...but you just have to have kids!

[Arcadian]

I'm so thankful my parents never ask. They know the kitchen is closed and I ain't baking nothing My sibs have asked and its been met with "can you get the hell out of my crotch please?"

If or when you decide, you'll be fine. You both may need to form a plan of action where he speaks with his family and you speak with yours. There's enough pressure going on, no one needs all that too.

My friends have only asked once. They have never asked again because well...I can be a little colorful.

Good luck to you both!
-A

 

[Dancing Fire]

My FI and I are getting married in less than 50 days and one of the first things everyone asks is: are you going to be having kids soon? FI and I are entertaining the idea of NOT having kids and when we say that we always hear "but you have to have kids" "then why get married?" "you will make wonderful parents". For those of you that have decided not to have children what was your reason? How did you handle the inquiries? How did you handle the "desperate to be grandparents" in-laws??

Amy...you should have at least 4 kids. i wanna see you suffer through their teenage years... i have two PITB daughters and i love them both dearly.

Awwww I knew you were a big softy, DF!

only towards liberals...

 

[iheartscience]

My FI and I are getting married in less than 50 days and one of the first things everyone asks is: are you going to be having kids soon? FI and I are entertaining the idea of NOT having kids and when we say that we always hear "but you have to have kids" "then why get married?" "you will make wonderful parents". For those of you that have decided not to have children what was your reason? How did you handle the inquiries? How did you handle the "desperate to be grandparents" in-laws??

Amy...you should have at least 4 kids. i wanna see you suffer through their teenage years... i have two PITB daughters and i love them both dearly.

Awwww I knew you were a big softy, DF!

only towards liberals...

Ha! I hope your daughters are as liberal as me! I love arguing with my dad about politics!

 

[Miss Sparkly]

We've never told his parents that we're not having kids, but I suspect they know. I told my parents when I was 8 that I was never having children and stuck to it! For the most part people have been surprised but very supportive of our decision. When they are not I just remind them in a firm voice that it is not their decision to make and to encourage unwilling parents to have a child is encouraging a child to be born into an unsuitable household. THAT usually shuts them up, makes them think, and then they're supportive.

eta: I made the choice at a young age to never have children based on my general aversion to them and knowing full well that I am not willing to give up my life for them. I gave up my childhood, unknowingly and unwillingly, to try to "save" my family from my mothers abuse. I don't have a good example of how to raise kids and I'm also not willing to put a child through potential hell with me just for the experience of having a child.

 

[Amys Bling]

DH and I started out being polite in response to these kinds of rude remarks. We'd say things like "Oh, yes, we'll have them when we're ready" and smiled until they stopped asking.

However, something has happened over the last year and we've just lost our patience, apparently.
Most recently a friend of DH's father said "Oh, my! You're 30? And your husband is 41? *tut tut* You really should start trying to have children." My response: "Why?" I couldn't help it.

I've also started telling people that DH doesn't want to have children because he doesn't want to contribute to our planet's unsustainable population.

What I really want to say is "It's none of your damn business when or if I have children, and I'll thank you to mind it from now on." But I haven't gotten there . . . yet.

ETA: TGal, I completely understand what you're saying, and I don't have a problem with any of our parents asking us about our plans. It's the relative strangers that really irritate me. I feel like once I hit 30 it became a free-for-all for practical strangers to unabashedly ask me very personal questions.

I feel like we are at the stage of "oh, yea, in a few years stage..." right now, but honestly- children are not a definite. I know my patience will run out though...


The "then why get married response is what really got me though!"...why? because we love each other and want to be together, and having children is not the ONLY reason to get married! humpf!

 

[texaskj]

Sparkly, I didn't make my decision quite as young as you, but I swear if one more person told me I'd change my mind....
My little brother came along when I was 14 with no siblings in between. And six months later I decided I wanted no part of being a parent. No how, no way. To me the best part of getting older has been the end of those asinine questions.
Two of my favorite answers were "Why in the world would you ask such a personal question?" And this must be said looking the person square in the eye with no emotion whatsoever. Or, "Gee I don't know Marsha, why don't we go look at your tax returns from last year and then we'll discuss it?"

 

[manderz]

My sibs have asked and its been met with "can you get the hell out of my crotch please?"

Love this, and I'm so stealing this line!!

 

[UnluckyTwin]

We've never told his parents that we're not having kids, but I suspect they know. I told my parents when I was 8 that I was never having children and stuck to it! For the most part people have been surprised but very supportive of our decision. When they are not I just remind them in a firm voice that it is not their decision to make and to encourage unwilling parents to have a child is encouraging a child to be born into an unsuitable household. THAT usually shuts them up, makes them think, and then they're supportive.

eta: I made the choice at a young age to never have children based on my general aversion to them and knowing full well that I am not willing to give up my life for them. I gave up my childhood, unknowingly and unwillingly, to try to "save" my family from my mothers abuse. I don't have a good example of how to raise kids and I'm also not willing to put a child through potential hell with me just for the experience of having a child.

I did my master's thesis on the pressures women face to have children and interviewed childfree women about the responses they give when people pressure them to have children (or ask why they are not). The bolded part was part of the response.

Another thing the women say--and something I believe myself as a childfree woman--is that yes, having a child may be beautiful and the most amazing experience ever, but for some people, skydiving is the most amazing thing ever and we don't all go along and do it for fear of missing out, do we? Many childfree people are content with--and in love with--their lives, and while having a child may be The Most Amazing Thing Ever that your friends/relatives don't want you to miss out on, not every person needs to try everything. (For many childfree women, of course, having children does NOT seem amazing, but that'd be "rude" to point out, so agreeing with your friend/MIL/whomever and then finding a point at which to diverge seems the most useful route if trying to avoid a too-personal discussion.)

 

[Amys Bling]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom- encouragement-witty lines- and good ways of handling this situation. I just feel like having children it the "expected course", but I don't feel that we necessarily want the "expected" life.

 

[iugurl]

I don't want children. I don't mind when close family/friends simply ask if we are going to have children. That, IMO, is kind of a "normal" thing you talk about with close friends. What I don't like is when they act shocked and appalled. "Why!? Why oh why don't you want precipitous little babies." It drives me crazy. I am honest about why I don't want kids. I say that I love spending all of our fun $ on myself and DH. I love sleeping in late on the weekends. I love going away for the weekend. I love not having to clean poop and vomit up

 

[bigdiamondtinygal]

I agree that this is hard question to answer. But the truth really is that the only people whose business it really is whether you are going to have kids are you and your fiance. It isn't even your parents business if you don't want it to be.

I am a woman who has never wanted kids. Not even for 1 second. I have always been blatantly honest with men I've dated, my parents, and my friends about this. Honestly, for me it is for many reasons. But one being...that I just don't really
get "in" to kids. To be frank...I don't like them. I don't relate to them and I don't really care to. And beyond that, I think that having a child is a VERY big deal. To be a good parent, one has to make so many sacrifices personally and financially that I am just not ready to make (and I don't think I ever will be). I have worked really hard to get to where I am in my career and to build a comfortable life financially. Having a kid will undoubtedly change those things for me....and that is not an option I want to choose. I think that a lot of people have kids without being prepared or able to provide for them financially or personally...but that is a topic for another day!

In any event, back to the subject, my husband and I just got married this past fall (2010) and people ask us all the time whether we want kids. The answer: No. When people ask why we explain if it is someone close to us, but otherwise we just say we don't want them...we like our life the way it is. As for my parents, my feelings about having children have been known to them for years. So we don't have to explain there. His parents....well...that's been a bit harder. We have explained it a few times since we have been together...but I'm not sure they really get it. I have stronger feelings on the issue than my husband but we have talked about it many times since our first date and he is on board with not having kids.

What I really hate is when after I explain how we feel and have a whole discussion about it....most people who HAVE kids respond "You'll change your mind." Uhhh...seriously? No. I won't. I've been this way my whole life. Just because we're married doesn't mean we need to procreate!

I think it is great if other people want to have kids. But I think it is really funny and annoying that there is so much pressure to have kids once you're married!!

 

[monarch64]

Wow! I know the question comes up because like Dreamer said, it's part of the normal life script after marriage to go on to procreate, but honestly I've never had anyone ask me flat out when I was going to have children. Maybe it's some sort of vibe I give off, I don't know. Even in my first marriage, I only had one close friend who was so obviously ready to have children and talked about it all the time, who would ask me when my ex and I were going to start TTC. I always put her off with "when we're ready!"

Now that I've divorced and am engaged to be married again, and am knocking on the door of the ripe ol' age of 34 (one year away from "advanced maternal age"), I am NEVER asked when I'm going to have children. It's either that people assume we'll get started as soon as we're married, or that people maybe think I can't have children, or that they think I don't want them. I don't know. But there is something about me and also something about SO that makes people not want to ask, I think. It's weird, because I see similar topics here on PS from time to time, and I always wonder why people aren't more intrusive with us. I'll chalk it up to "we're lucky."

If I were a person who WAS asked often "when will you have kids?", I would just say "when we feel ready," and change the subject with a smile. Don't give anyone room to insist or keep talking to you about it. And, if you must, just distract them with something colorful and noisy as you would with a toddler throwing a tantrum. (Or, pour them more wine.)

 

[Lula]

I get asked this quite a bit, but have realized most of the time (with non-family members anyway) that this question is often a way to bring up the topic, because the asker of the question wants to tell you a story about his/her kids. So it's just part of a social nicety, "Do you have kids?" "No, I don't; do you?" Once I turn the question back on the asker,and ask them about their own family, they are more than willing to tell you about their kids -- which I don't mind at all. I am genuinely happy to hear stories from parents about their kids. It's joyful news, usually (sometimes sad). Sometimes I mention my nieces and nephews, who we are close to. But I've found the older I get, the less I get the question and the less offended by it. By this time, my family has given up expecting grandchildren from me, so the topic never comes up.

I do occasionally get asked who will take care of me when I'm old, and I do admit that that does take some forethought and discussions with siblings and friends who are also carefree. But there are options for elder care, and there's never any guarantee your son or daughter will be a good (or willing) caretaker.

No one tells me that I will change my mind -- not anymore anyway, because I'm older and "options have run out." But I did get this comment a lot when I was younger, and I hated it. I often asked the person if they wanted to place a small wager on it...

 

[jstarfireb]

I'm also not having kids. I never had any desire to bear or raise children. Heck, I don't even LIKE kids! I work hard and value my free time tremendously. I can handle a world without my DNA being passed on, and I'm planning to take care of myself with the help of my husband when I'm old, then check myself into a nursing home if there's nobody else to help.

People always give me looks of shock and horror when I tell them I don't want kids. I usually reply that not every woman is meant to be a mother, and it's better to know you aren't cut out for it than to bring a child into the world and be unable to take care of him/her properly. If they have the gall to tell me I'm selfish for not having kids (which people seem to think is a valid argument for some reason), I turn it around and argue that having kids is much more of an inherently selfish act - to propagate one's own genetic material.

Oh, and what IUGirl said...

"I say that I love spending all of our fun $ on myself and DH. I love sleeping in late on the weekends. I love going away for the weekend. I love not having to clean poop and vomit up"

My sentiments EXACTLY!!!!!

 

[Imdanny]

If you think the social pressure to marry and have kids is intense imagine what it is like to grow up gay and get pressure from your own parents, all of your family, all of your parents' friends, all of your family's acquaintances, and all of society to be straight, to the point that even though you have never been straight, and could never be, the same are willing to act as if you just must be, even if they have to pretend, with themselves and with you that not being straight is such a non-possibility that they will willfully make it up as they go along and never even say out loud the first whisper to you of the reality of who you are. So yes I know something about the pressure to marry.

And as far as having kids is concerned, WTF, that truly isn't anyone else's business. I'm not suggesting that you be mean or rude to people. I am suggesting that you might want to consider saying something like, "That's something for my husband and me to consider, it's not a decision that we take lightly, and if and when we decide to have children, I'm sure it's something we will have thought about very carefully." Maybe they'll get the hint to mind their own business if you let them know you don't like being pressured and will not accept their presumption of making plans for your life.

I really wish that people would lay off of other people for not having children if they don't want to or can't. Kenny was kind of joking but aside from the fact that it's such a rude question because so many can't have children if they wanted to, the world's population is exploding. You personally really don't have to have a child or children to insure the survival of the species, you're the one that would have the responsibility for bringing a life into the world, not them, and it truly isn't for other people to expect you to have children let alone to go on and on about it.

I have found that people's expectations about things like this will fade over time as they realize they're not going to get what they want or think they want and eventually they come to realize that it's your life, it's your choice, and it's just plain reality. It takes a while but over time they seem to come to terms with the reality of how things are and not how they wish things would be. It's really kind of sad because some people just don't get it for a long time the fact that your choices aren't their business and sometimes these people have to kind of be ignored until they wrap their minds around the fact that their wishful thinking is not helping and not ever going to help them get what they expect from you.

I don't imagine it's easy to do but I hope you can find a way to put them in their place because you really don't deserve to feel pressured.

 

[kenny]

I am a woman who has never wanted kids. Not even for 1 second. I have always been blatantly honest with men I've dated, my parents, and my friends about this. Honestly, for me it is for many reasons. But one being...that I just don't really
get "in" to kids. To be frank...I don't like them. I don't relate to them and I don't really care to. And beyond that, I think that having a child is a VERY big deal. To be a good parent, one has to make so many sacrifices personally and financially that I am just not ready to make (and I don't think I ever will be). I have worked really hard to get to where I am in my career and to build a comfortable life financially. Having a kid will undoubtedly change those things for me....and that is not an option I want to choose. I think that a lot of people have kids without being prepared or able to provide for them financially or personally...but that is a topic for another day!

This is exactly how I feel.
I'm astonished to run into a person not afraid to admit all this.
Not wanting and at not least loving children (and admitting it) is virtually a taboo in our society . . . "What's wrong with YOU!?!" is what many people think.

I don't hate kids, but I've always been VERY uncomfortable around them.
My analyst told me that's because I'm very uncomfortable about my own childhood.
Dad was a drunk and he horribly abused mom and all four of us kids.
I was the youngest and never babysat and have zero experience being around kids.
I'm gay so I never felt pressure to procreate, though my partner of 10 years wants kids (again, another thread).

Kids just do not even register on my radar map.
When I am around my neighbors and their kids I can't even remember the kid's name.
Of course I'm polite but have less than zero interest in the kids.
I hate sitting near them in restaurants, movies or planes.
I have never encountered a kid I went gah gah goo goo over.
No I don't think little socks are cute
Even being near them makes me uncomfortable.

 

[kenny]

I'm also not having kids. I never had any desire to bear or raise children. Heck, I don't even LIKE kids! I work hard and value my free time tremendously. I can handle a world without my DNA being passed on, and I'm planning to take care of myself with the help of my husband when I'm old, then check myself into a nursing home if there's nobody else to help.

People always give me looks of shock and horror when I tell them I don't want kids. I usually reply that not every woman is meant to be a mother, and it's better to know you aren't cut out for it than to bring a child into the world and be unable to take care of him/her properly. If they have the gall to tell me I'm selfish for not having kids (which people seem to think is a valid argument for some reason), I turn it around and argue that having kids is much more of an inherently selfish act - to propagate one's own genetic material.

Oh, and what IUGirl said...

"I say that I love spending all of our fun $ on myself and DH. I love sleeping in late on the weekends. I love going away for the weekend. I love not having to clean poop and vomit up"

My sentiments EXACTLY!!!!!

OMG, I can't believe I'm reading this.
My sentiments too.

I think some parents have ego-based motivations. (Calm down, I said SOME parents.)
They see making another human as their chance to obtain eternal life for their ego, their values, their WAY.
ie. My kids will vote THE RIGHT WAY, practice THE RIGHT religion and have THE RIGHT values.
My kids will go to the RIGHT school, marry the RIGHT kind of girl and raise their kids the CORRECT way.
Part of ME will live on forever.

They get so upset when their kids go their own way, marry the wrong girl, get into the wrong field.

Talk about huge egos.
Then again there is that saying . . . "People are DNA's way of making more DNA."
Perhaps we're just helpless pawns.

 

[kenny]

What I really hate is when after I explain how we feel and have a whole discussion about it....most people who HAVE kids respond "You'll change your mind." Uhhh...seriously? No. I won't. I've been this way my whole life. Just because we're married doesn't mean we need to procreate!

Yet another example of people not respect diversity.
I'll bet if they were told they are not respecting diversity they'd get their panties in a huge wad.

People just don't get it.
They only get to run one life, their own.

 

[Imdanny]

I do not want kids, period.

This is my hierarchy of things I have to be responsible for-

A life partner- that is a lot and it is a choice. It is a huge responsibility I have chosen. Asking me to be responsible for even one more human is WAY beyond the pale. No, no, a thousand times no.

Horses- I couldn't possibly take care of a horse.

Dogs- I couldn't even have a dog as a pet let alone a horse.

Cats- MY LIMIT and not only that ONE cat is my limit.

I have two living creatures in my household I have to be responsible for, three including myself. A fourth would be one too many for sure.

I am sorry/s to those who think I should "marry and have kids" but let's get real. Not everyone is cutout for the responsibility of having a child. I might get another cat if my cat died and hopefully that won't be for a long, long time, but it's such a long time from now, I don't know what my circumstances will be, how I will feel about it.

I have no idea how people have children "as a matter of course" and sometimes like 3 or 4 when they're in the early 20's (some of my relatives). Huh? How are they going to take of them? I'm against this whole idea that people have to have children. To assume OTHER people should do it? I for one would never assume that for another person.

There are plenty of kids in the world. There are about 30 of them outside my window, across the street, playing basketball, and yelling and screaming. I don't like kids. It's nothing personal against kids. I just don't like loud, fast moving... anything. I get upset when my cat gets the midnight crazies and runs around. I have a visceral reaction to it. At least my cat is now going on 4 so she's calming down. That's great. I don't like young kids, pets, whatever. Get off my lawn! I'm sorry but it's just not for me. Those of us who DON'T WANT kids shouldn't be made to feel pressured or ashamed. WTF. We're not doing anything wrong by making this choice. You want kids? You have them, you take care of them, you be financially responsible for them. /rant over

 

[slg47]

I agree with previous posters that some people probably ask because they feel like it is a 'life step'...just like asking when you are going to college/getting married/etc. (not that all of those are 'life steps' that one must take, but those are common enough questions).

however, I don't think having children for every couple is about 'the next step' and 'because everyone is doing it'. For me, I have personally always known that I would have children. It is a large part of my identity, and while I can respect people who don't want to have kids...it doesn't make sense to me. Obviously I would never want someone to have kids if they didn't want them, but not wanting them just seems...so...foreign to me. I think maybe this is why some people are so shocked-they just can't imagine a life without wanting to have kids.

 

[Dancing Fire]

...i am really surprised that there are so many PSers w/o kids.

 

[MonkeyPie]

...i am really surprised that there are so many PSers w/o kids.

How else can you afford honkin' diamonds?

All joking aside, I think it's good to know that so many couples here on PS have acknowledged they aren't cut out for parenthood. I know too many people that had kids like crazy and don't even take care of them. I was afraid of kids, awkward around them, until I had Micah. And now I'm still weird around other kids but with Micah, it's totally natural. It really IS different when you have your own, but only if you WANT them.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Ditto all of TGal's posts

For years we both said - and 99% meant - that we weren't having children. Then about 5 months before we got married DH got baby fever and that was that. We didn't start trying till after the wedding and I was PG 3 weeks later.

I think because I was 36 people were wary about asking in case we had problems. Those that did just said it in a conversational way and by the time I'd talked for 5 minutes on the subject and all the pros and cons they probably wished they hadn't asked!

I do get asked if we are having a second though and people seem taken aback when I say no. I do admit that I would be very sad if Daisy doesn't provide me with the graduation/wedding/grand-children but I'd get over it and at the end of the day it is her life. It is one of the things that makes me wonder if I shouldn't have another eventually.

Having a child has enriched our lives in ways that we had never thought possible and I am so, so glad we made the decision we did. We are definitely happier for having her and we thought we were pretty deliriously happy to start with!

This. It explains why those who have deep love for their children might hope that family members or close friends would eventually have that joy. I would never presume to ask someone when they were having children, but as a topic of general conversation, I could see asking if they plan to have any (or if they have one, do they plan on any more). In my daughter's case, she got married in Dec. and was pregnant at the end of Feb., so I didn't even have a chance to wonder!!! I can't wait to have a grandchild!

 

[Amys Bling]

I agree with previous posters that some people probably ask because they feel like it is a 'life step'...just like asking when you are going to college/getting married/etc. (not that all of those are 'life steps' that one must take, but those are common enough questions).

however, I don't think having children for every couple is about 'the next step' and 'because everyone is doing it'. For me, I have personally always known that I would have children. It is a large part of my identity, and while I can respect people who don't want to have kids...it doesn't make sense to me. Obviously I would never want someone to have kids if they didn't want them, but not wanting them just seems...so...foreign to me. I think maybe this is why some people are so shocked-they just can't imagine a life without wanting to have kids.

FI and I gave spent a lot if time imagining a life without kids, and what we want from life. Many of the things we want.... Traveling, living abroad, being able to go away ir do things on a whim- are not easily achieved with children for many reasons, unless we hut the lottery and can have a live in nanny and money to toss around.

It is definitely a very different life, but to us, one that has a lot of excitement and enjoyment in other ways. And we feel we will be tremendous, loving , caring, and spoiling aunts and uncles.

 

[kenny]

It explains why those who have deep love for their children might hope that family members or close friends would eventually have that joy.

Wishing me joy is a kind and wonderful thing BUT...

While I DO hope to have joy, too me having kids would not be joy.
It would be quite the opposite - and there's nothing wrong with that or me.

That's what I'm trying to convey here and in many threads.
How you see it is not how everyone else sees it.

People vary.

Shall I wish the joy of freedom from kids onto you?
Of course not.
That would not respect diversity.
You like having kids.

People vary.

Respecting diversity is not just for employment hiring practices or housing, it is for every nook and cranny of our lives.

 

[iugurl]

It explains why those who have deep love for their children might hope that family members or close friends would eventually have that joy.

Wishing me joy is a kind and wonderful thing BUT...

While I DO hope to have joy, too me having kids would not be joy.
It would be quite the opposite - and there's nothing wrong with that or me.

This EXACTLY! Getting accidentally pregnant would be on of the the worst things that could happen to me (second to being paralyzed, cancer, or death!). Getting pregnant/having kids brings YOU joy DS, but it would bring me much stress and unhappiness.

I once was told by a coworker that she hoped I accidentally got pregnant. I normally am not offended by what people say, but I was FURIOUS. I went off on her. Why the hell would you wish a kid on someone who doesn't want a kid?

 

[rubybeth]

I once was told by a coworker that she hoped I accidentally got pregnant. I normally am not offended by what people say, but I was FURIOUS. I went off on her. Why the hell would you wish a kid on someone who doesn't want a kid?

Holy c***! I would be so upset if someone said that to me. I've already gotten the "You'll change your mind " comments from a few people, and I just want to smack them. Honestly, motherhood never looked appealing to me and what I see of my friends' lives after having kids... it's not convincing me that all is a bowl of cherries.

 

[Gothgrrl]

I always knew I never wanted kids. I knew at age 11. At 18 I still knew. At 21...same thing...don't want kids. People can be so rude. I don't know how many times I've been told that I'd be a great mother, or your missing the greatest gift of life, or just have one. People have said then why did you get married? I've been told I'm selfish for not having children. Oh your still young you'll change your mind. Well now I', in my mid 40's, I still feel the same. And what about your husband, does he not want kids? Just for the record he did want children. But I'm the one who has to go through 9 months of something that I never desired. I love kids, I just knew I wasn't going to a mom. So those who chose to have kids...how wonderful for you. And those who don't want kids...that is perfectly fine. Some people just aren't having kids.

It nice to know that there are women out there who don't want children.

 

[manderz]

I have several friends who knew from the time they were little that they wanted to be mommies some day. Two of them would even troll through the baby section in WalMart, just to check out all the cute tine little things.

I knew a long time ago that having children was probably not something that I want out of life. The whole idea of pregnancy and giving birth just freaks me out. Please, no one take offence to my comparison, but have you ever seen Sigourney Weaver's movie Alien? That's what childbirth reminds me of. I'm just not a fan. It's not that I don't like kids, I love them, but I'm just not meant to be a mom.

My honey and I have been getting the kid questions for a long time, even before we were engaged. He's never really thought about it (other than knowing that we're no where near ready now), and I'm pretty firmly in the no camp, so the questions just drive me nuts. My mom's been implying that she wants grandbabies (I told her furry ones will have to do), and one of my cousins was utterly shocked when I mentioned it. I'm just sick of justifying my choices to everyone ad nauseum. We have a one bedroom house, I'm in school, we're not ready, we can't afford it, we don't want to..... I'm just tired of it. I feel like I need one of those answers that will shock people so much that they just don't know what to say anymore, and we can just change the subject.

I'm glad to see that there are so many like-minded people on here. I don't really have any support on it except from FI, so it's nice to be able to express how I feel with out the sneaky comments implying I'll change my mind, etc.

 

[kenny]

I am astonished how many have spoken up that they don't want kids and are sick of being harassed about it.
Clearly not wanting kids is a social taboo and you don't have to be Darwin to see evolutionary reason.

In the past when friends have gotten married I've sent them good wishes to them in cards and such that say something like, "I wish you two happiness, long healthy lives and children."

After this thread I will no longer mention children in wedding congratulations.