Can''t stand the waiting!!!

[ImpatientOne]

How do you other LIW do it? I am going nuts with the waiting. Unfortunately, my bf is kind of old fashioned when it comes to the whole proposal thing. Back in August while we were on a romantic vacation, he put out the feelers to see how receptive I was to marriage. After I assured him that there is no question that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, we discussed a lot of marriage related things. We talked about what type of wedding we would each prefer and he asked me for ring ideas. I told him that I would prefer to just go to the to a jewelers to show him what I like, but he was adamant that he wants the ring and the proposal to be a surprise. He also told me that he would be asking "soon, very soon".

My bf is in the military and we were anticipating a deployment for him sometime next summer. When the marriage discussion came up, I let him know that I would prefer to marry sooner rather than later so that we could spend some time as a married couple before he deploys. With that being I said, I was not too concerned with when this proposal would take place.

Anyway, he told me the other day that his deployment date is now been pushed up to Feb or March but it is not official yet Seems like all I do now is obsess about when he is going to propose!!! We have both been married before so are not worried about having a big wedding, and infact I think we would both be happy enough just to elope somewhere, so that is not an issue. I feel as though I should not bring the subject of proposal up again to him as I don''t want to make him feel as though I am forcing him to share his plans and spoil his "surprise".

How do you others keep your sanity while waiting??? Oh, how I hate this!!!

 

[poptart]

If I were you, I would use deployment as an incentive for getting married. My husband is in the military and things are a lot easier now that we are married than it was before. And remind him he has to turn in all his marriage papers so that they can verify he''s married, and that takes a while to go through. For instance, we are still waiting for all his BAH to go through and we got married in July and submitted everything twice. So the earlier you get started the better!

Marisa

 

[janinegirly]

i''ve got no advice to add on the military aspect since I''ve got no experience there, but I can tell you that I totally GET your frustrations with waiting! Sometimes, I hear words coming out of my mouth (to my bf) that I know are sabatoging when a proposal will happen, but I can''t help it bc I can''t wait anymore!! (I start pressuring him, venting my frustrations and I know this is causing him to push back the date which is any week now, I HOPE). My bf isn''t terribly old fashioned, but he does believe in making it a surprise with no input from me, which has the result of making me wonder if he''s doing anything at all or just hiding well.
So, no words of advice, just sympathy! Only idea I can come up with is to distract yourself, or pick a date in your head that you think your bf will propose to you by, and ADD on a month and convince yourself that''s the date it''ll happen by. That helps calm me and the extra month buffer gives some leeway in case the "gut" feeling of when it''ll happen is off..

 

[ImpatientOne]

Thanks, Marisa, I know, I know, this is why I am stressing right now, lol! He knows all this as well! Fortunately, he works in Finance so everthing should be able to be pushed through quickly when the time comes.

We really haven''t ad the chance to talk abou the new deployment dates yet, but I was planning on bring that up when I see him this weekend (we don''t live together yet).

 

[poptart]

Well, I hope everything goes well for you!! My husband is on deployment right now and it is just awful. Find out as much as you can (obviously) and if you need any help or anything I might have a little bit of insight for you, haha. What branch of the military is he in?

Marisa

 

[ImpatientOne]

LOL, janine, too funny - I think many of us do the same thing. We get so impatient but don''t want to sabotage. The other night we were talking on the phone an marriage came up. I made a comment about "if we get married xxxxx" and he was like, "What do you mean, IF?" and I told him I thought maybe he would get cold feet and make me wait forever. He just started laughing and said, "Is that really what you think?" I told him sometimes I feel that way and he assured me he was not going to make me wait forever.

Does it bug you at all that you are not able to pick out the ring? It kind of bugs me, as I know he knows absolutely nothing about diamonds and will probably end up spending $ on a ring that is not worth the price...

 

[ImpatientOne]

Marisa, he is in the Army. I feel for you with whole deployment thing. I''ve been through a deployment once already with my son - he was in the Marines and did one deployment to Iraq but he''s out now. It was at the beginning of the war and there was NO communication other than letters that took forever to get here. At least this time I kind of know what to expect, but I''m sure it will be different because it will be my husband versus my son.

What is your hubby''s job? I know that all of them are in harm''s way, but I''m thankful my honey is in finance and not infantry!

Big hugs to you and prayers for a safe, uneventful deployment for your hubby!

 

[poptart]

My husband is in the Navy, and to be quite honest I am not sure what he is doing now! They are putting him through a medical discharge because he''s gone deaf in his left ear from working with the planes, isn''t allowed on the flight deck, can''t pass hearing tests... all that jazz so he has been moved around a lot. It''s awful because they had his email shut off and he wasn''t supposed to be on this deployment in the first case (his discharge was SUPPOSED to be in August), so we are still trying to work out emails and that stuff so it''s difficult not to hear from him. I''m so glad your son came home safe, and that your future hubby won''t be in the direct line of danger. Best wishes on your marriage AND deployment!

Marisa

 

[therighttime]

Impatient One... I have no great advice for you, but does it help to know that you are so not alone in how you are feeling? There are lots of us going through the same thing you are. My BF has also told me it would be "soon" and he too wants it to be a surprise. I haven''t had any input into the ring except to say I don''t want him to spend much (going against most PS''s here, I know..) as I have been married before and really realize that the ring is not that important to me this time around.

Keep posting and share your frustrations with us and hopefully your boy will be busy making plans!

good luck

 

[janinegirly]

hi impatient, well i don''t really mind not being involved in the ring picking b/c i like the ''surprise'' element and tradition, so long as it doesn''t take FOREVER to get there. Also, my bf knows alot about diamonds as he was engaged before (whole other story) and did a lot of research then. he bought me diamond earrings for xmas last year and was rattling off all these details/specs which I have no clue about (I know, I know this is considered sacrilege on this board haha),so he knows what he''s doing. If I were you--and if he is ok about openly talking about pending proposal/marriage, just slip into a conversation that you hope he doesn''t spend to much and maybe leave some link on the computer of what kind of ring you like.
good luck to you and your bf! you must be v. proud of him

 

[cutes814]

Hey ImpatientOne. Man, your post brings me back to the waiting days. Definitely been there and understand how hard it is to wait.

My husband made me wait 3 months while he had the ring at home hidden away. I was actually well behaved and did not tear the house down looking for it, but I was very tempted on several occasions. The only thing that kept me sane was the thought of my gorgeous ring at the end of the road and the fact that I''ll be engaged to the man that I love!

I got to pick out the diamond and setting with my husband when we were shopping for the e-ring, but if he didn''t let me help, it would''ve have totally bothered me. I like the surprise element but I liked to pick out the ring with him MORE and he knew that so he let me help. We called it ''our little project'' which was fun.

If it bothers you that you don''t get to pick out the stone or the setting, make sure to tell him. You don''t want to be stuck with a ring that you''ll have to wear for the rest of your life that you don''t absolutely love. Marriage is about communication anyway, so let him know. I don''t think your soon to be FI would want you to be bothered by any part of this wonderful occasion.

If he wants to keep the surprise in the proposal, you can always help pick out the diamond, have him propose in a temp setting and then pick out the setting together after the proposal. A lot of peeps are doing that nowadays. It''ll still be a surprise since you have no idea how, where and when he''ll be asking.

 

[Julian]

Ladies, please thank your wonderful men for us!

I am always so grateful for the brave men and women who put their lives on the line for our freedom. (Regardless of if I agree with the war in Iraq or not...) Those who serve are heroes.

We are so lucky to live in a country like America and my hat is off to those who serve and their families who support them.

THANK YOU!

 

[ImpatientOne]

Thanks for the kind words, Julian I shared that part of your post with my bf and he was very appreciative. Of course I did it without him knowing where I was posting and why, lol. I don't want him to know I'm out here in cyberspace sharing my stress about the impending proposal, lol.

We did have the chance this weekend to talk about a lot of things. He told me that the deployment date is still up in the air and he should have more definitive plans in the next month or so. I took this opportunity to let him know that having so many unknowns out there is kind of stressing me, so he agreed to give me some timelines for our future by the end of day today I will feel more comfortable talking about the the subject of a ring once we have a timeline, so perhaps that conversation will happen tonight as well...

Thank goodness for the internet! What would we ever do without our cyber-friends out there to keep us company and comfort us as we go through this journey called life?!