Buying for your real life or your imaginary life?

[Circe]

A friend asked me this question the other day, and it was intriguing enough to stick in my head, so I'm passing it on to you. She was asking me in the context of clothing, after watching me buy yet-another-velvet-blazer, knowing that, these days, the burp cloth is my most frequent accessory. And in the context of clothing ... I figure that my weird wardrobe of silk and satin and lace and velvet, granny boots and crinolines, encourages me to make my imaginary life my real life: sure, it's aspirational, but I'm a lot likelier to go out to that show that's two hours away in Brooklyn if I have a nifty costume and have made the effort of getting into it than I am if I'm just schlubbing around in jeans. And if that means a lot of dry-cleaning, so be it.

Basically, if having a corset collection is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

But when it comes to jewelry ... hm. THAT is an interesting aspect! When we did Dreamer's "Essential Jewelry" thread, I might have come off like a smart-aleck, but if so, it was only half-intentional: in my cosmology, a tiara is vital! Why? Because it's a beautiful signifier of a better time, I think. Not in terms of its political connotations - I find the idea of a hereditary governing class abhorrent - but simply because back in the day when such things were common, there was a greater emphasis on craftsmanship. And almost all of the things I like are either vintage or labor-intensive.

The end result is that my jewelry collection comes off being aspirational in a way my wardrobe isn't, I think - my jewelry is grossly out of keeping with my social and economic class status that my weird clothes aren't. Wear a full-skirted silk shantung dress to brunch and you might be overdressed, but not in a way that most people read the way they'll read big diamonds. But the aspiration isn't the one I think is most common, that of wanting to demonstrate that one belongs to a higher tax bracket. I suppose it's more that I buy jewelry for my imaginary life, in which I, a) have a lot of friends with the same interests to play pretend with - you guys!, and, b) in which art is still a priority in an age of reproduction.

This rambling navel-gazing post is brought to you by my sleep deprivation, and the fact that I just read somebody's reflections on dangly earrings being too much for the daytime in one window while looking at the dangly earrings that I just bought from JBEG for all-hours wear in another.

How about you guys? Do you buy jewelry that reinforces your reality, or jewelry that reflects a desire to alter it?

 

[decodelighted]

Do you buy jewelry that reinforces your reality, or jewelry that reflects a desire to alter it?

It's a really interesting question, Circe!

Seat-o-the-pants answer for me is *a little of both*. I think the style & components & material of my most important piece (e-ring) is DIRECTLY related to my past. Specifically, a jewelry-loving Grandmother who only sported antique-styles and antique stones when it came to fine jewelry. She had a lot of costume stuff of all styles & eras & colors etc.

I just always admired that look for engagement rings - even though they're not "era-appropriate" right now. In other words, my setting is an antique-style repro. Not a genuine antique. And my asscher center stone was newly cut to resemble that older style. IT'S ALL A FRAUD!

I'm sure it might look a little weird to some folks for me to wear my antiquey wedding set alongside a men's black-dialed chunky watch and super casual clothes. But that jewelry does reflect my reality in that it reflects my nostalgic history & beloved grandmother. I don't want to live in Downton Abbey. But I do live in an antique cottage come to think of it. I DUNNO!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I think the lies we tell ourselves are vital to our existence--but by the same token reflect human fallibility.

In all likelihood my lies focus on confirmation bias--but have I been known to subscribe to illusory correlation? Self deception--it is what it is.

cheers--Sharon

 

[kenny]

I don't make such a distinction between real and imaginary.

Just do/buy what you like.

 

[Tanzigrrl]

Very interesting question, Circe.

Let me attempt to answer. My jewelry collection represents "me." My tastes, my interests, my (gemstone) hobby, etc. I work a professional job but in the academy, I think a lot of my colleagues think I'm kind of weird for having/wearing such (for lack of a better term) elaborate pieces of jewelry. Then again, those who know me, know that this is my "thing" and they either laugh it off, ask me for help in finding the perfect stone/jewelry piece, or ignore it totally.

I don't think that I buy jewelry that reflects my reality or my desire to alter it, but I think my jewelry decisions (from what to wear each day to what to buy for a new piece) make me feel content regardless as to my environment. Not in a cheesy or overly-romantic kind of way, but in a "this is how I display my happiness" kind of way. If I'm wearing my jewelry, I'm enjoying my jewelry and, by extension, I'm enjoying my moment in the present, if that makes any sense.

 

[Jennifer W]

I buy / make for my imaginary life, completely. Why not? Eventually, I believe it will meld with my real life, or take it over entirely. Sometimes though, I have to use my real life to prop up my fantasy life a little. Example: I'm learning to work in silver, with an eye on the fact that I will eventually require a tiara and matching choker, all in a rather elaborate design. That's the imaginary life bit. The real life bit is that I can't currently afford to commission this set, so I have to make it for myself... See? My real life here is propping up my imaginary life beautifully.

 

[Circe]

I don't make such a distinction between real and imaginary.

Just do/buy what you like.

I do, Kenny! And what I like is to be introspective, and to hear other people's thoughts.

 

[missy]

I love beautiful things and appreciate it in all forms. Jewelry just happens to be one of my favorite forms of art and it makes me happy to wear. It reflects my sensibilities as does my home, my paintings, my clothing etc. If all of it were gone tomorrow I would miss it but as long as I had what really mattered- my loved ones- I would be OK. So I buy for my life as it is now and will continue to drool over gorgeous jewelry always.

 

[Circe]

I buy / make for my imaginary life, completely. Why not? Eventually, I believe it will meld with my real life, or take it over entirely. Sometimes though, I have to use my real life to prop up my fantasy life a little. Example: I'm learning to work in silver, with an eye on the fact that I will eventually require a tiara and matching choker, all in a rather elaborate design. That's the imaginary life bit. The real life bit is that I can't currently afford to commission this set, so I have to make it for myself... See? My real life here is propping up my imaginary life beautifully.

Heheheh - what you're describing is exactly how I got into silversmithing. I've never tried to make a tiara, though. But I am currently drooling over this crown: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85043070/golden-fairytale-princess-crown-of-gold

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....

 

[fleur-de-lis]

A little of both, but in my experience the passage of time tips the scales in favor of the imaginary becoming the real.

Buy an item which feels like a splurge and doesn't fit your current life but does fit your aspirational life, and the duty to not have wasted money will give a subtle push towards engaging in a life experience which justifies the purchase:
--buy an Herve Leger, find yourself looking at the Las Vegas section of email deals from Jetblue, AA, and Southwest;
--splurge on that "you couldn't have, but it looks so good on and is made so well" dress, and you find yourself upgrading the restaurant you go out to on date night to an upscale one so you can wear that new dress;
--get the bigger-than-prudent TV with dreams of having a large group over for the Superbowl, and to justify the decision you finally follow through and throw a Superbowl party.

End result: after sunk cost plays with your mind, you're jetting off to weekends in Vegas, dining in better restaurants, and throwing bigger bashes. I think we buy because we've learned that by buying, we increase the odds significantly that the imaginary will BECOME the real.

(Whaddya think?)

 

[iLander]

I find your post interesting because it relates to something that I often think about when I am getting dressed; the aspect of costume in women's daily wear. In other words "WHO do you want to be today?" With clothing, I think women can be completely at odds with their real lives/selves, in a way that men can't (or usually won't).

I can be suburban mommy, middle-aged rich lady, aging hipster, slacker tourist, gym rat, frumpy banker lady, sleek urban professional, older granola-laden hippie lady, mystic crystal Aquarian, or chesty desperate housewife. And that's all within the limits of my current wardrobe! With a little more money thrown into it, I can be even more people. The mind boggles!

I find it fascinating. But my DH doesn't, it takes me a while to get dressed/decide.

Back to your question: I have a tendency to buy jewelry that I can't wear anywhere. I have a couple of TREMENDOUS bracelets that just sit in the bank. It was all I could do not to buy a diamond tennis necklace, or a ginormous pair of dangly diamond earrings (both at Costco-I should have bought them!!!) both of which were only wedding-appropriate.

So yes, my tastes run to the wildly aspirational, like this puppy: http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?Prodid=11672073&whse=BC&Ne=4000000&eCat=BC|108|56640|3119&N=4017707&Mo=62&pos=1&No=9&Nr=P_CatalogName:BC&cat=3119&Ns=P_Price|1||P_SignDesc1&lang=en-US&Sp=C&ec=BC-EC18764-Cat56640&topnav=

 

[diamondseeker2006]

"Do you buy jewelry that reinforces your reality, or jewelry that reflects a desire to alter it?"

I have no real desire to change my reality, but I do wish I could wear more or larger jewelry without it looking either dumb or ostentatious!

I live in a relatively small town, although it does have a fairly affluent population due to there being a lake nearby and a larger city 30-45 minutes away. But I just don't know a single person that has ever upgraded their e-ring. I know almost no one who cares about
jewelry other than the standard watch and maybe some costume jewelry.

I have always loved jewelry and I bought a few things that were too dressy to wear much long before PS. So I can't blame the influence of PS! But it is hard here because I would easily wear a 2 ct. ring with this group whereas I simply cannot in real life. Instead, I just go to higher color and clarity. It is a constant conflict for me...when my ring and earrings were larger, I felt self conscious sometimes, and now that I downsized a little, I sort of miss my larger stones. So I now know I am just never going to resolve that tension between reality and what I'd like to have in jewelry pieces. I do not sacrifice on quality ever, though. It may just be smaller things!

 

[Jennifer W]

I buy / make for my imaginary life, completely. Why not? Eventually, I believe it will meld with my real life, or take it over entirely. Sometimes though, I have to use my real life to prop up my fantasy life a little. Example: I'm learning to work in silver, with an eye on the fact that I will eventually require a tiara and matching choker, all in a rather elaborate design. That's the imaginary life bit. The real life bit is that I can't currently afford to commission this set, so I have to make it for myself... See? My real life here is propping up my imaginary life beautifully.

Heheheh - what you're describing is exactly how I got into silversmithing. I've never tried to make a tiara, though. But I am currently drooling over this crown: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85043070/golden-fairytale-princess-crown-of-gold

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....

Hmm, I reckon that would be do-able...

Quite unjustified optimism, but I reckon I could tackle that quite soon. I mean, I've made some bands, some bangles and some rolling rings. How hard can a crown really be?

 

[Circe]

I buy / make for my imaginary life, completely. Why not? Eventually, I believe it will meld with my real life, or take it over entirely. Sometimes though, I have to use my real life to prop up my fantasy life a little. Example: I'm learning to work in silver, with an eye on the fact that I will eventually require a tiara and matching choker, all in a rather elaborate design. That's the imaginary life bit. The real life bit is that I can't currently afford to commission this set, so I have to make it for myself... See? My real life here is propping up my imaginary life beautifully.

Heheheh - what you're describing is exactly how I got into silversmithing. I've never tried to make a tiara, though. But I am currently drooling over this crown: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85043070/golden-fairytale-princess-crown-of-gold

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....

Hmm, I reckon that would be do-able...

Quite unjustified optimism, but I reckon I could tackle that quite soon. I mean, I've made some bands, some bangles and some rolling rings. How hard can a crown really be?

If you're making bangles, your torch is stronger than mine, and I am jealous. I don't have a tank, because keeping one in an apartment makes me nervous, so it's all small-scale stuff. Maybe I can make a little crown?

 

[Jennifer W]

Circe, I reckon I can make anything in here. Again, this could be an example of real and imaginary blurring just a smidgebut hey, I'm up for having a go...

gah, this post is worthless without the picture, but I can't make it upload.

eta, still can't make it upload. Ah well. It was a picture of my little workshop that DH made for me in what used to be a really nice sun porch and is now a spectacular mess. There is not tidy way to melt metal, as it turns out...

 

[Enerchi]

I buy what pleases me. Shapes, colours, design, flow... not sure if that is based on reality of imagination, but if it strikes a cord somewhere, that's what I base a purchase upon.

Deep question Circe! It has me thinking... hmmmm

 

[Gypsy]

Great question Circe. And you helped me answer another question. Why did I sell the Aurora? Because it was imaginary life bling and not real life bling. I guess I feel like my bling should be 'real life' and not 'imaginary life'... but your post made me realize that it doesn't have to be that way. I can have imaginary life bling. And that's okay.

Great thought provoking post.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

.. I figure that my weird wardrobe of silk and satin and lace and velvet, granny boots and crinolines, encourages me to make my imaginary life my real life: sure, it's aspirational, but I'm a lot likelier to go out to that show that's two hours away in Brooklyn if I have a nifty costume and have made the effort of getting into it than I am if I'm just schlubbing around in jeans. And if that means a lot of dry-cleaning, so be it.

Okay, I have to ask because your wardrobe sounds like it has some pretty awesome pieces: what is the most amazing article of clothing you have, and what details make it the best?

 

[TravelingGal]

My problem in life is that I always come back down to reality.

For instance, I met Alj in person and feel in love with her platinum diamond antique watch. I started looking around for one to call my own, but in the end I couldn't do it. My real life wouldn't let me get away with wearing it without looking silly. Instead I got a watch which was nice, but much more run of the mill.

My engagement ring and wedding band are industrial. My Amelia ring is daintier, but still looks fine with flip flops. Earrings are studs or small diamond hoops (or when I'm feeling fun, big WG gold ones). My necklace is whimsical, but solid.

My current project is a 3 stone old cut ring that I'd love to be very antiquey...because I love the look. But my real life is pushing for its way again, and while it'll be probably an antique repro, it will still not be as "imaginary" as I could have it.

I love a lot of things in my imaginary life, but I have a strong sense of who I am, and what just melds into a part of me when I wear it. I haven't made too many errors for myself when it comes to my bling, but there's always a first time, I guess!

 

[isaku5]

That really is a good question and it made me stop and think.

Back in the 80's, we lived the 'high life'. If we could afford what we wanted, we bought it. In my case, my major indulgence was jewellery which was appropriate to wear with high end designer outfits. We had a great time and savoured every minute of it.

Fast forward to the early 90's when I became too ill to work. Thank goodness I had great disability coverage, but the paperwork involved was almost a full time job. My doctors were very understanding and helpful writing their reports as required. The clothing I wore was strictly for comfort around the house. I wore only my wedding ring when leaving the house. As I desperately clung to the belief that I would be much better very soon, the jewellery remained in our safe. Fifteen years later, reality hit : My health was in a decline and no treatment could cure it or even relieve the symptoms.

The valuable pieces remain unworn waiting until our granddaughters will inherit them. A few of the lesser items have been sold and a few more probably will follow.

Finally (thanks to those of you who persevered to this point ), I bought for my real life at that time, but it was like an imaginary time. Make sense? I hope so.

Oh, and our favourite song is " Didn't we almost have it all?" (Whitney Houston). Ironic, but true.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

I buy / make for my imaginary life, completely. Why not? Eventually, I believe it will meld with my real life, or take it over entirely. Sometimes though, I have to use my real life to prop up my fantasy life a little. Example: I'm learning to work in silver, with an eye on the fact that I will eventually require a tiara and matching choker, all in a rather elaborate design. That's the imaginary life bit. The real life bit is that I can't currently afford to commission this set, so I have to make it for myself... See? My real life here is propping up my imaginary life beautifully.

Heheheh - what you're describing is exactly how I got into silversmithing. I've never tried to make a tiara, though. But I am currently drooling over this crown: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85043070/golden-fairytale-princess-crown-of-gold

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....

Confession - my own personal project is a tiara. It is just for me, it will probably never be seen outside my apartment, but it is such a fun, challenging project!

 

[Haven]

I've been thinking about this question for a while, and I still can't make the distinction between my real life and my imaginary life. I feel like it becomes real as soon as I imagine it, and certainly as soon as I buy it if a purchase is involved.

I have a lifelong habit of daydreaming, and once I find a daydream that is really compelling I focus on it. It's been my experience that the daydreams always end up becoming reality, one way or another. Big and small.

 

[Circe]

.. I figure that my weird wardrobe of silk and satin and lace and velvet, granny boots and crinolines, encourages me to make my imaginary life my real life: sure, it's aspirational, but I'm a lot likelier to go out to that show that's two hours away in Brooklyn if I have a nifty costume and have made the effort of getting into it than I am if I'm just schlubbing around in jeans. And if that means a lot of dry-cleaning, so be it.

Okay, I have to ask because your wardrobe sounds like it has some pretty awesome pieces: what is the most amazing article of clothing you have, and what details make it the best?

Oh, man, are you going to regret having gotten me started.

Did you ever see "Tango and Cash?" It's a buddy cop movie from the 80s where Stallone plays the three-piece-suit-wearing uptight cop and Kurt Russell plays the free-and-easy cop. Man, I loved that movie when I was a kid - to the point that, when I once did a DVD extra thingy on a movie that actually turned out to be in my field as a grown-up (I study kid's books), after watching it, the first thing my dad asked was, "So, when do you think you'll be doing one for that other movie you liked so much when you were 7 ... what was it ... not Last Unicorn ... not Flight of Dragons ... oh, yeah! Tango and Cash!"

Anyway. One of the reasons I love it so much? At one point, when Our Heros are wrongfully imprisoned and moping around in prison wearing stained wife-beaters, the Russel character pokes the Stallone character and says, "Ah, you just miss your wardrobe." And as the shot cuts, you see Stallone looking ruefully down at a hole in his strappy undershirt, muttering "... I do miss my wardrobe ...."

I identified with that character, heavily. But given that I love all my babies, it's hard to pick just one!

Top Five:

- cherry red Doc Marten-style boots by Chloe that I found for a song at a vintage shop in Paris.

- Agent Provocateur nursing bras (not to be TMI), just because ... if we're talking about clothing as costume, trust me, nothing counters the feeling of being a blah lump post-partum like leopard-print frillies.

- a heavily embroidered silk Chinese coat from the 60s that I just bought: it might be the priciest piece of clothing I've purchased aside from my academic robes, but it is embroidered with phoenixes and peonies and chrysanthemums and dragons, and it thrills my covetous monkey heart to bits.

- Edwardian nursing belt(s). I have one that I wear as a belt-belt (which makes me happy about having gone down to my normal size, even if I do have 10 pounds to go before I'm back to fighting trim), and one which I remade into a choker which basically looks like steel lace gorget.

- a pair of black and gold thigh-high leather platform boots lined in bright red leather that make me feel like Wonder Woman. I bought them in London when I was just entering the 2nd trimester, and the dude behind the counter didn't notice the belly until he came around to the other side. He looked DEEPLY skeptical about my ability to rock them, but rock them I do ... even if I WAS banned from wearing them for the Pregnant Wonder Woman costume I wanted to put together for Halloween, as I was in the 9th month.

- LAST ONE! A couple of weeks ago, I wore all-white for basically the first time in my life. Heck, even when I got married, I wore a blue pashmina, but for some reason, I woke up and wanted to wear a white lace blouse and wide-legged white pants. Well, at my local flea market, there's a lady with a table that's piled with vintage clothes - some trash, some treasure. This time, I reached in and pulled out a heavy white opera coat in raw silk with crystal trim around the collar. Wore it out ....

Um. You all think I'm a freak now, don't you. The hell of it is, since the kiddo's sleeping, I can't even take pictures! Argh.

I look like a normal person most of the time, I swear! Maybe just a little ... vivid?

 

[Circe]

I buy / make for my imaginary life, completely. Why not? Eventually, I believe it will meld with my real life, or take it over entirely. Sometimes though, I have to use my real life to prop up my fantasy life a little. Example: I'm learning to work in silver, with an eye on the fact that I will eventually require a tiara and matching choker, all in a rather elaborate design. That's the imaginary life bit. The real life bit is that I can't currently afford to commission this set, so I have to make it for myself... See? My real life here is propping up my imaginary life beautifully.

Heheheh - what you're describing is exactly how I got into silversmithing. I've never tried to make a tiara, though. But I am currently drooling over this crown: http://www.etsy.com/listing/85043070/golden-fairytale-princess-crown-of-gold

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ....

Confession - my own personal project is a tiara. It is just for me, it will probably never be seen outside my apartment, but it is such a fun, challenging project!

Heheheh - I wonder how many of us there are? I think we should start a making-the-tiara thread. If I make mine in sections, I can participate, and this thread has started the ideas percolating ....

Jen - I wanna see your bench!

 

[Dreamer_D]

What is an imaginary life? The life you want? A fantasy life? A life different than the norms around you? All of these definitions seem to fit how you and others have answered the question. But I'd like you to narrow it down a little for me. Can you elaborate Circe?

 

[kenny]

I don't make such a distinction between real and imaginary.

Just do/buy what you like.

I do, Kenny! And what I like is to be introspective, and to hear other people's thoughts.

Groovy.

Me too.

 

[Circe]

What is an imaginary life? The life you want? A fantasy life? A life different than the norms around you? All of these definitions seem to fit how you and others have answered the question. But I'd like you to narrow it down a little for me. Can you elaborate Circe?

To me, those three things are more or less the same thing, so ... all of the above?

In a way, this topic seems easier to show rather than tell: I suppose what I mean can be summed up in the fact that I buy far more fancy clothes than I have fancy occasions. Purchasing the clothes makes me manufacture the occasions ... but the underlying psychological impulse is still an active one. Similarly jewelry, I suppose, but since in our society very little jewelry is considered occasion-inappropriate (the only possible exception being the tiara, I suppose), I feel like that speaks to a different, more interior-ly directed, and more fantasy-based motive ....

 

[anne_h]

GREAT question.

I buy for my real life, but also because the piece either speaks to me or makes me feel a certain way. In some cases, I buy a piece because it reinforces how I do (or want to) see myself.

I never consider if something is practical or appropriate or not. My only criteria is financial. I know if I like it and choose to buy it, I'll wear it if and when I want to. I don't mind what other people think about my jewelry wardrobe. lol I also like buying my own pieces.

That said, I do enjoy being a lady who loves jewelry and can own what I consider to be nice pieces. I really love the VC upgrade in my avatar. Something magical (to me) about

- having a husband who would spend a big chunk of his investment returns on me
- having my wildest jewelry dream to date come true
- having something not all too many people would have a chance to have
- the beauty of the antique center stone and VC setting itself (superb quality)

I really enjoy wearing it every day. It's somehow rather fulfilling, even still!

Anne

 

[Dreamer_D]

Well, the psychomatrician in my wanted a little more specificity in your question, but I guess we are adopting a more loosey goosey descriptive approach to data collection

This distinction between a real and imaginary life is interesting to me. I have never thought of my life as having those two componenets. I think the assumption that two such parallel universes exist implies a whole host of interesting psychology concepts: The "ought" self and social norms on the one hand seeming to shape the "real life", and the more aspirational self shaping the "imaginary life".

In self psychology we talk a lot about authenticity -- feeling like one is presenting to others ones true self. People vary greatly in how much they reveal their "true self". Typically, when people fear rejection by others they hide their true or authentic self behind a mask of socially acceptable (and benign) behavior. I imagine if someone feels inauthentic then they could feel like their real life is dictating a lot of their choices in life, including their jewelery wardrobe. If someone was letting their authentic self guide their decisions -- their passions, their esthetics, their whims -- then perhaps a more "imaginary self" or "imaginary life" would seem to guide their decisions because each individual's choices would be more ideosyncratic. Remove the influence of norms and you get very individualistic and unpredictable behavior. So I wonder if their is a correlation between people's answers to this question and their own feelings of authenticity in their life.

For my part, if social norms are real life, I most definitely let imaginary life guide my jewelery. I wear my Aurora and 1.35cttw studs in my pajamas around the house when I am sick and looking after my 9 month old! But I don't consider that my imaginary life. It is authentic to who I am.

 

[Dreamer_D]

That said, I do enjoy being a lady who loves jewelry and can own what I consider to be nice pieces. I really love the VC upgrade in my avatar. Something magical (to me) about

- having a husband who would spend a big chunk of his investment returns on me
- having my wildest jewelry dream to date come true
- having something not all too many people would have a chance to have
- the beauty of the antique center stone and VC setting itself (superb quality)

I really enjoy wearing it every day. It's somehow rather fulfilling, even still!

I am facinated by the symbolism of jewelery and have been thinking about it a lot lately! The symbolism and meaning you see in your ring is so deep and meaningful and important.