Can you help diagnose what''s going on with me?

[fieryred33143]

I'm hoping that some of you ladies can help me figure out some things. I'm making an appointment with the therapist that helped me through my baby blues because I'm feeling a bit off and not sure where it is coming from. I feel like it is due to anxiety issues but all of the articles out there speak in general terms.

I'm having a really hard time concentrating on things, particularly at work. Every day I make a checklist of what I'm going to get done that day and at the end of the day, nothing is checked off. As soon as I start to work on my list, I freeze and do something else-mostly just clicking away mindlessly around the internet. There have been a lot of times that I have wanted to scream at work because I can't concentrate and feel like my life everything is out of control. I am not overwhelmed as I am only working on one project but I still feel like I can't get a grip or can't put my feet on the ground.

At home I feel a little more in control but I'm still not doing well there either. My home is a complete mess and every day I just let it be until I get moments of incredible energy where I do everything at once even if I'm awake until 4 or 5am.

With DD I'm having A LOT of anxiety issues. I stare at her while she's eating because I fear she is going to choke so I just stopped giving her table foods all together because I can't handle it. I usually check on her 1 or 2 times overnight but there are some nights where it is so bad that I check on her 8 or 9 times in an hour. I get into bed, walk to her room, check on her, walk back to my room, get into bed, and get up to do it again. I hear her crying/coughing/gagging through the monitor when she really isn't and I spend a large amount of time debating whether I should get up and check on her. I always do because then I feel that if I don't, something terrible will happen to her. I have thoughts that someone will sneak into the house and kidnap her overnight so I wake up and check her bedroom window, the front door, and the patio door before finally deciding to just sleep in her room.

I want to say that it's all normal first time mom stuff but DD is 10 months and I feel like I should have gotten over these issues already. Also, at work there are times when the lack of concentration is so bad that my hands shake because I KNOW I have to get stuff done and I KNOW I am putting my job in jeapordy but I cannot focus.

I'm just wondering if anyone can help me figure out what is going on. ETA: I have never suffered or been diagnosed with anxiety or depression issues in the past.

 

[NovemberBride]

Fiery - I can''t help diagnose you - I think that''s best left to professionals, and it sounds like you already have someone you trust who you have reached out to, which is great. But I just wanted to sympathize with you on the anxiety about Sophia. I have a lot of the same anxiety about Olivia and sometimes I wonder if it is something I need help with as well. I am completely paranoid that something bad will happen to her - I worry about everything from kidnapping to SIDS. I check on her multiple times a night and DH and I have not been out alone since she was born because I don''t trust anyone except our moms with her and they are both out of town. I also have stayed awake late at night searching the sex offender registries and wondered if I can memorize the faces of the ones in my area in case I see them around. I know for me a lot of this comes from my mom, she was very fearful and overprotective, especially of me. I try to control it because I don''t want her to grow up fearful and scared. Of course I want her to have a healthy fear of things so that she''s safe, but I don''t want her to be so scared that it limits her. I have no idea how to do that however, because I am so terrified of something happening to her. For example, I see the little girls in our neighborhood that are 8-10 years old out riding bikes alone. Of course, this is something I did growing up, but I can''t even imagine letting her do this without thinking of all the bad things that could happen. I worried all the time when I was pregnant and everyone said - wait till she''s born, you''ll worry even more. I didn''t believe it at the time but they were so right. So, you are not alone - I am interested to see if any other moms have good advice on coping with mom anxiety.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I can''t offer any diagnosis either, just lots of hugs and sympathy. I do identify with a lot of what you''re saying. Some of it is normal parenting anxiety but it sounds like it''s getting towards the far end of the normal curve for you. I know Sophia has a long term health issue, same as Amelia- I wonder if that goes some way to heaping on the anxiety generally. I think it did for me a little.

Work stuff - is there someone you can talk to at work? An employee counsellor, maybe? Not to replace medical diagnosis and treatment, but to put down some markers in case you need a little bit of understanding in your work role.

Messy house - can you set aside some time for you and your FI to work through the house and get it to a good baseline clean and tidy together? Share that responsibility, it isn''t yours alone and you don''t have to be ''in charge'' of the process either. Share it and hand over any mental reservations about it being your role, if you have them. It flat out isn''t. Get a maid service if you can possibly swing it. It just makes life easier and it also forces you to keep it reasonably tidy...

THere is a lot of responsibility on you. You work incredibly hard, you have a baby and you are on duty one way or another 24/7. That cannot be leaving a lot of space to relax, mentally or physically and that has to take a toll on you.

Hugs, and good thoughts for you - you''ll get through this, with the right professional help. I''ll be thinking about you.

Jen

 

[Sha]

It sounds like an anxiety issue to me too, fiery. I agree that being a mom is worrying (there are so many bad things that can happen), but when it gets to the point of being disruptive to your work and personal life then I think that''s a problem. Have you ever discussed your feelings with a professional? I would suggest that - so that you can get a better idea of what may be going on. It sounds a little more than everyday ''mom'' anxiety, to me.

I''m sorry you''re feeling this way.

 

[Octavia]

Firey, I can''t speak to the mommy stuff, but I feel very much the same way about work. It happens all the time that I''ll know that I have a lot to do, but I feel frozen -- like I physically and mentally just can''t do it. Of course, I''m perfectly capable, but it feels like I''m not. And I feel this weird combination of apathy and panic about it. For me, it started during my second year of law school and I think it has to do with knowing that I made a bad decision that I''m trapped into with no real potential for escape (in the near future, at least). So the two sides of my brain are at war -- one side saying, how did I get here? this can''t be my life, and the other side saying, you did this to yourself so make the best of it. And so I just...freeze. I''ve been debating seeing someone about it, but I keep telling myself it will get better after graduation, so we''ll see.

Anyway, I know you''ve had a lot of pressure on you for quite awhile, of all different kinds. Long-term stress does weird things to a person, and I''m sure that what you (and I) are experiencing is a manifestation of that. I don''t know what it is, exactly, but when you were describing it, it just sounded so familiar that I had to post in sympathy. I think you''re doing the right thing by seeing your therapist, and I hope she''s able to help you work through all the stuff you posted about.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 5/5/2010 10:39:54 AM
Author:fiery
I''m hoping that some of you ladies can help me figure out some things. I''m making an appointment with the therapist that helped me through my baby blues because I''m feeling a bit off and not sure where it is coming from. I feel like it is due to anxiety issues but all of the articles out there speak in general terms.


I''m having a really hard time concentrating on things, particularly at work. Every day I make a checklist of what I''m going to get done that day and at the end of the day, nothing is checked off. As soon as I start to work on my list, I freeze and do something else-mostly just clicking away mindlessly around the internet. There have been a lot of times that I have wanted to scream at work because I can''t concentrate and feel like my life everything is out of control. I am not overwhelmed as I am only working on one project but I still feel like I can''t get a grip or can''t put my feet on the ground.


At home I feel a little more in control but I''m still not doing well there either. My home is a complete mess and every day I just let it be until I get moments of incredible energy where I do everything at once even if I''m awake until 4 or 5am.


With DD I''m having A LOT of anxiety issues. I stare at her while she''s eating because I fear she is going to choke so I just stopped giving her table foods all together because I can''t handle it. I usually check on her 1 or 2 times overnight but there are some nights where it is so bad that I check on her 8 or 9 times in an hour. I get into bed, walk to her room, check on her, walk back to my room, get into bed, and get up to do it again. I hear her crying/coughing/gagging through the monitor when she really isn''t and I spend a large amount of time debating whether I should get up and check on her. I always do because then I feel that if I don''t, something terrible will happen to her. I have thoughts that someone will sneak into the house and kidnap her overnight so I wake up and check her bedroom window, the front door, and the patio door before finally deciding to just sleep in her room.


I want to say that it''s all normal first time mom stuff but DD is 10 months and I feel like I should have gotten over these issues already. Also, at work there are times when the lack of concentration is so bad that my hands shake because I KNOW I have to get stuff done and I KNOW I am putting my job in jeapordy but I cannot focus.


I''m just wondering if anyone can help me figure out what is going on. ETA: I have never suffered or been diagnosed with anxiety or depression issues in the past.

The bolded part is me to a T right now and since getting pregnant. I agree that it might be anxiety or depression based as you said yourself you''ve had some issues with the blues. Depression and anxiety can hit anyone at any time. Sometimes we have issues that can be attributed to these but we prefer to attach other labels to the problem like "I''m under a lot of stress" or "I''m hormonal" because the A&D carry such a stigma and are scary clinical diagnoses. No one want''s to be "that person," but they''re still valid conditions that need to be treated before they get worse and affect your life even more. And treatment isn''t always pharmacologically based. Talk therapy and behavior modification are great techniques.

I think contacting a therapist is a great first step to getting this all squared away. Good luck hun!

 

[movie zombie]

also get a test for your thyroid and/or adrenals. pregnancy may have thrown your hormones really off balance and you could have some of these symptoms as a result. seriously. make sure there isn''t a physical cause.

mz

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Fiery - I am so sorry that you are not doing well. I am in no way a doctor so I can''t help diagnose you, but I do agree with the other ladies that it sounds like you have a problem with anxiety and are maybe even depressed. You are taking a step in the right direction by making an appointment with a therapist and I also think that you should also see your family doctor to rule out any physical causes.

Take your time with table foods but remember that all babies gag when first trying them. I had my fair share of heart attacks when starting DS on table foods. I also think that you should enlist FIs help in getting your home in order. DH and I share household chores and don''t let it get out of control so our house is at least presentable most of the time.

I hope that your appointment goes well and that you start feeling better soon. ((((HUGS))))

 

[Jas12]

*hugs* to you Fiery

No expert here, but sounds a little like generalized anxiety. It can take many forms (which could mean extreme worry for your daughter, but apathy for housework depending on what kind of emotional space something takes in your life) -from what i remember reading in the past. i had bouts of anxiety in my early 20''s (but also felt it right after my son was born & was having terrible sleeping issues) and i often couldn''t pin point what was wrong, just that i also felt ''off'' & had some physical symptoms like feeling ''keyed up''.

Motherhood certainly ups the anxiety level if it''s already present. I think about terrible things that could happen to my son as i am falling asleep sometimes. i think it''s a way for our brains to hey "hello, take precautions so xyz doesn''t happen to your child. BUT the key is accepting the fearful thought, ackowledging it and then letting it go.
Maybe part of your brain is overriding every other logical msg. It''s always telling you "something is NOT okay" instead of "ya, she could choke but her food is cut up so i took the necessary precaution " or "yes, someone could break in, but i locked the doors and the chance of that happening is soooo tiny it''s not worth worrying about"
A good therapist should be able to help you turn off the "i am not okay/she''s not okay" message.
This is something i worked on for a few years and honestly, it can be done. I was such a negative self talker.

I''d get to the therapist for sure. I know SO many ppl take meds with success and that''s an option, but for me, i wanted to know why i was just generally anxious before going that route and iam glad i did. Keep us posted.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Have you thought of checking out cognative behavioral therapy? It's suppose to be very helpful for those with anxiety/depression, etc.

Of course, you can try meds but try the CBT first because with meds, it may take many before finding the right one and CBT is suppose to work fairly quickly. (I'm not anti-med and am on a few for depression, but I do not think they are the magic pills I had hoped they'd be!)

Good luck!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Fiery,

How much sleep are you getting? I'm guessing not very much? I've noticed that on days where I have not had much sleep, i.e. for me, less than 6 or 7 hours, I have a very hard time concentrating on work to the extent that the super-focus I need at work is nearly impossible to achieve. I keep a running list of things to do too. On days where I have trouble concentrating, I will tackle some of the easier items on the list. At least then, I have some items checked off by the end of the day.

I've also noticed that I have had increased anxiety when I am not getting enough sleep. Perhaps you have not been getting adequate rest for a pro-longed period of time, and it is finally catching up with you?

I think visiting a therapist is a great idea. He or she can help you find strategies for dealing with your baby + work responsibilities, which will hopefully lead to you getting more rest.

I hope things resolve themselves soon!

 

[Porridge]

Big hugs Fiery. I''m glad you''re going back to your therapist. These are feelings that most people experience from time to time, and I''m sure the two of you will find a way to beat them.

 

[fieryred33143]

Thanks ladies for your input. I took my computer offline for a little while to check some things off the list.

November-I feel the same way re: healthy fear. Surprisingly, my parents were not like this at all. I played outside with my cousins without their supervision. There was a huge sense of community then and everyone relied on everyone else to make sure the kids weren''t in danger

.

MrsM-For the most part, we make sure to tidy up together throughout the week. There are days I get home and am motivated enough to follow my own rule of keeping it clean but there are also days when I just can''t but I''ll still sit there and stress and feel overwhelmed that I''m not doing something. Thanks for the hugs and always helping me with Sophia''s reflux. It really does help a lot.

Sha-When I talked to the therapist about baby blues, it was mostly to rule out PPD which she did. I talked to her about the anxiety I was going through at the time (Sophia was maybe at most 3 weeks old). I mentioned that I was standing in Lowe''s when I felt paralyzed because I thought the bathtubs that were hanging were going to fall and crush her stroller. I couldn''t move and needed to get out of there asap. She told me that most of it was normal anxiety and gave me some exercises which really helped at the time. She said that when I''m having those thoughts to stop and ask myself what is the likelihood of it happening. But that was all we really talked about. I had never experienced anxiety before birth so there was no real history to discuss and I stopped going once I felt better.

Octavia-You said "I feel frozen -- like I physically and mentally just can''t do it." That is the exact way that I would describe it. I hope things get better for you too as well and that the last day of school comes quickly

HH-Thanks for sharing your experience as well!

MZ-It''s interesting you bring up thyroid. When I first mentioned it to my OB, she wanted me to see a therapist but didn''t mention checking. I think it was either on here (PS) or maybe doing my own research (it may have been reading the What to Expect books) that I read about this being an issue for a lot of women. I put in a call to my OB today after reading your post because you reminded me of it to discuss it with her.

Diva-Thank you. The issues I have with table food I think is me being silly, mostly because whenever I do give DD table food she forces herself to throw up everywhere

so I end up feeling like I shouldn''t be doing it anymore.

Jas-As I mentioned above, I think you are spot on with the turning on the ''likelihood'' message and it''s something I have to remind myself of or at least continue to repeate.

MC-I had not thought about that, thanks for the suggestion. I am going to look into it since I too would like to go a similar route before taking medication.

LV-I get about 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep usually between 1 and 5am. Before 1am, I check on her a lot and after 5am I just mentally start waking myself up for the day. Thanks for the support.

Thank you Porridge.

I talked to my fiance today to let him know how I was feeling. I had told him from time to time that I''m feeling a little stressed out but not that I was feeling depressed or having anxiety issues or anything. He asked me two nights ago why I kept waking up so much and going into DD''s room but I didn''t want to tell him how I was feeling I guess because I was a little embarrassed that he noticed me constantly waking up. He said he was going to help clean up today. We usually leave it for the weekend but this past weekend I wasn''t feeling up to it and only did about 25% of what I usually do. He also mentioned exercising together because he thinks the exercise will help clear my mind. I also mentioned that I''d like to repaint the house just so that it has a new feel to it and perhaps get rid of some of our bulkier furniture. Our place is really cramped and it sometimes feels like everything is closing in on me and that may contribute to what I''m going through.

Thanks again for all the advice/support.

 

[littlelysser]

hey there friend.

I''m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I''ve struggled with anxiety and it just sucks. SUCKS. Sucks because it is totally irrational and people that haven''t gone through it don''t really understand it. It is so frustrating...I take celexa for my anxiety and it really and truly was a game changer for me.

You sound a lot like my bestie (who also struggled with anxiety - you should have heard our conversations during the swine flu epidemic). When she gets really anxious, she can''t concentrate and is very easily overwhelmed. She has a hard time planning meals for her daughter and doing pretty routine tasks. She''s taking zoloft for her anxiety and it seems to have done wonders for her.

I''ll be thinking good thoughts for you!

 

[Kaleigh]

New Mommy syndrome?

The anxiety sucks. I remember being panicked, and just felt overwhelemed.

I am sure the therapist will be a big help.

HUGE HUGS!!!! I think you are experiencing what soooooo many other new mom''s have.

But you want to get a hold of it and not let it get worse, etc....

Hang in there!!!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Fiery, something you said in your last post really resonated with me. I went through a period of depression in my early 20s and one of the things I remember doing before things got really bad (hospital bad) was throwing my furniture out of the appartment because it was closing in on me. Sorry, I''m not trying to alarm you or say that you''re going to get worse, but I recall feeling like that and then getting into a bad place, so I hope you''ll get help sooner than I did (and make sure you present the full extent of your concerns).

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Jen

 

[Sha]

fiery, I was just browsing through a book here at work that mentioned ''Post Partum Anxiety Syndrome/Panic Disorder''. It didn''t say much about it but mentioned it as being different from Post Partum Depression and similar to panic attack or generalized anxiety disorder. Symptoms include things like feeling like you can''t catch your breath/racing heart/trembling hands/feeling that something terrible is going to happen/feelings of dizziness, nausea, surrealness etc. Not sure if you feel that''s relevant to you or not - just thought I''d mention.

 

[vizsla]

hi fiery!
i agree with what has already been posted. i am in no way versed on the various forms of anxiety disorders. the only real thing i have to offer is my sincere love and friendship for you during this time.

my father has had generalized anxiety/depression - you name it. my mom was always fearful that my sister or i would ''inherit'' these traits and because of that fear, we have seen therapists for most of our ''adult'' lives (as a preventive measure.. my dad is really bad).

i can tell you one thing... a good therapist will make all the difference in helping you deal with this time in your life. there were plenty of times when i felt i was headed in the direction of my dad (with extreme anxiety, frozen in the middle of the room with 1000 things to do but can''t physically force myself to do any one thing, obsessive/compulsive routines) and my therapist has been instrumental in getting me grounded and past those times.

PPD/anxiety etc. is something i talked to her extensively about before getting PG.. and with all of the trials we went thru those first few months w/C we upped our conversations. i am doing well so far, but she did mention that months 7-10 are even harder for a new mom than the newborn stage. there are loads of reasons why this particular time is very hard for a mom.

anyhoo. i think it''s awesome you are taking the steps to get past this time.. i find it very hard to talk IRL about this because therapists are just not viewed in the same light as seeing a doctor for a broken ankle. FWIW i am a HUGE believer that the head has to be as healthy as the body and it takes special people to provide that balance.

((hugs to you)) a million times over!

 

[swimmer]

Hugs Fiery!

It is great that you are getting help, you said therapist, but not which type. I just rang my mom (a psychiatrist) who of course doesn''t do over the phone diagnoses but I so feel for you and fear to be in your shoes in a few months... Anyway, her perhaps helpful thought was that you might want to look into a weekly visit with an LICSW/LCSW (social worker) and a visit with a psychiatrist as the two prong approach of meds plus cognitive/behavioral therapy seem to be the best for GA/D. So so good you are also going to ask for a thyroid panel, she mentioned that off the bat as sometimes the magic solution, but she got quiet over the tub thing and the getting up 8 times an hour and said that was a bit beyond "normal" new mom syndrome. Once your anxiety starts interfering with your quality of life to that extent, there is no reason to go home and hope you "get over it." Exercise will totally help, yay endorphins! could you and Sophia do a mom and baby yoga or dance class together?

Sending you strength, PPD/A scares me so much, it is so prevalent and I can see myself getting sucked into it so truly empathize. I really hope that your summer improves, get some free vitamin D right? and way to be so proactive!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

hi Fiery,

I agree with the others it does sound like anxiety. What kind of therapist are you seeing now? The two most effective treatments for anxiety are cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and/or medication. I would suggest you see a psychologist for CBT and your family doctor or a psychiatrist if you would like to try some medication. You should not feel ashamed to try medication. Sometimes pregnancies and major life changes (like have a child) can change the chemicals released in your brain, and meds can help with that. If you are not comfortable with that route, CBT is usually just as effective and the effects last even longer.

 

[lyra]

The baby blues becomes an issue if it lasts longer than 6 weeks. You are quite beyond that point now, and you are absolutely right in seeking some sort of treatment now. I can''t tell you what your diagnosis will be, or what treatment will suit *you* best, but definitely look for professional help now. I''ve gone through clinical depression and crippling anxiety issues and come out the other side. It can be a long journey, but it''s something you''re going to need to work on. Your life will be better again, I can assure you of that. With proper treatment you will find a great deal of relief. Don''t be afraid to try different treatments and different doctors or therapists, if you''re not finding relief from a treatment after a couple of months. I found that meds combined with CBT therapy was what helped me the most. But there are also things you can do for yourself at home to help, like take time for yourself with long baths, do yoga or breathing exercises, or any exercise routine really. Get outside during the daytime, the bright light is known to be a natural anti-depressant. These things don''t require a lot of time, but they are helpful and aren''t harmful in any way. Just learning breathing exercises alone is a way of self-calming.

I hope you find some relief soon. Please don''t be afraid to seek help.

 

[Mara]

fiery i don't have too much to add other than i agree with the others re: general anxiety and i am sure that the fact that you are a mom now is just adding to it. i refuse to let myself think about all the bad things that could happen to my kid or else i would go crazy, but i feel your pain.

and ditto MC re: cognitive behavioral therapy being great...i know a few people it has worked great on for anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. if you go to see a therapist, i'd bring that up as it's a great way for you to work on it without drugs etc. it is similar to what was mentioned up above aka 'what is the likelihood' and also one of my friends therapists used to tell her that 'the past is a great indicator of the future'. i thought that was interesting.

big hugs.

 

[PumpkinPie]

definitely ensure that anything physical (i.e., thyroid or hormone levels) is ruled out as well as following up with the therapist you mentioned.

Good luck Fiery - I''m sorry you''re hurting and struggling - you have our support whenever you need it!

 

[SarahLovesJS]

As someone who has anxiety that brought about depression..just wanted to send you some hugs fiery!! It does sound like anxiety to me, but I think you''re on the right track in talking to a therapist to get it narrowed down professionally. We''re here for you!

 

[movie zombie]

fiery, my experience leads me to suggest that you find someone known for dealing with thyroid issues if your OB isn''t supportive re checking your thyroid. my test numbers came in within acceptable boundaries but i still had issues that were only addressed after many years by a female doctor that had suffered herself.

i wish you well with all of this......

mz

 

[Sabine]

Hugs Fiery! I''m glad you are being proactive in trying to find a solution! You''ve been given a lot of great advice here. You seem so upbeat all the time in all your posts that even when you mention things like being afraid of starting solids with S, it comes off as cute and quirky, but it sounds like deep down there''s a lot more going on. While I''m sure normal new mom anxiety is part of it, it does sound like it''s going beyond that. And it does not sound like you are getting enough quality sleep and haven''t been for a while, so I wonder if some chronic sleep deprivation is adding to it or even causing some of it.

In terms of getting up to check on S, do you think a video monitor would help? I never thought I would want one, but now that we have one, I absolutely LOVE it. I don''t even have to get out of bed to check on Jacks. However, I also wonder if that would make the problem worse...like you would spend all night just watching the monitor instead of sleeping. We started shutting the screen off at night, but there are nights that I wake up for no reason and have the urge to just turn it on to look at him, but I usually resist because the light often wakes dh up.

I hope you find some relief soon! Oh, and I forget who mentioned it, but talking to someone at work sounds like a GREAT idea so that you get it documented that you realize there''s a problem that''s affecting your work performance and you''re trying to fix it. Might make the boss a little more understanding if he gets upset with your performance or something.

 

[fieryred33143]

I''m going to look into talking to someone at work. I have 10 days of vacation time left that I have to use by June 30th. FI said we should plan a vacation and see if I just need a little break away from everything.

Typing it all out and getting everyone''s input really helped a lot more than I expected. Yesterday I didn''t check on her once. Well, I did before bed and had FI check her before he came to bed but after that I just slept and didn''t wake until the morning. I felt completely calm all night.

One of the things I was thinking about last night is that I don''t tend to get anxiety over the day to day stuff (besides table food and I think that''s just me being silly). If she gets sick, I''m the one that is in complete control and I remain calm. I have absolutely zero problem being left alone with her all day and/or all night. I travel alone with her in the car for up to 5 hours to visit my mom. FI often works on Saturdays so I spend all day alone with her. If she has a meltdown in public, I don''t get anxiety or freak out.

It''s just something that happens out of nowhere sometimes and for things that aren''t very likely like the tub falling at Lowe''s or someone climbing into her room through the window.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

fiery, for what it''s worth, I cope fine day to day but I have horror scenarios run through my head suddenly out of nowhere, often at night if I can''t sleep or woke up for some reason. We live right next to a railroad and I have regular panics that my child will be hit by a train. To the point where I can see it happen if I close my eyes.

We have the sort of fencing in our garden that would put a high security prison to shame. She isn''t going to get anywhere near the trains. They move past here at a snails pace anyway, literally, because there is a level crossing nearby. She would be at much, much more risk if we lived near a road (it''s a dirt track up to our house).

I think I understand what you''re talking about - a sudden terror, accompanied with anxiety symptoms about something improbable but not impossible happening.

I''m glad you can talk to someone at work. Last thing you need is worrying about job security too.

Hugs.x

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 5/5/2010 2:56:05 PM
Author: littlelysser
hey there friend.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I've struggled with anxiety and it just sucks. SUCKS. Sucks because it is totally irrational and people that haven't gone through it don't really understand it. It is so frustrating...I take celexa for my anxiety and it really and truly was a game changer for me.

You sound a lot like my bestie (who also struggled with anxiety - you should have heard our conversations during the swine flu epidemic). When she gets really anxious, she can't concentrate and is very easily overwhelmed. She has a hard time planning meals for her daughter and doing pretty routine tasks. She's taking zoloft for her anxiety and it seems to have done wonders for her.

Fiery, I really do want to echo LL's suggestion here.

Someone in my family really struggles with anxiety, so much so that despite being a STELLAR employee with more accolades than you can throw a book at, he still had this irrational fear that he was about to be fired.

He's terribly smart, and very rational/analytical when it comes to some things, so I had the hardest time understanding why he couldn't just look at the massive evidence at hand (his glowing reviews) and realize that getting canned was completely unlikely. I'd say "but how can you think that when your last review annual review was just 60 days ago and your boss RAVED about you and gave you a *huge* raise?"

He knew his fears weren't logical, but his anxiety disorder just wouldn't let him focus on the evidence. Instead, he'd look for behavior that supported his fear that he was about to be fired, and he'd get even more upset.

He finally went to see a counsellor that specializes in anxiety, and not only does he go for therapy regularly, they also put him on Zoloft. The transformation in him was quick and wholly remarkable once he got on the Zoloft; it really has been lifechanging.

He said that before the Zoloft, he felt anxious and jittery and with a nagging voice in the back of his head all the time, but since beginning the medication, he feels calm. It doesn't make him feel altered in any way; it just makes him feel unworried. He's also gotten several great tools from his counsellor on how to recognize when he's struggling with something and tools he can use to change his behavior (i.e. choose to ignore it instead of dwelling on it, recognizing what triggers it, and things he can do to get himself over the hurdle when he feels the onset of it).

Much of what you describe sounds similar; you can rationally acknowledge that the bathtubs are completely unlikely to fall and crush the stroller, but that still doesn't quell the fear you feel about it.

It could be that your existing therapist doesn't specialize in anxiety, and if not, please do seek a second opinion. There is no reason to feel terrible like this when the right help could make a world of difference.

 

[AmberWaves]

Hey Fiery,

I have no help for your question, but I just wanted to echo everyone''s support for you. I know it''s not easy, but hopefully you''ll feel better after you''ve talked to someone. I too, get that overwhelmed feeling, and when that happens I SHOULD do something on my list, but instead I prefer to veg out and imagine it''s gone away. I then get angry at myself for doing it. Sigh.

Anyway, I hope you get a resolution!