Being Apart

[wakingdreams53]

Hello my darling LIWs (and some consistently lurking BWWs),
I was wondering, what was the longest time and distance between you and your SO?

I'm planning on leaving to France for the spring semester and four months and an ocean apart are becoming a little bit too real!
(background: I've been planning this trip for years, so there's no way I won't go through with it)

What about you?

 

[Jessie702]

Awwww, that sounds like fun!!

The longest was a week when he had to fly back to Miami to bury his mother. I stayed at his house to keep watch on the doggies, but thats about it. We havent been too far away from each other.

 

[Rose_Dust]

I think 10 weeks, we were doing the long distance for a while and with our crazy work schedules we couldn't see each other on the weekends for that length of time.

 

[nicoleben]

My current boyfriend and I haven't spent more than 3 days away from each other since we started dating. However, I did have an ex who I was away from for 2 months while I was in Europe the first time. Just make sure to buy a calling card over there (they are way cheaper!) and do little things to make him know that your thinking of him You will be fine! If anything, the distance will bring you closer together and you will count down the days until you see him again! Don't let distance stop you from doing what you want to do. If it is meant to be, it'll work out. Good luck!

 

[kagordo4]

I did summer abroad in Paris at La Sorbonne. It was just over three months, he was in Florida.

Then I went to Toronto for almost a month, he was still in Florida. This was actually a month after we started dating.

He was sent to Germany for 4 months with the Marine Corps, they made missions to Iraq and Iran. I was in Florida. After this he was discharged (finally) for medical reasons.

 

[wakingdreams53]

I think 10 weeks, we were doing the long distance for a while and with our crazy work schedules we couldn't see each other on the weekends for that length of time.

Ouch Rose Dust!! I'd ask how you dealt with it, but it seems like it was really just crazy work. Please correct me if I'm wrong

My current boyfriend and I haven't spent more than 3 days away from each other since we started dating. However, I did have an ex who I was away from for 2 months while I was in Europe the first time. Just make sure to buy a calling card over there (they are way cheaper!) and do little things to make him know that your thinking of him You will be fine! If anything, the distance will bring you closer together and you will count down the days until you see him again! Don't let distance stop you from doing what you want to do. If it is meant to be, it'll work out. Good luck!

Ooh, thank you! Where in Europe did you go?
I know, I know, "absence makes the heart grow fonder," but we used to average seeing each other once a week/two weeks. Now it's almost every week for at least two days in a row. I know it'll work out... I just already miss him and I just saw him yesterday morning

I did summer abroad in Paris at La Sorbonne. It was just over three months, he was in Florida.

Then I went to Toronto for almost a month, he was still in Florida. This was actually a month after we started dating.

He was sent to Germany for 4 months with the Marine Corps, they made missions to Iraq and Iran. I was in Florida. After this he was discharged (finally) for medical reasons.

Kagordo, how did you deal with all of this? You two seem to have lasted through a ton of time apart, would you let me in on your secret?

 

[Autumnovember]

One month while I went and lived in Mexico by myself...

 

[nicoleben]

I went to Ireland for a month, Scotland for a week, Italy for 2 weeks and England for a week... the second time I went to Europe, i was in amsterdam, pariss, barcelona, and lisbon. I Love Europe!! I want to move there so badly.

 

[sonnyjane]

7 months with me in California and him in Iraq, but DH is in the military. His current schedule is 6 months deployed, a year home, 6 months deployed, etc. etc. etc. Even when he is "home", he still has to travel frequently for weeks at a time for training. I think we figured out that I see him less than 90 days out of the year, which, um, SUCKS He is deployed right now actually in Africa. I get to talk to him once or twice a week via email and once every few weeks via phone. Honestly, it stinks but I try to stay busy with work and friends. I have always been a very independent person, though. There is no way I could survive this lifestyle if I wasn't.

Honestly, long distance can be the best or worst thing for a relationship. Strong relationships get stronger, but weak relationships get weaker. If you're confident in your relationship, then there is nothing to worry about. You should definitely take this opportunity and embrace it! Everything else will fall into place.

 

[Anonymous]

7 months with me in California and him in Iraq, but DH is in the military. His current schedule is 6 months deployed, a year home, 6 months deployed, etc. etc. etc. Even when he is "home", he still has to travel frequently for weeks at a time for training. I think we figured out that I see him less than 90 days out of the year, which, um, SUCKS He is deployed right now actually in Africa. I get to talk to him once or twice a week via email and once every few weeks via phone. Honestly, it stinks but I try to stay busy with work and friends. I have always been a very independent person, though. There is no way I could survive this lifestyle if I wasn't.

Oh WOW that must be tough!

When I met my FI in 8/07, he was living in Seattle, WA and I was in Northern California. I we didn't meet in person until 8/21/08. We were together from about Dec 07 to Aug of 09 as long distance...which SUCKED! We just used skype a LOT (as in just left it up all the time even if we were away from the computers) with webcams, talked on the phone, exchanged looooong emails about everything under the sun and sent texts. It was the BEST feeling in the world to have him *finally* within arms reach for more than a week at a time when he moved here. It's been a year and the "I'm so thankful to share even simple things like doing laundry and falling asleep at night with you near me" feeling is still going strong....usually!

 

[wakingdreams53]

Without quotes or direct statements, I'd just like to say that you're all truly incredible women!
You've definitely given me much hope, I just hope I'm as strong as you!
I like to be independent and alone, but my "alone" is a farce. Never for a truly extended period, and the ones I love are always somewhat within reach.
My family is leaving for two weeks next week and I'm truly terrified!
And we recently moved and are no longer near a train-- one of a city girls worst nightmares.
Closest friends are already leaving to college so even a distraction is non-existent.
Oh, and a lack-of job doesn't help.

At least with France I'll, you know, be in FRANCE!

**sorry for the randomly personal semi-rant**

 

[beezygal]

My bf and I were doing long distance for the first 4 years of our 6 years relationship. First 3 years, we were both away for school. We could only see each other during christmas/thanksgiving/reading break/summer. Fourth year, when I was done school and moved back home, he had to work somewhere else for a year. That time, he was just a ferry ride away from me. He comes back once a month during the weekend.

It was very painful for the first 3 years. Everytime we say good bye to each other, I couldn't stop crying. I never got used to it. However, we talked on the phone/webcam EVERYDAY! Sometimes a few times a day. The funny thing is, we were only together for like 2 months before we had to go away for school. We started going out in the summer. At first, he wasn't so sure if we would work because of the long distance thing. He wanted to give up. I had a long talk with him and I convinced him. I told him "if we don't try, how do we know we're not meant to be together. If we just give up now, we might both look back later on in life and think WHAT IF we stay... WHAT IF that. However, if we tried, and it didn't work out, at least we have no regret." Everytime we talk about that "talk", he's glad I did convince him. We're going to be engaged soon!!! Our love is so much stronger now. If a relationship can survive long-distance, I believe anything is possible.

 

[kagordo4]

I did summer abroad in Paris at La Sorbonne. It was just over three months, he was in Florida.

Then I went to Toronto for almost a month, he was still in Florida. This was actually a month after we started dating.

He was sent to Germany for 4 months with the Marine Corps, they made missions to Iraq and Iran. I was in Florida. After this he was discharged (finally) for medical reasons.

Kagordo, how did you deal with all of this? You two seem to have lasted through a ton of time apart, would you let me in on your secret?

His tour and my Summer Abroad slightly overlapped, I forgot, sorry. I had to check my journal.

Anyway, I joined a sorority, and totally applied myself to school. In France I was really occupied all the time, there were always wonderful things to see and do. I promise you'll see what I mean : )

I love SO, we trust each other, and we wrote a TON of letters and emails. OH OH OH get a skype account, it's free and you can video chat/talk all the time : )

Also, when I'm gone I challenge myself to find a bunch of small things for SO that shows him what my trip was like. When I went to Normandie I brought a film canister (ancient I know) and scoped a tiny bit of sand from the beach for him. When I went to the Loire Valley I brought back a nice bottle of sweet wine for him. A bunch of small and inexpensive things to show him about my trip : )


Sorry for any typos or grammar boo boos, I'm on my iphone and it's sort of fickle about pricescope.

 

[Anonymous]

It was very painful for the first 3 years. Everytime we say good bye to each other, I couldn't stop crying. I never got used to it. However, we talked on the phone/webcam EVERYDAY! Sometimes a few times a day. The funny thing is, we were only together for like 2 months before we had to go away for school. We started going out in the summer. At first, he wasn't so sure if we would work because of the long distance thing. He wanted to give up. I had a long talk with him and I convinced him. I told him "if we don't try, how do we know we're not meant to be together. If we just give up now, we might both look back later on in life and think WHAT IF we stay... WHAT IF that. However, if we tried, and it didn't work out, at least we have no regret." Everytime we talk about that "talk", he's glad I did convince him. We're going to be engaged soon!!! Our love is so much stronger now. If a relationship can survive long-distance, I believe anything is possible.

UGH I remember those days all too well! It sucked, because you KNEW it was coming, and that it was going to feel like ripping your heart out each time...we both cried a LOT and had a hard time adjusting for a few days after every visit.

On a happier note, I simply cannot wait for your engagement announcement!!

 

[Maisie]

My SO is in the Air Force. He went to start his training 9 weeks ago. I have missed him a lot but its been ok. He has had some weekends home. His trade training will take 2 years. That might be a little bit harder!

 

[beezygal]

It was very painful for the first 3 years. Everytime we say good bye to each other, I couldn't stop crying. I never got used to it. However, we talked on the phone/webcam EVERYDAY! Sometimes a few times a day. The funny thing is, we were only together for like 2 months before we had to go away for school. We started going out in the summer. At first, he wasn't so sure if we would work because of the long distance thing. He wanted to give up. I had a long talk with him and I convinced him. I told him "if we don't try, how do we know we're not meant to be together. If we just give up now, we might both look back later on in life and think WHAT IF we stay... WHAT IF that. However, if we tried, and it didn't work out, at least we have no regret." Everytime we talk about that "talk", he's glad I did convince him. We're going to be engaged soon!!! Our love is so much stronger now. If a relationship can survive long-distance, I believe anything is possible.

UGH I remember those days all too well! It sucked, because you KNEW it was coming, and that it was going to feel like ripping your heart out each time...we both cried a LOT and had a hard time adjusting for a few days after every visit.

On a happier note, I simply cannot wait for your engagement announcement!!

Thank you tammy!!! I always thought I would be used to it and not cry. NOPE!

btw, nice dress you were trying!!! I was wandering in the BWW forum.

 

[Indylady]

Very timely! I could use an LDR advice thread. (There are some good ones out there, but this search engine is impossible!!)

We usually spent at least 2 months apart each summer, and we've done it for about 3 summers including this one. I get to see him Monday, but then we'll be apart for anywhere from 4=9 months coming up (4 minimum, and then he might be able to visit but there's no guarantee..9 if he isn't able to visit).

 

[sillyberry]

Boy and I have spent the past two summers apart, as he lives in Chicago where I attended law school and I summered in a different city. The first summer I saw him for one weekend over three months, the second summer I saw him twice over 9 weeks. I will say the first summer was a lot harder for me; we hadn't been together as long at that point and I was a lot more insecure. He also is not great at talking on the phone, he just hates the phone, but he has gotten better over time as he's recognized its importance.

Now I have graduated, but took a deferral from my job until Fall 2011. I will be spending most of my time helping out my disabled mom in Texas while he stays in Chicago (we'll both be moving to DC when I start work). I am definitely not looking forward to it. I'll probably manage to see him somewhere every month (Chicago, Texas, or fun destinations elsewhere), and we always talk a few times a day (mostly quick chats throughout the day and a good long talk every few). But it sucks and it will be hard, particularly that my love languages are touch and quality time - two things that are really difficult 1000 miles apart!!!

 

[kateydid05]

Hmm...at the very beginning of our relationship he went to visit family is Georgia for a few days, less than a week. Since then, we really haven't been apart except for a weekend or when he is working his long shifts (24, 36, or 48 hours depending on how bad he goofs up his schedule). If I did not live with him, I would NEVER see him, haha.

 

[Anonymous]

Beezy - Nope, it doesn't wear off! It does get a LOT better though when you know for sure they're coming back soon, maybe? I don't know, and I don't want to find out!

Thank you about the dress! I'm going again this weekend with a girlfriend from work and this time I'm prepared with my "wish list" of dresses to try on. There's just too many dresses that look "meh" on the hangers that are actually very nice once you try them on.

 

[4ever]

6months x2. We were at opposit ends of the world for over 6 months, then we were together for 3 weeks, then apart for another 6 months or so.

It sucked.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

2 days, maybe. We are inseparable, and do everything together (well most things).

I would be heart broken if he had to go work in another state or something for 6 months. I really feel for you girls.

 

[GliderPoss]

7 months with me in California and him in Iraq, but DH is in the military. His current schedule is 6 months deployed, a year home, 6 months deployed, etc. etc. etc. Even when he is "home", he still has to travel frequently for weeks at a time for training. I think we figured out that I see him less than 90 days out of the year, which, um, SUCKS He is deployed right now actually in Africa. I get to talk to him once or twice a week via email and once every few weeks via phone. Honestly, it stinks but I try to stay busy with work and friends. I have always been a very independent person, though. There is no way I could survive this lifestyle if I wasn't.

Honestly, long distance can be the best or worst thing for a relationship. Strong relationships get stronger, but weak relationships get weaker. If you're confident in your relationship, then there is nothing to worry about. You should definitely take this opportunity and embrace it! Everything else will fall into place.

Ditto Sonnyjane - my hubby has just entered miltary training and we have already spent over 3 months apart. I feel it's tough but has made us stronger as a couple. He will depoyed in the next 2 years for anything up to 8 months at a time so you've gotta be confident in your relationship.

 

[Callisto]

We did LD for 3 years (between Illinois and Texas) and I think the longest time apart was 13 weeks, I can't remember exactly. But we got to talk every day. He also went to Africa for a little over a month and that was really hard cause we talked twice on the phone, quickly, and exchanged only a handful of emails.

As far as advice goes, definitely talk every day and I HIGHLY recommend a webcam. We always used to spend a long part of the conversation just telling each other about our days so that we still felt like we were sharing each other's lives. Sometimes I would even make notes throughout the day of funny stories to tell him or other random things during the day.

Other that that my only major piece advice is that fights get A LOT worse when you can't just kiss and make up. What would normally just be a little tiff can often get way out of control when you're just talking on the phone. It took us a while to realize this but I try to share my experience with others going into LDRs. You have to be able to step back from an argument and say "ok are we fighting about this because it actually matters to us or because we're far away from each other, stressed out, and have let this minor issue get out of control?" SO and I hardly ever fight in person but we had some bad nights during our LDR when you're both worked up and upset and just want to stop fighting and snuggle but you can't so you just keep going in circles in the issue.

I definitely agree with the previous poster that it either makes strong relationships stronger or weak ones weaker. My relationship with SO was pretty high on the "inconvenient scale" and I still wanted nothing more than to be with him. Its a comforting thing to know.

 

[HappyNewLife]

two weeks, but we are soon to be living halfway across the country from one another for probably 6-12 months. Thank goodness for airplanes!

 

[blacksand]

Ugh. I was in a long-distance relationship for many, many years. It was incredibly hard, and it did not end well. I'll spare you that story, since it isn't especially cheerful, but I will say this: at one point, my ex was expecting to be able to join me in Boston for a semester. I had been accepted into a study abroad program in Paris and was all set to go. But my ex said he was coming to be with me that semester, so I cancelled the semester abroad and stayed in Boston waiting for him. Suffice it to say he never came to Boston. And I spent my first two years of post-college life regretting not going to France. My point here is not that your relationship is in jeopardy (and I truly believe a dedicated couple can work through anything together), but that I think it is AWESOME that you are going to France. Do it, and don't regret it for a second. Having these experiences now will be the best thing for you as an individual, and ultimately, that will be the best thing for your relationship as well. An SO worth keeping will recognize that and support you 100%. Mine did not. That should have been my first clue! Ultimately, that relationship ended, and found a way to go to France for a year as a teaching assistant (since I was out of college), and it was the best thing I ever did. I believe it enabled me to grow into the person I am now, and eventually meet my wonderful boyfriend.

I do truly believe that a strong, committed couple can work through anything. If your SO supports you in your decision to go to France, that is a wonderful start! You can absolutely make it work if you remain committed to each other. But most importantly I commend you for doing what's best for you, even if it isn't the easiest path. Have an awesome time in France!

 

[Anonymous]

We did LD for 3 years (between Illinois and Texas) and I think the longest time apart was 13 weeks, I can't remember exactly. But we got to talk every day. He also went to Africa for a little over a month and that was really hard cause we talked twice on the phone, quickly, and exchanged only a handful of emails.

As far as advice goes, definitely talk every day and I HIGHLY recommend a webcam. We always used to spend a long part of the conversation just telling each other about our days so that we still felt like we were sharing each other's lives. Sometimes I would even make notes throughout the day of funny stories to tell him or other random things during the day.

Other that that my only major piece advice is that fights get A LOT worse when you can't just kiss and make up. What would normally just be a little tiff can often get way out of control when you're just talking on the phone. It took us a while to realize this but I try to share my experience with others going into LDRs. You have to be able to step back from an argument and say "ok are we fighting about this because it actually matters to us or because we're far away from each other, stressed out, and have let this minor issue get out of control?" SO and I hardly ever fight in person but we had some bad nights during our LDR when you're both worked up and upset and just want to stop fighting and snuggle but you can't so you just keep going in circles in the issue.

I definitely agree with the previous poster that it either makes strong relationships stronger or weak ones weaker. My relationship with SO was pretty high on the "inconvenient scale" and I still wanted nothing more than to be with him. Its a comforting thing to know.

Callisto, your post brought back a LOT of good (and some bad) memories. You're spot on about the webcam thing, and also about the fights being harder b/c you can't kiss and make up. Ugh SO glad to be past all of that!!!!

 

[Callisto]

Callisto, your post brought back a LOT of good (and some bad) memories. You're spot on about the webcam thing, and also about the fights being harder b/c you can't kiss and make up. Ugh SO glad to be past all of that!!!!

I'm so glad to be past it too!!!! We've been in the same zip code for over a year now! I can't imagine how we ever lived any other way to be honest. I just got back from having lunch with him it's really amazing how much you appreciate time together after having been through a LDR. I remember booking the absolute latest flight that I could manage and having to go straight from the airport to class after a weekend visiting him just because I wanted to spend one more hour with him. So glad to finally be together and gosh darn-it we earned it!

 

[Glitz]

WOW! I have nothing on some of you with your LDR. The most I've been apart from my SO is about a week and a half for work. Usually a few times a year either one of us will have to travel for work, it's never been longer than a week'ish though. He used to travel a lot more than he does now, thankfully those days are gone and we can snuggle every night.

 

[MissDimity]

I live a 2 hour flight away from my SO. The longest we have not seen each other is 5 weeks. We have just started this long distance relationship in March this year. So far going well.