Bridesmaid Rant/Questions

[Chewbacca]

I'm sorry your bridesmaid experience is sucking, antiquesparkler!

I won't have bridesmaids! I was worried I'd 'have' to, because SO wanted his two brothers (and we have two sisters), but he doesn't want anyone either. Hurrah! I've done 'bridesmaid duties' for weddings that I wasn't a part of, so I figure the ladies in my life will return the favour!

SO was in both of his brothers. Both times the suit/shirt/tie/belt was bought for him.

 

[zoebartlett]

When I got married 5 years ago, my sister and my husband's friend were the only ones in our wedding party. I had planned on paying for my sister's dress but she refused. It didn't matter what she chose -- dress and shoes (style and color) were up to her. As for who to ask, I didn't want to have to choose between my friends. Although, as an "older" bride compared to most of my friends, I don't think they would have cared either way. Maybe the drama is an age thing?

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

Whoa! So you're having to pay close to $700 for a dress for yourself and one for your daughter, NOT including anything else? Yeah, that's no good. I probably would have backed out on sheer principle! Is there no way for you to get out of it politely? I would be totally frank about it and say that financially it just doesn't make sense for you at the moment. You're going to spend a ton on the dress, the mani/pedis, hair and make-up, etc. It really does add up. That doesn't even include the present or the money you pitch in for the events.

I've been in 4.5 weddings (one was cancelled after I bought the dress) and I have never had a bride pay for anything. I have always bought the dress, shoes (if needed), mani/pedi, hair, etc. For those of you who have had the dress and extras paid for, that is just awesome! I did not pay for my bridesmaids dresses or anything, as that isn't how we do it where I'm from. I kept my dresses around $75, including shipping and they were the infinity dresses that can be worn a ton of ways. For the one bridesmaid I had who isn't a normal dress wearer I bought her dress so I could keep it after the ceremony No one wore shoes and hair and make-up were optional to pay for of you could simply do your own. We did all get at least a pedicure, which was done together and I really loved that bonding time, but they paid for their own.

 

[ckrickett]

I'm alittle late to this thread,but I've been reading it and I'm at a mild loss for words.

If I were you, and please don't take my advice because it always backfires on me, I would politely bow out. There is a lot to be said for taking on the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid, but it sounds like she has no consideration for you or your budget. Maybe it is just me, but for a flowergirls dress to cost as much as yours, and you saying your dress was about double what she said it would be sounds CRAZY! Then again I know nothing about this so please, take my words with a huge helping of salt. But If I wanted super specific expensive dresses at my wedding I would buy them, not force my attendants to burden the cost on something they will probably never wear again. seriously. Also that comment she made on FB seemed a teensy bridezilla-ish, which would make me feel unappreciative to the amount of time and money you have already put into helping her have her perfect day. she should understand that sometimes a few little thing might slip through the cracks, but you compromise so you get what you want without putting your attendants out.

My mentality has always been (well if it is MY vision, and MY day, I should be the one taking the cost.) Then again for my bridesmaids I figured I'd just give them a color and a preferred length and have them choose something they loved, or already might have and leave it at that. That is just me though.

 

[antiquesparkler]

Whoa! So you're having to pay close to $700 for a dress for yourself and one for your daughter, NOT including anything else? Yeah, that's no good. I probably would have backed out on sheer principle! Is there no way for you to get out of it politely? I would be totally frank about it and say that financially it just doesn't make sense for you at the moment. You're going to spend a ton on the dress, the mani/pedis, hair and make-up, etc. It really does add up. That doesn't even include the present or the money you pitch in for the events.

I've been in 4.5 weddings (one was cancelled after I bought the dress) and I have never had a bride pay for anything. I have always bought the dress, shoes (if needed), mani/pedi, hair, etc. For those of you who have had the dress and extras paid for, that is just awesome! I did not pay for my bridesmaids dresses or anything, as that isn't how we do it where I'm from. I kept my dresses around $75, including shipping and they were the infinity dresses that can be worn a ton of ways. For the one bridesmaid I had who isn't a normal dress wearer I bought her dress so I could keep it after the ceremony No one wore shoes and hair and make-up were optional to pay for of you could simply do your own. We did all get at least a pedicure, which was done together and I really loved that bonding time, but they paid for their own.

Our dresses aren’t quite that expensive. A little over $500 for the two before alterations and the fancy belt she wants me to buy for my daughter. You know, when I said yes, I imagined spending maybe $200 on my dress and $100 on my daughters. I wasn’t planning on the dresses being so expensive and then her forcing us to buy matching $80 heels plus the faux fur wrap, hair, nails, toes to be done to match. I put half down on both dresses already so while I COULD politely bow out, it doesn’t help me a whole lot. I have already politely told her that I will wear a pair of my own heels and I will be painting my own nails, a friend is doing my hair, etc. She isn’t pleased and some facebook comments proved that. I feel like I just need to get through it. I actually really adore her family so I am trying really hard not to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause waves.

This whole experience has just totally changed how I will go about everything for our wedding.

$75?! That is soooo amazing. I love those infinity dresses. If there weren’t so many other wedding-related expenses for her wedding- I would totally love to all go get a pedicure, I think it’s a fun and relaxing time for all the girls to bond! I just have to draw the line somewhere.

I did find out that one of the other girls complained about all the expenses. I am sure she will get more flack because there are 9 of us girls.

 

[antiquesparkler]

When I got married 5 years ago, my sister and my husband's friend were the only ones in our wedding party. I had planned on paying for my sister's dress but she refused. It didn't matter what she chose -- dress and shoes (style and color) were up to her. As for who to ask, I didn't want to have to choose between my friends. Although, as an "older" bride compared to most of my friends, I don't think they would have cared either way. Maybe the drama is an age thing?

Hi Zoe! You might be right about the age thing but she is my age and I cant imagine all this for our day... I think its a maturity thing...

Okay, I digress.

 

[antiquesparkler]

I'm alittle late to this thread,but I've been reading it and I'm at a mild loss for words.

If I were you, and please don't take my advice because it always backfires on me, I would politely bow out. There is a lot to be said for taking on the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid, but it sounds like she has no consideration for you or your budget. Maybe it is just me, but for a flowergirls dress to cost as much as yours, and you saying your dress was about double what she said it would be sounds CRAZY! Then again I know nothing about this so please, take my words with a huge helping of salt. But If I wanted super specific expensive dresses at my wedding I would buy them, not force my attendants to burden the cost on something they will probably never wear again. seriously. Also that comment she made on FB seemed a teensy bridezilla-ish, which would make me feel unappreciative to the amount of time and money you have already put into helping her have her perfect day. she should understand that sometimes a few little thing might slip through the cracks, but you compromise so you get what you want without putting your attendants out.

My mentality has always been (well if it is MY vision, and MY day, I should be the one taking the cost.) Then again for my bridesmaids I figured I'd just give them a color and a preferred length and have them choose something they loved, or already might have and leave it at that. That is just me though.[/quote]

Yeah, the whole situation is really difficult because I really like her fam and she and I were really good friends at one point. I can understand my dress being a tad pricey but my daughter’s dress being so expensive really pushed made me realize my budget was of no concern to her. She is six and runs around like a crazy little person. Not to mention if it’s itchy, she will have it off before dinner and probably never wear it again. Something for $60-$80 seems more reasonable but that’s just me.

Re: the bolded part- Exactly! That’s my vision. Comfy, happy bridesmaids.

I am starting to sound like bridesmaidzilla.

 

[zoebartlett]

When I got married 5 years ago, my sister and my husband's friend were the only ones in our wedding party. I had planned on paying for my sister's dress but she refused. It didn't matter what she chose -- dress and shoes (style and color) were up to her. As for who to ask, I didn't want to have to choose between my friends. Although, as an "older" bride compared to most of my friends, I don't think they would have cared either way. Maybe the drama is an age thing?

Hi Zoe! You might be right about the age thing but she is my age and I cant imagine all this for our day... I think its a maturity thing...

Okay, I digress.

Yeah, I guess it's more of a maturity thing. I think that's what I meant when I posted. It is a LOT of money to shell out.

 

[wildcat03]

I'm in my sister's wedding and she is ticking me off, but I'm trying to just grin and bear it. It's just me and her best friend, and I am MOH.

First - gives me this whole line about how the dress is up to me, this will be low key and affordable blah blah. Sister, her best friend, and I all happen to be in the same state for 2 days (highly unusual, as her best friend and I live 1 state apart and sister lives halfway across the country but is getting married near where we are) so we order a bunch of dresses to try on and return and hopefully pick something out. Not a single ONE of the dresses I like is ordered. Not a single one. Try on dresses and they are terrible (PS - my sister is a raging bitch the entire trip). Fine, whatever. The dress that's chosen is a $200 dress and it is a bit much for a casual backyard wedding. As background, I do not OWN a single piece of clothing that costs $200 and this comes just before I am about to hit a period of time where I'm transitioning jobs and despite working full time throughout, I get NO paycheck for two full months. And, when all this came about I had already bought her engagement/shower/wedding gift (a kitchenaid Artisan mixer). Had I known she would choose such an expensive bridesmaid dress I would have spent less on her present and put the balance aside for my dress/expenses.

Anyways, thanks for letting me vent

 

[antiquesparkler]

Awwww Wildcat.. Ugh. Such a tough situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with that.

Are you able to talk to her about the dress?

Can you take the mixer back or did you already give it to her?

I am also trying to grin and bear it but it is really difficult some days.

I can tell you that I will probably just give my mom some money to go in on the gift with her. I just don’t feel the need to go and spend even more money on some big gift. Oh yes... my parents are invited too... along with 450 other people. Lol.

 

[wildcat03]

Awwww Wildcat.. Ugh. Such a tough situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with that.

Are you able to talk to her about the dress?

Can you take the mixer back or did you already give it to her?

I am also trying to grin and bear it but it is really difficult some days.

I can tell you that I will probably just give my mom some money to go in on the gift with her. I just don’t feel the need to go and spend even more money on some big gift. Oh yes... my parents are invited too... along with 450 other people. Lol.

I actually did something fairly immature but that made it work for me (I had already given the mixer or I would have returned it). I complained to my mom, who also had a role in choosing the expensive bridesmaid dresses, enough that she just wrote me a check for my dress. I shouldn't have done that, but my parents are comfortably middle class and paying for most of the wedding, so even though the wedding is casual my dress is really just a drop in that bucket. Meanwhile I just finished my residency training and they wrote me a tiny check as a graduation present. I know I should be grateful, but in a family where I was always told that brains were more important than boys and my sister is getting a wedding paid for and my (frankly much larger) accomplishment gets a small check I just feel...a little left out. This is probably not helped by the fact that I'm still healing from a pretty horrendous breakup.

(Realized that saying I just finished residency training makes it sound like I'm about to be making doctor money, but I am going on to fellowship so that is still it least a year away if not more)

 

[antiquesparkler]

That is really nice of your mom. I wouldn't feel bad at all.

Eeeesh though about dealing with all of this AND a horrendous break up. I applaud you girl! You are much more well behaved than I am and you are dealing with much more.