Can I just scream for a minute?

[Italiahaircolor]

This past Friday my boss sent me a text message asking if I could please watch her dog from afternoon Friday until Saturday around 9pm. She and her family had to travel for an away sporting event and dog hotel couldn't take her pup. She knows I'm a dog lover and of course I said no problem, that's fine. I picked the dog up, and as I was putting her in my car, the husband mentioned there was an "outside" (his words, not mine) chance that they wouldn't be home until Sunday. I told them that was okay, but to please let me know since it is Mother's Day weekend, I'm in the middle of liquidating my Grandmother's estate and preparing for my IL's visit next weekend. I stressed that this was a very busy weekend for my husband and me and while I'm happy to help I would just appreciate being kept in the loop in so much as it effected the dog and her stay.

So, I get the dog home...and I don't know...the dog is like vicious and not good with other animals. She is an out-of-the-cage dog at her house, which I get, but so are all of mine. She growls at my 3 dogs and even went after one of them despite my best efforts to keep them separated. So I've had to cage her, and naturally she's crying, barking, and throwing a fit all the time. I just kept telling myself "9pm, 9pm".

Well, 9pm comes and goes. At 10p I sent my boss a text message just asking if I should get the dog ready (and believe me, that dogs been ready to go for 2 hours!). My boss texts me back 30 minutes later to tell me that they aren't coming home tonight after all. Apparently the game ran late and they decided to spend the night. Now, I know because of the timeline they gave me when I picked the dog up, the game was supposed to end a 7pm EST--so a full 4+ hours before they told me (10:30CST). She never apologized, just simply told me rather than them picking the dog up at my house on their way home, I should just drive the dog back to their house, which is totally out of the way.

At this point = me. I feel like I've been totally taken advantage of in this situation. I don't have a problem with the dog staying an extra night, I don't like it because it's upsetting my dogs, but I'm not really pissed about it, we can manage. I am, however, furious over the assumption that I didn't even need so much as a phone call or text message to tell me that plans had changed. I obviously can't lay into her over this, she is my boss after all, but I feel like she has truly mistaken my kindness for weakness. There is really nothing I can do other than scream and never pet sit again. Next time I'll just lie--and it kills me to say that--but I will lie my ass off.

Thanks for letting me vent. That isn't how I, as a pet owner, would do things if someone was watching my dog for gratis and it astounds me that other people think that sort of thing is not only acceptable but actually do it.

 

[suchende]

WHY do bosses think it's okay to ask employees do to personal favors?! I would never feel comfortable telling a boss "no," so when they ask me if I would mind, there is at least some chance I am lying. Lame.

 

[Haven]

Scream all you want, Italia, I would too.

I would never even consider doing something like this for a work associate, boss or not, so I think you are VERY kind and generous. I agree that your boss is taking advantage of you, and I'm sorry you're in this situation. Poor dog, it doesn't sound like they're very conscientious dog owners.

 

[junebug17]

I have a feeling when you told him it was ok if they stay until Sunday, they figured they didn't have to bother getting in touch with you - you would just assume they had decided to stay. I know you went on to tell them how busy you were on Sunday, but I have a feeling it didn't really register. All he heard was that it was alright with you. They definitely should have gotten in touch with you to confirm. It wasn't right to leave you hanging. I think I'd be more upset that they expected you to bring the dog back to their house! That's really rude. You did them a big favor.

 

[shihtzulover]

Yikes - that's totally rude! It seems like a totally awkward situation, too. If I were in your shoes, I know that I wouldn't really want to confront my boss, but I don't think that it was right of her to expect that of you at all - and then to not even contact you to let you know that they wouldn't be back tonight. I'm sorry that you're so frustrated, and I hope that they don't ever ask you to dog-sit again!

 

[monarch64]

I feel your pain, Italia. That would upset me, too. I thought you were your own boss??? Please tell me if I'm wrong.

When we leave Daisy with neighbors or have people watch her if we're out of town, we make sure she's happy and that there is zero room for craziness! She loves her caretakers and we've never had a problem.

We would never, EVER take in a dog who had any issues...we've just never taken in a dog from a friend or neighbor or boss. I guess there's a reason for that...I think in the future I would say "no" when your boss asks you to watch her dog. Not trying to be mean or judgy, but I think you have to think these things through first before you agree? Not say you knew necessarily that your boss's dog had any issues, but didn't you think to ask? Again, I'm not trying to antagonize, I'm just playing devil's advocate.

 

[Farleysmom]

I would be pissed too if I were you. I have a few personal issues with the way your boss handle this. First off, she couldn't phone you to ask -- she texted you?!?! Second, you are doing her a favour. Common courtesy would dictate that she give you the courtesy of a call to let you know if there plans changed. And thirdly......PICK UP your own dog. Expecting you to "deliver" their pooch on Mothers Day when you told them you hand plans is very inconsiderate. They next time she asks (texts) I would simple say (text back).......you know, I'd love to help you out and take care of your pooch but unforturnately the dogs just don't get along well and I feel it would just stress out all the animals. I know you wouldn't want this for your dog or mine. Sorry.

 

[iheartscience]

Tell her you can't bring the dog by her house tomorrow so she'll need to pick it up before X time, which is when your plans for Mother's Day start. And next time she asks you to watch her dog, say no.

I do think it was extremely presumptuous of your boss to ask you to watch the dog, but by agreeing to drop the dog off at her house you're continuing to allow her to take advantage of you.

 

[missy]

Tell her you can't bring the dog by her house tomorrow so she'll need to pick it up before X time, which is when your plans for Mother's Day start. And next time she asks you to watch her dog, say no.

I do think it was extremely presumptuous of your boss to ask you to watch the dog, but by agreeing to drop the dog off at her house you're continuing to allow her to take advantage of you.

I agree with this. It's not your fault they took advantage to begin with as you were only being kind and generous and had no clue they were going to be so rude. However, if you take their dog back to their house you are allowing their rude behavior to continue and allowing them to take advantage of your good nature. Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me is how the saying goes. So, ditto Thing2. Tell them you have plans at so and so hour and they are going to have to pick their dog up from you by this time. Period.

Sorry you are in this situation but it is entirely their fault and not yours. I still cannot believe how rude some people are. It really continues to amaze me no matter how many times I see it with my own eyes.

 

[zoebartlett]

I have a feeling when you told him it was ok if they stay until Sunday, they figured they didn't have to bother getting in touch with you - you would just assume they had decided to stay. I know you went on to tell them how busy you were on Sunday, but I have a feeling it didn't really register. All he heard was that it was alright with you. They definitely should have gotten in touch with you to confirm. It wasn't right to leave you hanging. I think I'd be more upset that they expected you to bring the dog back to their house! That's really rude. You did them a big favor.

That's what I was thinking as I read your post, Italia. I don't think that what your boss did was right, but since you said it was fine for her dog to stay til today, that's what registered in her mind. I definitely agree that she should have let you know sooner though, as that would have helped you plan your Sunday better.

ETA: One other thing: Had your boss and her family (and you) thought about having you watch the dog at their house? Either you staying over there or just dropping by a couple (or a few) times a day to feed and walk the dog? It just seems like an awfully big favor to ask you to take their dog to your house for the night (or weekend), especially since you have your own pets at home.

 

[luv2sparkle]

It was incredibly rude of them to even ask you at all. How does an employee say no to something like that. They took advantage
of you all the way around. Have they never heard of a kennel? Worst case, pay someone to come in and feed and walk the dog.
I wouldn't ask my best friend to do that for me, it is such an imposition. I'd be screaming too!

 

[minmin001]

so sorry to hear that and yes, you have all the rights to be upset about this. =(

 

[VRBeauty]

First, are you and your boss close personal friends? Hang around outside of work, socialize at each other's homes, call each other outside of work just because kind of friends? I ask only because unless you are, your boss was totally out of line to ask you in the first place - and especially to ask you by email, without a face-to-face in which she could make it very clear that she was aware that she was asking a HUGE favor, and that you were very free to say "no," no questions asked. Totally, totally out of line.

I have no suggestions as to what to do today - personally I think I'd keep the dog another night and bring it to her at work tomorrow. Or call a pet service to drop to ferry the dog to her house - on her dime. I do think you should keep copies of all the text messages concerning this, just in case... in case she retaliates at work somehow if you don't bow to her demands to drop the dog off at her convenience, for example. I'd also watch y back around her in the workplace. It's hard not to conclude that she's a very self-serving person who doesn't give a whit about the people around her, including those who work for her.

ETA - if she asks again, don't lie, just say no. It's good exercise.

 

[zoebartlett]

In this case, yes, Italia's boss was rude and presumptuous. To be honest though, in general, I don't think it's rude or overstepping any boundaries for a boss to ask someone who works for him/her to do something like this. That person can always say no (and I don't think that would be inappropriate either).

I really like my boss. We're not chummy or anything but she has invited our staff to her house for a house-warming party once. If she had put the word out that she was looking for someone to pet sit (or if she asked me directly) and I was available, I'd probably help her out.

 

[movie zombie]

um, you don't get taken advantage of unless you allow it to happen. don't wait until the next time. since she is comfortable with text messages, text her AFTER WORK HOURS that you are no longer doing pet sitting. period. no other explanation. if she is pushy and does ask about it, tell her you have a lot of personal responsibilities and you need to put yourself and your household first. keep it simple and don't elaborate. and if she's really pushy and asks/tells you another time that she wants you to do it, just repeat that you are no longer doing pet sitting.

MoZo

ps i agree re keeping a copy of all the text messages and documenting any conversations you have with this woman. this is a situation that could become difficult down the road.

 

[suchende]

In this case, yes, Italia's boss was rude and presumptuous. To be honest though, in general, I don't think it's rude or overstepping any boundaries for a boss to ask someone who works for him/her to do something like this. That person can always say no (and I don't think that would be inappropriate either).

I really like my boss. We're not chummy or anything but she has invited our staff to her house for a house-warming party once. If she had put the word out that she was looking for someone to pet sit (or if she asked me directly) and I was available, I'd probably help her out.

Lots of people don't feel comfortable telling their bosses no. I don't think the burden should be on the employee to draw lines, it should be on the boss to realize this an inappropriate request because of their working relationship.

I don't agree at all with MoZo though. It's not worth possibly impacting your working relationship. However I would mention that the dog has been aggressive with your pets -- both to lay the groundwork for saying no next time, and to warn your boss that the dog has the propensity to get nasty with other animals.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Thanks everyone for the replies. To answer some of the questions posed...

I was never, have never been my own boss. I worked for a long in a position of leadership of the midwest branch of a company, but even then, I did report to some else. I have since left that position to work in a position where I have a direct supervisor.

My boss and I are friendly and do like her a lot. She is a really nice person. I don't socialize with her off hours, though. I have always had pretty firm guidelines for myself when it comes to that. When I worked in salons there was a lot of off hours socializing, and it brought with it a lot of drama and I learned my lesson. I like to have a life/work balance and while I'll willingly go to job related events and put in the extra mile at work, I'm not the type to be "social" outside of work. Call me lame, but it is what it is. I hardly have time for my "real" friend...

I'm not, by nature, a "no" person. I like to come from a place of "yes". As a pet owner myself I know the stress of leaving my animals. This favor to me didn't feel so huge, really. I'm not put off over having to watch the dog at all, that was fine. However, my issue and really ONLY issue, is with the lack of communication. I know that I said the stay through Sunday would be fine, and it was...but I needed to be updated on that. If she had just shot me a text letting me know plans had changed, I could have rolled with that. But it's the sense of entitlement that kills me. My time is just as valuable as her...and I'm juggling just as much as she is. To simply assume that I'd "know" the dog was staying an extra night when they didn't show up was, IMO, just the height of rudeness.

So, speaking of updates...

I did drop the dog off this morning, I just figured rather than getting into the back and forth and logistic nightmare, I'd just drop her off when I was ready to go out for the day. Took her to the house, let her potty outside, gave her fresh water and food. Then I left. I didn't message my boss to let her know I dropped the dog off, nor did I receive a "Thank You" text if/when they made it home.

Next time, if there is a next time, I will just say no...with summer coming up it's not much of a stretch to say we're very, very busy.

 

[JewelFreak]

I would be pissed too if I were you. I have a few personal issues with the way your boss handle this. First off, she couldn't phone you to ask -- she texted you?!?! Second, you are doing her a favour. Common courtesy would dictate that she give you the courtesy of a call to let you know if there plans changed. And thirdly......PICK UP your own dog. Expecting you to "deliver" their pooch on Mothers Day when you told them you hand plans is very inconsiderate. They next time she asks (texts) I would simple say (text back).......you know, I'd love to help you out and take care of your pooch but unforturnately the dogs just don't get along well and I feel it would just stress out all the animals. I know you wouldn't want this for your dog or mine. Sorry.

Great advice, Farleysmom.

Italia, NO Thank you, even??? I'm gawping. As to some of the other suggestions, it doesn't matter whether she heard you ask for an update if they decided to stay over. It's simple courtesy to let you know. Hard to imagine.

I'll bet she is thoughtless of others & this isn't due to your being her subordinate.

You're right to say no next time, yikes. The fact that the dogs don't get along is a very good reason, with the advantage of being true, so no need to feel bad about lying.

--- Laurie

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I appreciate both your sense and sensibility Italia--you wanted to help because you could and the request at the outset was reasonable; but now you know where the line is drawn where it previously might have been blurred.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Haven]

ITA with you Italia that your boss's sense of entitlement is the most appalling thing about this entire situation. I think you handled it with grace, and it was probably best to just bring the dog to her home and not make a bit deal out of it since this woman *is* your boss.

I also agree with everyone else who said she is definitely abusing her position of power by asking you to do this in the first place.

I chuckled when I read what you said about coming from a place of yes, but only because it made me wonder if I come from a place of no. It isn't that I don't do things for others, I do, but I am very protective of my time and my calm, and so I don't do things for others (especially people with whom I'm not very close) unless I really feel like being a super wonderful person, which does happen every now and then. Anyway, I think that this boss of yours might be someone with whom you need to draw a specific line, considering the way she didn't really communicate with you this weekend, and perhaps you'd be better off if you come from a no place where she's involved. (Outside of work, of course.)

I rarely see my boss, though, so if that sort of thing would ruin your working relationship as well, ignore me!

Anyway, I think you handled the situation really well and I hope you never find yourself in it again.