Blessing

[GhostofMacbeth]

I am going to ask my girlfriend to marry her in the next couple of weeks and I am trying to figure out what to do about the parents blessing. Her folks live about five hours away and in person seems to be out of the question. I also see that it is a very sticky topic among the posters on the forum. Some people are very strongly slanted in either direction. This would be the first engagement for either of us and we are somewhat older (late 20s and 30s), I have met the parents and get along well with them. I just don''t know how to ask my girlfriend if she would get pissed if I asked for the blessing without spilling too much etc. I am fairly traditional and feel like it should be something I do but she is fairly easy to annoy with weird things like this and it could go either way. I also stink on the phone so I am tying to figure out how to do the actual asking over the phone without flubbing it too bad. Any ideas? Thanks

 

[GhostofMacbeth]

Also, before or after I ask her? That is one of the things that seems to be sticky as well.

 

[oshinbreez]

Hi.
You usually ask the parents before you ask her. I consider asking for their blessing as something different than asking for their permission. Could you call up the parents and ask if you could take them out to dinner somewhere halfway between both of you?

 

[dmbfan]

are the parents religious? is a blessing something they would give you? i think you caould decide yourself if GF would be ok with it. I think driving 5 hrs to talk to them in person speaks a thousand words. do you guys go up and visit them at all? this might be a way to do it also, you might just need to ask them individually or when your girl is not arround

 

[GhostofMacbeth]

Probably not. It isn''t that they wouldn''t do it but I am just not away from my girlfriend enough to make it not be "fishy." We live together, eat 99% of our meals together and I don''t have a job that is travel based or anything.

I know people normally do it before but I have seen people that get annoyed either way on these forums so that is why I was sort of asking.

 

[GhostofMacbeth]

I think the parents are marginally religious but it isn''t a religious household. I think they would give the blessing or permission but I think my girlfriend MIGHT be better with the word blessing. (She isn''t religious but it carries other meanings as well). We don''t really visit them except a few times a year and my girlfriend was just up for a wedding a few weeks ago so the next time would be Thanksgiving.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 10/13/2006 2:58:16 PM
Author: GhostofMacbeth
Probably not. It isn''t that they wouldn''t do it but I am just not away from my girlfriend enough to make it not be ''fishy.'' We live together, eat 99% of our meals together and I don''t have a job that is travel based or anything.


I know people normally do it before but I have seen people that get annoyed either way on these forums so that is why I was sort of asking.

Ummm....next Saturday is Sweetest Day. Don''t know where you live. You have some shopping to do? Get early start on Christmas shopping? Got errands to run? Going out with the guys? A friend needs your help with something? There are all kinds of things without it seeming fishy....atleast they wouldn''t to me if David said any of the above.

 

[GhostofMacbeth]

Sadly, my girlfriend knows me too well. Shopping for 5-6 hours isn''t something I would/could ever do LOL My totaly time out of the house (except for work) is probably about three hours a week at the max. That would be during Christmas shopping and a couple of trips to the grocery store. My friends all moved away in the last few years so that is out too. Plus I don''t lie very well ... even given the circumstances.

 

[oshinbreez]

Date: 10/13/2006 3:16:10 PM
Author: GhostofMacbeth
Sadly, my girlfriend knows me too well. Shopping for 5-6 hours isn''t something I would/could ever do LOL My totaly time out of the house (except for work) is probably about three hours a week at the max. That would be during Christmas shopping and a couple of trips to the grocery store. My friends all moved away in the last few years so that is out too. Plus I don''t lie very well ... even given the circumstances.

David can spend 6 hrs in Walmart....lol. Ok. This is my last shot. "An out of town friend (her parents) wants to talk to me. It sounded pretty serious. We''re meeting in the middle so that I don''t have to be gone too long. I''ll hurry home asap". Wouldn''t exactly be a lie.

 

[dmbfan]

what town do you live and where are her parents..... maybe we can help you come up with something.

 

[reader]

How about a good, old fashioned, actual mailed letter on nice stationary?

 

[diamondfan]

This is a tough one, since you two are not youngsters getting married and really needing the parents to approve. You already live together so it would seem to be almost a given that this is coming. You could try to get it out of your girlfriend...how would she take it, but saying someone you know just got engaged and they went to the parents first as a courtesy. Make it someone from work, or someone a sibling might know, so she would believe it. If she tells you she thinks that it is sweet that the guy did it, you know your answer. But, if she thinks it is not great, would you nix the idea of going to her parents? I think it was a custom long ago when much younger couples were getting married and the parents wanted some sort of control or ability to fobid the match if they deemed the guy was not worthy. Today it is more of a genteel move, in America not necessarily culturally mandated but certainly a nice touch. Is your fiancee opposed because she is then not the first to know? I would think you are not giving intimate details, just generally discussing the idea with them...but you know her best...

ETA: if you are planning to go there for Thanksgiving, maybe it would make sense to delay the proposal til then, if you do decide to talk to them...

 

[GhostofMacbeth]

Sadly, all of my friends are about 6-8 hours away at the minimum

I am in Georgia and her folks are in North Carloina. There is a city in South Carolina that would be halfway but I still can''t figure out how to get that done.

I heard the mailed letter was a no go. (well, actually read it here) so I don''t know.

My girlfriend has known it was coming, especially after she saw the diamond

but it is just a question of when. Since she know the diamond is here she has been kind of anxious for the ring so that is why I think Thanksgiving would be out. And I sort of snuck it into the conversation a touch over the weekend and she is fine with me asking the folks.

 

[oshinbreez]

Since your gf knows you have the ring and is expecting the proposal, why don''t both of you meet the parents. Your gf and her mom could go get mani''s, pedi''s while you talk to her father.

 

[GhostofMacbeth]

This would have been soooo much easier if the ring was ready a couple of weeks ago when my girlfriend went up LOL