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Cat lovers -- I need advice about my own little guy!

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Lynn B

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As some of you know, we have a kitty, Buster, who is now 10 months old. We have had him since he was a baby, and we just adore him! BUUUT, he is making me rather distressed lately!

He was a VERY loving, friendly baby... but the older he gets, the more independent and less "affectionate" he is getting.
He hardly seems to want to be held, cuddled, etc. We want a LAP CAT, dangit, and he just isn''t cooperating!


Do any of you have any tips or experience on how to make a cat more affectionate and loving? Could this maybe be a *phase* he''s going through - typical for his age - and maybe he''ll outgrow it and possibly become more affectionate again as he grows older?!

Thank you!
Lynn
 

oshinbreez

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My cat, Comet, used to be a real loving cat when he was a kitten. The older he got, the less affectionate he got. But, he''s very affectionate when HE wants to be. I think it''s just a cat thing. If I want to hold Comet, he doesn''t want it, but when he wants it, I have to give it to him. He won''t leave me alone unless I do. He''ll sit in my lap 15-30 mins, then he''s done.
 

Tacori E-ring

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I agree there is no way to make him *want* to cuddle when you want it. That is one of the things I kind of like about cats. Their love is just so special. It might just be a phase. You never know. Both our cats are pretty loving but one is more of a "lap cat" than the other. When we wants it he just falls asleep on us like dead weight. There is no way of getting him up. I have acccidently pushed/hit/kicked him before (when I was sleeping too) and it doesn''t bother him. But if I try to force him to lay with me or sit on my lap there is NO WAY! They both do what THEY want. Sometimes petting his face DOES make him sleepy. He''ll usually stick around a little longer than ususal.
 

oshinbreez

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I does seem to be mainly when Comet is tired that he wants the affection. He also loves it when I pet his nose. Also likes being held like a baby....for a few mins.
 

Lynn B

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Thanks for the feedback. I do understand that he is a *cat*, not a dog... and I really do try to respect his "catness"! But OH, I need those fur-fixes and a little lovin'!!!


This is crazy (and wonderful!) -- but at night, he can be quite the little lover. He sleeps with us (or DD) usually in the "hollow" spot between our legs or at the foot of our bed, but during the night, once or twice (or even 3 times) he'll come up to our face and purr like a little machine, and cuddle up tight for a little while. He just can't seem to get close enough! I just LOVE that, and it is well worth getting woken up for. Sometimes he'll do the little "kneading" paws thing, too, but not always.

But then, during the DAY, he is Mr. Cool, and acts like, "Do I know you?!"
 

sumbride

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I have 3 cats and only one of them is a lap cat! And he''s the one that''s dying. We''re very distressed about losing not only our cat, but the only one that sits in our laps. While we''ve always felt like it was an accident that we had 3 cats, when we lose Max, we''ll probably get another cat just because we want a lap cat! Of course, your situation is exactly why we''ll probably go with an adult cat.

I hope you get him to come back to your laps. Can you bribe him with treats? Or maybe a blanket that he likes? One of my other cats will sit in my lap if I have a blanket over it, but only for a short time, and only with a blanket.

good luck!
 

Kaleigh

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Date: 3/18/2007 9:41:56 PM
Author: Lynn B
Thanks for the feedback. I do understand that he is a *cat*, not a dog... and I really do try to respect his ''catness''! But OH, I need those fur-fixes and a little lovin''!!!


This is crazy (and wonderful!) -- but at night, he can be quite the little lover. He sleeps with us (or DD) usually in the ''hollow'' spot between our legs or at the foot of our bed, but during the night, once or twice (or even 3 times) he''ll come up to our face and purr like a little machine, and cuddle up tight for a little while. He just can''t seem to get close enough! I just LOVE that, and it is well worth getting woken up for. Sometimes he''ll do the little ''kneading'' paws thing, too, but not always.

But then, during the DAY, he is Mr. Cool, and acts like, ''Do I know you?!''
Haha, that''s such a cat thing. I had a cat growing up, she wanted to cuddle when it suited her. At night I did find that she was more loving. Hopefully you''ll get in tune with Buster knowing when he wants the love and sigh when he doesn''t. Hey my dogs follow me everywhere, and won''t cut me a break. So kind of makes me miss the independence of a cat. Trade ya!!!
JK!!!!
 

iheartscience

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I had the same thing happen to me with my darling baby cat. She was such a snuggler as a baby, but once she got older (1-2 years old) she hardly ever cuddled!

Now that she''s a bit older (she''s almost 3) she snuggles a lot more. I think they just have to get out of their teenage years, just like regular kids!

But I used to get so upset when she stopped cuddling with me, so I totally understand how you feel! I have a new kitty I recently adopted who is about 1 and she doesn''t cuddle much, either. (Although she does sleep at the end of the bed every night.) My boyfriend has to keep reminding me about my other cat not snuggling until she got older!
 

AmberGretchen

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Honestly, it may be the age too. Our kitten is coming up on that age and he runs very hot and cold too, but not necessarily linked to the time of day - his moods seem to run for a couple of days at a time.

Our older cats we got as 6 month old kittens and they went through a more aloof phase before becoming much more snuggly, but it was hard to tell if that was just them adjusting to us over time, or specific to their age. It is true that its very hard to know the final personality of a cat unless you get it as an adult, and even then there can be surprises when it leaves an unnatural shelter environment.

I think there''s a good chance he may go back to being snuggly - I''ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
 

poptart

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Lynn, don''t you know for a cat to cuddle with you that you have to become insanely allergic to them?? Haha. I''m allergic to cats and whether or not it''s a lap cat, or a cat that pretends humans don''t exist, those little puff balls follow me everywhere!! My friend had a cat that slept right under my chin the entire week I was at her house and when the other cat would sneak inside he would follow me around too, haha. And he''s not a lap cat at all. I agree that it''s a phase they go through, and he''ll probably come around. But do remember, he is a kitty cat, and not a dog that will look at you and say, ''i love you i love you i love you'' all the time, ya know?

*M*
 

nejarb

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i think cats go through a rebelious stage for sure. i have a female orange striped tabby who''s 11 months, and she was a WILD kitten but she''s settling down a little now, which means she''s becoming more affectionate too, but a few months ago she went through a "leave me alone" phase.

i had a gorgeous little short-haired tortiose shell calico growing up and i don''t remember how she was when she was a kitten (b/c i was just a kitten too), but until she was about 8 or 9 she was aloof unless she wanted loving, and she hid when strangers came over (so everyone remained a stranger to her except residents in the house). but ages 8 or 9 through 17 she became SO affectionate and would jump up on literally anyone''s lap and stay there as long as she could. and she loved to be carried around the house, so if she was sitting on your lap and you got up, she expected you to take her with you, and she would assume the position with her paws and chin up on your shoulder as you stood up. so cute.

this may sound weird, but one thing you might try is singing the same sweet soft song to your cat when he is in a cuddle mood and you''re making kitty love. then sometimes if you want to cuddle you can sing the song and it may put him in the mood. i do this w/ my kitten in a different context--when we''re calm and she happy and sitting by the window purring or something, or laying on my chest 1/2 asleep, i sing a little song, and then when we go to the vet or she''s nervous for some other reason, i sing teh song and it calms her down. we had to evacuate teh building when someone put a lit cigarette down the trash shoot, and we were outside for 2 hours in downtown houston and we were cold and there were firetrucks everywhere but the song really calmed her down and she was pretty chill.
 

Lynn B

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THANK YOU all so much for the replies, great advice, and encouragement. It's so much fun to hear about everyone's furry "babies". It's especially encouraging to hear about other kitties who went through a "rebellious" phase but eventually went back to their old sweet, affectionate ways!

I *tend* to think (hope!) that this must just be some kind of a teenage phase
for him... he came from a very good home and very loving mother and we have had him (and pampered him!) since he was a baby. So thankfully there's no abuse or neglect in his past. And he was SUCH a little loverboy as a baby, that's why we fell so crazy in love with him.

Last night in bed I got about 3 separate purr-fests (as we call them!) -- he just nuzzled and purred and couldn't get close enough. Ohmygosh, I LOOOOOOVE that! Then this morning while I was getting ready for work I tried to pick him up and he ran away from me like I was the
!!! I was like, "What about last night?! Didn't it mean anything to you???!"


Nejarb, that was GREAT advice about a special, soft song... I love that idea and plan to start doing that. THANK YOU for sharing!

Now, keep those stories and advice a'comin', please!!! xoxoxoxo

Lynn
 

Lorelei

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Lynn, , one of my furbabies didn''t want anything to do with me for the first 2 years of his life, he was a miserable little kitten and he used to whinge everytime I picked him up and forced him to cuddle
Now he can''t get enough of me, they tend to change over time and hopefully soon your baby will be snuggling away with you on a regular basis!
 

AmantdeChat

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Cats are so funny. That''s why I love them so much!
My Jasmine has been a love bug since I got her when she was 10 weeks old. However, she does go through phases of please don''t touch me, look at me, or breath in my direction!
But by god, if she wants love, she demands it in no uncertain terms. Meowing and following me from room to room until I sit down, then boom she is on my lap and bitches if I try to get up again! What a life!


My other furball, Flash, has never been a lap cat or much of a lover. However, ever since Steve and I moved in together, she has become more loving. He gives her kitty massages in the morning and now she will actually sit in my lap for a bit, (usually she sits beside me, because my lap is being overrun by the other brat in the family!).

Whatever they do, you will never be bored with them!

Good luck with encouraging your silly guy to love you just a "little" bit more!
 

ellaila

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Date: 3/19/2007 10:42:48 AM
Author: Lynn B
Last night in bed I got about 3 separate purr-fests (as we call them!) -- he just nuzzled and purred and couldn't get close enough. Ohmygosh, I LOOOOOOVE that! Then this morning while I was getting ready for work I tried to pick him up and he ran away from me like I was the
!!! I was like, 'What about last night?! Didn't it mean anything to you???!'
Ha! LOL, Lynn


Funny, my first cat Jasmine wasn't cuddly at all when she was young, but then when she got older, I'd say 8ish, she became a total lapcat. Would ALWAYS sit on my lap and fall asleep (oh I loved that warm purry baby!
) and would sleep on my back at night (I sleep on my stomach) -- I loved it!

Our new little guy used to stretch his entire body belly-up against my hubby to sleep at night (hardly ever me though, waah), but lately he's stopped doing that. In general, he'll sit near enough that we can pet him, but he'll never come and sit ON our laps. He's very affectionate in other ways though, so we'll still keep him around despite not being a lap cat


ETA: Amant de Chat, I just read that your kitty is Jasmine too (I think I knew that already actually but forgot)! We lost our little Jas two years ago unfortunately (fatty liver disease) -- and we've got our Monkey now!
 

Lynn B

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OK... just thinking about something else... and want to know what you guys think.

If we want to hold him or cuddle, but he obviously isn''t interested, is it better to just leave him alone... or would it be OK (maybe even advantageous?) to pick him up and love him up a little bit, anyway? Sometimes he gets pretty PISSY about being held when he doesn''t want to be! But maybe that won''t hurt him any???!

What do you think?

Thanks!
Lynn
 

divergrrl

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Lynn,

My old roomates cat was aloof & hated me. I was floored since I was a cat lover & wanted my fur fixes too. So you know what I did? I flat out ignored her. Played hard to get.

Oh it worked...within days she was mewing at my feet, rubbing up against my ankles, etc.

Even my cat, its lovin'' on her terms, so I just let it go.

Now my german shepherd thinks she''s a yorkie lap dog....so I have other problems.

Jeannine
 

FireGoddess

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My friend lent me a copy of a book someone had given her called ''The Cat Whisperer'' and it seems to say that some cats want to be held, some dont. It''s important in their 3-7 month old period to have lots of human contact so they bond with humans, but after that it''s less critical. I think that ignoring a cat so it seeks your attention out is better than forcing it to be held when it doesn''t want to...that makes it associate negative feelings with you. You don''t want that!
 

colorkitty

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Cats are such impossible little divas. You really do have to let them come to you, though. I swear that once you make it known to the cat that you''re dying to spend time with it, that becomes a power it recognizes that it can leverage over you. The more you chase after it, the more fun it has running away. Good luck and I''m sure your kitty will come around.
 

divergrrl

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FG so true

My husband and I call it "catitude" and feel lucky when we are blessed with Simone''s presence.


lol

Jeannine
 

FireGoddess

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One more thing - is there a place your furbaby enjoys, like lying on your bed or something? Chloe will never sit on my lap or next to me on the couch, but she loves to lie on the bed. So I''ve taken to watching tv in the bedroom instead of the living room because she will snuggle up next to me on the bed, but not the couch. Gotta compromise. Cats think they own you, not the other way around.
 

AdaBeta27

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Lynn, training him for "lap time" just might work. I would not have believed it if I hadn't seen it. But, my first cat was very much a 1-person cat (all mine!) of age 6 when I married. He absolutely hated my former husband, and I should have taken heed. ;-) Anyway, husband trained this hostile cat by picking him up and putting him on his lap every day. He'd hold the cat and scratch ears and under chin, etc., until cat got squirmy, and then he'd let him jump off. Well, cat decided he liked that and soon started demanding his lap time every day as soon as husband got home. I'd have never bet money on that happening, LOL.

My current cats love fleece jackets and fleece throws. They are the washable polyester kind, but even the 1/2-Siamese loves them. He does the wool-sucking thing and purrs himself into a trance. My cats love to cuddle up when I am wearing a fleece jacket or I have a fleece throw draped across my lap. They even like the fleece throws in summer when AC is on. Maybe yours will go for something fleece.
 

Finding_Neverland

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Date: 3/19/2007 7:25:07 PM
Author: FireGoddess
One more thing - is there a place your furbaby enjoys, like lying on your bed or something? Chloe will never sit on my lap or next to me on the couch, but she loves to lie on the bed. So I''ve taken to watching tv in the bedroom instead of the living room because she will snuggle up next to me on the bed, but not the couch. Gotta compromise. Cats think they own you, not the other way around.

Our Tom was like that. He HAD to have "Pack Time" at night with Hubby and myself before nighty night. At bedtime, every night, he''d come, get in bed between us, and cuddle. He''d stay for 30 minutes or so and then he''d leave. Go do "cat" things. Then he''d come back, hop on the bed, and sleep on our feet.

When our Tom was younger, he wasn''t much of a lap cat. So maybe they do go thru a "teenaged rebellion" phase. But as he aged, he became a lap cat. BUT only with certain seats. Like, at first, it was the recliner chair. If no one was sitting in the recliner chair, he was there. If someone sat in the recliner chair, then Tom sat in their lap.

Heaven forbid a stranger or visitor sit in the recliner chair. He''d sit on the floor and stare/glare at them. Like, "Don''t you know that''s MY seat??!!" Then he migrated to the sofa. And I think I just realized why.

Our female was a shoulder cat. She liked to lay on the back of the sofa and look over your shoulder. Or nuzzle in your hair on your neck. After she died, our Tom moved to the sofa. Hummmmmm!!

I think the ignoring trick really does work with cats. My BIL and SIL have 2 cats. One very friendly. The other does not like visitors or stangers at all. While we were visiting over the Holidays, I just didn''t pay any attention to the "stand-offish" one at all. Next thing I knew, she was in my lap, kneeding my stomach and purring like crazy. "Look at ME!! Aren''t I pretty?? Pet ME!!"
 

Madam Bijoux

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Cats only get affectionate when the mood hits them, and they only turn into lap cats when they want a warm, soft place to rest. But we love ''em dearly.
 

Phoenix

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Well, our cat came to us begging for food (someone had obviously abandoned
hers since she was wearing a collar) when she was abt 5-6 months old and has been with us for more than 2 yrs now. She does this lovely "flip" - kind of like a human somersault and does this really cute "meow"- totally unlike anything other cat's meow (but of course we're biased
). When we first got her, she ran away for abt a week after having been with us just for a few weeks. I cried my eyes out and was really distressed. So was poor hubby. Then she came back. When she is with us, she is really affectionate and wants to be played with and generally wants lots of attention. But she does leave us from time to time. In December, we moved house and she went out but kind of lost her way for a while, actually for more than 2 months. We tried to keep her in and she kind of escaped. Obviously, since it was a new house, and it'd been raining a lot, she couldn't find her way back (lost her "scent trail" - you might say). But luckily, she was still in the neighbourhood, and we found her again, very skinny and disoriented, in a nearby location. I tell you, we were besides ourselves
. Posted all kinds of flyers around, contacted the SPCA, asked friends and neighbours. She's now back with us but still goes out most of the day every day and comes back at night for cuddles (and food
), to do flips and generally for attention. We've learnt that it is a "cat thing" and try not to be sad. We just treasure the time that she is with us.

Your baby sounds adorable though
 

moremoremore

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LMAO re What about last night? LOLOLOL....

I say to my Gracie all the time:
#1. I wouldn''t have paid (the adoption fee) for a full cat if I knew I was going to get a half of a cat (she''s TINY hehehe)
& #2. Wow, you really put on a show didn''t you? She was SOOOO affectionate when we got her. Now it''s only on her terms...

I totally know the frustration. Cats are so crazy. And actually, I like adopting slightly older cats b/c for the most part, I can see their personality....e/t it changes after they get home from the shelter, etc.....Kittens are a toss up....
 

sumbride

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One of our cats came to us after living in a storm drain for about 6 months in front of my FI''s apartment building. We think he was abandoned when he got to the awkward adolescent stage. We''d been feeding him (and the other stray cats) outside the door but he wouldn''t approach us. Then one night in November it was REALLY cold and he started to weave in and out of FI''s legs while he put food down. Later that night we lured him into the apartment. Then he promptly freaked out.

We hadn''t been planning to keep him. We actually took him to a shelter that night. I already had 2 cats and FI still had allergies. Then I called the shelter. They said he was very healthy and they had placed him in the adoption room. We went to see him all cleaned up. I held him and he purred and purred, and drooled all over me. When they put him back in the cage, he just sort of huddled in the litterbox and was so forlorn. I looked at FI.

The next day he came back and filed an "application of last resort". At the end of the week, the kitty hadn''t been adopted, so FI adopted him. We thought then that we were just doing it to save him... that we''d eventually find him another home. Well, we did. WITH US.

We named him Bill (the cat!) and though he was completely antisocial when we got him, he''s coming around. He still is invisible to strangers... our cat-sitter has only seen him once! But with us, he''s gotten very affectionate and gives lots and lots of head bonks, purrs, and continues to drool when he''s happy. He''s not a lap cat yet, but maybe someday. He does let me hold him and cuddle him, and doesn''t mind when I carry him around, but he still retains a lot of his independent streak. He''s VERY attached to me though. In the morning, FI goes downstairs to feed the cats and he''ll go with him, but as soon as I put a foot on the floor, he runs up the stairs as fast as he can meowing the whole way. And he won''t leave my side until I''m heading out the door. I open the shower curtain and he''s there.

Of course, when FI and I moved in together, Bill met my cats. He likes Max but he and Lucy can''t stand each other. And we think part of the problem stems from Lucy having similar attachment issues to me. They get very possessive of me and don''t want the other near me. It''s been a year and a half and they still hiss and growl and attack each other!!!
 

jaysonsmom

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I don''t know how to make a cat want to cuddle, but I had 2 persians, both females, and they were both cuddle-bugs. As soon as I got home from work each day, they''d start rubbing themselves on me, and the minute I sat anywhere, they''d fight for my lap. When I slept, one would be curled around my head like ear muffs and the other would be on my chest. That was before I was married. Maybe we were just 3 lonely girls :)

My advice would probably to get a breed that likes pampering and attention. My cats were total indoor princesses!
 

Lynn B

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Thanks, everyone, for your stories and advice. It''s very fun to hear about your fur-babies and their sweet personalities (and silly quirks!
)

I am happy to report that my little Buster has been much more affectionate these last few days (I had an almost-all-night purr-fest last night! Yum, I LOVE that!
) and during the day he''s been better, too. (Maybe he''s reading these posts???!
)

I honestly think it''s his age... those crazy adolescent years!
PLUS... now call me crazy... but we had been playing with a laser light with him -- which he LOVES, but I swear it leaves him VERY frustrated and agitated... I think because he can never "GET" it. My DH just
but I think it''s true. So I hid the stupid thing and my baby''s temperament improved noticeably. Anyone else notice this with their kitties?!
 

FireGoddess

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A friend of mine uses the laser with her cats - they love it. I''ve never tried with mine. The thing I did buy recently, that the furball has FREAKED over, are these little tinsel balls. She goes ape-crazy over these things. I bought 2 packs of 6 and I can only find 3 of them. She carries them in her mouth with her wherever she goes...so I highly recommend these. Haven''t found a single other toy in 10 years that she has loved even remotely as much as these. I found them at Pet Club.
 
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