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Can''t Help But Feeling Defeated...please help.

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SkiRush

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 2, 2009
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I am about 99% sure that I'm going to buy my GF the Helzberg ring that she loves, even though I'm not fond of the store or it's markup
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Helzberg Ring

I searched and searched, but she keeps hinting how much she loves the ring. And, everyone I've spoken to tells me that if she loves it that much, I almost have to get it. But, I can't help but feeling defeated

I feel like Helzberg "won" because they marked up their ring a lot. I know for a fact I can get a big center stone with better color and clarity from BN or WF. But, they have me by the you know what because she just loves it.

I know the only ring that she will like besides that one will be a ring from Tiffany's. The only problem with the Tiffany's ring is that it will be a plain solitaire and can't be bigger than a 3/4 carat for my $5000 budget. I've read a lot of comments on this board with heated debates on both sides.

Please help me with this. Should I come to terms with the fact she loves it and just buy the Helzberg or go to Tiffany's.

Thanks,
Ski
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How big of a hurry are you in? The reason I ask is that I would send a pic of the ring to a couple of vendors that do custom work and get an estimate for something siimilar. Whiteflash and Brian Gavin Diamonds come to mind first, though some others also do very good work. The custom route may take a bit longer, but you would end up getting your money's worth more than buying from Helzberg and get a much higher quality center stone, as well.

If I recall from a previous thread, Whiteflash has a similar style setting. Why not ask them if they could modify it?

The other thing to keep in mind is that while the accent diamonds on the side of the band look good on the e-ring, the eventual wedding band will hide them on one side (unless she is not planning on wearing a wedding band) so why pay extra for something that will only be seen for a short time.
 
I will contact WF today, but I was planning on doing it within the next few weeks. My travel plans basically mean that I need to have it in hand by the 19th of December. I am flying to Nebraska to be with the GF from the 19th to Christmas. I was planning on doing it a few days after Christmas.
 
Look ... if you can get her EXACTLY what she wants within your budget ... then you''re better off than most guys out there! Total win!

You''d have more options if you had more *time* ... but, isn''t getting her *exactly* what she wants a pretty good deal no matter where its from?

Time to look at the BIG PICTURE.
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That IS a tough one my friend.
So is she just not interested in diamond education? That might help here. Have you shared your feelings with her about this purchase? How important it is to you...etc. I suggest sharing your fears of how it might look bad outside of the billion watt lights of the store. You want her to have something to be proud of for life. Essentially work the "this stone may not be good enough for her" angle and perhaps de-emphasize the value per dollar issue that apparently isn''t working anyway.
Is there something that she is knowledgeable in that you are not. Come up with a type of analogy that helps her understand - "what if I were going to do this and you knew it wasn''t the wisest thing..."

On the other hand ask yourself what is important. It could potentially be worse for you for her to get a ring she doesn''t particularly like when she has so plainly expressed her love for this one. This would be tough for me to suck up but I have been known to go to great lengths just to put a smile on my girls face.

Can you take the ring outside, into a back office at the jewelers without showroom lights? Can you have the sale contingent upon a 3rd party independent appraisal? Something?
Perhaps you can appeal up the chain of command at the store or to the corporate office for more info on the stone or better yet be able to pick which center stone you want. Don''t take a SA word for anything or even the store manager for that matter. If you end up having to get this ring then I would PUSH PUSH PUSH PUSH them for every inch I could get. Leave her at home if she is likely to influence you to settle.

Good luck with this and keep us updated
 
While I think it's great that you can get her exactly what she wants within budget, personally, I'd advise you find something *very* close with much better specs. The Helzberg diamonds are I1 clarity, H-I IGI color (which GIA would likely grade lower, and in a cushion cut, color can be more noticable). While she likes the style, what if she stumbles upon some place like this? One day asks for the cert, and the ring is no longer "mind clean" to her? It's happened before.

If she's totally head over heels in love with the Helzberg ring and has rejected all other alternatives, go for it! But if it's just the haloed, paved style she's in love with? You can do so much better.
 
that ring is actually closer to 6k - I would NOT pull the trigger yet... I would contact a couple different vendors and get a quote for the ring so that you know what your diamond budget is - it''s possible she can get a bigger diamond out of it or something - could help sell it :D
 
omg I didn''t see that I1 clarity!

It is a cushion though - I don''t know that you''ll get the rush job during a season when everyone else wants a rush job - but I would introduce her to us here at PS because I''d hate to spend money on poor quality.
 
Maybe get a cushion in a plain ring and propose with that, then have the cutsom setting made with her imput afterr the holidays? Then you both get what you want
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You guys are right...I don''t want to break her heart, but I need to get the best for the money! We are talking about a lot of money, at least for me.

I''ve tried talking to her about it. I liked the idea of buying a great cushion or princess stone and then upgrading to a nice band later.

sr
 
I like that idea! If you get the quote (but not the work done) so that you know what your diamond budget is and then spend the next week finding the right diamond, you can take her e-ring to hellz and show her how much nicer it is - loupe them and show her the IS or ASET. Then let her know she can have a custom ring just like the one she liked.
 
I think the cushion in the temp ring is the best compromise right now. Normally, I''d say "just buy what she wants" but unless you can just throw $6 away, I don''t think it hurts for the woman who''s going to be sharing your life to be involved in a project that gets both of your the best bang for your hard-earned money.
 
Date: 12/7/2009 10:32:54 AM
Author: SkiRush

I've tried talking to her about it.
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If you're being completely open with her about the buying process, you could show her some alternatives and see what she thinks.

These Beverley Ks aren't an exact match, but close, and allow an "outside" (a.k.a your pick!) stone:

Beverley K #116PP1

Beverley K #98PP1 (can be made for a cushion)

Beverley K #111PP1 (needs a round, but has a cushion-y halo)

Beverley K #113PP1

(I'd just send her photos, not links w/ prices.
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I''m the first person to argue for getting a woman exactly what she wants in an e-ring (I mean, she''s the one who''s going to be wearing it for the rest of her life) ... and even I''m thinking you''re 100% correct on this one. Spending mucho dinero on poor quality is not a good idea. Buying a beautiful cushion, setting it in a plain setting and then resetting it together into a custom piece sounds like a great plan to me ....
 
Not a good position to be in, I''m sure.

Way back in the days when my then BF and I were ''looking at rings'', it took a while to find something that we liked and was affordable. Neither of us knew squat about what to look for in a diamond then and based on the salesman''s assurance and looking at the ring numerous time, DF2b bought that gorgeous .63c round with tapered baguettes on either side. I LOVED THAT BEAUTIFUL RING no matter what the stats were.
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Your GF is telling you loud and clear what she is ''in love with'' and you owe it to her to follow her lead on this.

This is the best advice I can give as an old gal who''s been happily married for almost 47 years. I wish you the same happiness, and , in my humble opinion, that will start with the ring she loves.
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All the best.
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Hi ski

It sounds to me as if she knows a proposal is coming and she is somewhat involved with the ring selection, as a cushion halo would be available from some of the online vendors what about suggesting having her ring made custom from a trusted vendor or look together at some of the available settings from some of the vendors? She might be fine and enthusiastic if she can see that she will get the ring design she wants. If not then go with the ring she loves.
 
Don''t get the ring from Helzberg! She thinks she loves that ring because she doesn''t know any better! I did the same thing when I was looking at rings with my then boyfriend. I fell in love with a ring in a mall store and he knew it was the one I loved so he bought it for me. It was later on that I discovered diamonds in the internet and found what I really loved. I was able to end up getting the ring of my dreams but I sure wish I knew what I know now then! We would have saved a lot of money.
 
If you''re 99% sure you''re going to get the Helzberg ring for your GF, I''m not sure why you''re asking what we all think! Clearly the diamond is over-priced and good changes are that the grading is lower than what IGI has given it however, you sound like you''ve already decided to purchase it.

Is Tiffany your second choice (as you mentioned that store in your thread)? I''m guessing you can get a 3/4 ct simple and elegant Tiff. ring for the same price as the Helzberg.

Good luck!
 
I hate to say it, SkiRush, but I think you should push the envelope here. I agree with the previous post thst essentially said she'll understand when she knows more about diamonds.

Buy the biggest and best high quality cushion center stone that fits your budget, put it in a temporary setting, and tell your beloved "Now let's shop for your setting, and we'll have one made if we need to," but you can't get it done by Christmas. What will she say? No, that diamond looks like cr*p and I never want to marry you? I doubt that she would. Explain that "a decent center stone is a platform to build on, and I want you to have better than an IGI graded I1 diamond from the Mall." Or buy the Tiffany. But last time I checked, Tiffany was doing their own grading.
 
You got a lot of great suggestions the last time you asked this. Honestly, buy her the ring she wants and be done. Yes, you could probably get a better deal elsewhere, but you''ve been given lots of more budget conscious options and you keep saying she wants that particular ring... so get it!
 
I shouldn''t have said I was 99% sure on the Helzberg, because I''m not.

I called WF and talked to a rep. there. She said they could make the same ring for $1850 in 18 karat white gold. So, I would end up being able to buy a better & bigger center stone. The only bad thing is a 4 week turn around time
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I was planning on doing this on December 29. I just wish I started looking into this a lot sooner. But, the more I looked, the more I learned that I was being ripped off at Helzberg.
 
I would definitely go with Whiteflash over Helzberg. I have a custom piece from Whiteflash, and it turned out really well. I have some Helzberg stuff from my days of pre-PS, and it looks like junk compared to the jewelry I have now. I know you wanted to propose over the holidays, but I would put off the proposal a little bit to get a quality engagement ring.
 
Ski,

Are you in Chicago? Dimend Scassi is local to you. They have this setting in their gallery, which IMO is pretty darn close to the Helzberg setting but much more beautiful:

Eternal Love

I'd eat up more than half of your budget, but it is an incredibly intricate setting. In white gold, it'd leave you with ~$2k for a cushion center. You could probably find a nice .75 ct cushion for $2k.

OR, you could always go with Whiteflash but a) push the proposal into early January or b) propose with the center stone in a temporary setting and have the CAD print-out in hand to show her what her finished ring will look like.

You've got a lot of options here, so don't feel defeated. This is exciting!
 
Is there a special reason for December 29th? I think you''ve got a winning idea going with Whiteflash. You can always tell her that she is too special for an off the shelf ring, so you are having one made special just for her, using ideas from the design she loved (if you can get a bigger stone, that is a big plus
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I agree to either put off the proposal a couple of weeks or propose with a temporary while the custom is being done.

I fully understand the reluctance to purchase from Helzberg, even though she loves the ring. I went through a similar experience with wedding bands. She really liked one that Helzberg had, but I wasn''t paying for the crappy diamonds they had in the band (I3''s
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) We eventually went custom and even though the price tag was higher, there are no regrets from either of us in the end.
 
I'd wait to propose and take your time getting something quality. The angle I would take with her, is that you love her so much you wanted to do some research to make positive sure she was getting a ring worthy of her and worthy of representing your relationship. And that you're very much afraid, after doing quite a bit of research, that the Helzberg ring is not something that's quality enough to be on her finger. And that you were listening, and understand that she does love it, but feel like it just isn't going to sparkle like it should. I would probably leave money entirely out of the discussion- if she's upset at all, she could very well misinterpret that.

If at all possible, give her something that is returnable; however, I would put that a lower priority than just getting something of high quality. If she reallllllly can't see her way to loving something else after being proposed (and wearing on her finger) to with a much better quality diamond, *then* you can return the better one and get the Helzberg one for her. I would also explain that the Helzberg ring isn't that unique of a design, and you can definitely get one pretty much exactly like it custom made.

I do see the benefit of getting a girl exactly what she wants, but sometimes that just isn't on. If I want a 3 carat rock and my BF is a college student with a $1500 budget, that's not happening either, yanno? I can't see that getting something that is a seriously low quality diamond (I-1 and H, and probably lower? That is gonna be so dead looking!) for a heck of a lot of money is a good idea. I think that getting an e-ring is not just an ego trip for the girl, it's about both of you deciding together on something you like. When I was trying to set my diamond for my e-ring, my husband rejected a lot of the settings I was considering, and we eventually decided on one we both loved.

Tiffany would be an expensive, but acceptable, alternative in my opinion. At least you'll get something nice for your $$$. Yeah, it's a high mark up, but the diamond will sparkle and the setting will be well made.
 
Date: 12/7/2009 2:27:27 PM
Author: SkiRush
I shouldn''t have said I was 99% sure on the Helzberg, because I''m not.


I called WF and talked to a rep. there. She said they could make the same ring for $1850 in 18 karat white gold. So, I would end up being able to buy a better & bigger center stone. The only bad thing is a 4 week turn around time
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I was planning on doing this on December 29. I just wish I started looking into this a lot sooner. But, the more I looked, the more I learned that I was being ripped off at Helzberg.
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oh man that sucks!! Do you think that she''s basing all of her decision on having something sparkly to show at the holidays?
 
why does she say she wants the H one so badly? does she have a reason? because it doesn''t make sense that she could get everything better including a bigger stone and still be stubborn about it lol
 
As a happily married man of nearly two decades, I don''t envy your position. There was alot of wisdom in Isaku5''s post. You can KNOW that the ''blue one'' is better, but if she is dead set on the ''red one'' (even after you try to logically convince her otherwise) then you better get the red one. Bottom line...this is about making her happy. She will never come back to you and say "I didn''t know better, I should have listened to you" (even though you were right). She will always remember, however, that even though she told you she lovvvved the red one, you just haddddd to get the blue one. Try to budge her, but if it doesn''t work, fold like a cheap suit.
 
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