Cash bar at wedding

[turboflgrl]

purselover - I appreciate your sentiments but I''m also in agreement with some of the other posters. This is our wedding - not our friends. This is our day - not theirs. If they choose to drink after the wedding on their own time, they can. It shouldn''t be my responsibility to bend the rules of my own life to cater to theirs on a day that should be a reflection of myself and my fiance.

I can see how some may disagree based on different lifestyles or expectations they are accustomed to but I''m really starting to feel much more comfortable without the hassle of having alcohol there. I never said I wouldn''t supply refreshments - why do those refreshments have to contain alcohol? I guess I just don''t understand why people can''t enjoy themselves for 4 or 5 hours in the company of good friends without drinking.

 

[Gypsy]

NO on the consumption bar. Trust me. Something magical and terrible happens at weddings. Everyone assumes you have paid for the alcohol per head and drinks accordingly trying to help you get bang for buck. Trust me, happened to me. We offered beer and wine only. Sunday night wedding. Ended at 10 pm. We had a total of 15 ''younger'' people there and a total of 68 attending guests. HALF OF WHICH DO NOT DRINK FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS. Guess what our guests drank? 70 something bottles of wine and 70 something bottles of beer. For a grand total of over 3000 dollars once you added service charges and tax. That''s over 40 bucks a head. We should have gone with the per head fees or NO alcohol (it was at a winery though and no alcohol wasn''t really an option). We were shocked. Mind you this was for alcohol ONLY. The soft drinks and bottled water were already included in the catering costs.

I had stone cold sober people at my wedding (my husband and I included as we had managed only one glass of wine between the TWO of us all night) and dead drunk people who went back to their hotel and fell asleep in the lobby. People with teenage kids, responsible jobs and upstanding reputations. People let loose at a wedding.

PLUS if you go on consumption, you are leaving a lot to the discretion of predatory wait staff who just snap the alcohol up the second it is put down, so your guests have to get a new glass.

Don''t do it. I didn''t want to do it, and went against my better judgement and did it anyway because our caterer was SURE it would save us money given the Sunday, early wedding with religious anti-drinkers attending.

Your wedding will be LOVELY with just a cocktail hour. Or nix the cocktail hour open bar and only do one signature drink. That''s it. A nice bellini with cheap sparkling wine. Or a vodka martini of somesort. And that''s the only alcohol offered.


I am not a big drinker. You take me to a bar, I''m just as likely to order a cup of tea as I am to order a glass of wine. But guess what... when I''m at a wedding, I''ll go for the glass of wine instead because it feels festive and celebratory. And THAT is what will happen to your guests too. Even the ones who don''t normally drink will have a glass or two. Next thing you know. You''re really happy that you has so many relatives give you cash as presents because you are ripping open those envelopes to pay for an alcohol bil that FAR exceed the pre-paid estimate you and your venue had come up with.

 

[yssie]

Date: 3/9/2010 5:17:44 AM
Author: Gypsy
NO on the consumption bar. Trust me. Something magical and terrible happens at weddings. Everyone assumes you have paid for the alcohol per head and drinks accordingly trying to help you get bang for buck. Trust me, happened to me. We offered beer and wine only. Sunday night wedding. Ended at 10 pm. We had a total of 15 ''younger'' people there and a total of 68 attending guests. HALF OF WHICH DO NOT DRINK FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS. Guess what our guests drank? 70 something bottles of wine and 70 something bottles of beer. For a grand total of over 3000 dollars once you added service charges and tax. That''s over 40 bucks a head. We should have gone with the per head fees or NO alcohol (it was at a winery though and no alcohol wasn''t really an option). We were shocked. Mind you this was for alcohol ONLY. The soft drinks and bottled water were already included in the catering costs.

I had stone cold sober people at my wedding (my husband and I included as we had managed only one glass of wine between the TWO of us all night) and dead drunk people who went back to their hotel and fell asleep in the lobby. People with teenage kids, responsible jobs and upstanding reputations. People let loose at a wedding.

PLUS if you go on consumption, you are leaving a lot to the discretion of predatory wait staff who just snap the alcohol up the second it is put down, so your guests have to get a new glass.

Don''t do it. I didn''t want to do it, and went against my better judgement and did it anyway because our caterer was SURE it would save us money given the Sunday, early wedding with religious anti-drinkers attending.

Your wedding will be LOVELY with just a cocktail hour. Or nix the cocktail hour open bar and only do one signature drink. That''s it. A nice bellini with cheap sparkling wine. Or a vodka martini of somesort. And that''s the only alcohol offered.


I am not a big drinker. You take me to a bar, I''m just as likely to order a cup of tea as I am to order a glass of wine. But guess what... when I''m at a wedding, I''ll go for the glass of wine instead because it feels festive and celebratory. And THAT is what will happen to your guests too. Even the ones who don''t normally drink will have a glass or two. Next thing you know. You''re really happy that you has so many relatives give you cash as presents because you are ripping open those envelopes to pay for an alcohol bil that FAR exceed the pre-paid estimate you and your venue had come up with.

We were warned about every single one of your points, Gypsy!

 

[purselover]

Date: 3/9/2010 12:31:26 AM
Author: turboflgrl
purselover - I appreciate your sentiments but I''m also in agreement with some of the other posters. This is our wedding - not our friends. This is our day - not theirs. If they choose to drink after the wedding on their own time, they can. It shouldn''t be my responsibility to bend the rules of my own life to cater to theirs on a day that should be a reflection of myself and my fiance.

I can see how some may disagree based on different lifestyles or expectations they are accustomed to but I''m really starting to feel much more comfortable without the hassle of having alcohol there. I never said I wouldn''t supply refreshments - why do those refreshments have to contain alcohol? I guess I just don''t understand why people can''t enjoy themselves for 4 or 5 hours in the company of good friends without drinking.

I totally see what you''re saying about how people can enjoy themselves without alcohol which is why I suggested a dry wedding if you couldn''t/wouldn''t pay for an open bar. Asking people to pay for their own alcohol is where my issue comes in.

I''ve heard of people doing other really cute drink ideas like virgin daiquiris, a hot chocolate or coffee bar. Perhaps that''s an idea you''d be interested in, I know I couldn''t pass up any of those options!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 3/9/2010 12:31:26 AM
Author: turboflgrl
purselover - I appreciate your sentiments but I''m also in agreement with some of the other posters. This is our wedding - not our friends. This is our day - not theirs. If they choose to drink after the wedding on their own time, they can. It shouldn''t be my responsibility to bend the rules of my own life to cater to theirs on a day that should be a reflection of myself and my fiance.

I can see how some may disagree based on different lifestyles or expectations they are accustomed to but I''m really starting to feel much more comfortable without the hassle of having alcohol there. I never said I wouldn''t supply refreshments - why do those refreshments have to contain alcohol? I guess I just don''t understand why people can''t enjoy themselves for 4 or 5 hours in the company of good friends without drinking.

You have a point. Personally, I view inviting someone to your wedding as a way to say, "Thank you for supporting us as individuals and as a couple. We would be honored if you would come celebrate our marriage with us so we can show you a good time for being such great friends/family to us." If you have friends who like to celebrate with a couple of drinks, then why not supply them a couple of drinks? I think its selfish to say that the wedding should only be featuring the foods that YOU like to eat, the drinks that YOU like to drink. When I planned my wedding I tried to make choices that I thought everyone would enjoy, even if I don''t enjoy them myself. If I had planned the dinner around only MY tastes I would not have served beer, seafood, whiskey, or white wine. Do you get my point?

That being said, I think you offering a cocktail hour is happy medium. I have been to a wedding before where the bride and groom set a spending limit. Once that was hit for alcohol, they switched to a cash bar. No one complained or thought it was tacky. Is this sort of set-up an option for your venue? It sounds like they are being very difficult with this situation.

 

[mimistar]

Totally your call on what you want to do at your wedding. If people are going to complain or be rude about what they expected versus what they receive, that is on them!

I had this same issue last month when we booked our venue since we are on a budget. Same thing: 100 people, but with us, probably 25% don''t drink. Here''s some things we considered:

-Why not put down $2000 (or whatever you choose) and once that amount has run out, its cash bar. If only 20 of your friends are drinking, you know that $2K will at least get them all a drink. And if your guests really don''t drink, then you will have a credit on your account with any money not used.
-Are you serving champagne? This is what people can toast with if your bar has run out.

In the end, we decided to do an unlimited alcohol for 4 hours of the night, including the cocktail hour. As much as we were on a budget, I found it distasteful that I would expect my guests to give up their Saturday, drive a long way (or travel), bring a gift, have to spend money on a hotel etc and NOT offer the option of enjoying an alcoholic beverage on us. I understand your point of having fun without alchohol, but this is NOT just any get together---this is your WEDDING day. A day most friends and family are over joyed for you and want to have a good time with something to toast with.

Also, I have been to numerous weddings, both with hosted and unhosted bars. And I HATE when I have to find the nearest ATM because the bar is a cash bar. Or when I didn''t bring a purse and I have to stuff a couple of 20''s in my bra. LOL not cool.

We figured, what is an extra couple of thousand bucks to us? In 10 years, when we are looking back at how much fun we had and our guests had, I won''t mind that I hosted their bar.

Hope this helps, but in the end, you should do what makes YOU feel the best. Whatever choice that might be.

 

[Haven]

Ooh, Gypsy's experience makes me think a consumption bar is NOT a good idea!

Everything she said makes sense, and like Gypsy--I don't usually drink, and when I do I'll have one cocktail max, but I do drink at weddings. It's not because of the free drinks, it's because the super festive atmosphere makes me want a drink.

I still stand by my original thought that you should not offer anything you cannot comfortably afford. This means no cash bar if you can't afford to pay for the drinks, and no feeling guilty if you choose to have a "dry" wedding because that is all you can offer.

And I think mimistar made some really good points, and I'm glad to hear you didn't opt for a cash bar, mimi. The one thing with which I disagree is that I really don't think it is at all distasteful to have a dry wedding. It would be far more distasteful (in my mind) for a guest to be ungrateful to the hosts for not providing alcohol, and even more distasteful for a host to spend beyond her means and offer something she can't really afford. (The latter always results in a "gaudy" feel, in my opinion.)

Anyway, turbo--I think you're super sweet for worrying so much over this issue and caring about your guests. The bottom line is that your wedding guests are your nearest and dearest, and they should be attending your wedding because they love you and they want to share the day with you. If they grumble because they can't have a cocktail, well, their hearts just aren't in the right place if you ask me.

 

[treefrog]

I wish I had my bar receipt with me. Consumption bar, about 20 guests and a dinner-only (and an appetizer hour) reception. Some of the guests were non-drinkers.

Let''s just say you''d be amazed at what people will order when it''s not their money. $15 tropical drinks, premium whisky, I forget what else. I''m pretty sure we were well over US$800 on the bar tab.

 

[Rock_of_Love]

I''m sorry but I just have to say it...IMO a cash bar is tacky, and so is a dry wedding. Sorry!

Yes, your wedding is "your day" and "about you" and all, BUT you should really treat and appreciate your guests. Every step of the way in my planning, I''m thinking about my guests. I really want everyone to feel welcomed, treated, taken care of, etc. This is important to me and my FI, but maybe it isn''t to everyone? Of course I am practical about my budget as well, but there is always a way to accomplish both...making sure your guests are happy AND within your budget.

Can you not do some type of limited bar? Just beer and wine? I mean, even if it is cheap beer and wine, it is VASTLY better than a cash bar or nothing.

There is one person I know of within our group over the years who had a dry wedding...and people still talk about it to this day, and NOT in a good way.

But, again, if you don''t really care about any of the above...then do what you want. But, just gotta warn ya.

 

[NovemberBride]

I am with Gypsy on saying no to the consumption bar. Especially if the cost is an issue. We had a consumption bar for our engagement party because my parents thought it would be cheaper than an open bar. We ended up with a huge bar bill and open bar would have been the same or cheaper. Now, our friends and family are big social drinkers, but we are certain they screwed us over. Based on what they said we consumed, each of our guests would have had to consume 10 drinks. Mind you, this was a 3 hour engagement party, not a wedding. And I am certain that none, let alone all, of our guests had 10 drinks in that time. And some of my family doesn''t drink at all, so actually those drinking would have had to drink more than 10 drinks. But there is no way to prove it, so we got stuck with the bill.

I am opposed to a cash bar because I think that it''s tacky to ask guests to pay when you are the host. But, maybe it is more acceptable in your social circle than mine. I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar, nor have I ever been to a dry wedding. Like others, I would try to choose the solution that best accomodates your guests (because yes, it''s your day, but they are taking time out of their day to celebrate with you) while staying within your budget. I think the idea of offering limited drinks is a good one.

 

[Prana]

My cousin had a tight wedding budget so they handed out a slip of paper that was good for one free drink on the bride and groom. After that drink was consumed, you as a guest paid for any drinks after. I didn''t hear any complaints, and I didn''t have a problem with it. (As a non drinker myself, I just gave my slip to my FI so he could get another soda

)

I think that the type of wedding you are having will dictate whether this is acceptable or not. If you are having a huge elaborate wedding in a huge place with tons of money spent on flowers and decor and so on and so forth, then yes, I think that you have to have a full open bar. If your wedding is more casual and smaller/intimate, maybe with a lot of DIY elements, then I''d say that cash bar/dry is more acceptable.

I understand your predicament, I don''t drink, neither does my FI or most of our friends. But some people do, and as guests at our party, we will be providing them with their drinks.

 

[meresal]

I understand that many of you are against a consumption bar... However, in OP''s case, they want to charge $40pp for open bar. That would be ALOT of padding to come anywhere close to what the open bar would cost.

Turbo- If I were in your situation and they won''t budge on the open bar or nothing... then I would go with nothing. Sodas, water, tea, juice. People will live.

If I was going to a wedding of two people I knew were non-drinkers, I would not expect them to serve alcohol.
Also, if my DH and I were non-drinkers I would not want to risk the chance of my friends embarassing themselves in front of my family, who were also non drinkers. Not worth it, IMO.

I think you will be fine without alcohol.

 

[zipzapgirl]

I come from a pretty conservative part of the country where weddings are about 50% dry/50% wet.

The difference usually results in the dry weddings being much shorter than the wet weddings. People go to the wedding, enjoy the dinner or appetizers, watch the cake cutting and dances...and then leave. They don''t dance.

I think it really depends on the wedding you are envisioning. If you really want to see all of your friends and family on the dance floor, a little bit of booze will probably be needed to make that happen.

Personally, I don''t mind the open bar. I''d rather be able to pay for a drink than to be forced to sit through dinner with cokes/watery tea/lemonade/water. Maybe I sound like a lush

, but if I''m devoting an evening to celebrating, I''d like to do it with a glass of something!

To the OP, I agree that $40pp sounds quite high. I''d call their bluff on the open bar tab or try to negotiate somewhere else to make it happen.

 

[Nov2109]

I personally wouldn''t do a cash bar, but that is because my family/his family/our friends are a bunch of lushes

However, if no one in your family really drinks, you and your FI don''t drink, but you''d like to allow your friends to drink, I say go for a cash bar.

When it comes down to it it is what you can afford or are willing to pay for.

The wedding is about the two of you getting married, not how much others have to drink. 4k is outrageous for drinks. Our reception site is mid-upper price range in NJ, we asked for a breakdown of what the per plate count is and the bar cost equates to about $11/person!

Can you maybe try and push the issue with the consumption bar? In this economy reception sites are usually willing to make changes as they dont want to lose the business!

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/7/2010 1:37:04 AM
Author: Haven
I would not do a cash bar for the wedding at all. Only provide what you can afford and nothing else, and that means don''t offer ''upgrade'' options for your guests to subsidize things you can''t afford to provide as host. You wouldn''t pay for a catered chicken meal and then offer guests a lobster option for cash, would you? A cash bar is essentially the same thing.


Can you offer the cocktail hour, and then maybe have wine at the tables or something? Or what about beer and wine only? Those are *much* nicer options than a cash bar.

Ditto. Cash bars at weddings are a no-no IMHO.

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

Can you do a consumption bar with a cash limit? So you put say, $1000 on the bar and then when it is gone, it is gone. You have provided your guests with some beer and wine and you wont get any nasty suprises with the cost at the end of the night.

 

[RaiKai]

Well, I may be a bit biased but cash bars are considered a bit tacky around here. Then again, where I grew up "wedding socials" were the norm (these are basically parties held in community halls, etc where basically people first buy tickets, and then pay for their drinks, in order to "contribute" to the wedding. They in return get to win prizes (sometimes trips, big screen televisions, etc and get fed rye bread, pickles and sandwich meats at midnight)). For the record, we definitely did NOT have a social as I find them tacky too.

That, and I don't tend to bring cash to weddings!

I also think $4,000 flat-rate for an open bar where you KNOW people don't generally drink is astronomically high.

If you cannot get a consumption bar, and that price is a big hindrance, then I think it is better to SKIP the bar and stick to wine/beer on the tables. I am not much of a drinker, however, I would appreciate a glass of wine with my dinner and I think that is a reasonable compromise

.

Honestly, I went to a wedding once where there was NO alcohol at all served (her family was very religious, but his was not) and there were many of us (including myself) who just wanted a darn beer already as the wedding was outside, it was hot, and we were having BBQ! We left the wedding early and went and had beers in someone's backyard (we did not JUST leave due to the lack of alcohol but certainly the lack of it is one of the things I remember about the wedding the most - it just felt uncomfortable and boring and kind of weird on a hot summer day with a BBQ!)!

Our wedding had a VERY small guest list, and we just ended up paying for everyone's meal a la carte in the resort dining room including their drinks. Most really did not drink that much (helped maybe that it was only a 2-3 hour casual, relaxing, talkative dinner and not like a "party" etc!). However, I have been to some weddings where it was important for people to be able to drink and dance and the like and an open bar was appreciated by the guests. It really depends on the style of your wedding and the makeup of your guests.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

No offense to anyone, but every non-alcoholic wedding I''ve been to has been quite boring. I''m not an alcoholic, but if I were traveling and spending the money to come to a wedding, I would like to have a drink or 2 at the reception so that I could relax and have more fun around a bunch of people I may not know. If I were attending a wedding, I''d rather have the option to purchase my drink than have no drink at all.

I think that cash bars are usually frowned upon (and some people may think it''s a tacky move)- but if you honestly don''t care- go for it. $4000 is a TON to blow to keep 20 people happy with booze. I would also just go with the beer and wine option if you''re worried about people getting too tanked on liquor. I think the cocktail hour is a nice gesture, but moving to a cash bar is OK too.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

It seems that the OP is implying that it can be afforded, but it''s a ludicrous amount to spend on drinks that she and her husband wouldn''t even partake in?

I agree with above posters that in my experience, dry weddings were either morning weddings where the meal was a brunch type and the tone was relatively informal, or very short. Weddings usually bring together people who may not have ever met, and some people need some "liquid courage" to get them onto the dance floor and socializing with other people, even if they have friends there that they know. I know all of my college friends who all knew each other still needed a few drinks before hitting the dance floor with our family guests. So if a blow-out bash is what you want, alcohol (or really really extroverted friends) might help. But if you want a quieter event (which is totally fine), then I think a dry wedding is fine, just don''t be surprised if most people leave shortly after the cake cutting/formal wedding events.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I have been following this thread, and I guess I come from a different perceptive in that most the weddings I went to had cash bars and I did not realize they were "not ok" until I started planning my own wedding.

While I understand that when you host a party, you are suppose provide everything. I don''t understand why the only choices are to spend an insane amount of money to support binge drinking (as described by other posters) or have no alcohol. There has to be a happy medium. Open bar during the cocktail hour? Drink tickets? Wine at the dinner table? I am not sure.

What I am saying I think the "etiquette" does not take into account is that many guests don''t have any.

Turbo - it is your party, don''t do anything that makes you uneasy or uncomfortable.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/7/2010 7:52:38 PM
Author: lilyfoot

Date: 3/7/2010 5:08:49 PM

Author: MakingTheGrade

Yeah, I don''t understand why they would refuse to keep a tab...

I did a consumption bar, had about 100 guests (including about 40 ''experienced'' drinkers), and after a 7 hour dinner and dance reception, the tab was under 3k.

My hubby and I didn''t drink anything ourselves (too busy!) But we had a great time seeing our friends enjoy themselves! And only one person was really ''loaded'' at the end, but she was a small asian gal so it didn''t take much to get her quite tipsy.



If it''s a formal evening wedding then I think not having any alcohol would be weird, and to be perfectly honest there probably would be guests who would think it was ''cheap''. At the same time, I think a cash bar at a formal event is kind of icky...

Is the venue really insisting on Open bar at 40$/pp or dry? That seems unreasonably extreme.

Do ''asian gals'' get drunk faster than other types of ''gals''?

turbo, I think you should do anything you can to try to get them to agree to a consumption bar!

Ha, actually yeah, some "Asian gals" do get drunk faster than other types of "gals." (Plus MTG said she was tiny, and smaller people generally get drunk faster than bigger people.) From what I''ve read (and witnessed in my Asian friends

), some people of Asian descent lack (or have a mutated version of) an enzyme that helps them break down alcohol. The enzyme is called alcohol dehydrogenase.

Now back to the original question: turbofl-I''m in the no cash bar camp. Honestly, I would look for another venue if yours won''t allow you to provide your own alcohol or do a limited bar.

 

[meresal]

Date: 3/9/2010 8:38:49 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I have been following this thread, and I guess I come from a different perceptive in that most the weddings I went to had cash bars and I did not realize they were ''not ok'' until I started planning my own wedding.

While I understand that when you host a party, you are suppose provide everything. I don''t understand why the only choices are to spend an insane amount of money to support binge drinking (as described by other posters) or have no alcohol. There has to be a happy medium. Open bar during the cocktail hour? Drink tickets? Wine at the dinner table? I am not sure.

What I am saying I think the ''etiquette'' does not take into account is that many guests don''t have any.

Turbo - it is your party, don''t do anything that makes you uneasy or uncomfortable.

Ther are obviously lots of other options... however, in the OP''s case, her venue is not being very accepting of any middle ground. That is why this thread has kind of turned into an all or nothing situation.

 

[missy]

It is a personal decision based on the crowd you are inviting. My husband and I have never been to a dry wedding and I think that is for a good reason. As previous posters have mentioned liquor loosens many people up and gets them out on the dance floor and probably allows the wedding celebration to last somewhat longer.

Our friends enjoy alcohol at a celebration and without it the party would have felt different. However, those are the circles we travel in and not necessarily your situation. Only you know your friends and family. What is right for some is not necessarily right for others.

Interestingly enough I don't usually drink alcohol and don't need a drink to loosen up and get out on the dance floor. That's where you will find me at any party. But we would never dream of not having alcohol at our wedding. It just isn't done in our group. And when you throw a party you want your guests to feel welcome and be comfortable and have a good time. As a host/hostess that is our duty IMO.

For example, I am a vegetarian but would never dream of subjecting others to my views/tastes when having guests over to my house for dinner or having a party. We always serve food our guests would enjoy and that always includes meat. Though I would never eat it.


Good luck with your decision. Best wishes for a wonderful wedding and celebration and a happy and healthy marriage!


eta: oops, never mentioned the cash bar option...absolutely not. We have never been to that type of wedding or celebration and I would recommend against it. I feel it cheapens the party and the people throwing the party. Just not a gracious way to throw a party IMO but I guess it could depend on how your friends do things. If it is commonplace for people in your circles to do then it is more acceptable. However, we would never dream of doing this. Really depends on your situation.

 

[Smo]

Wow this is a difficult situation. I totally agree that $4000 just for alcohol is way too expensive BUT I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar or to a dry wedding. I am sorry to say it but I think a cash bar at a wedding is tacky and I can't even imagine having to sit through a wedding without a proper drink!

I really think you should push back on your venue and try and come up with a alternative solution. From the venues perspective would it not be better for them to make some money from alcohol by compromising with you on the cost rather than not making any by having a dry bar? Is there someone there that you can meet with and explain your situation in person. People are less likely to say no to you in person, especially if you explain that you are willing to pay for some alcohol just not $4K worth!

To be honest, if the venue is being inflexible on this issue it would really make me reconsider having the wedding there. Then again, I have never planned a wedding so maybe this is the norm.

p.s. does anyone else really struggle with spelling "alcohol"? I have to check the spelling every time!

 

[havernell]

Date: 3/7/2010 2:48:14 PM
Author: turboflgrl

I guess where I'm from, I feel more comfortable with a cash bar since every wedding I have gone to has had one with the exception of one.

I feel like this is key. Those of us who dislike cash bars are most likey from areas of the country/ in social circles where cash bars are not common. However, if in your area/among your group of friends, cash bars are perfectly acceptable, then I don't see why you should have to strain yourself to be different. Are any of the 20 friends who will be at your wedding married? If so, was there a cash bar at their wedding? If there was, cleary they can't be upset at you for having a cash bar at yours!

I'm not saying those who said they dislike cash bars are wrong, but that these things are relative. It's like the "red envelope" gift expectation in Korean culture- those of us who are not a part of that culture may think it's tacky that guests are all but required to give a cash gift in a red envelope, but if you are a part of that culture it's perfectly reasonable. If the culture in your area of the country is pro-cash bar, then I don't see what the problem is with following the norm. Furthermore, norms regarding hosting vary across regions/cultures- in some areas of the south, the norm for wedding receptoins are to provide cake and punch. Does that mean if the bride and groom don't provide a full meal for their guests they are bad hosts? No, it just means that's what the expectatoins are of hosts in those areas. If hosting a wedding means providing a meal but having a cash bar where you're from, then do what is the norm for hosts in your area.

Best of luck deciding what to do!

 

[Pushin40]

This is what I think:

I drink. I like to drink at weddings.

While I LOVE when there is an open bar, I have never felt irritated or that the event was not hosted well if there was a cash bar. I think an open bar is nice when money is no object. Seriously - its just so much cash an eveybody knows that.

I think your 20 friends will be jsut fine buying themsevels a few drinks and in no way shape or form does this reflect badly on you!!!

You can do a cash bar right?

 

[Laila619]

Date: 3/7/2010 1:37:04 AM
Author: Haven
I would not do a cash bar for the wedding at all. Only provide what you can afford and nothing else, and that means don't offer 'upgrade' options for your guests to subsidize things you can't afford to provide as host. You wouldn't pay for a catered chicken meal and then offer guests a lobster option for cash, would you? A cash bar is essentially the same thing.

Can you offer the cocktail hour, and then maybe have wine at the tables or something? Or what about beer and wine only? Those are *much* nicer options than a cash bar.

Ditto.

Cash bars are like charging your friends to drink when they come over to your house for dinner. You're not obligated to serve alcohol, but then please don't have a cash bar.

In my opinion, a gracious host/hostess wants guests to be well-fed, enjoy themselves, and have a good time. I understand where you are coming from, because DH and I aren't drinkers at all, yet we had an open bar for our friends and family.

 

[justginger]

I think you just have to do whatever you think is appropriate, because like these posts show, everyone has different ideas as to what is "best" or even "acceptable." If you don''t think people will mind having a dry wedding, save yourself the trouble and be booze-free. If you think your friends will really appreciate a stiff drink or two, work out some sort of drink plan. I do agree that a completely open bar for a wedding of primarily non-drinkers simply doesn''t make financial sense. My Australian wedding will be like that, in the sense that none of my partner''s family drink at all. Like you, we''ll have about 20 guests who want booze -- as a compromise, we''re having $X on the bar, and once that''s used it''s a cash bar. I doubt they''ll hit that level, but if they do - I feel comfortable expecting themselves to pay their way. If I got to that level myself at a wedding, I''d be more than happy to open my purse for the first time all night.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I''ve never been to (or heard of) a wedding where there wasn''t a cash bar. Clearly it depends on area, but I''ve been to three weddings in the US (NYC) and many in the UK and I''ve never seen an open bar yet. The only events I''ve been to with open bars are funerals (and it really would be unthinkable to do anything else for them where I live, weddings not so much).

At my own wedding, I had red and white wine on the tables at dinner and champagne for the toast, and the staff took orders for brandy etc from guests at their tables after dinner. Anything over and above that was cash at the bar. I don''t think anyone bought a drink, though. There was plenty wine and that seemed to work pretty well.

Will your venue provide wine or is it a per- head charge or dry?

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 3/11/2010 9:50:25 AM
Author: Laila619

Date: 3/7/2010 1:37:04 AM

Author: Haven

I would not do a cash bar for the wedding at all. Only provide what you can afford and nothing else, and that means don''t offer ''upgrade'' options for your guests to subsidize things you can''t afford to provide as host. You wouldn''t pay for a catered chicken meal and then offer guests a lobster option for cash, would you? A cash bar is essentially the same thing.


Can you offer the cocktail hour, and then maybe have wine at the tables or something? Or what about beer and wine only? Those are *much* nicer options than a cash bar.

Ditto.


Cash bars are like charging your friends to drink when they come over to your house for dinner. You''re not obligated to serve alcohol, but then please don''t have a cash bar.


In my opinion, a gracious host/hostess wants guests to be well-fed, enjoy themselves, and have a good time. I understand where you are coming from, because DH and I aren''t drinkers at all, yet we had an open bar for our friends and family.

I completely disagree. When you have your friends over for dinner, do you invite 200+ friends? Hm, I don''t think so. I can see having 3 bottles of wine for a dinner with ten people. Totally different. This is something that would be nice for friends to have if they want to pay for it, but it''s no skin off her back if they decide not to drink since they have to pay. She probably won''t ever talk to her friends after the wedding and have them say, "Geeze, can''t believe you made me pay! Tacky!" This is a small detail some people probably won''t even notice.

Turboflgrl, I think since you feel comfortable having a cash bar and it sounds like you want to- go for it. I think that if something is sitting right/wrong with you, then you know what you want. Also tacky is a very loose term, because so much depends on area/cultural/social aspects of weddings/