Wedding Can someone walk me through trying on dresses?

[katamari]

I have been reading some of the dress posts and they have me totally freaked out. I was planning on going dress shopping over Thanksgiving. However, I am very modest. Very, very, very modest. The thought of having to be in my underwear (or less) in front of a stranger makes me want to cancel my engagement. Could someone please tell me exactly what happens so I can start getting myself ready for it? Will I need therapy first? (Only kind-of kidding).

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Hi Katamari! Okay, so here''s some things that have been suggested in the past. First, would you feel more comfortable in maybe a slip? Definitely no less than underwear is required, but if you don''t feel comfy in just being in underwear (I wasn''t too psyched about it either) then a slip might do the trick!

Typically because the dresses are so heavy and may have to be pinned on you, etc., they do have to help you get into it just by holding it up for you. Dress shopping is exciting, don''t worry we''ll figure something out for you!

 

[ladyciel]

I would suggest you maybe call the shops you''re considering visiting and ask how they handle things. I''ve read the same stories as you, with sales ladies helping the girls in and out of dresses, but I ended up being quite surprised to find that not a single shop I visited wanted to be in the dressing room with me. Now, sure, they got to see my back when I couldn''t get a dress zipped or buttoned myself, but I was ok w/ that much. The most help I received other than zipping was a lady who would place each dress on the floor, propped against the bench, ready for me to step into. I would step in, pull it up, and then she''d come and help me zip up. At the rest of the shops, the most they did was pull the dresses out of the bags. It was up to me to get them off the hanger and get them on - I could call for help if I needed it.

Now, I should clarify that my experience may have been skewed by my choice of dresses. I didn''t go completely minimal, but I definitely didn''t go poof, ballgown, cathedral train, pick-up skirt, etc. There''s always the possibility that had I picked out bigger dresses to try on that the ladies would have been more adamant about being in the room to help.

I''m in MI, btw, and visited at least 6 shops, none of them a chain or David''s Bridal.

 

[LauraBabe08]

This might be a little TMI, but I had no idea ahead of time that sales ladies helped get you into/out of dresses in the dressing room. I wore my nerdiest undies (old tan VS cotton undies with bleach stains) when I went shopping and an old raggedy bra. I felt like such an idiot, but the sales girls that I dealt with (2 total - 1 at each of 2 stores that I went to) were very nice and professional. I even said, "OMG i cant believe that I wore these undies" and they just kinda laughed and said its fine. They see all sorts of things and I doubt that they were judging.

The second day I went shopping I just wore normal undies and a regular bra. I felt much better and less self-conscious. If you are extremely modest, how about a pair of boy-shorts and a strap-less bra? Just a suggestion.

Oh and at both salons they had me change into just my undies and a full-length strapless corset bra that they let me borrow. Then they came in helped me into the gowns. The full-length bra helped me feel less self-conscious because it covered my tummy.

Anyway, hope that helped, and again sorry if it was TMI!

Good luck - you''ll be fine! Remember that this is their job and see all kinds of things all day long. Don''t worry about a thing!!!

 

[kittybean]

Katamari, the whole dress-shopping thing can be kind of scary. I would suggest you bring someone that you feel comfortable with to help you get into and out of the dresses. I had no problem being in a bra and undies in front of my mom or MOH. Between the two of us, we were able to figure out pretty much any dress, plus, there was someone to help me hold up the dress when the saleslady came to pin me. None of the salesladies insisted on being in the dressing room with me; they all waited patiently outside the dressing room and gave us as much time as we needed. The only time the saleslady came in to help was at a store I visited alone.

I think the slip suggestion is a good idea. I kind of wanted a slip so that less of *me* was touching the sample gown, but it didn't bother me enough to make me want to buy one.

As long as you are comfortable with a friend or mom or sister helping you, I don't think there's any reason to panic or seek therapy. I hope you have a great shopping experience!

ETA: Bring your own strapless bra! At each store, they tried to push a used strapless bra on me from a bin. At one place, the nude-colored bras were visibly dingy and dirty. I was very glad I wore one to each appointment.

 

[mimzy]

the phrase "nuh-uh. out!" worked well for me! make sure you point with your whole arm towards the door, for full effect.

honestly though i didn''t go anywhere where any salesladies *forced* their way into the room with me (i used the phrase above mostly on my mom haha). usually just before they could even make a move to join me i said "thanks, i''ll let you know if i need any help" and shut the curtain/door. then if i needed help after i was in the dress i''d have my mom or sister come in to help me, then the saleslady as a last resort/stop to finish up tying a corset or something.

don''t get anxious about it! i promise you it won''t be as bad as it seems!

 

[mimzy]

Date: 10/24/2008 12:18:26 AM
Author: ladyciel
I would suggest you maybe call the shops you''re considering visiting and ask how they handle things. I''ve read the same stories as you, with sales ladies helping the girls in and out of dresses, but I ended up being quite surprised to find that not a single shop I visited wanted to be in the dressing room with me. Now, sure, they got to see my back when I couldn''t get a dress zipped or buttoned myself, but I was ok w/ that much. The most help I received other than zipping was a lady who would place each dress on the floor, propped against the bench, ready for me to step into. I would step in, pull it up, and then she''d come and help me zip up. At the rest of the shops, the most they did was pull the dresses out of the bags. It was up to me to get them off the hanger and get them on - I could call for help if I needed it.


Now, I should clarify that my experience may have been skewed by my choice of dresses. I didn''t go completely minimal, but I definitely didn''t go poof, ballgown, cathedral train, pick-up skirt, etc. There''s always the possibility that had I picked out bigger dresses to try on that the ladies would have been more adamant about being in the room to help.


I''m in MI, btw, and visited at least 6 shops, none of them a chain or David''s Bridal.

hehe i think we went to all the same shops!

 

[CNOS128]

I''m also modest and didn''t love the idea of being in my underwear in front of a stranger. [Part of it is also the weirdness of having someone help me get dressed. As a totally capable adult, that is an odd feeling.] But the saleswoman where I got my dress (Kleinfeld) was SO professional as she helped me in and out of the dresses, I didn''t even feel like I was practically naked. They also had a little silky robe in the room for the times when the salesperson leaves to get another dress and you don''t want to sit around with nothing on.

But I also think you could explain to them how you feel and ask them not to assist you. If you''re planning on a ballgown, though, you might want to bring someone with you with whom you''d feel more comfortable - because I think it might be impossible to get those things on by yourself!

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Hehe, mimzy you make me laugh - "out!" haha I love it.

Katamari, I think everything on here is great advice so far. I haven''t been shopping for myself yet, but I did go with my friend last summer. She tried on lots of dresses, and in this particular shop she ended up buying from, the woman had to help her with every dress even though me and 3 other girls plus her Mom and FMIL were there. BUT the reason for this was because this girl wanted the MOST beading possible on a dress, basically. I think the only time the sales ladies INSIST on helping is when the dress has so much beading and expensive enough that someone without proper knowledge of how to secure it on would probably ruin parts of the dress.

So if you are considering a very expensive or very elaborate (beaded) dress, they may insist on being in there. If that is the case, just calm yourself and tell yourself that they do this all the time. All the sales ladies we dealt with were extremely professional, they don''t even look at you while you get dressed, they keep their heads down and just look at the dress and floor until it''s up on you then they help secure it. And in the end, if someone makes you uncomfortable or is rude to you, don''t buy from them! You don''t want to do business with such a big purchase from people like that anyway.

A few other little things - I definitely agree to bring your own strapless bra if you''ll be trying on dresses that warrant it. Used undergarments = yuck!! Otherwise I''d just say to bring a friend, your mom, or someone you trust and are "comfortable" around with you, so that in most cases they can just help you into the dress, if there is any helping required. Most BM dresses we tried on that were not beaded, we were just allowed to do it ourselves then someone zipped us up, so I''d imagine that if your dress is not so elaborate, you''ll be alone anyway.

Just don''t fret - everything will be fine!

They''re all pro''s, and most make you feel so comfortable anyway.

 

[Morgie44]

I was also really shy and nervous about this, but what I did to kind of manage this is a.) bring a long line bra if you have one, a regular strapless if not and b.) if you are trying on A line or ball gown type dresses, ask for a crinoline or as pp suggested, your own slip if you have one. The stores I have gone to (a lot!) all had me change and then they lady would come in and help me into the dresses. The first store was a little nerve wracking, but now it doesn''t really phase me anymore!

 

[kellybelly]

you really do need their help getting most of the dresses on so trying to do it yourself isnt' really going to work. i wasn't like "yay, i get to stand around in my undies!" but i knew it came with the territory. that said, all three shops that i went to were very professional and didn't require me to wear anything less than a bra and panties (and i've heard worse here!). however, if you are uncomfortable even in that, get a pair of the Spanx that come up to right under your bust and wear a strapless bra with that. you'll be all covered and in the right uniform for dressing! and think of it this way-- these ladies see girls and dress them all day long. their foremost concern is preservation of the gown, so they aren't going to be checking you out, they are likely going to make sure that beads aren't getting caught on you or lace isn't tearing. i wasn't apprehensive, but even i was well pleased with my whole dress shopping experience. and if you are in New Jersey, i would be very happy to let you know where i shopped!

don't stress-- it's WAY less of a big deal than you are making it out to be, and i think most girls here would agree.

 

[DiamondsforDee]

Slight hijack... Kellybelly where did you shop for dresses in NJ? I live in NC but my family and MOH are up in NJ so I''m thinking of going dress shopping up there instead of down here.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Slight hijack too... yeah for NC!!

I agree, the sales ladies are only going to care about preserving the dress. You in your undies will be the last thing they are concerned with. They've probably seen EVERYTHING you can possibly think of, including people who are the OPPOSITE of you and extremely immodest and show things NOBODY wants to see, haha, so you'll probably be a breath of fresh air to them if you just come in your modest undies. NO WORRIES!!

 

[kellybelly]

Date: 10/24/2008 10:23:50 AM
Author: DiamondsforDee
Slight hijack... Kellybelly where did you shop for dresses in NJ? I live in NC but my family and MOH are up in NJ so I'm thinking of going dress shopping up there instead of down here.

hi dee. yes, i live up in north jersey. i went to 2 places in NJ-- Bridal Elegance in West Orange (Denise is the owner and the person who helped me), and Arlene's Bridal in Bloomfield (Debbie and her daughter Jaime) where i am getting my gown from. i can't say enough good things about the service at both places.

i also went to Designers Loft in NYC on 37th b/w 8&9th (i think) and they were great too, though i can't recall the woman's name who helped me.

really though, either of the spots in jersey are fantastic. Arlene's doesn't carry anything over about $1500, maggie sottero, casablanca, things along that line. http://www.arlenesbridals.com/

and then Bridal Elegance was a bit more, Alvina Valenta, Matthew Christopher( the dress i really really wanted), and things along that line, maybe priced from about $1000 to at least $4500 (not sure how high they might go).

Bridal Elegance
632 Eagle Rock Ave
West Orange, NJ 07052
(973) 243-2484
(their website wasn't great, from what i recall)

happy shopping! and let me know if you go either place how you make out.

 

[DiamondsforDee]

Thanks Kelly! I''m from northern nj too and my parents still live there so I wil definitely be checking out the shops you mentioned. I know it would mean a lot to my mom for us to go dress shopping together, so I think that might be the best idea. Although a new bridal salon JUST opened right next door to my office so I may take a trip over there one day during lunch just to explore. It''s probably an essential trip to take so that I have a better idea of what I want when I go with my mom. Gosh, I''m just a great daughter saving her time by pre-wedding dress shopping.

 

[marchswallowbird]

Katamari, I would even go so far as to suggest wearing a pair of nylon-type running shorts and an opaque camisole, if the slip option is still not enough for you. You want materials that are very thin, so they don''t provide bulk under the dress. Once you are in the dress, you can slip the camisole straps off your shoulders and tuck the cami down below the dress neckline. This isn''t optimal, since the dress won''t fit exactly the way it would otherwise, but it might be another option for you.

OR, have the sales person take the dress off the hangar and prepare it so you can step into it (rather than pull it on over your head, which is harder). This will not work with the more form-fitting dresses, but should work for most a-line and ballroom styles. Then ask the sales person to leave the dressing room. Take off your robe or whatever you''re wearing, step into the dress, pull it up, and then ask the salesperson to come back in to fasten the back of the dress for you.

 

[bee*]

I went dress shopping today for the first time and I had heard the same as you. Now to be honest, I''m not very modest at all so the thoughts of being in my underwear in front of the sales girl didn''t bother me. I wore tan short type underwear. What my girl did was that she passed the dress into me, I stood into it and pulled it up and she came in then and did up the zip/tied up the corset. For two of the dresses, the had to go over my head so she gathered up the dress and just came in and put it over me. It really was fine. You''ll have a great time!!

 

[Puppmom]

I agree with everyone...just be up front with the salons. I too am EXTREMELY modest. I joked with each sales lady I met saying how modest I was and had a friend stand guard outside my dressing room to politely remind them if they forgot. You ARE the customer. If they''re not willing to let you change in private then move go somewhere else. I gave the same warning to my seamstress...no one is seeing me in my underwear! Most people are really respectful of it.

I was so worried about this that I wore tights and a cami under my clothes for my first shopping trip!

 

[katamari]

Thank you all so much for all your help and comments! I appreciate all your feedback so much!

Sarah, it is great to hear that I can still wear my underwear. I read that so many BIWs are planning on going braless on their weddings that it made me freak. A slip is a wonderful idea!

Ladyciel, also a great idea about calling and seeing how each salon runs the process. I am definitely not going poof, so that is good. And, I have had terrible experiences with David’s as a BM, so I have already decided not to go there.

LauraBabe, I am always finding myself wearing embarrassing undies at the DR’s so I will certainly keep this in mind. And, that is a really good point that they are trained professionals.

Kittybean, great suggestions! I was planning on going over Thanksgiving because my mom could go with me. It is far less daunting being in front of her in my undies. And, bringing my own bra is a great idea. Shared bras would freak me out, especially if they were dirty, and I also wouldn’t expect they would have my bra size.

Mimzy, hilarious! I am plenty fine being assertive, and it is good to know they will be responsive to it. It also sounds like I am hardly the first modest one among us, so hopefully the reps will be sensitive to this.

BigT, I agree that needing help would be a weird experience. But, it is certainly something it sounds like I will need to take into consideration when picking my dress. I promised my mom I would try on one of every type gown, so I might have to add an addendum that if I do try on a ballgown, she will have to help me into it.

Luvstrawberries, our budget probably won’t allow the couture gowns, but that is very good to know. I need to keep reminding myself that they have as little interest in seeing me in my skivvies than I have in them seeing me in my skivvies.

Morgie, good idea with the long line bra. I do have one because I love wearing backless dresses in the summer. I also believe that, like you say, the more I do it the less it will worry me.

Kellybelly, Spanx are a great idea. I am sure I will be wearing them at my wedding, so it will address my modesty and help me get an idea of how I will really work. And, it does make me feel better to hear that they will be more concerned with the gown—I hadn’t even thought of that before. It is comforting that they will be task-oriented (beyond selling) in all of this.

Marchswallow, Ooh. I have tons of cycling shorts (even a tan pair) so that is a very real possibility. And starting with a camisole is a great idea, particularly if I will become more comfortable over time. I am definitely comfortable about being transparent about my modesty, so I think that suggesting they get the dress as ready as possible is a great idea.

Bee*, it is so good to hear that the process is seamless, especially since it is fresh in your mind!

Roseq, great to hear that I am not alone in my modesty . A guard friend/mom is a great idea. I am an assertive person and I tend to hand out with assertive friends who would be willing to do this. I need to also keep in mind that the sales associates will have seen others who felt like I do.

Thanks again, everyone! I think I am finally going to be able to looking forward to trying on dresses.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m very modest as well, but I found it easier to have the SA help me in and out of dresses than my mom, who I brought with me. I figured that SAs are kind of like doctors -- they see everyone in their skivvies all day long, so nothing bothers them. They have a job to do, and they''re not even thinking anything judgemental. Now, my mom on the other hand...

Seriously it''s not a big deal. You might feel awkward at first, but it goes away pretty quickly. Wedding dresses are hard to put on and take off yourself, and you''ll be glad to have help. At least I was.

 

[Amandine]

Date: 10/26/2008 9:59:54 AM
Author: ZoeBartlett
I''m very modest as well, but I found it easier to have the SA help me in and out of dresses than my mom, who I brought with me. I figured that SAs are kind of like doctors -- they see everyone in their skivvies all day long, so nothing bothers them. They have a job to do, and they''re not even thinking anything judgemental. Now, my mom on the other hand...

Seriously it''s not a big deal. You might feel awkward at first, but it goes away pretty quickly. Wedding dresses are hard to put on and take off yourself, and you''ll be glad to have help. At least I was.

The part about SAs being like doctors and seeing people all day long is absolutely true! I was one, and the only thing that ever phased me is the girls who came in commando! If you need other suggestions, I have a thread started a long time ago with my advice for trying on dresses. Good luck!