Carat Size for Chinese Girlfriend

[mugatu300]

Hello all, I found a 1.5c that I really love. We both live here in USA but my girlfriend's family still lives back home in China. She is a size 5 finger. Culturally, is she gonna look out of place when wearing her ring back home to visit? Dont want her to feel embarrassed to wear it and I dont want to get her something that she's going to constantly have to leave at home and not feel comfortable wearing.

I'd rather not get her something smaller because A) I really love this one after a long time searching and B) if I get her something smaller she may want to upgrade in future and I kind of want the diamond I propose with to last a lifetime.

So I am kind of in a predicament here. Best case scenario is you guys think 1.5c is OK for daily wear in China and I can proceed with a clear mind. Alternatively I get her something smaller and hope she never feels the need to upgrade.

 

[distracts]

Usually in Asian cultures, high color and clarity are prioritized. What are the specs on the diamond you are looking at?

 

[lulu_ma]

This is how a 1.5 ct would look on a size 5 finger.

I think it looks lovely. But I’m not sure what the norm is in China. My friends in HK have some nice jewelry.

 

[DRSAMURAI]

Hello all, I found a 1.5c that I really love. We both live here in USA but my girlfriend's family still lives back home in China. She is a size 5 finger. Culturally, is she gonna look out of place when wearing her ring back home to visit? Dont want her to feel embarrassed to wear it and I dont want to get her something that she's going to constantly have to leave at home and not feel comfortable wearing.

I'd rather not get her something smaller because A) I really love this one after a long time searching and B) if I get her something smaller she may want to upgrade in future and I kind of want the diamond I propose with to last a lifetime.

So I am kind of in a predicament here. Best case scenario is you guys think 1.5c is OK for daily wear in China and I can proceed with a clear mind. Alternatively I get her something smaller and hope she never feels the need to upgrade.

@distracts has given you great cultural insights. I have a Chinese wife. So that you are not blindsided, let me clue you in to this phenomenon called Diamond Shrinkage Syndrome, AKA DSS. As some ladies mature, increase in affluence and, hence, enhanced disposable income, suddenly the old diamond is too small and she wants, needs and gets a larger stone. PS is loaded with these ladies to delight of the diamond vendors. Not saying it will happen but you are now forewarned. You may wish her to keep original diamond and there are options open to you should DSS afflict her. Another caveat is JSS, Jadeite Shrinkage Syndrome, since she is Chinese. Jadeite is in her DNA as is my wife's. So be prepared to buy her more jadeite beyond the legacy pieces she will/has receive(d) from her mother. Good luck. Show us the ring you decided on.

 

[fussykiki]

Hello all, I found a 1.5c that I really love. We both live here in USA but my girlfriend's family still lives back home in China. She is a size 5 finger. Culturally, is she gonna look out of place when wearing her ring back home to visit? Dont want her to feel embarrassed to wear it and I dont want to get her something that she's going to constantly have to leave at home and not feel comfortable wearing.

I'd rather not get her something smaller because A) I really love this one after a long time searching and B) if I get her something smaller she may want to upgrade in future and I kind of want the diamond I propose with to last a lifetime.

So I am kind of in a predicament here. Best case scenario is you guys think 1.5c is OK for daily wear in China and I can proceed with a clear mind. Alternatively I get her something smaller and hope she never feels the need to upgrade.

I guess you will have to look at her family background. If she is from a Crazy Rich Asians family, 1.5 ct is probably not enough.

I am Chinese, mine is 1.5 ct and I am pretty happy with it.

 

[icy_jade]

Usually in Asian cultures, high color and clarity are prioritized. What are the specs on the diamond you are looking at?

This. Must be colorless (F and above), at least VS. Any tint is likely noticeable (somehow many Asians are color sensitive) and therefore considered “low quality”. No to SI clarity.

I don’t think they tend to wear big diamonds though unless they are crazy rich asians. Am in Singapore and have been hearing from millennials that engagement rings go up to 1ct.

 

[Jax172]

What does SHE value? Doesn’t matter what her family wants/thinks. She’s wearing it. What does she want? She’s lives in America most of the time so her ideals may not be what they would be if she lived in China. If you want the proposal to be a complete surprise and don’t want to ask her for her opinions you can - buy the stone you like and propose with it offering to exchange it if she doesn’t feel comfortable with the size or propose without a ring and tell her you’d like to pick it out together or get her friends to do some intel for you on what she is hoping for.

 

[holeydonut]

Lol I guess I’ll need to chime in as well.

Look at the family members she actually likes, her friends, and maybe some co-workers she competes with. If they have 1.5 ct center stone in Tiffany/Cartier then you may consider trying to get near there. It’ll be a harrowing ride to show up with a 1.0 ct that she won’t feel is on par.

Also related, if they’re all getting high end branded settings, you’ll have trouble if you go “off premium name brand”. Even if the carat size is the same. If you go off brand you better size up the diamond and make sure the build quality of the setting is still good.

And I agree with the previous statements around color and clarity.

 

[holeydonut]

What does SHE value? Doesn’t matter what her family wants/thinks. She’s wearing it. What does she want? She’s lives in America most of the time so her ideals may not be what they would be if she lived in China.

Lol that’s the biggest trap card… she may say she’s modest and doesn’t care. That the guy knows her and can make the right call. If the guy falls for that trap and gets it wrong… he’s hosed.

Maybe attitudes are changing and women are taking a more active role in helping pick the right designs and sizes. But theres still the challenge to set the budget.

 

[holeydonut]

I guess you will have to look at her family background. If she is from a Crazy Rich Asians family, 1.5 ct is probably not enough.

I am Chinese, mine is 1.5 ct and I am pretty happy with it.

“Pretty happy” means he could have done better.

 

[Jax172]

Lol that’s the biggest trap card… she may say she’s modest and doesn’t care. That the guy knows her and can make the right call. If the guy falls for that trap and gets it wrong… he’s hosed.

Maybe attitudes are changing and women are taking a more active role in helping pick the right designs and sizes. But theres still the challenge to set the budget.

Wow that assumes a lot about women in general. If they are at a point in their relationship where marriage is on the table than I hope an open and honest discussion between them would be possible. He can show her the stone he’s picked out ask her opinions and be open about the budget in general. She can discuss her overall thoughts on size of stone vs color/clarity, shapes she likes, etc. They will have much bigger decisions to face together in the future this shouldn’t be such the problem you are making it seem like it is.

And this isn’t recent that a woman would be as involved in the choice. My husband and I will be married 20 years next year and we chose my ring (and future upgrades) together with open honest discussion. Wow novel concept for two people entwining their lives together.

 

[Musia]

My daughter's mother-in-law is Chinese (born in Taiwan). Don't forget about high karat gold. She bought a massive yellow gold chain for her son, my daughter accidentally put it into washer along with dirty clothes. The chain was destroyed (too soft) and needed serious repair/restoration.

 

[peacechick]

Imo, culturally in Asia, not talking about Crazy Rich Asians here, anything goes when it comes to engagement rings. Big diamond rings are ok, small solitaires are ok, and having no ring at all is also extremely common. I don’t think you really need to worry whether 1.5c is too big, although as others have said, color and clarity is important.

In the end, it’s really what your girlfriend wants that is important, so ask her. For me, I communicated back then to my husband that I didn’t want a diamond, I didn’t want him to spend a lot and I wanted to be surprised. I was prepared to love whatever he got me.

 

[DRSAMURAI]

“Pretty happy” means he could have done better.

That is exactly what my Chinese wife constantly reminds me of. I bought her Decagon diamond from JannPaul in Singapore to cure her DSS. And she was tasked with designing her bespoke 18K WG setting. The input above from the Chinese PSers has given me a fuller understanding on why JP is so stringent on their 4Cs requirements for their White Series; bordering on OCD. The Chinese sense of aesthetics and beauty has a cultural history of over 5,000 years and is still going strong. In the end, this cliched formula is absolutely the gospel truth: Happy Wife = Happy Life. After receiving her DSS 2.2ct Decagon this past January, she wanted a jadeite bracelet (JSS) which I bought to match her legacy jade heart necklace (yes, a 24K gold chain) and jade ring. That did not stop the wants. Her new Tesla will be delivered within the next few weeks. Her Happine$$ is the object of my life. She is most deserving.

 

[holeydonut]

That is exactly what my Chinese wife constantly reminds me of. I bought her Decagon diamond from JannPaul in Singapore to cure her DSS. And she was tasked with designing her bespoke 18K WG setting. The input above from the Chinese PSers has given me a fuller understanding on why JP is so stringent on their 4Cs requirements for their White Series; bordering on OCD. The Chinese sense of aesthetics and beauty has a cultural history of over 5,000 years and is still going strong. In the end, this cliched formula is absolutely the gospel truth: Happy Wife = Happy Life. After receiving her DSS 2.2ct Decagon this past January, she wanted a jadeite bracelet (JSS) which I bought to match her legacy jade heart necklace (yes, a 24K gold chain) and jade ring. That did not stop the wants. Her new Tesla will be delivered within the next few weeks. Her Happine$$ is the object of my life. She is most deserving.

I agree with some of the sentiment above that broad sweeping stereotypes (gender or ethnic) probably aren't the healthiest to have. But at the same time, what a woman says is often not what she wants. And somehow if the guy fails to figure that out - he's the idiot hah.

I really want to see one of JP's Deca-whites in person. Does it really blow away normal super ideals? Like to me, the Brian Gavin Black Series rivals a Harry Winston "The One" in terms of quality; the difference is the price. Is JP like, even better than this Brian Gavin? I want to see!

But on the topic of a 1.5 ct center stone being a problem at home ... I know a lot of Asians do the "2x" approach once they get Westernized. They basically have an American wedding to bask in the amazingness of the West; while also doing a more traditional for-the-family thing at home. I know a few women actually had two engagement rings as well. In one case her 2.2 ct HW "The One" halo just had a separate 0.9 ct HW "Tryst" when she went back East. Both with low color and VVS clarity hah.

This isn't some "Crazy Rich Asians" thing either. I kind of wish that movie never came out because the movie became some weird example of what "Asians do when they're rich." These are just Doctor/Lawyer spouses. They work too.

 

[kenny]

Hello all, I found a 1.5c that I really love. We both live here in USA but my girlfriend's family still lives back home in China. She is a size 5 finger. Culturally, is she gonna look out of place when wearing her ring back home to visit? Dont want her to feel embarrassed to wear it and I dont want to get her something that she's going to constantly have to leave at home and not feel comfortable wearing.

I'd rather not get her something smaller because A) I really love this one after a long time searching and B) if I get her something smaller she may want to upgrade in future and I kind of want the diamond I propose with to last a lifetime.

So I am kind of in a predicament here. Best case scenario is you guys think 1.5c is OK for daily wear in China and I can proceed with a clear mind. Alternatively I get her something smaller and hope she never feels the need to upgrade.

I'd ask her.

 

[DRSAMURAI]

I agree with some of the sentiment above that broad sweeping stereotypes (gender or ethnic) probably aren't the healthiest to have. But at the same time, what a woman says is often not what she wants. And somehow if the guy fails to figure that out - he's the idiot hah.

I really want to see one of JP's Deca-whites in person. Does it really blow away normal super ideals? Like to me, the Brian Gavin Black Series rivals a Harry Winston "The One" in terms of quality; the difference is the price. Is JP like, even better than this Brian Gavin? I want to see!

But on the topic of a 1.5 ct center stone being a problem at home ... I know a lot of Asians do the "2x" approach once they get Westernized. They basically have an American wedding to bask in the amazingness of the West; while also doing a more traditional for-the-family thing at home. I know a few women actually had two engagement rings as well. In one case her 2.2 ct HW "The One" halo just had a separate 0.9 ct HW "Tryst" when she went back East. Both with low color and VVS clarity hah.

This isn't some "Crazy Rich Asians" thing either. I kind of wish that movie never came out because the movie became some weird example of what "Asians do when they're rich." These are just Doctor/Lawyer spouses. They work too.

At baseline, most men are idiots. Poor launching pad. I agree. Your observation of Westernized Asian is valid. My wife is American Born Chinese (ABC) and covets larger diamonds. Her CBC mother would utter "Chuh!" And it translates the same in English. The DSS extended to her earrings too. Her 1ctw RBs were too small. She got 1.8ctw Decagon earrings at the same time as her 2.2ct. I follow the Singapore blog about JP and mainly Decagons. The great majority of Singaporean fiancees get Decagons in the .5-.6ct range. I remind my wife that one of her earrings is larger than Singaporean ERs (referred to as proposal rings in SG).

As for H2H optical performance of Decagon vs BG Black, don't think it exists. I was thinking of either Black or ACA for my wife until I saw the JP online vid stream on Decagon H2H vs SIC MRB vs 3EX MRB. 111 facets vs 57 facets was no contest in light performance. For optical symmetry, JP's Master Cutter who exclusively cuts all of JP's White Series (and hence the wait time if not available in house) has H&As that are unequalled. H&As can easily be compared online. JP's Master Cutter spends more time and labor with more wastage to create his perfections than any 57 facet cutter. And, yes, there is a visible difference with 111 brilliantly and fiery flashing mirrors.

As for the Rich Asian stereotype, the movie spawned a Netflix documentary following filthy rich Asians in the Los Angeles area. Catty, jealous and spiteful women trying to one up each other only serves to project and perpetuate the negative stereotype you mentioned. Unfortunate.

 

[holeydonut]

At baseline, most men are idiots. Poor launching pad. I agree. Your observation of Westernized Asian is valid. My wife is American Born Chinese (ABC) and covets larger diamonds. Her CBC mother would utter "Chuh!" And it translates the same in English. The DSS extended to her earrings too. Her 1ctw RBs were too small. She got 1.8ctw Decagon earrings at the same time as her 2.2ct. I follow the Singapore blog about JP and mainly Decagons. The great majority of Singaporean fiancees get Decagons in the .5-.6ct range. I remind my wife that one of her earrings is larger than Singaporean ERs (referred to as proposal rings in SG).

Yeah, I think mugatu (thread's OP) will know what type of wife he's dealing with. But I have a hunch that his "... smaller and hope she never feels the need to upgrade ..." is foreboding bad things if he goes too small lol. I bet he ends up giving two rings... one for the USA and one for Asia.

The "just ask her" crowd is hilarious to me. You can't even ask most women what they want to eat for Dinner and get a straight answer. And yet somehow an engagement ring is some idealized perfect dialogue and coincidence of planning/execution?

Actually maybe the woman will say what they want. That they want a 3ct Cartier. What does the guy do now? Such a trap card.

PS: entertaining video to watch:

 

[dk168]

Get 2 rings, a larger one for occasional wear, and a smaller one for everyday wear.

DK

 

[tyty333]

I'd get a larger Earth-mined for in the US (where she's at most of the time, right). Then a smaller lab-created (but in D/VVS) for
when she goes to China. Will they ask to see the report in China? Or does she just need a very white, high-clarity stone for
the couple weeks a year she's there? Not sure if this wouldn't be considered deceptive to her family though???

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I agree that the 1.5 ct diamond would be wonderful. If she isn't comfortable wearing it for a visit to China, then she can have a smaller lab diamond ring as others have suggested. Everyone has mentioned colorless and higher clarity, but is the diamond ideal cut? I will also add that Whiteflash also has top cut diamonds sells D-F VS+. Cut is even more important than color and clarity. If you'd like to share the measurements on the diamond you are looking at, we can tell you if the cut falls into the ideal range or not.

(Just a note, if she wants to upgrade in later years, many of us reset our original diamond into a pendant (or something else) and then get a larger diamond ring for an anniversary.)

 

[holeydonut]

IMO, Lab-diamond in Asia seems like a separate disaster. IMO, Mugatu needs to stay away from MMD. If he's already worried 1.5 ct is "too small" then he won't want to touch the "MMD is too fake" issue with a ten foot pole.

I've heard enough old Asian ladies saying "is that real? it better be real or your husband is no good". It's not worth threading the needle to convince an old Asian lady that a MMD is a real diamond. All they're going to hear about MMD vs Natural is gobbledygook excuses for "it's not real."

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

That is exactly what my Chinese wife constantly reminds me of. I bought her Decagon diamond from JannPaul in Singapore to cure her DSS. And she was tasked with designing her bespoke 18K WG setting. The input above from the Chinese PSers has given me a fuller understanding on why JP is so stringent on their 4Cs requirements for their White Series; bordering on OCD. The Chinese sense of aesthetics and beauty has a cultural history of over 5,000 years and is still going strong. In the end, this cliched formula is absolutely the gospel truth: Happy Wife = Happy Life. After receiving her DSS 2.2ct Decagon this past January, she wanted a jadeite bracelet (JSS) which I bought to match her legacy jade heart necklace (yes, a 24K gold chain) and jade ring. That did not stop the wants. Her new Tesla will be delivered within the next few weeks. Her Happine$$ is the object of my life. She is most deserving.

have you thought about polygamy ... (asking for a friend)

 

[dk168]

IMO, Lab-diamond in Asia seems like a separate disaster. IMO, Mugatu needs to stay away from MMD. If he's already worried 1.5 ct is "too small" then he won't want to touch the "MMD is too fake" issue with a ten foot pole.

I've heard enough old Asian ladies saying "is that real? it better be real or your husband is no good". It's not worth threading the needle to convince an old Asian lady that a MMD is a real diamond. All they're going to hear about MMD vs Natural is gobbledygook excuses for "it's not real."

This is true with my own mother who is in her 80s (I am HK Chinese by origin).

She does not know about my bling habit, especially my CS collection as she always says semi-precious stones are a waste of money, etc. etc...

When I first showed her my 3-stone EC ER that was 0.75cttw that I picked based on the budget as mutually agreed with my would-be husband, her words were in the line of it was not very big and she needed to use a magnifying glass to see the stones etc... I just ignore her as she was just being horrible and disrespectful.

One of the many examples why I am living 8 time zones away from her!

DK

 

[DRSAMURAI]

This is true with my own mother who is in her 80s (I am HK Chinese by origin).

She does not know about my bling habit, especially my CS collection as she always says semi-precious stones are a waste of money, etc. etc...

When I first showed her my 3-stone EC ER that was 0.75cttw that I picked based on the budget as mutually agreed with my would-be husband, her words were in the line of it was not very big and she needed to use a magnifying glass to see the stones etc... I just ignore her as she was just being horrible and disrespectful.

One of the many examples why I am living 8 time zones away from her!

DK

Hey! It is even worse for the SIL. TOUGH MILs are cross ethnicity and cross cultural.

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

I’m a first generation American born Chinese, my parents are immigrants, and I would really encourage us to focus on the OP’s question rather than delve into stereotypes to help them make a decision. We know nothing about this woman’s family background (many are mentioning crazy rich Asians, but what about the other possibility? My father’s family grew up on a farm and many couldn’t care less about the jewelry someone is wearing).

OP, you know your girlfriend best, and she deserves not to be placed into any stereotype when it comes to a ring.
If she’s the type of person who wants a proposal to be a complete surprise, you could go with the stone you fell in love with as you were thinking of her, and make sure whoever you go with has an exchange or upgrade policy in case of the what ifs (ie, she wants something different, would likely upgrade in the future, etc).
If she wants to be involved, let the flood gates open and any woman who wants an engagement ring knows that it’s an important choice and purchase for multiple reasons for both the giver and the receiver. This kind of discussion is not the same as choosing where to go for dinner.

I think it’s important for you to ask how much she cares about how her family’s opinion about things like jewelry, or how much “face” she feels you need to have in front of them. Some honestly don’t care, especially if they don’t see their family overseas very often.

I used to be a high carat, high color and clarity girl but that’s because I didn’t know what else was out there. Perhaps it would be fun for the two of you to explore all the options together to find out what she really loves. I never knew antique stones existed until PS and fell completely in love, preferring them at warmer colors. I also don’t give a crap what my family thinks of my ring because it makes me happy and I’m the one wearing it.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

This is true with my own mother who is in her 80s (I am HK Chinese by origin).

She does not know about my bling habit, especially my CS collection as she always says semi-precious stones are a waste of money, etc. etc...

When I first showed her my 3-stone EC ER that was 0.75cttw that I picked based on the budget as mutually agreed with my would-be husband, her words were in the line of it was not very big and she needed to use a magnifying glass to see the stones etc... I just ignore her as she was just being horrible and disrespectful.

One of the many examples why I am living 8 time zones away from her!

DK

i totally get the 8 time zones DK
i only had to move to a different island

 

[katsrocks]

Hello all, I found a 1.5c that I really love. We both live here in USA but my girlfriend's family still lives back home in China. She is a size 5 finger. Culturally, is she gonna look out of place when wearing her ring back home to visit? Dont want her to feel embarrassed to wear it and I dont want to get her something that she's going to constantly have to leave at home and not feel comfortable wearing.

I'd rather not get her something smaller because A) I really love this one after a long time searching and B) if I get her something smaller she may want to upgrade in future and I kind of want the diamond I propose with to last a lifetime.

So I am kind of in a predicament here. Best case scenario is you guys think 1.5c is OK for daily wear in China and I can proceed with a clear mind. Alternatively I get her something smaller and hope she never feels the need to upgrade.

That's so sweet!
I would definitely get her the beautiful diamond you searched so long and hard for!
I would also recommend you buy her a nice, modest, faux- diamond ring (preferably set in real gold so it looks legit), to wear while on ANY travel, especially overseas.

More and more women are leaving their real diamonds at home and traveling with a fake diamond. Many look amazing, and if you shop you can get a nice one for under $200.

It's easy to give it up if confronted by a thief, and it's not as upsetting if it's lost.

Just a thought! Good luck!

 

[dk168]

Hey! It is even worse for the SIL. TOUGH MILs are cross ethnicity and cross cultural.

I don't mix with extended family.

Wait, I don't like mixing with anyone at all!

DK

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I don't mix with extended family.

Wait, I don't like mixing with anyone at all!

DK

we could be sisters