FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
- Messages
- 19,456
So last night BF and I talked about impending engagement. Basically he was said something about buying a new computer with his tax refund instead of what he told me a few weeks ago, that half of it would go towards the "bling fund". I got kind of upset about it and when we went to bed, he could tell I wasn''t a happy camper like usual.
So he basically forced it out of me, and I confessed that him thinking about buying a laptop instead of contributing to said bling fund kind of hurt my feelings. He said that he can''t afford it and doesn''t want to think about it right now.
So we laid there in silence for a while and I was fighting back tears the whole time. Finally I just bust out with, "I don''t want to pressure you and I don''t want to rush you but it''s bothering me. I don''t want a timeline, and I feel stupid for talking about it when I do." At this point the tears were coming out, but I was able to maintain my composure a little bit and he couldn''t tell that I was crying.
We laid in silence a while longer and finally he speaks after moving closer to me. He said, (totally going to have to paraphrase)"I love you and I want you to know that it''s happening, just not right now. You said it yourself the other day, we''re living, essentially, hand to mouth. I don''t really have the money at the moment, and I don''t have it on my radar yet. I have too much going on in my life for the time being, but I can tell you that it WILL happen. I''m thinking that I want to wait until after my comps (Comprehensive exams for his PhD) when I don''t have as much stuff on my plate. I know from those wedding shows you watch, that wedding planning is really stressful, and I can''t handle you being stressed until I have less going on. Right now I''m teaching, taking classes, working at the research institute, thinking of dissertation topics, and trying to keep all of my stuff straight. After Comps, I won''t have to worry about taking my own classes anymore, and can just worry about teaching, working at the research institute and working on my dissertation. Then I will have more time on my hands, and be less stressed out. You will be totally stressed out planning a wedding, and I just can''t handle that while I''m taking classes. So don''t worry about it. It won''t happen for a while, but I promise you it will happen."
I think the whole reason I was upset is that I was just looking for reassurance. And finally, he gave that to me.
So I feel a lot better now. I''ll be here with the LIW until probably March/April ''09, so I''m wondering how far I''ll move down the list in that year. I''ve moved from #115 to #93 in about 2 months, so I''m guessing under #20. So the good news is that I''ll be around for at least another year, but the bad news is that I''ll be here for another year. But I''m ok with that because I know without a doubt that it''s happening.
On a good note though, I started saving for our wedding. I know it sounds a bit presumptuous, but I basically got tired of all of our change almost falling out of our little cup that we had it in because it''s so full, so I dumped it into a huge glass vase and told him that it was going to be the wedding fund and to put any change he has in there. (Getting the loose change out of his pockets has something to do with it, because his quarters tried really hard to break the washing machine
not very long ago.) He agreed that it was a good idea and that even though it won''t add up to much money that it''ll be something easy to save because neither one of us really uses spare change and it just sits there and gets dusty.
Anyway, long time ago, before he met me he threw all of his change into a shoe box, which I had totally forgotten about, and today he was looking at the amount of change we had and went to the bedroom where the shoe box was kept. I wasn''t paying any attention because I was trying to get ready for school. So he brings out the box and opens it and then says to me, "Hey, we can add this to it." And then proceeds to count how many rolls of pennies he''s got in there, and declares that we have at least 3 dollars in rolled coins, and tells me that I can dump it into the vase later. He was so proud of himself for remembering all of his change, it was very cute.
I know that it won''t add up to much because we don''t use cash much and I gave him permission to dig quarters out if he wants a soft drink, but I figure since we''re students, it may be the best chance we have to actually save something.
Anyway, I''m sorry this is so long and rambling, but I needed to share it with someone.
So he basically forced it out of me, and I confessed that him thinking about buying a laptop instead of contributing to said bling fund kind of hurt my feelings. He said that he can''t afford it and doesn''t want to think about it right now.
So we laid there in silence for a while and I was fighting back tears the whole time. Finally I just bust out with, "I don''t want to pressure you and I don''t want to rush you but it''s bothering me. I don''t want a timeline, and I feel stupid for talking about it when I do." At this point the tears were coming out, but I was able to maintain my composure a little bit and he couldn''t tell that I was crying.
We laid in silence a while longer and finally he speaks after moving closer to me. He said, (totally going to have to paraphrase)"I love you and I want you to know that it''s happening, just not right now. You said it yourself the other day, we''re living, essentially, hand to mouth. I don''t really have the money at the moment, and I don''t have it on my radar yet. I have too much going on in my life for the time being, but I can tell you that it WILL happen. I''m thinking that I want to wait until after my comps (Comprehensive exams for his PhD) when I don''t have as much stuff on my plate. I know from those wedding shows you watch, that wedding planning is really stressful, and I can''t handle you being stressed until I have less going on. Right now I''m teaching, taking classes, working at the research institute, thinking of dissertation topics, and trying to keep all of my stuff straight. After Comps, I won''t have to worry about taking my own classes anymore, and can just worry about teaching, working at the research institute and working on my dissertation. Then I will have more time on my hands, and be less stressed out. You will be totally stressed out planning a wedding, and I just can''t handle that while I''m taking classes. So don''t worry about it. It won''t happen for a while, but I promise you it will happen."
I think the whole reason I was upset is that I was just looking for reassurance. And finally, he gave that to me.
So I feel a lot better now. I''ll be here with the LIW until probably March/April ''09, so I''m wondering how far I''ll move down the list in that year. I''ve moved from #115 to #93 in about 2 months, so I''m guessing under #20. So the good news is that I''ll be around for at least another year, but the bad news is that I''ll be here for another year. But I''m ok with that because I know without a doubt that it''s happening.
On a good note though, I started saving for our wedding. I know it sounds a bit presumptuous, but I basically got tired of all of our change almost falling out of our little cup that we had it in because it''s so full, so I dumped it into a huge glass vase and told him that it was going to be the wedding fund and to put any change he has in there. (Getting the loose change out of his pockets has something to do with it, because his quarters tried really hard to break the washing machine
Anyway, long time ago, before he met me he threw all of his change into a shoe box, which I had totally forgotten about, and today he was looking at the amount of change we had and went to the bedroom where the shoe box was kept. I wasn''t paying any attention because I was trying to get ready for school. So he brings out the box and opens it and then says to me, "Hey, we can add this to it." And then proceeds to count how many rolls of pennies he''s got in there, and declares that we have at least 3 dollars in rolled coins, and tells me that I can dump it into the vase later. He was so proud of himself for remembering all of his change, it was very cute.
I know that it won''t add up to much because we don''t use cash much and I gave him permission to dig quarters out if he wants a soft drink, but I figure since we''re students, it may be the best chance we have to actually save something.
Anyway, I''m sorry this is so long and rambling, but I needed to share it with someone.