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- Aug 12, 2005
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I hope to get some insight on a situation in DH''s and my life that we''ve been dealing with on an ongoing basis. I found an old thread from 2004 about kind of the same issue, but I didn''t really get anything out of it that I thought I could apply to our situation, so I''m starting this thread.
So here''s the deal: DH has a friend who he''s known for about 7-8 years now...this guy has since gotten married and the four of us have become good friends, have been on trips together, spend time together on weekends, and spend time as friends separately ("C" and my husband; and "S" and myself.) They got married about 9 months before we did, and our friendship continued to grow. When my husband and I bought our first house (in which we currently reside), the "trouble" began. Very shortly after we bought ours, "C" and "S" bought a house 2.5 blocks from ours. At first DH and I thought it would be great to have neighbors we already were friends with, and it was nice in that aspect. However, we started to notice that everything DH and I purchased for our home, or whenever we decided to begin a new home improvement project, "C" & "S" either bought the same exact item, or decided to start a similar project. OK, we figured that''s pretty normal and didn''t think too much more about it. Over the past year, it''s gotten worse and worse, though. Now even with Christmas presents, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, "C" (the husband) will call mine and ask him what he gave me for one of those occasions. He has even gone so far as to call ME to find out where the Coach store is, (when he knows I don''t carry Coach anything). This past Christmas, DH gave me one of those under-the-counter mounted CD player/radios for the kitchen because I''d been asking for one. As soon as "C" came over the next time and saw it in our kitchen, the very next week they had one installed in theirs--the same exact make and model.
OK, still minor things...when I got my SI ultrasonic cleaner, "C" stopped by and I was using it in the kitchen. Their anniversary was the next week and he asked me all about the SI and where I got it. He asked if he could use our computer so "S" wouldn''t find out, and right then and there ordered the same exact SI for her anniversary gift. OK, not THAT big of a deal, but I was like, that''s just WEIRD. Kind of takes the fun out of gift-giving!
Finally the kicker (as far as the "copycat" game): last fall, DH and I bought a new SUV. My car had been purchased outright and I had driven it for 6 years...DH''s car is a company car that he doesn''t make payments on, so we sold my car and used that $ for the down payment on a fully loaded SUV that isn''t a luxury brand, but for an American car is pretty darn close to "luxury." Last week, "C" calls up my husband and starts grilling him about how much we paid for it, how much we put down, how were we able to afford that, etc. DH advises "C" to wait until late summer/early fall (like we did) to get the best deal. ("C" also still owes $ on "S"''s car and has just paid off his own this month, so they would be better off waiting until hers is paid off as well and then selling it outright instead of using it for the trade, since nothing is wrong with either of their cars.) Well, surprise, surprise, the advice went unheeded and guess who has a new SUV, same make and model as ours? Mmm hmm.
This couple is on their 3rd re-financing on their house in 3 years, they''ve no equity in their home (this info I''ve gotten from my DH), and they continue to buy, buy, buy. "C" is currently out of work but is receiving workman''s compensation for a torn rotator cuff because he was injured on the job. "S" works also, thank goodness...but he will be off work until September and has already been off for the last 2 months, and worker''s comp. is only a percentage of what he normally brings home.
The above examples are only a few out of many. "S" is desperate to start a family, but DH and I have now realized that "C" will probably not go down that road until we do!
We really do enjoy our friendship with this couple, and like them as people, but the spending situation and the similarities have gotten to be a strain on our relationship with them. "C" calls my husband constantly and is very clingy (moreso now that he''s out of work). DH doesn''t know how to handle him without hurting his feelings..."S" is not really a problem, as she and I get along well, but I wouldn''t feel comfortable talking to her about her husband and this issue. We hate to see this couple keep spending money they don''t have, especially when it seems like they are doing it in order to keep up with us. It has become noticeable even to other friends of ours within the same circle, and people are beginning to kind of joke about it.
It''s not like we''re calling these people every time we buy something or make said home improvements to "show off" or anything, in fact, we make a point of keeping things on the downlow so as not to encourage them (well, mainly him.)
Sorry this is so long..it''s been weighing on my mind for a long time now and I really needed to vent! You PSr''s are so good with advice and insight I thought I''d look to you for ideas on how to deal with this situation. DH has had it *up to here* and I''m worried that one of these days he will blow up and the friendship will really be affected. We plan to stay in our house at least another year or two...we have even discussed moving to a suburb they would never consider due to location/price so they don''t follow us!
Yes, it is THAT bad!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated--thanks!
So here''s the deal: DH has a friend who he''s known for about 7-8 years now...this guy has since gotten married and the four of us have become good friends, have been on trips together, spend time together on weekends, and spend time as friends separately ("C" and my husband; and "S" and myself.) They got married about 9 months before we did, and our friendship continued to grow. When my husband and I bought our first house (in which we currently reside), the "trouble" began. Very shortly after we bought ours, "C" and "S" bought a house 2.5 blocks from ours. At first DH and I thought it would be great to have neighbors we already were friends with, and it was nice in that aspect. However, we started to notice that everything DH and I purchased for our home, or whenever we decided to begin a new home improvement project, "C" & "S" either bought the same exact item, or decided to start a similar project. OK, we figured that''s pretty normal and didn''t think too much more about it. Over the past year, it''s gotten worse and worse, though. Now even with Christmas presents, anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, "C" (the husband) will call mine and ask him what he gave me for one of those occasions. He has even gone so far as to call ME to find out where the Coach store is, (when he knows I don''t carry Coach anything). This past Christmas, DH gave me one of those under-the-counter mounted CD player/radios for the kitchen because I''d been asking for one. As soon as "C" came over the next time and saw it in our kitchen, the very next week they had one installed in theirs--the same exact make and model.
OK, still minor things...when I got my SI ultrasonic cleaner, "C" stopped by and I was using it in the kitchen. Their anniversary was the next week and he asked me all about the SI and where I got it. He asked if he could use our computer so "S" wouldn''t find out, and right then and there ordered the same exact SI for her anniversary gift. OK, not THAT big of a deal, but I was like, that''s just WEIRD. Kind of takes the fun out of gift-giving!
Finally the kicker (as far as the "copycat" game): last fall, DH and I bought a new SUV. My car had been purchased outright and I had driven it for 6 years...DH''s car is a company car that he doesn''t make payments on, so we sold my car and used that $ for the down payment on a fully loaded SUV that isn''t a luxury brand, but for an American car is pretty darn close to "luxury." Last week, "C" calls up my husband and starts grilling him about how much we paid for it, how much we put down, how were we able to afford that, etc. DH advises "C" to wait until late summer/early fall (like we did) to get the best deal. ("C" also still owes $ on "S"''s car and has just paid off his own this month, so they would be better off waiting until hers is paid off as well and then selling it outright instead of using it for the trade, since nothing is wrong with either of their cars.) Well, surprise, surprise, the advice went unheeded and guess who has a new SUV, same make and model as ours? Mmm hmm.
This couple is on their 3rd re-financing on their house in 3 years, they''ve no equity in their home (this info I''ve gotten from my DH), and they continue to buy, buy, buy. "C" is currently out of work but is receiving workman''s compensation for a torn rotator cuff because he was injured on the job. "S" works also, thank goodness...but he will be off work until September and has already been off for the last 2 months, and worker''s comp. is only a percentage of what he normally brings home.
The above examples are only a few out of many. "S" is desperate to start a family, but DH and I have now realized that "C" will probably not go down that road until we do!
Sorry this is so long..it''s been weighing on my mind for a long time now and I really needed to vent! You PSr''s are so good with advice and insight I thought I''d look to you for ideas on how to deal with this situation. DH has had it *up to here* and I''m worried that one of these days he will blow up and the friendship will really be affected. We plan to stay in our house at least another year or two...we have even discussed moving to a suburb they would never consider due to location/price so they don''t follow us!
Any advice would be greatly appreciated--thanks!
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