Calling all PS thesis-tacklers, researchers, and students!

[WishfulThinking]

AmberGretchen- You and your DH are such an attractive couple!

Delster- Good call with the more reader-friendly book choice. It looks lovely.

I, too, am changing to a less intimidating project. Discipline and Punish is cake compared to the incredibly thick and ridiculously offensive abstinence textbooks I have to read through for one of my original analysis portions.

I swear if I didn''t stop now I''d be sick all over them...

Gwen- I''m glad things are improving for you! Feeling better about it is a good portion of the "battle," so to speak.

As for me... well, I haven''t done anything since my meeting with my advisor last Friday. I am hanging on to her incredibly positive response about the work I''ve done so far as motivation, but I''m taking summer classes, so I have all these other things on my plate right now. I guess that''s the luxury of being almost a year out from my deadline.

I do need to get moving, though. I should channel you brilliant ladies.

 

[bee*]

Hi all, just letting you all know that I passed all my exams so are through to next year

Woohoo!!

Delster-I hope that things are improving and you''ve got a bit more done. If not, just enjoy the build up to NY and then start back afterwards.

Gwen-glad to hear that things are better!

Amber-that photo is beautiful!

 

[Delster]

Gwen, good for you for tackling the literature review! And yippee for positivity!!!

Wishful, I might get you to give me a crash-course on Foucault one of these days! I gave up after a few pages of Madness and Civilisation but I really need to incorporate his theories into my work... You must be so proud of yourself and all the great work you're getting done! Yay for wishful!!!

bee that's fantaaaastic!!! Yay!!!

Well the new book reads like a chick-lit novel in comparison to THE TOME. I even read some of it in bed last night! Should be finished it today and then, when I get back from NY, I guess it's a fresh slate.

I need to get this PhD finished already before I go completely crazy. I am losing all sensibleness freaking out over not being productive. And of course, the more you freak out, the less productive you are, and the less productive you are.....

Yes, fresh slate when we get back from NY.

 

[pjean]

Date: 6/19/2008 8:33:47 AM
Author: Delster

I need to get this PhD finished already before I go completely crazy. I am losing all sensibleness freaking out over not being productive. And of course, the more you freak out, the less productive you are, and the less productive you are.....

Oh... oh... me too. Exactly!

 

[gwendolyn]

bee-star, great news!! Not that any of us had any doubts, though.

Delster, LOVE that slim little book! So much happier-looking than the giant monster you usually are slaving over.

pjean and Delster both, you guys can do it! Don''t worry about what you HAVEN''T done, just think about what you have left to do, break it into bitesize pieces, and start to make some progress. Then, once you''ve started, you''ll get your momentum back! ...well, that''s the plan of what should happen, anyway.

 

[gwendolyn]

*le bump*

Ok, so this isn''t a thesis update, but my job interview today went really well. They offered me the job.

Just wanted to share. I''m going to talk it over with J this weekend, but if it''s all good, we''re moving to London, baby!!!

 

[AmberGretchen]

OMG Gwen - that''s so exciting

I''m so insanely jealous - I LOVE London (so does DH) - that''s just so wonderful for you and J. Fingers crossed big time that all the details work out

Congrats bee - that''s so exciting that you passed your exams - go you!! Now enjoy those Manolos lady (kitten and shoes hehe) and the new house

 

[gwendolyn]

Thanks, Amber! The biggest hitch is the work permit, but the school says that they want me enough to pay the £1600 (!!!!) to buy me! The teaching agency that introduced me to the school said they''d take care of the (extensive) paperwork, so really the only details are my precise salary (I was given an estimate which is fine) and for me to say I''m definitely taking it. Since the estimate is a-ok with me, I will email them on Monday to say I will definitely be joining them! So exciting!

So, that means I have to get cracking on this paper again! Yesterday I did nothing with it because I was running around southern England for 11 hours straight, but today I will stay chained to my room to finish fixing my lit review (except for my celebratory lunch with my flatmate at which time I will be in our kitchen

).

How''s everyone else doing? Anyone else working over the weekend?

 

[WishfulThinking]

Bee- Congrats!

Delster- I will admit I''m not the best at Foucault''s M & C, but I am currently a master on all vols of The History of Sexuality, and especially Discipline and Punish. Explaining it is definitely becoming my specialty as well... every time someone asks me what my thesis is about [and I respond "abstinence only sex education"] they give me weird looks and ask me to elaborate. It''s impossible to elaborate without mentioning Foucault. It''s impossible for them to understand Foucault...
The cycle goes on!
After seeing the title of your new "chick-lit" reading, I am totally curious about your subject matter. It sounds like something I would reeeeally enjoy!

pjean- Good luck, sweetie!

Gwen- I am SO THRILLED FOR YOU about the job offer! It''s funny how much I feel like I know PSers from reading all of your posts while lurking for such a long time. Anyways, you''re a sweetie, and I am so glad that things in this area are going your way.

I also can''t believe they want to "buy" you- how incredible!

I am probably stalled for at least the weekend on my stuff. I finished one of my major texts and did an extensive but rough write-up, and this weekend I have to pick up my grandmother from the airport [flying in from Portugal!] and spend time with my extended family on my Mom''s side. I''m not so fond of them. I''m also stressed because I have to eventually and SOON come out to all of them and let them know that I am getting married to my fiancee and yes I''m super gay yadaya...

I don''t care how most of them react, and I won''t be heartbroken if they run for the hills, but I love my grandmother, and I want everything to be good between us. That stress combined with my almost constant stress, worry, and emotion about possibly not being able to legally marry in June is distracting me. I am sort of a wreck.

Hopefully everyone else is more productive than I''m being!

 

[gwendolyn]

WishfulThinking, thank you so much!!!! I am still pretty giddy with excitement.

I hope your family get-together goes well, my dear. Are you planning on making an announcement at the family function to tell everyone all at once of your plans to marry your FI, or are you going to have private conversations with family members to let them know individually what's going on? Regardless of what you do, I hope it goes well. I get nervous just imagining having to do that! I hope everyone loves and welcomes your FI into the family and is nothing other than ecstatically happy for you, sweetie.

So, work-wise, I have been useless. Did NOTHING yesterday but celebrate with friends, tell my fam the news and talk to J on the phone. I was terrible. Today I have been trying to work, but you know when your brain just isn't focused and you keep deleting everything your write? That's where I am now. I think I've got a net total of 4 more words than when I started writing 3.5 hours ago. Blearg.

 

[pjean]

Wishful, that does sound stressful.

Does your family know your fiancee? My FI''s sister is marrying her girlfriend this September in NH, and more conservative members of her family, who are totally not ok with gay marriage, are coming because it''s not "gays", it''s Anna and that darling Cory who''s so good with her little boy. (Names changed to protect the internet-shy.) Maybe they''ll handle the specific better than the general? Either way, {{{hugs}}}

Gwen! A job! How hugely awesome of you! Well done, m''dear. And since they want you enough to deal with work permits, you can take that as a huge vote of confidence. Onward to finished lit review! And thanks for the kind words - I''m trying to take it one day at a time right now. I have a couple of things to finish up today, and a committee meeting tomorrow. Then we''ll see.

Bee*, congrats! That''s good news.

Amber, any word on the summer programs?

 

[AmberGretchen]

wishful - I really really hope it goes well with your family - that is so stressful and I''m so sorry that it even has to be an issue for you. I really hope you guys can still get married in June too

Gwen - I''m just so excited for you every time I come back and read these posts

- what a huge sense of accomplishment to get that job, and I''m so jealous you''ll be living right outside London - how fun will that be?!!

pjean - I really really hope your committee meeting tomorrow goes well. They are SO STRESSFUL. Fingers and kitty paws and everything else crossed - I really hope they give you the go-ahead to finish up soon

Thanks for asking about the summer programs - I actually just found out I got into both of them, so I''m pretty thrilled about that. And since they are at different times I can go to both, which is awesome

 

[pjean]

Date: 6/22/2008 5:01:49 PM
Author: AmberGretchen

Thanks for asking about the summer programs - I actually just found out I got into both of them, so I''m pretty thrilled about that. And since they are at different times I can go to both, which is awesome

YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! You rock! that''s fabulous news. Between you and Gwen, this thread is practically glowing with accomplishment.

Sadly, I am not joining in the glowing. The committee meeting itself didn''t go too terribly, due largely to my efforts and those of my committee chair to keep it on track. But they''ve asked for more experiments and aren''t willing to guarantee graduation, and I came in for a fair bit of abuse even in the meeting. Once it was over and we were back in our lab, well... I leave it to your imagination. I will say, however, that the abuse is coming from my advisor''s wife, who is not technically a member of my committee. She''s a technical consultant. My advisor is, not surprisingly, not speaking to me.

Sigh...

 

[AmberGretchen]

Thanks pjean - I am excited about the summer programs.

I''m so sorry to hear about your committee meeting. I have to say it sounds like they are jerking you around - isn''t there someone else within (or connected to) your program that you can go to? You really shouldn''t have to put up with abuse from your committee (they are supposed to be there to help you

), and how exactly are you supposed to be productive with an advisor who won''t speak to you?!!

I really hope someone can help out with this situation - it sounds horrible.

I just found out I have extra work this week and I''m supposed to somehow be in two places at once and give lab meeting at the same time I''m supposed to be processing samples. So yeah, not sure what I''m going to do about that

 

[WishfulThinking]

Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

Gwen- I am planning to go little by little telling each person when a good opportunity arises. I''d be more likely to make an outright announcement if I didn''t have to worry about family diplomacy and keeping my grandmother from finding out until the very, very end.

pjean- My family doesn''t know my fiancee at all. Actually, this section of my family barely even knows me, which is sort of awkward in itself. We''re quite closely related, but definitely not close in any other ways. I know what you mean about putting faces to the more abstract concept of "gay marriage." When we''ve been able to do that it''s been hugely successful, but that''s doubtful here, since they likely won''t meet her for a long time. I wish they could- she''s lovely! She''d win them over sure sure.

I accomplished telling only one of my older cousins. It was really anticlimactic because she was so happy for me after I was so nervous! I should have also told my uncle and aunt [her parents], but my uncle is sort of a jerk, and he spent the whole time making these really stupid "funny" homophobic comments [no idea that I''m gay- he''s just like that] and it just felt too awkward to mention it.

Of course the first thing my grandmother does when she steps off the plane is ask "do you have a boyfriend yet?" I told her we''d talk about it.

My 35 year old cousin is possibly in more trouble than I am, though... she just broke up with her boyfriend, and my grandmother lectured her about how she would be too old to have kids.

Sorry for the ramble... that sort of puts the whole thing in context, I guess. It was so stressful and I haven''t even DONE anything yet.

Right now I wish nothing more than for my life to stop being everyone''s political fighting ground. It''s too much for me to handle.

That was a horrid rant, I apologize.

AmberGretchen- Congrats on the summer programs!

pjean- I am SO SORRY to hear your committee meeting didn''t go very well. It really is a shame that the people who are supposed to be assisting you are treating you like some sort of enemy. There is no excuse for an advisor to not speak to their advisee.

I second AmberGretchens'' suggestion about going to someone else... is that possible? It really seems unfair that you''re in this horrid situation. Good luck with everything, dear. You''re in my thoughts!

I read about 6 pages of one of my main texts today. I am so horribly behind. I vow to catch up before the end of the week, though! I am getting some "pity credits" for the minuscule amount of research I''m doing this summer, so I should put in a better effort to actually earn them!

 

[gwendolyn]

AmberG, congrats on getting into both summer programs and not having to choose between them! That is fantastic news!!!!

And thank you for congratulating me on the job. We both have cause to celebrate, woo!!

pjean, thanks for the congrats, darlin''! I''m really sorry to hear how crappy your advisor is being, though! And you had to endure some abuse from someone who isn''t even on the committee (not that any kind of abuse is acceptable, but she''s not even officially involved)?!?!!!! That is RIDICULOUS. Inexcusable. I''m so sorry you''ve having to deal with that kind of stress in addition to the pressure to get your experiments done and graduate.

WishfulThinking: I''m glad you told one of your cousins, babe, and how lovely that she was really happy for you!

Now that''s how it''s SUPPOSED to go!! I hope that it goes that well whenever you tell someone (obviously), but it sounds like your grandmother is a firecracker and might have a few questions/opinions about things like kids and stuff, from what you''ve said about what she said to your 35-year-old cousin!

Anyway, clearly I wish you nothing but the warmest, most loving reception when you share your happy news with your family. And I hope you get caught up on your research! I too am trying to get caught up on my paper--have to email it by 10 next Monday morning, and I still have SO MUCH TO DO!



And I hope Delster is having an AMAZING time in NYC!!!!

 

[Mannequin]

Just a quick update from me. I am working on finishing my first chapter of my capstone paper this week, in the middle of packing to move in with my man and trying to show my condo to renters. Needless to say, I''ve been doing more thinking than writing! The chapter has to be done by Thursday, so I need to focus.

Gwen - Congratulations on your teaching position. Knowing what a breath of fresh air you are around this forum, you are going to be a terrific influence in the lives of those kids.

AG - Way to go on the two summer programs!

Bee - Congrats on passing all of your exams!

Wishful - I hope that your family will accept and embrace you and your fiancee in time. It''s unfortunate that it has to be a difficult thing to talk about for so many people.

pjean - I am sorry you are having trouble with your advisors. I hope everything works out.

Delster - Hope you are having a fab time in NYC!

 

[swimmer]

I''m so impressed with everyone!
So I use the internet and PS as my reward for hitting small deadlines. Just finished grammatical corrections and got .5 an hour online. Tomorrow I will get the same. Am scrambling to turn in a revision of my PhD dissertation, Equestrienne, in a similar field to yours! It is just so hard to stay focused now that school is out and the weather is great. Today and tomorrow is what I have to finish the lit review chapter. Then it will go to the Academic Review Board, to make sure that I don''t harm humans by surveying them.

PJean and AmberG, I am horrified by your advisors! It is their JOB to help you, yes, its your job to advance their research as well, but they are just stuck in the 50s or something. Just insane. Good luck to you both!

 

[AmberGretchen]

wishful - I totally hear what you are saying about not wanting to be everyone''s political battleground. I have a gay best friend and adopted gay big brothers, and they often say similar things. The gay big brothers are excited to be getting married though (they''ve been together for 15+ years) - they are having a small ceremony and celebration in their backyard next week, I''m so excited to be there and be part of it

equestrienne - good luck with your capstone paper - I can see why you are distracted with everything going on, but I''m sure you''ll do wonderfully on it

swimmer - thanks for the vote of confidence. I really can''t complain about my advisor though in any major way. For the most part he''s actually very supportive, and helpful, he is just really absent-minded and tends to get mixed up about what he (and others) have asked for. He doesn''t mean it maliciously, he''s just so busy and distracted that he sometimes asks for things that are unreasonable. Mostly he can be brought to see reason if you just explain to him what''s wrong with the situation, but he''s been known to really push me at crunch times (like right before my last thesis committee meeting). Again though - he really does mean well, he just knows that I have to work extra-hard since I''m trying to finish in 4.5-5 years instead of the usual 5.5-6.

 

[gwendolyn]

equestrienne: Wow, you''ve got a ton of stuff going on right now! How exciting that you are moving in with your honey, I am so happy for you! I hope you get your chapter done by Thursday--I know how hard it is to focus when real life stuff is going on when there''s school work to be done. Thank you so much for the sweet compliments and the congratulations on my job! I am really excited and can''t wait to start--I''ve really missed teaching this past year.

swimmer: haha, I need to follow your example and keep myself off of PS except after I''ve met a deadline! I kind of made the mistake of putting all my little bits of my thesis together in one giant Word document, and it looks so good! I mean, there''s TONS of stuff I still have to fix, which is why it was kind of a mistake to do it now, because it looks done! Haha, I have to remind myself that it isn''t and keep working, instead of messing around on here!

AmberG and pjean, how are you guys fairing today? iwanna, are you working on any assignments for your master''s class? WishfulThinking, how is your reading going? bee-star, are you done until next fall, now that you''ve got your exam results?



And still thinking of Del and hoping she and retsled are having a FAAAAAABULOUS time in NYC!!

 

[choro72]

Hello, I''ve known that this topic existed, but I''ve never joined in or read it (more to come on why). I am amazed by everyone, and for those who finished, congratulations!! For those who are finishing up, congratulations!! Either way, I bow to everyone.

I''ve read a little about Delster and Gwen, and let me start by saying I wish you the best. For all other thesis tacklers, sorry I haven''t had the courage to read the entire post yet, but I wish you the best all the same.
I don''t expect anyone to read the entire following post, but the main thing is I''m looking for a support group that will last until next year.

=====================================================================

I have been a PhD student for 5 years, and I''m starting my 6th. I''ve had the Chancellor of this University for my adviser from 2004-2007. In 2007, she left the University for a better position and left me here because she wasn''t interested in my topic anymore. My current adviser has kindly taken me in, and I could not be happier with him.

My current adviser is in a different field from what I''ve been doing for 3 years, so basically I had to start everything from scratch in 2007. I''m an international student, so my NRT goes up starting this September. My adviser has scrambled enough to cover me until June 2009, but after that I''m on my own. This leaves me only one choice: to finish next June.

I saw this thread a long time ago, but I''ve been so scared to open it. I start hyperventilating whenever I focus on finishing, my heart starts pounding when I start analyzing data, and I could not face reading any of the posts here because these are success stories. I''m deathly afraid that I''m not going to finish next year with no money, and I have to leave with a Master''s Degree after 6 years in this crummy school (I HATE this place).

The reason I''m frightened is because I come from a very hard working family, and they will be disappointed to say the least if I don''t finish. My dad got his PhD when he was 45 years old, simultaneously being the sole bread winner the entire time, my sister has a masters in Architectural Acoustics, my cousin has his own consulting company, another cousin is a successful accountant who used to work for Aurthur Anderson (NOT that department) with an MBA and a degree in Business Law, another cousin has a PhD, and my EVERY SINGLE ONE of my family and relatives have a 4 year university degree.

What I''m trying to say is, to my family there is absolutely no excuse for not finishing my degree. Of course I plan on finishing, and I''m trying my best. But the mere thought of having to finish is getting to me, and I''m just terrified that there is a possibility that I won''t. I''m becoming more and more like my old self in 2004 when I was studying for my comps (let''s just say my friends were very worried about me back then).

I hate this school so much, I hate the department, and I hate being here. They are not supportive of their students and run by the king of bureaucracy. The only good thing about this place are my friends and my current adviser. If I didn''t need to worry about what my family think about me, and if I didn''t feel so stupid about the wasting 4 years, I will leave this place in a heartbeat.

I''m already starting to plan our wedding around my graduation (the weekend after graduation), and FI is doing his best to help me graduate. After weeks of deliberation, I''ve finally decided to join this topic. I''m sure that there are PLENTY of people who are seeing more crap than what I''m seeing. I''m sorry for being so whiny, but I can''t help being terrified. So...Is there anyone who is planning on finishing next year? Maybe I''ll feel better with a support group for that.

Meanwhile, I will like to (finally) join the cheering group for everyone that are finishing up this year. I''ll try and read all the pages tonight, and see if the pressure doesn''t kill me.
Sorry for the long post...

 

[WishfulThinking]

Thanks for all the kind and encouraging words, everyone. I''m sorry I got so ranty and off-topic. In case it''s not obvious, I''m so totally stressed about this marriage thing that I could just scream... or cry. Either.

Gwen- I hope you''re on track for Monday morning! You''ll be fine, I''m sure. You''re totally brilliant, and we are all rooting for you. Hopefully all goes well.

equestrienne- Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. I hope you''re able to focus and finish your chapter by tomorrow.

swimmer- It sounds like you are making really great progress! I know what you mean about losing focus when school is out and the weather is so beautiful. I am having a similar problem, although for me it''s that I am STILL in school, and doing all this summer school is drawing the year out waaaay too long. I need summer!

AmberGretchen- Usually I am fine with politics, and I am a student of politics after all... but there''s something about having it be about something as intimate as my love with my partner that is so hard to take. People can be so vicious, and it''s hard not to take that personally, as stupid as that might sound. That is so cute about your gay "big brothers"! I wish them all the best, and I''m sure their ceremony will be beautiful. Are they in California or another of the states that has legal unions, or is it a non-legal commitment ceremony?

Delster [for when she comes back!] - YAY ABOUT BEING ENGAGED!!! YAYAYAYAY!

I responded in your thread in LIW, but I am so excited for you that I had to say something here as well!

choro- Welcome to the thread! I am so sorry to hear about all the obstacles you''re facing with your PhD work right now. You are so determined and dedicated to have made it this far, honey. It must be unbelievably hard to have such outside pressure from your family as well as your own internal worries. It is too bad they can''t be more understanding of your complicated situation. I will be here all of this coming year to keep you company in this thread if you need support! I am a lowly undergrad student

working on a senior honors thesis, so it''s nothing near as big and incredible as what so many of the other intelligent ladies here are working on, but to me, writing a 120 page thesis is out of this world daunting and scary. I, too, am experiencing a lot of doubt about my ability to complete this project, so I feel you on that. You are not whiny in the least- we will be GLAD to have you here! We can root for each other all this coming year, if you''d like. If you are up for sharing, I would love to know more about what you are studying, but I completely understand if that''s too much for you to take on right now. Whatever you''re comfortable with!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 6/25/2008 9:32:09 PM
Author: choro72
Hello, I've known that this topic existed, but I've never joined in or read it (more to come on why). I am amazed by everyone, and for those who finished, congratulations!! For those who are finishing up, congratulations!! Either way, I bow to everyone.


I've read a little about Delster and Gwen, and let me start by saying I wish you the best. For all other thesis tacklers, sorry I haven't had the courage to read the entire post yet, but I wish you the best all the same.

I don't expect anyone to read the entire following post, but the main thing is I'm looking for a support group that will last until next year.


=====================================================================


I have been a PhD student for 5 years, and I'm starting my 6th. I've had the Chancellor of this University for my adviser from 2004-2007. In 2007, she left the University for a better position and left me here because she wasn't interested in my topic anymore. My current adviser has kindly taken me in, and I could not be happier with him.


My current adviser is in a different field from what I've been doing for 3 years, so basically I had to start everything from scratch in 2007. I'm an international student, so my NRT goes up starting this September. My adviser has scrambled enough to cover me until June 2009, but after that I'm on my own. This leaves me only one choice: to finish next June.


I saw this thread a long time ago, but I've been so scared to open it. I start hyperventilating whenever I focus on finishing, my heart starts pounding when I start analyzing data, and I could not face reading any of the posts here because these are success stories. I'm deathly afraid that I'm not going to finish next year with no money, and I have to leave with a Master's Degree after 6 years in this crummy school (I HATE this place).


The reason I'm frightened is because I come from a very hard working family, and they will be disappointed to say the least if I don't finish. My dad got his PhD when he was 45 years old, simultaneously being the sole bread winner the entire time, my sister has a masters in Architectural Acoustics, my cousin has his own consulting company, another cousin is a successful accountant who used to work for Aurthur Anderson (NOT that department) with an MBA and a degree in Business Law, another cousin has a PhD, and my EVERY SINGLE ONE of my family and relatives have a 4 year university degree.


What I'm trying to say is, to my family there is absolutely no excuse for not finishing my degree. Of course I plan on finishing, and I'm trying my best. But the mere thought of having to finish is getting to me, and I'm just terrified that there is a possibility that I won't. I'm becoming more and more like my old self in 2004 when I was studying for my comps (let's just say my friends were very worried about me back then).


I hate this school so much, I hate the department, and I hate being here. They are not supportive of their students and run by the king of bureaucracy. The only good thing about this place are my friends and my current adviser. If I didn't need to worry about what my family think about me, and if I didn't feel so stupid about the wasting 4 years, I will leave this place in a heartbeat.


I'm already starting to plan our wedding around my graduation (the weekend after graduation), and FI is doing his best to help me graduate. After weeks of deliberation, I've finally decided to join this topic. I'm sure that there are PLENTY of people who are seeing more crap than what I'm seeing. I'm sorry for being so whiny, but I can't help being terrified. So...Is there anyone who is planning on finishing next year? Maybe I'll feel better with a support group for that.


Meanwhile, I will like to (finally) join the cheering group for everyone that are finishing up this year. I'll try and read all the pages tonight, and see if the pressure doesn't kill me.

Sorry for the long post...

First of all, I want to give you a standing ovation for posting your story, sweetheart. I know how hard it was for you, and I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit for your accomplishments and how far you have come already. I think it's AMAZING that you are still working hard to finish, even after your supervisor up and left you! You had to essentially start over, so please don't belittle what you have done. You have persevered!!!

I know exactly how it feels to be tied up in knots due to anxiety and stress. There have been references to it in this thread, but I made another separate thread a while back about how I have been physically sick since the middle/end of April due to internalizing my stresses--my thesis, my bills, not having a work permit here in the UK, not being able to move back home unless J and I got married almost immediately--generally feeling out of control with my life, and it stressed me out so much that I got sick from it. There are some things that helped me through this, and I'm going to mention them in case they can help you too. One is that I talked to my doctor and was put on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medicine to help me cope. Now, in my situation, the benefit of this medicine is twofold, as it helped my physical problems as well as my emotional problems. Obviously only you know if you are so anxious about your work that you need medication or not, but I have to say it has REALLY helped me quite a bit. It's a vicious circle, being so stressed you feel ill, then being so ill you can't study, which in turn makes you more stressed. I think with big, looming deadlines, it only makes the problem ten times worse, so maybe this could help.

I also personally benefit from having back-up plans. I know you said your money runs out after June '09, but if you aren't finished by then, can you take out a student loan so you can finish? I know borrowing money (especially if you already have student debt) is never the preference, but if it is an option, I would highly recommend that for a few reasons. One, you don't want to have spent so many years at school to graduate with a master's rather than a PhD, so make sure you get what you came for, and two, if you have a back-up plan for what to do if you DON'T finish by June '09, that should help take some of the strain off you emotionally so you don't freak out so much over that deadline. Obviously I know you would prefer to finish by then, but if not, in the scheme of things, taking another 6 months or something wouldn't be the end of the world, and might just be what you need to be able to finish your degree AND keep your sanity.

I think you should also remember that the people in this thread, every single one of us, have had our shares of successes and failures. Yeah, maybe I'm finishing a degree at Cambridge right now, but I also took 9 years to graduate with my undergrad degree (for a plethora of reasons I won't bore you with now). That made me feel like a HUGE failure, but I did what I had to do to eventually go back and finish, and didn't let it bring me down. I know you can do the same thing, babe. *hugs*

 

[gwendolyn]

WishfulThinking, awww, thank you so much for the support, darlin''! I really do need it. I have done some work on my paper, but mostly I have just kinda stared at it, wishing it would fix itself. No such luck, I''m afraid! It only stares back. And laughs at me sometimes, I think.

I totally understand why you are feeling the way you are, and I am really sorry you are feeling so stressed out about the marriage thing--in your place, I would be the same way! It''s something that should be a joyous occasion, so it''s doubly frustrating I''m sure that you are feeling so knotted up about everything. Here''s hoping it gets better soon! *hugs*




Ok, so I need to have the full final draft done by Monday morning at 10am, when I am emailing it (in one maaaaassive document) to my supervisor. I''ve put it all together and it is rather intimidating to me. It''s 90 pages right now, and it''s still not quite done. I have to add my ethics form (which is another 5 pages?) at the end, and I''m not done writing/rewriting two of my chapters, so I''m thinking it will be over 100 pages long! Holy moly, I never knew I could write this much on one subject!

 

[choro72]

WishfulThinking Thanks for welcoming me! You''re really made me feel understood...I have a great and loving family that most people would envy. But They are also known to push their physical limit trying. When my dad was getting his PhD, he had to work normal hours (which is like 5AM to 10PM in Japan, no exaggerating) and do his research at the same time. My cousin will break down crying out of stress, and my uncle missed his son''s wedding in order to cover the Afghan attack in 2001 (he''s a journalist). From an ordinary person, the energy they put into themselves to succeed is inhuman, and it scares me that I need to show the same level of dedication. I''m resigning to the fact that it IS actually necessary to get a PhD though...Ah, only a year away and I will be done, DONE!

How is your senior thesis going? I put my hands down to you! When I was an undergrad there was NO WAY I could handle a thesis. I could write 5 page essays, but a 120 thesis!? Wow. I teach undergraduate students as a TA, and I''ll be honest, they disappoint me. But you sound more mature and competent than any of my students.
Your topic intrigues me. It''s one of the issues I feel very strongly about being in this country, and I would love to hear how your thesis turns out! When is it due? It sounds like you have another year to go as well, and I''ll be so glad if we can keep each other company!
I''m in the Physics department emphasizing in Astrophysics. My research is on detecting Compton Scattering using a Silicon Gamma Ray Detector. When the j*rk of a Chancellor was here, I was studying Accretion Disks around an Inner Galactic Black Hole by looking at X-Ray Emission. They aren''t related enough for me to combine my previous 3 years of work into my current one...

I''m still trying to see if I can squeeze it in. Maybe like an appendix.

gwenMy goodness, I didn''t realized you were in Cambridge!!! When I was growing up my mom used to say that it''s the sort of university we should aim for. We visited the campus in 1996 as part of a family trip...It was gorgeous! Though I don''t think you were there back then.
Your story always motivate me, relationship wise and studying wise. I never knew it took you 9 years for undergrad. You''re right, and I know that everyone goes through this sort of mess. Once it''s done, I''m sure that''s when we look back and think of it as a life altering lesson, but right now when I''m stuck in the muck all I can think of is I WANT OUT!!! bleh. Yeah, the way out is to type away and get along with my darn programming...
I have thought about borrowing money to finish. I definitely don''t want to waste my 4 years here. I''ll see. For now I''m not going to waste time worrying about next year''s funding, and focus on getting the heck out of here. Thanks so much for your support!
BTW, I think I missed the reason for your second thesis due date push?

 

[AmberGretchen]

Welcome Choro

It sounds like you are on the right track with your thinking - I totally agree with Gwen that we have all had failures as well as successes. I know I spent about 1.5 years of completely wasted time in my PhD on a project that turned out to not be technically feasible

Your projects actually both sound fascinating - it sucks that your first advisor left you in the lurch like that, but it sounds like the new one is very supportive, and that can make a huge difference. Does your new advisor know about your graduation plans/goals? I found that sitting down with my advisor and plotting out a rough timeline with specific goals along the way was really helpful both in reducing my stress, and also in helping me to envision how everything should go and how much I need to accomplish each month/week or whatever.

Anyway, welcome to the thread, and I really hope that the support you find here is helpful. For what its worth, I actually think that what you are going through is very normal, regardless of your family background (although yours it sounds like definitely adds additional pressure - I can sympathize as mine is very similar - my parents have FIVE graduate degrees between the two of them

). But I''m in a top-rated Biology PhD program and most of my friends have felt the way you describe (as have I) at some point during their graduate program. I don''t know if it helps to hear that, but hopefully at least a little

 

[WishfulThinking]

Gwen- You crack me up! You''re really amusing, ya know that? I am pretty sure my thesis will be laughing at me, too... one of these months in the future when I''ve actually written something, that is.

I still haven''t written a word. I''ve only been really working on it for about a month, and I am immersed in reading and these little teensy, rough syntheses I have to do every once in awhile to keep myself on track. And lists. But nothing like what you''ve been able to accomplish!

Thanks for the hugs. I can''t believe you''ve written a 100 page piece of work- it''s practically a book!

That is quite the accomplishment, really.

Choro- I am glad to hear that other than the pressure to succeed that you''re feeling now and the basically inhuman dedication that your family members have to their own work are only part of the picture. I''m sure it helps to know that they love you and things aren''t all bad. I really can''t even explain how shocked I am at the levels of determination you described them showing toward their work. I hope it''s not out of line to say so, but I wouldn''t blame you one bit if you didn''t want to live your life like that at all. I know that I want very specific things in life, and some of them cannot and will not be overshadowed by my drive to be successful. If that is a trade-off you want to make in your own life you can rest assured that many of us would totally understand.

It must be exciting to be just one year away from being done [!!!], finally. You''ve put so much time and effort into this project--two projects!--that you deserve the satisfaction of finishing. I hope that everything works out for you, and I will be here rooting for you throughout the next year!

My thesis is going pretty slowly but steadily right now. I have only been doing real work on it for about a month now, and things have really fallen into place. It helps that I''ve solidified my idea, and have my research question, a thesis, and a brief outline of chapters in place now. All subject to change this early on, but it''s relieving to have it written down, even if I do have to edit it later on. I haven''t written anything substantial yet. I am trying to start small- as you mentioned, doing a thesis undergrad is really tough. I have never done anything this large before! 120 pages scares me more than I can probably explain in type... but I''ve been assured that I could do it. I am a lot more confident now than I was before, since I am for the moment being advised by my favourite professor and one of my favourite people in the world.

It really is great to work with someone so supportive and who believes in me so much. She regards my work very highly, and I''ve taken so many courses with her and written so many papers for her that I take her word quite seriously. If she believes I can do it, I have to remind myself that that means I can do it. After all, 120 pages is just... 6 20 page papers. And I can do 20 pages no problem. That''s one reason I am so adamant about breaking things into chapters. It feels so much more manageable when it''s the size of a paper I''d usually write.
Thanks for the compliment about my competence. I just really, really love my topic, and I am so excited to have thought of connections between my topic and relevant political and social theory that are actually important. I am kind of thrilled beyond belief to know that when I finish I will have made a substantial impact on my field of interest. It sounds silly, but it excites me! I am always up for talking about it, so if you''re curious I''ll be glad to share.

Your own thesis sounds so incredibly cool and complex. I am very thoroughly entrenched in my social sciences and humanities world, and I am really no good at science at all, so I am always disproportionately impressed at those of you who have such knowledge and aptitude in the field. I took astronomy last semester to fulfill a distribution requirement [oh, liberal arts education... how I loathe thee sometimes

] and it was very interesting, but of course probably nothing even remotely close to relevant to what you''re working on. I almost cried when I read the part about how different your previous 3 years of work is from what you are doing now. I can''t imagine how horrible it must be to have all of that yanked out from under you. What a cr*ppy thing for your advisor to do to you.

I think you should write an appendix the size of a novel relating them somehow. That''d show them!

By the way, I know I''m a lowly undergrad, but I''ve experienced some very significant setbacks and delays in getting through the last 3 years, though I magically managed to do it on time. Setbacks that I now have to figure out how to explain away to law schools in my applications.

I am not so thrilled about it, but knowing I''ve gotten through it is one of the things that I remember when I need a boost of confidence. Just remember, you''ve been through so much already. You really CAN do anything. I believe in you.

 

[dockman3]

Hey everyone! I saw this thread awhile ago when I first joined PS (about a month ago), but never actually read the whole thing. I still haven''t but I''ve read enough to know what''s going on at least. I''ve got about a year left in my PhD and hope to finish by next May. I''ve got about 6 more months of data left to take before I start writing my dissertation, but I''ve got a question for you all. How do you stay off of PS during the day to get your work done? The reason I ask is that since I started looking for an engagement ring for my future FI, which I''ve now found, I''ve been drawn to this site more and more, which was totally unexpected. I have never had much of an eye for jewelery and while my gf has liked the few things I''ve bought her, they were all pretty safe purchases that I didn''t spend too much time on. But diamonds are a whole other ballgame! I think I got caught up in them because they have an objective side to them with the cut and angles and numbers and combos. I''m a numbers guy and for some reason I''m finding myself fascinated by diamonds (though I like the sparkly aspects too!). The point is, now I''m spending way too much time everyday on here and not getting my work done. I can''t check it at home because the gf will see and then my surprise will be blown. So how do you limit your time on here to actually get work done? I have really enjoyed helping out a few people in my month of being a PSer and sometimes the guys on here do need another guy''s opinion, which I''m more than happy to provide, but it is seriously cutting into my work time. I appreciate any advice you''ve got! Thanks in advance, and now I''m going to try to get some work done!

 

[AmberGretchen]

Hehe Dockman - I suspect what you''re experiencing is very common around here, for students and non-students alike (that is, the PS addiction

). I find that I have to make deals with myself if PS is taking too much time away from my lab work - i.e. if I finish this experiment by 3pm, I get 30 minutes to look at PS, or, if I can analyze X amount of data, I will take a 10 minute PS break. I don''t know how others do it, but that''s worked for me.

I think you and I are at almost exactly the same point in our studies - I''m hoping to have no more than about 6 months of experiments left to do, and then hopefully I''ll get the OK from the thesis committee to start writing it up. Hopefully...

 

[dockman3]

AG - Thanks for the ideas. I just might have to do that. Right now my morning routine has been to come into the office, look at PS for an hour, or some days, like today, 2 hours, and then get to work for a while, but that''s not working. I''ll have to try out the little rewards. That might help. Good luck with the experiments and keep us posted!