Home Calling New England Lady

[janinegirly]

PiP: You are not alone in how you feel--it is all so common when breaking up. I''m not saying this wasn''t a deeper relationship, just that how you are feeling are the stages to go through. You will feel angry, but it''s only been 3 days! Like I said before, take each day for what it is, ONE day closer to getting over him.

I really caution you against thinking about if/when he''ll come back. As in saying you don''t want to date in case you get back together in 6 moths...you do NOT owe him anything and thinking this way will only paralyse you from moving on. Also IF he came back, you shouldn''t want him back anyway, not the way things stand now. You are focusing on the good times (old texts) and not acknowledging the recent which is not so good. Was he lying? Maybe not, but things change and when it comes to marriage you need to be with someone who will not change on non-negotiables like consistent and unconditiional love and trust.

I do understand the desire to call/write back...anything to maintain communication. But really, trust me on this, it makes it worse. First of all, he will never miss what he had if you are always accessible (not that you should anticipate him coming back by not reaching out) and more importantly it makes you lose a bit of dignity. That was the only thing that worked on me when I went through heartbreak and wanted to stalk them and make them talk / explain all the whys you''re asking. Don''t give him the satisfaction of seeing you do anything for a bit of time and attention.

Keep posting arnd reading what the ladies wrote when you feel weak. I''m glad you''ve reached out to friends and made plans with family--good for you! (Hugs)

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I just want to second everything Janine said.

To be honest, it''s going to get harder before it gets easier. Day #3 is difficult, but probably not as difficult as, say, day #10 (when it''s really sunk in). As Janine said, you can''t think about him coming back. You don''t want him to come back--just a couple of days ago he told you to leave him alone and that he doesn''t want marriage with you. That is the reality right now. Reminiscing about those days when he sent you sweet texts and missed you like crazy--it''s typical for women to do that, to remember the "good times" --but it''s not a realistic picture of the relationship. I understand mourning the death of THAT relationship, but the truth is that even if he came back tomorrow, THAT relationship is still gone.

My fear that you''re going to break down and call or email him within a matter of a few days and then subsequently beat yourself up over it. If writing out how you feel helps, then by all means do that. But don''t do it via email, it will be too tempting to hit "send" in hopes that he might respond to you. Write it out on paper. Whatever helps you, feel free to do it, so long as it doesn''t involve communicating with him in any way. When I left my relationship I allowed myself one hour a day to have a little pity party. It helped me immensely. I took a hot bubble bath every single day. And I ate ice cream and sang along to my shower radio. And cried sometimes. For whatever reason, it helped me. It helped me focus on everything else because when I''d start to feel sad I''d tell myself that I had time alloted in my day to dedicate to being sad and I could save it for then. I wasn''t sad all day, I was sad for that hour. You just have to figure out what works for you.

You will absolutely get through this. Literally billions of women have gone through the pain you are experiencing now. It sucks. Its awful. Just continue to lean on those around you when you''re feeling overwhelmed and sad. And don''t forget the power of a good bubble bath.

ETA: DD, I''d never watched a single episode of SATC until I''d left my relationship and suddently had a lot of extra time on my hands I watched every season and LOVED it. When I hear the theme song it takes me right back to my old apartment and I kind of love it.