends up in the new piece. I know he has made special exceptions in the past for people with situations like yours, but I think one ring may be too small an amount to refine all by it's lonesome, though I don't know that for sure. If you can find a goldmith you trust to try this it could certainly be re-alloyed to white gold.

That said, I have to repectfully disagree with Iamdanny; I think the spirit of the request was that the ring would not go to waste, but be given new life. I don't think color takes away from fufilling that promise or the memory of the gift from her Grandmother, especially since it would be unlikely to have a new piece that was 100% the same metal anyway.

TheDoctor's suggestion, however, completely solves the problem and I think it is an elegant solution.

Best of luck!

 

[marymm]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

I am also one who would be inclined to interpret the promise made to Grandma broadly -- and if the promise was actually to melt down the original ring to have it remade into granddaughter's NEW ring... well, doesn't that imply Grandma wanted her to use the metal of the original ring to create a new ring of HER dreams? I think if the bequest was made out of love (and this seems certain), and the promise was made in love to honor its purpose, then technicalities like "is all the metal in the new ring from the old ring?" or "is the gold color the same?" become non-issues. I think Grandma loved her granddaughter and wanted to be a part of her life even after she was gone. Grandma knew wedding rings are (usually) worn daily and so if her ring was melted down and made a part of her granddaughter's new ring, Grandma would be a part of granddaughter's daily life. And wedding rings represent love and faith, so Grandma would be part of something meaningful to the couple. That said, I love thedoctor's suggestion of the wedding band liners, and I'd stretch it out so both her and his bands had liners made from Grandma's metal. This was a loving gesture by Grandma, and I find it very touching she reached out to your intended in this way to be a part of your future as a couple.

 

[Imdanny]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

I am also one who would be inclined to interpret the promise made to Grandma broadly -- and if the promise was actually to melt down the original ring to have it remade into granddaughter's NEW ring... well, doesn't that imply Grandma wanted her to use the metal of the original ring to create a new ring of HER dreams? I think if the bequest was made out of love (and this seems certain), and the promise was made in love to honor its purpose, then technicalities like "is all the metal in the new ring from the old ring?" or "is the gold color the same?" become non-issues. I think Grandma loved her granddaughter and wanted to be a part of her life even after she was gone. Grandma knew wedding rings are (usually) worn daily and so if her ring was melted down and made a part of her granddaughter's new ring, Grandma would be a part of granddaughter's daily life. And wedding rings represent love and faith, so Grandma would be part of something meaningful to the couple. That said, I love thedoctor's suggestion of the wedding band liners, and I'd stretch it out so both her and his bands had liners made from Grandma's metal. This was a loving gesture by Grandma, and I find it very touching she reached out to your intended in this way to be a part of your future as a couple.

Ok, that makes sense.

 

[purplesilk]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

I think you should better choose something you like (just choose an e-ring and a wedding band you really like) and melt grandmother's ring down to be turned into a right hand ring,so your girlfriend can keep the promise and she can also have her dream wedding set.
Regarding grandmother's ring,I'd suggest something like these if you like the "old romantic" style :
http://www.jewelryvortex.com/fine-jewelry/rings/wedding-bands/18k/18k-carved/8ru11783y.php?AID=10599738&PID=1609763&SID=tfc_-_23_559_110107_47e08bf2c971ceb79e428bcd5462db29%3A0000
http://www.antiquejewelrymall.com/r636y.html
http://www.antiquejewelrymall.com/r702y.html

 

[mrs taylor]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

I'm one that absolutely loves the look of mixed metals. Even the royals do this and it looks lovely! Their signature yellow gold band with whatever diamonds or gems they have as e-rings in white metals. I think it's gorgeous and I for one would want to keep the ring intact. Yes, it will have to be manipulated since it was cut off, but I would *personally* want to wear it as she wore it. I guess it depends on your fiance's thoughts. I'd be mightily peeved if my dh went and melted my grandmother's ring to reconstitute it as something that bears no resemblance to what it once was.

 

[briolette]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

What about getting the jeweler a two toned wedding ring with the gold from the grandmother's ring and then some platinum?
i had one from Artcarved and it worked well with my white gold ering.

 

[Black Jade]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

Two-toned will work great.
I have a two-toned wedding ring and it goes with either my original e-ring (yellow gold)
or my solitaire anniversary ring (platinum).
I think its lovely that your fiancee wants to honor her grandma's request. She sounds like a wonderful person. I also agree that this means honoring the spirit of the request, as in, use the ring to make a new ring which fits your tastes and choices and not, the new ring must stay yellow gold. You do the best you can with these things. My dad asked us as a last request to be buried in a cemetery that had those above the ground old fashioned tombstones, not the newer flat ones (like a memorial garden). We could not find a cemetery with the old fashioned kind less than three hours away so we ended up ignoring the request. Otherwise, no one would have ever been able to visit the cemetery and leave flowers, etc. which we knew he also wanted (and we wanted too).
Make a new two toned ring out of the old ring and your fiancee will be wearing her grandmother's wedding ring and remembering her.

 

[sparkle-magpie]

Re: Choosing an e-ring after a deathbed promise to her grand

There are many options to use the yellow gold for a new ring. Here is a photo of a piece from Apples of Gold. This piece is actually sterling and yellow gold, but this is just to see the nice color contract option. The ring liner is also a very nice idea!

Since the grandmother's request was made during a time of great stress, she probably worded her request differently than she would have otherwise. It would be left then to the granddaughter to interpret the request. From the OP it would seem she wanted to pass on a much loved piece of jewelry to become, reincarnated (as it were) for the granddaughter, also, a much loved piece of jewelry. Must it resemble it's original? It is up to her to decide, all the while holding on to a wonderful piece of history given with much love. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.