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Buying Vs. Doing

Snowdrop13

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Aug 27, 2011
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2,552
Do you mean jewellery or all material things?

I’ve certainly bought many items as a “treat” for a hard time, expensive things (like Hermes scarves, LV bags) that I haven’t used, ever, much to my shame!
 

seaurchin

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
2,016
Do you mean jewellery or all material things?

I’ve certainly bought many items as a “treat” for a hard time, expensive things (like Hermes scarves, LV bags) that I haven’t used, ever, much to my shame!

I mean all material things, unfortunately!
 

siamese3

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2007
Messages
974
I used to fall victim to this behavior. At some point in my life, I realized that "things" didn't really produce the feelings I was after. That they don't solve any problems, and that the researching and somewhat obsession like behavior was just a distraction from whatever was bothering me. I think essentially I was looking for control in an uncontrollable world. Falling victim to a faulty thought process that any "stuff" can really provide me with security, love ,or happiness. As have gotten older, I realize that the things that really provide me with "happiness" are the relationships I have ,and how I feel about myself. I still get sucked into wanting things and thinking I have to have something, but if I leave it alone for a bit and walk away, I find I really don't care. Fickle, lol. The last year really kind of made all of this even more apparent then it was before. I sometimes get a bit upset and overwhelmed (and embarrassed) over all the stuff I have acquired and have found myself feeling much better over the past few years gifting away lots of things to people.
 

siamese3

Brilliant_Rock
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Jul 27, 2007
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974
I did neglect to say that lately I have become a bit obsessed with getting an Marla Aaron piece. :lol-2:
 

qubitasaurus

Brilliant_Rock
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Dec 18, 2014
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1,364
Yeah honestly I can not explain the amount of skin care I have bought in the last ~4 years. I assume I am trying to distract myself as I often look at what I have and think why do I have so much stuff in that draw which I dont even recognize? Also toys for my daughter. I can throw out a bag and simultaneously buy her several more items.
 

stracci2000

Ideal_Rock
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Jun 26, 2007
Messages
5,388
I think essentially I was looking for control in an uncontrollable world.

Wow. I think you hit the nail on the head.

Of course, I do this too. I do a lot of ogling on Ebay for jewelry that I will never buy. I guess it's a distraction in this crazy new world.
 

AllAboardTheBlingTrain

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
1,345
For someone who likes “things” as much as I do I don’t really do this. I rarely buy things impulsively anymore - I used to be bad with clothes and shop a LOT but nowadays I’m far more controlled with my spending. I won’t buy something until I can’t think of x number of uses for it, for example. Like if I see a dress and I think “oh I want it” I won’t even try it on without first coming up with 5 tangible occasions where I will wear the dress. I do have some clothes in my cupboard that are unworn thanks to the pandemic but that doesn’t mean that I won’t wear them once I’m going out and about again :) I’m far more disciplined with bags, shoes and jewelry than clothes though, because I don’t buy high value clothing. I think it’s a product of my upbringing - my parents wouldn’t give me everything I wanted, so I got comfortable with wanting but not having!
 

bludiva

Ideal_Rock
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Sep 23, 2017
Messages
2,681
I have a habit of buying things to fix all ills and fulfill all desires, then promptly putting the items up and forgetting all about them. I don't even want to think about everything that I have.

Does anyone else do this?

i try not to buy things i don't need/won't use but definitely have had phases where i need "x" to make my life complete and spend way too much time searching/saving/etc. for it. sometimes those things bring me joy even if i don't use them often but many do get put away or resold. i totally understand that "fixing" quest....
 

elizat

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 23, 2013
Messages
2,862
I do have a tendency to want to buy things when I feel down, depressed or in a funk. Like it will fix it. It doesn't. I have not really worked out what fixes it or if anything really does, but buying stuff doesn't help. I have learned that. A lot of my jewelry impulse buys under 2k where those moments of I had had a really bad month or x happened, so I'm going to get this. It doesn't make me feel better. In fact, when I buy things in that situation, I end up feeling guilty I wasted money and it generally makes me unhappier.

So, I try not to buy now unless I know I really do want something and not purchase anything on an impulse.
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
8,159
Guilty of buying things to feel better, did that for several years and had the credit card debt to prove it up until recently.

Guilty also of buying loose stones or an interesting diamond for a project and then quickly realizing I’m just not that person. Those stones or items don’t hang around long, I usually sell them not long after purchase.

Honestly the thing that snapped me out of my wanting to buy every sparkly was having to buy a car. Up to that point it was like living in jewelry la la land and then the car happened and I was snapped back into reality
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
30,194
For me it's buying stuff for projects I want to do around the house.
I buy the supplies then procrastinate forever on doing the work.
 

pearlsngems

Brilliant_Rock
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Jan 4, 2010
Messages
1,621
I tend to buy things to do things with.

• Kitchen utensils. Last year I bought a cast iron pot to make no-knead bread. Yum!

• Wire, beads, and findings to make jewelry with. I recently bought some Swarovski beads and spacers to make a necklace.

• While stuck at home due to the pandemic I bought some art supplies, to paint and color-- a new hobby. This has been enjoyable.


I've pretty much stopped buying finished jewelry. I have so much as it is.
I don't buy decor items any more-- there's no more space.
When it comes to clothing, shoes and bags I'm a creature of habit, and tend to wear the same few items over and over, so I don't buy these often.
I used to buy a lot of perfume (my other hobby) but at this point It's only one or two bottles per year, if that.
 

AprilBaby

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jul 17, 2008
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11,851
It makes me happy to get packages, even little Amazon things. The next day I need more happiness. I’m trying really hard to be happy all by myself. I want to retire so I won’t be able to buy packages or happiness. Happiness needs to come from within.
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
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Feb 2, 2016
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8,159
The Evil Car Gods like to keep us from buying bling.
They know when you have your eye on a sweet ring, and they will make your car go lame.

So true, it’s always something with those cars!
 

nala

Ideal_Rock
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Oct 23, 2011
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5,466
I’m examining what motivates me to shop. Usually it’s a bonding activity with DD. If it’s jewelry it’s a planned event to my favorite haunts bc It’s a treasure hunt. Furniture and house remodeling are as the need arises. And resetting my ring is my vice and I do it when I’m craving a new look. I always utilize my purchases and don’t seek them for retail therapy so no buyers’ remorse. I do seek pleasure in wine, casino, dining experiences, traveling ..for the sake of pleasure. I do occasionally suffer from dining remorse bc of my goal to keep the pounds off. DD scolds me for this and says never regret what you eat!!!
 

Ionysis

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 1, 2015
Messages
720
For me it’s definitely about retreating into my own little world. When I can focus on new projects, hunting down new gems, reading about gemstones, trawling the internet for new pretty things - even just to look at pictures and save them - it takes me away from real life. Instead of reaching out to friends and family and going out, in these times I withdraw inwards into my little private jewellery world.

It’s also a collection thing. I love to match things up and make sets. Clothes, shoes, accessories - I used to spend a lot of time curating my closet and filling in “gaps” (eg hunting down a pair of light teal pumps because I didn’t have that exact shade to go with a dress). Same with home decor. It depends what phase I’m focussed on at the time. I rotate interests. I think it’s all about time filling when I’m done working at my extremely stressful job - and trying to claw out some space for myself to wall my mind off from my house full of kids and pets and husband. I also cook obsessively so I can lock myself in the kitchen with a radio play and block out everything else.

The pandemic has made these tendencies ten times worse.
 

missy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Jun 8, 2008
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46,145
I think most of us are guilty of this. We feel down, we feel sad, and a pretty "fill in the blank" picks our spirits up momentarily. And I also think most of us are cognizant of this fact.

When I was feeling very anxious and worried and scared (when I broke two bones in my leg and was looking an 8 month plus at home recuperation) I remember searching the internet for a pretty piece of bling that would lift my spirits. And thinking, wait, nothing is going to lift my spirits but getting better. What did I do? Haha I decided to purchase earrings. Did they make me all better? No, but they did bring me some joy and isn't that what life is about?

We have hard times and easier times; happy times and less happy times; stressful times and calm times. And it's always one day at a time. If something can bring us joy and make us happy when wearing it or looking at it who's to say it's a waste?

For example, I love paintings because they make me happy when looking at them. It's why my dh and I buy art. Same for bling. Bling, IMO, is wearable art.

So more power to us if by purchasing and enjoying what we buy brings us pleasure. Life is hard enough and anything that can bring some proverbial sunshine into our lives is a (IMO) win.

We are all different however and what brings us peace and happiness is different too. If buying things brings you stress obviously that is a negative but if purchasing certain things brings you a calm peace that is clearly a positive.

I know this isn't the topic but while I am discussing buying vs doing I cannot help but think of my DH. He is different than me in that way because when he buys things he does it with which to create other things . For example, he buys equipment and wood to build things. He is always creating pieces and that makes him happy. The journey is what brings him joy and he gets lost in the process. It's when time becomes seamless that we experience (IMO) true joy and bliss. For me, what brings me true bliss is also getting lost in the moment and not being aware of time flying but and cycling does that for me. It brings me joy. To that end we had to buy a lot of things though as cycling doesn't just happen. The bike, the shoes, the upkeep, etc. So in this case buying is doing also. Just as an example.

Sorry for the mini threadjack but for me I cannot speak about buying vs doing without speaking about happiness too. Which I know is a completely different thread. Or is it? :)
 

MamaBee

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2018
Messages
10,148
I think a lot of us still have the genetically programmed hunting drive that is of little use in our modern world. So we love our pets but hunt material items to fulfill our hunting instincts.

Exactly! So it’s okay to browse all the websites and buy things? I say yes! Haha
 

siamese3

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 27, 2007
Messages
974
I think a lot of us still have the genetically programmed hunting drive that is of little use in our modern world. So we love our pets but hunt material items to fulfill our hunting instincts.

That's a super interesting thing to think about...
 

Piper70

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2019
Messages
115
I tend to dive deep into whatever “project” I’m working on whether it’s planning a vacation, home renovation or jewelry/handbag purchase ( they are pretty much my only splurges ). With no travel on the horizon and our new home build going slower than a tortoise crossing the road, I’ve been spending a lot of time on jewelry this year. Not handbags as much since I don’t get out much but I have an orange Pucci bag coming tomorrow from The OUTNET. Looove that website. Saving so much money!
 

ringbling17

Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Jan 14, 2003
Messages
2,472
I have a habit of buying things to fix all ills and fulfill all desires, then promptly putting the items up and forgetting all about them. I don't even want to think about everything that I have.

Does anyone else do this?

I do this too. I get an idea in my head to buy something that I have to have and then once I get it, I don’t wear it or use it.
I’ve done this with clothes, shoes (sneakers especially), jewelry, stuff for the house. I could have so much money right now!

Example, I had to have the LV Neverfull MM. We visited Boston and went into an LV store. I asked to see the bag and my husband bought it for me. He knew I really wanted it and I guess he saw the spark in my eyes.
That was August 2016. I’ve never used the bag. It sits in its box. I’ve thought about selling it but I don’t want to sell a bag that my husband bought me bc he seldom buys me things on his own.
I have sold things but I have more things I have not used than I really should.
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
23,632
I have a habit of buying things to fix all ills and fulfill all desires, then promptly putting the items up and forgetting all about them. I don't even want to think about everything that I have.

Does anyone else do this?

No, I'm the opposite. I dont part with big money very easily. I'll see something I like then all the negatives about
the item pop in my mind and create self-doubt so then I wont buy it. If its a cheaper item I'm more likely to buy
it because if it doesnt work out I'm not out much money.

I've been trying to buy a console table for almost a year. I've found very few that I like which makes it hard. On top
of that, what if when I get it it doesnt fit in as well with my other furniture then I think it will in my head? That's a lot
of money to spend to not have it work out the way I think...basically, my thoughts paralysis me and keep me from
buying things (for good or bad). I'll eventually tell myself I'm being ridiculous and will buy whatever I'm considering.
It usually works out in the end and I'm happy with my purchase.
 

Mreader

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
1,455
I am guilty of what most of you are saying and doing. It makes me feel better that I am not alone, but I definitely want to reign it in. Jewelry is my main vice. It used to be more clothes/shoes but I was also a bargain hunter so it it wasn't 75% off I wouldn't get it. Jewelry obviously is much more expensive. I'm doing two projects and once those are done, I want to be done for awhile.
 

seaurchin

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 2, 2012
Messages
2,016
I tend to buy things to do things with.

This is what I do. BUT then I don't actually do the thing. Thanks for your post because it helped me clarify the problem here.

I do not even own many items overall, (besides jewelry but I have cleared out over half of it now) so it's not too much stuff in general but this particular issue, for me. If I used all the things I've bought to improve my life in some way, I'd be so proud of myself. For ex., I've bought a sewing machine (I don't know how to sew), musical instrument and beginner book, foreign language learning package, exercise equipment, DIY cognitive behavioral therapy books and many more.

I have cleared a space to stack up all the unused or barely used things I've bought to do things with. Maybe putting them out where I have to notice them (and how many of them there are) will help me become more mindful of it. And, who knows, maybe even DO some of them! :)
 

canuk-gal

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Apr 19, 2004
Messages
22,150
HI:

No.

cheers--Sharon
 
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