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Being engaged without an engagement ring

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MeddlingKids

Shiny_Rock
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I''ve read a number of threads here where people were asking whether it was acceptable to propose without an engagement ring. However, most of those people were suggesting this route because they weren''t sure what ring their girlfriend would want. My situation is a bit different.

I know exactly which ring my girlfriend wants. However, I would really like to pay off my credit cards rather than lumping another $8k-$9k on there. I just don''t think that''s financially acceptable. She and I have discussed being engageed, and we''re both incredibly excited about it. Not a day goes by where she isn''t begging me to just ask her. She''s even said we don''t need a ring right away. So, I know she''s okay with it, but I''m more concerned about her family. Is it okay for a couple to be engaged for 6months - 1 year without having an engagement ring?
 

FacetFire

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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What about getting a colored gemstone ring and then replacing it with a diamond when you have saved enough money?
 

MeddlingKids

Shiny_Rock
Joined
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Messages
102
I''d rather not buy a ring at all until it''s the actual engagement ring. I don''t think she really cares for colored stones, aside frmo that. Perhaps I could give her something else for the time being?

I REALLy want to give her the ring when I propose. But, I want to get those cards paid off and I am WAY too excited to wait. :)
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/12/2007 6:01:40 PM
Author:MeddlingKids
She's even said we don't need a ring right away.
What's most important is if she feels comfortable being engaged without a ring, and it sounds like she is. However, it's probably impossible for her to predict whether or she'll still feel that way after the proposal--(I'm picturing the "I'm engaged!" "Ooh let me see the ring!" "Well, I don't have it yet..." conversations, here).

Another option (some of the PSers may poo-poo me for this) is to get the setting you both want with a simulant as a placeholder for a real diamond that will come later. I've seen a couple of threads from people who did this or were considering it. Whatever works for you two!!

ETA: Your instincts about not adding to your debt are spot on--DON'T buy that ring on credit! It's not worth it!
 

Finding_Neverland

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
412
Musey has a really good idea there.

You can get a simple WG or YG setting for $300 or less. There are some very good quality sims available now from what I''ve read. You could go that route, tell everyone the setting is temporary until your gal decides what she wants, and no one need be the wiser.
 

MeddlingKids

Shiny_Rock
Joined
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102
I''m not really too keen on the fake engagement ring idea; I''m fairly certain she wouldn''t be down with it either. The downside, as you said, is that she will have alot of explaining to do regarding her bare finger. But, I''d rather have her explain that rather than explaining why her fiancee is having credit issues.
 

FacetFire

Brilliant_Rock
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1,879
Have you discussed getting a small diamond now from a place like WF who has a great upgrading policy and then upgrading later?
 

poptart

Brilliant_Rock
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May 23, 2006
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If she feels comfortable with the possibility of having to explain herself, then I see no problem. You both want to get engaged and you are being very smart about not buying it on credit. If it makes you feel any better, DH and I got engaged with no ring, we told our close family and friends that we were getting married and that was that. I got the ring a few months later when it was convenient for us. She sounds fine with not having anything, and if you want, you could propose and just give her a nice love letter or something so she can remember the day.

*M*
 

musey

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 2/12/2007 7:20:09 PM
Author: MeddlingKids
I'm not really too keen on the fake engagement ring idea; I'm fairly certain she wouldn't be down with it either.
In defense of those who opted for "fake" rings...

As FN pointed out, there are very good quality sims out there now. Now, people can get a sim in the low 100's range that performs every bit as well as a diamond--in the short and long run. If you have a well-cut sim from one of the companies offering new technologies, the only difference is their chemical composition. They save a lot of money as well as the guilt that may come from not being able to afford "conflict-free" diamonds. All CZ's are conflict-free


Sorry, tangent... I just know there are a number of people on PS who chose the sim route for those reasons and others, and I don't want them to see this thread and feel inferior for having "fake" rings.


Anyway, yes, if she's comfortable being engaged without a ring, there's no need for one. The vast majority of people in the world wear only a wedding band.
 

partyjewels

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 29, 2006
Messages
476
if you want to give her something when you propose and don't like the idea of a stand in ring, I found the most awesome shadow box the other day that immediately got me thinking about how it could be worked into a proposal, with or with out a ring, and of course got me daydreaming about how my guy will do it, whenever he does
. I think it's super sweet and you'll have it as a keepsake to have on display in your home!

Portrait Shadow Box

This is my first time trying to post a picture, so thats the link above ^ if it doesn't work or if you like the idea!

ETA: Oh cool! It worked! Isn't that just the sweetest thing ever? It's actually song lyrics, which you could work into the proposal too if you like the sound of it! Just a thought, let us know what you decide to do!

P.P.S. As long as you are both ok with it, I think a sim is a good way to go as well. MY SIL actually has one that you can't even tell, it's just gorgeous! I even told my guy that if he wants to get me one like hers I have no problem if it's not real, sure I'd LIKE a real one, but it would be less expensive while still getting the size/look we want and we'd have money to spend on other important things, like an addition to the house! But I definitely agree that you're doing the right thing by not charging it!

so sweet!.jpg
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
I''m having my ring made and it''s likely to be some time before I see it, especially if I decide to pick it up when I''m in the States at the end of September. I got engaged Xmas Eve. So FI has asked me to get a placeholder ring in the meantime - I think I found one and it arrives tomorrow - when I find out if I like it!

So, I just tell all my friends that mine is being custom made and it takes time. Few people do that here in the UK and all my friend know I used to work in the industry so they know I''ll be getting something special so no-one questions it, some even ask for updates on the design!

But, I''m 34 and pretty secure. I can see when I talk to people I don''t know that if I mention my FI they look at my hand and I do sometimes feel it would be nice to have something there. If you were younger or a bit insecure you could find the endless explaining and possible odd looks like "so you''re not really engaged" or "so your FI''s too cheap to buy you a ring" more difficult to deal with. Hopefully the placeholder will fill the gap and stop some of that!
 

MeddlingKids

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Messages
102
Date: 2/12/2007 8:05:44 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/12/2007 7:20:09 PM
Author: MeddlingKids
I''m not really too keen on the fake engagement ring idea; I''m fairly certain she wouldn''t be down with it either.
In defense of those who opted for ''fake'' rings...

As FN pointed out, there are very good quality sims out there now. Now, people can get a sim in the low 100''s range that performs every bit as well as a diamond--in the short and long run. If you have a well-cut sim from one of the companies offering new technologies, the only difference is their chemical composition. They save a lot of money as well as the guilt that may come from not being able to afford ''conflict-free'' diamonds. All CZ''s are conflict-free


Sorry, tangent... I just know there are a number of people on PS who chose the sim route for those reasons and others, and I don''t want them to see this thread and feel inferior for having ''fake'' rings.


Anyway, yes, if she''s comfortable being engaged without a ring, there''s no need for one. The vast majority of people in the world wear only a wedding band.
Sorry, I didn''t intend to make that sound so negative. It''s just a personal preference.
 

Finding_Neverland

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
412
I''ve read some of those older posts, Musey.

Some regular Price Scopers have had simulate earrings and pendants in stone sizes and shapes they couldn''t otherwise afford.

Other regular Price Scopers have copies of their real jewelry made for when they travel. They go on a trip, the real jewelry goes in the safe or the safety deposit box, and the copies are what they wear on vacation or traveling for business. Saves on the possibility of the real item being lost or stolen.

Personally,......... We borrowed a set of wedding bands to get married. I got a wedding band about a year later. I got Hubby his W-Band for our 10 year anniversary. All 3 of our kids were born in April, so I picked a band with 3 tiny channel set melee. My current "E-ring" is a center set colored gemstone with diamond accents. I''m just now working up to a diamond center stone ring.

Do whatever you''re comfortable doing, Meddling. Definitely, paying off existing debt is the smart way to go. What you and your gal decide as far as an engagement momento is totally up to you. I was just trying to offer a relatively inexpensive alternative for you to consider.

The suggestion to go with a smaller diamond from one of the Vendors with an lifetime upgrade policy is equally good.

And I love PartyJewels'' Shadow Box idea. That really does say it all. "What are you doing with the rest of your life?"
 

partyjewels

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 29, 2006
Messages
476
Oh my goodness! I just realized that the shadow box is $295!!!! Don''t know if you want to spend that much on just a frame, but it is possible to make it if you know someone with a wood burner tool :D
 

JCJD

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 8, 2004
Messages
1,977
Propose with a big gaudy mood ring. This should make it obvious to all involved that you''re shopping for The Ring together. If anyone so rudely asks whether it''s her real ering, then she can laugh and say you were just smart enough to know she wanted to pick her own ring.
 

partyjewels

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Oct 29, 2006
Messages
476
One more thing!

I know you said you'd rather not buy a ring at all until it's the actual engagement ring, but what about going the "backwards" route?

Get the wedding band first, and propose with that in hand, and get the "real" engagement ring later when you have all your cards paid off and what not.

This way you could still propose with a ring, one that she'll wear forever instead of just a "stand in" for the real thing.

She could wear it if she feels comfortable with it, or she could still go bare handed if she's ok with that which it sounds like you said she was.

As long as you're both comfortable with it, it seems like it might be a good idea for you two?

I know there are people on the board who have gone the backwards route for different reasons, sometimes it just works!
 

Larissa

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 20, 2006
Messages
276
Date: 2/13/2007 9:38:40 AM
Author: partyjewels
One more thing!

I know you said you''d rather not buy a ring at all until it''s the actual engagement ring, but what about going the ''backwards'' route?

Get the wedding band first, and propose with that in hand, and get the ''real'' engagement ring later when you have all your cards paid off and what not.

This way you could still propose with a ring, one that she''ll wear forever instead of just a ''stand in'' for the real thing.

She could wear it if she feels comfortable with it, or she could still go bare handed if she''s ok with that which it sounds like you said she was.

As long as you''re both comfortable with it, it seems like it might be a good idea for you two?

I know there are people on the board who have gone the backwards route for different reasons, sometimes it just works!
I love this idea!! Getting the wedding band first would mean that there was a ring there. If you don''t want her help picking out the wedding band and want it to be a surprise, maybe you could go with a simple WG, YG, or plat (whatever you think the engagement ring will be set in) plain band to simply complment the engagement ring.

There''s someone on here who got the wedding band first. I don''t think she''s picked out the engagement ring yet as she likes the wedding band so much!!
 

MeddlingKids

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 31, 2007
Messages
102
Date: 2/13/2007 9:51:06 AM
Author: Larissa

Date: 2/13/2007 9:38:40 AM
Author: partyjewels
One more thing!

I know you said you''d rather not buy a ring at all until it''s the actual engagement ring, but what about going the ''backwards'' route?

Get the wedding band first, and propose with that in hand, and get the ''real'' engagement ring later when you have all your cards paid off and what not.

This way you could still propose with a ring, one that she''ll wear forever instead of just a ''stand in'' for the real thing.

She could wear it if she feels comfortable with it, or she could still go bare handed if she''s ok with that which it sounds like you said she was.

As long as you''re both comfortable with it, it seems like it might be a good idea for you two?

I know there are people on the board who have gone the backwards route for different reasons, sometimes it just works!
I love this idea!! Getting the wedding band first would mean that there was a ring there. If you don''t want her help picking out the wedding band and want it to be a surprise, maybe you could go with a simple WG, YG, or plat (whatever you think the engagement ring will be set in) plain band to simply complment the engagement ring.

There''s someone on here who got the wedding band first. I don''t think she''s picked out the engagement ring yet as she likes the wedding band so much!!
I like this idea too. I wonder if my gf would be up for that option.
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
You don't have to have a ring to be engaged. My sister never had one, and several of her friends didn't go for engagement rings either... and it wasn't a question of money for any of them.

Money was a bit tight for us as fi wanted to pay cash. I told him I didn't need an engagement ring, and it was true. However I am a jewelry person so when I said that I was sort of planning on spending the money on a gorgeous wedding ring instead. So it'd just have been delayed.
And I'd probably have been lusting after an ascher anniversary ring in a few years!
However an engagement ring was important to him, and I must admit I'm happy to have one. I adore my ring! (much to my chagrin, my wedding band still isn't exactly cheap either!)

When I say I'm engaged I do get looks at my finger, but it's not so uncommon that people wouldn't believe me if I didn't have one. No one ever questioned my sister. If you're concerned about her family believing your sincerity then I suggest you not tell them until you have a date set. And I also wouldn't recommend a super long engagement either or people (like her family) might suspect that you only asked because she pressured you.

Who knows? They might be impressed with your financial sense!




ETA: you do realize that you don't have to spend $8-9k or 2 months salary on an engagment ring? My engagment ring was $2300, and my wedding band is $1600. (can't wait to get my hands on it!!)
 

ladykemma

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 2, 2006
Messages
2,194
i picked up a used vs2 H oval on ebay this week for 200 bucks.

how does an estate ring strike ya? do a search on "estate wedding ring" and "estate engagement ring" with a price limit of 250 bucks. you would be amazed what you find. run ''em past us before buying.

i heartily recommend mlopros and greatstuff53, as well as mel''s antique jewelry
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
Ooh, I just remembered that someone on pricescope got an engagement necklace! I would have loved that too!

I may have missed what your budget is, but you can get a platinum and diamond Tiffany Heart pendant for $1250 (or an open outline diamond heart ring for $1300), a Tiffany hearts lock pendant in 18kw and diamonds for $975, a WhiteFlash flower pendant for $440+, or a Whiteflash X''s & O''s plat and diamond pendant for $525+.
 

Pandora II

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Aug 3, 2006
Messages
9,613
Just to second the comments over the 2 months nonsense - nothing more than a De Beers marketing ploy.

FI and I both have good salaries, but we are hoping to spend US$5k tops - most of our friends, many of whom work as lawyers or in banking in the City and have mega-salaries are spending around £2k - £3k sterling , this is reckoned to be perfectly acceptable (agreed, more than 1t in the UK, everyone assumes it''s fake!).

Personally I wouldn''t feel happy wearing anything more expensive. My brother totally believed the hype till I put him straight. Anyhow, if your doing it properly with PS, you should make a significant saving over a b&m store that could bring it up to that level without the $$$ outlay.


Also, re fake rings - I have to work in some dodgy areas quite often and I''m planning on getting a sim to wear while I''m there as my e-ring won''t be easy to replace. I''m told Wink hs some great ones!
 

NYCsparkle

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jul 23, 2006
Messages
1,371
i know a girl at work who got engaged with an engagement bracelet...it was a cultural thing.....she got her engagement and wedding rings at the wedding after they were both blessed. she said both rings should be blessed before wearing them. maybe you could buy her a different engagement piece of jewelry and get both rings together for your wedding day since you don't want to be engaged so long.
 

KristyDarling

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
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Messages
3,862
Date: 2/12/2007 6:51:13 PM
Author: musey

Date: 2/12/2007 6:01:40 PM
Author:MeddlingKids
She''s even said we don''t need a ring right away.
What''s most important is if she feels comfortable being engaged without a ring, and it sounds like she is. However, it''s probably impossible for her to predict whether or she''ll still feel that way after the proposal--(I''m picturing the ''I''m engaged!'' ''Ooh let me see the ring!'' ''Well, I don''t have it yet...'' conversations, here).

Another option (some of the PSers may poo-poo me for this) is to get the setting you both want with a simulant as a placeholder for a real diamond that will come later. I''ve seen a couple of threads from people who did this or were considering it. Whatever works for you two!!

ETA: Your instincts about not adding to your debt are spot on--DON''T buy that ring on credit! It''s not worth it!
This is excellent advice! I''m glad that you''re not going to go deep into debt for this. Save up, but get the real setting now and put a placeholder simulant in it for the time being. Lots of people do this and there''s absolutely nothing wrong with it! Or instead of a diamond simulant, put a genuine birthstone (hers or yours) there for now.
 

Finding_Neverland

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jan 10, 2007
Messages
412
How long have you 2 been together?? Seriously committed to one another. Not dating other people. Has she possibly taken a new job or had another major change in her life?

People go thru ebbs and flows in long term relationships. Maybe before, she was excited about looking forward to an engagement and wedding plans. Could be now, she''s comfortable with the way things are. Secure in the relationship. Settled in, with no sense of urgency to rush where she knows the 2 of you are already heading. Maybe, when some time passes, she''ll be all a dither again.

If she''s had a major change in her life, it could be that event is taking all her waking energy. Not that she''s not still in love with you. But she has to focus right now on whatever''s happened in her life.

Just a couple of thoughts for you.
 

firebirdgold

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 30, 2005
Messages
2,216
I have a suspicion that my now-fi felt this confused as well back when he was saving for our ring. I acted very similarly to your gf. I wanted to be engaged and I was feeling so anxious and insecure at how long things were taking. I did want a ring, but I felt bad that it might be a financial drain. I was also scared that I was pressuring him.

I doubt she''s changed her mind, or isn''t looking forward to being engaged. It''s far more likely that she''s trying to be considerate.
 

Larissa

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 20, 2006
Messages
276
I agree with Indie.

I know that I changed my mind a lot and went back and forth tons!! Sometimes I just wanted to be engaged *right now* and didn''t care at all about if there was a ring. Other times I would have waited 2 plus years to get the ring of my dreams. Even now after being married for almost a year I swing back and forth between not wearing a ring, being happy with the one I have, and wishing we had waiting until we could afford a larger ring.

I think this is part of the reason that I like the idea of proposing with a wedding band so much. It''s a ring, a very meaningful ring at that, with no pressure to make an immediate decision about the engagement ring. It can be decided later if she wants a smaller engagement ring now, no engagement ring at all, or to pay off the debt and save for the ring of your dreams.
 
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