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Before Settling Down... What do you wish you could have done?

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by Carrots, Oct 31, 2008.

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  1. Carrots
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Carrots » Oct 31, 2008
    What do you wish you could do or have done before settling down?

    My boyfriend and I decided, that before we settled down, we were going to see the world.

    At first, our parents were like "why don''t you just settle down" and "when are we going to have grandchildren" ...blah blah blah. But, after several trips, they began siding with us. They thought that it was great that we were getting out there and getting it out of our system. Then, once we had the kid(s), that would be our sole focus in life... no regrets.

    Anyhow, I don''t mean to bring up hurt feelings or whatnot. But, if you have any regrets about something that you wish that you could have done, maybe you could help someone out by posting your thoughts and having them learn from you.

    btw: I don''t know if there''s already a thread out there with regards to this topic. Sorry, if there is.

    Thanks,
    C.
     
  2. AprilBaby
    Ideal_Rock

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  3. jcrow
    Ideal_Rock

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    by jcrow » Oct 31, 2008
    well, we are in the process of doing more before settling down (i.e. family). we''ve done more traveling then i would have thought possible for us in one year. and we''re loving it. say the word and we''re there. whether it''s big trips are little. no regrets, you know?
     
  4. fieryred33143
    Ideal_Rock

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    by fieryred33143 » Oct 31, 2008
    I''m assuming that by settling down you mean married (I don''t believe in settling down...I fully intend on being a crazy great, great granny[​IMG])

    Not sure if there is anything I''ll regret not doing...except maybe own a house. My FI and I have been together for close to 7 years now so we''ve done a lot of traveling together and a lot of fun stuff. But it would be nice to be getting married and come home as husband/wife to our brand new house. Oh well.
     
  5. Carrots
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Carrots » Oct 31, 2008
    jcrow, for sure! we''re off to antarctica in 26hrs. it''ll be our 7 continents in 2 yrs. when and where''s you next trip?
     
  6. Carrots
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Carrots » Oct 31, 2008
    fieryred33143, is the market in your area good for buying right now?
     
  7. fieryred33143
    Ideal_Rock

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    by fieryred33143 » Oct 31, 2008
    Yes and no. We can get into a home fairly easily (as in we''ll be approved and can find something very affordable). Problem is that we also have a tiny condo (860 sqft) that we would have to sell and if we tried, we''ll be taking a HUGE loss. If we rent, we won''t be able to cover all the expenses (mortgage and maintenance). So we''re pretty much stuck until the market gets a little more balanced[​IMG]
     
  8. NewEnglandLady
    Ideal_Rock

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    by NewEnglandLady » Oct 31, 2008
    We love to travel and have always loved it whether married or just dating (now we call every trip our honeymoon--this weekend we are going on honeymoon #14...you get the idea). Anyway, one thing I wish I would have done before getting married was to live abroad for 6 months or a year. I could easily see myself living in Paris temporarily and I thought about it, but never went for it. D is willing to live there for a year now (and my company has an office in Paris), but now we have the dog, are getting a second dog in January, etc. and it no longer makes sense.
     
  9. Elmorton
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Elmorton » Oct 31, 2008
    I tell our families that when DH and I go off on our major european vacation, that's a sure sign that we're ready to start trying to have children. That's the only thing that DH and I have on our list of things to do before starting a family (which is our idea of settling down).

    I think I got married at the perfect point in my life - I'd spent a lot of time focusing on myself (living alone, pursuing my education, traveling) and I was ready to enter into a partnership with my husband.

    ETA: NEL, every time DH and I travel, I refer to it as our honeymoon, too - esp since we started the tradition for our first anniversary to take a little vacay (mini-moon to me). DH makes fun of me, but I in my head I just equate "romantic trip" with "honeymoon" and that's what comes out of my mouth.
     
  10. Carrots
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Carrots » Oct 31, 2008
    Can you buy and rent the house for the cost of mortgage and/or tax and insurance? This way, you''d take advantage of the market''s state now. Then, when the market gets better for the condo, you can sell the condo and move into the house you''d have been renting.
     
  11. Carrots
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Carrots » Oct 31, 2008
    A total cultural immersion, that''s a great idea!
     
  12. oobiecoo
    Ideal_Rock

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    by oobiecoo » Oct 31, 2008
    I''d like to have travelled but I realize that I''d feel MUCH more comfortable and safe travelling with DH than my parents or any friends.
     
  13. LtlFirecracker
    Ideal_Rock

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    by LtlFirecracker » Oct 31, 2008
    I really want to go to Europe before I settle down. Last year BF said no b/c he was worried about his job. This year he promosed to make it work because it is something I really want to do.
     
  14. neatfreak
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by neatfreak » Oct 31, 2008
    Hmmm...I can''t think of anything I regret not doing before I settled down. But I was lucky enough to have travelled extensively with my family when I was younger. I guess I just assumed I would drag my kids wherever I wanted to go anyway! [​IMG]
     
  15. bee*
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by bee* » Oct 31, 2008
    I''m the same and D and I have travelled together and lived abroad for a few months also so there''s nothing I feel like I''ve missed out on.
     
  16. Tuckins1
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Tuckins1 » Oct 31, 2008
    Nothing. I don''t think that being married means you have to stop doing the things that you want to do... Work and school does. (Not to mention kids. We don''t have any yet, but we do both work and go to school)
     
  17. Carrots
    Shiny_Rock

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    by Carrots » Oct 31, 2008
    Would you say that family travel is the same as traveling solo or as a couple? I''m worried we''ll being bounded to Disney Cruises to the Caribbean and visits to the grandparents abroad. I guess I''m just thinking... can we be running after a train in Fez or climbing K2 with dependents? ..You know, stuff you do when it was just the two of you.
     
  18. TravelingGal
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by TravelingGal » Oct 31, 2008
    Nope, I did everything I wanted to do (well, not everything, as there is always more, but I am content.) Did a lot of skiing, dived the Great Barrier Reef, backpacked around Europe on my own at 30, ran a couple of marathons, blah blah blah.

    Now that I''m married with a kid, the ONLY thing I wish I had done in my 20''s was have a kid. I love my kid!
     
  19. MishB
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by MishB » Nov 1, 2008
    Lived and worked overseas for a few years. That''s a very Australian thing, just about all my friends did it, and my husband did too. I''ve travelled quite a bit but never lived overseas. I''ve worked a season in an Australian ski resort, but I would have loved to work in a US resort for a season or two.
     
  20. Haven
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Haven » Nov 1, 2008
    I completely agree. I think if my perception of marriage was that it would mean "settling down" then I would have never wanted to marry in the first place.

    Carrots--I don''t think you have to be bound to Disney vacations once you have a family! (In fact, I don''t plan on ever vacationing in Disney. I hate it.) We have many friends that go on really exciting trips with their kids; I think it''s all about your perspective.
     
  21. MichelleCarmen
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by MichelleCarmen » Nov 1, 2008
    Knowing now how I spent the last eight years of my life, being at home w/my kids as a SAHM - knowing pretty much any degree I would have gotten would be outdated by now, I would have finished my bachelor''s in archaeology as I had planned, rather than studying accounting.
     
  22. gwendolyn
    Ideal_Rock

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    by gwendolyn » Nov 2, 2008
    Not sure if we''ll have kids or not, and I don''t really see much changing after we get married vs. before, so there isn''t anything I wish I''d done, except for maybe having my own apartment (not shared). If we do have kids, then I still want to keep traveling (never going to stop!) but it will be more difficult since offspring aren''t cheap. [​IMG]

    Carrots, I am so incredibly envious of your trip to Antarctica!!! That''s on my list of places to go before I die--can''t WAIT for my turn to go! Have an amazing time and tell us all about it (with pics too?) when you get back!! [​IMG]
     
  23. Upgradable
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Upgradable » Nov 2, 2008
    I''ve got to disagree with some others and say that it IS different traveling with a family. There are school schedules, kids don''t do well standing in line or climbing 500 stairs to the top of Notre Dame. You have to consider naptime and kids often have particular palates. Some other cultures don''t accept children as we Westerners do. Then there are the plain old budget issues: twice the travel costs, two rooms instead of one. I''m not saying it can''t be done or it isn''t fun, it''s just not the same as BC (before children).
     
  24. allycat0303
    Ideal_Rock

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    by allycat0303 » Nov 2, 2008
    I really wish I had seen europe, done the backbacking through europe thing that all my friends have done. I feel like I''ve missed out on what would have been a really great, rite of passage type of experience.
     
  25. curiopotter
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by curiopotter » Nov 2, 2008
    We don''t have children yet, but the only things we haven''t been able to do since we got married is travel to Europe. However, we''re planning on doing it regardless of if we have a child or not. We''ve traveled almost all of N. America on our motorcycles, we''ve been out of the country a few times (Bora Bora, Tahiti, Mexico, Puerto Rico), but we haven''t been able see Europe. DH''s best friend is from France and I have 2 girlfriends that live in Europe, so it''s bound to happen eventually. I also have family moving to France soon.


    Lucky for us, DH''s job will allow us to travel around the world. Sheesh.. my aunt and uncle moved to Africa for a year with my (then) 2 month old cousin. She''s never regretted it and I have a distinct feeling I''m going to enjoy traveling with my children like she has.

    Don''t worry about it, if you want to do something, it''ll get done. You have the rest of your lives to do it together! My parents are now 60 and they''re making plans to go to Italy (it''s taken them 30 years but at least they''re going!) They''re learning Italian together and now that I''m out of the house, it''s really rekindled their relationship. It''s fun to hear them giggling at each other in Italian.
     
  26. nytemist
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by nytemist » Nov 3, 2008
    I wish that I had done what a lot of my friends did right out of high school- took a backpack and went to Europe or where ever. Partied with friends, lived alone longer, worked more towards establishing a career so that I could own property and build some equity. My life would probably be a completely different direction. I regret it now that I did decide to settle down a couple of years ago... I still feel much younger than I am and still want to really have fun in life; it''s hard to do now since I''ve moved to husband''s condo in a crap town with a cat that needs shots twice a day so now we can''t travel together anymore. That rate it''s going I might be on my own again so I can go back to pursuing a life.

    Sorry I''m ranting... it was a bad weekend.
     
  27. Pandora II
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Pandora II » Nov 3, 2008
    Having waited till 36 to get married, I can''t think of anything I didn''t get out of my system before I settled down.

    I lived and worked abroad in several countries, changed career multiple times, travelled most of the world, lived alone and with lots of other people and generally had a great time being single and having dodgy boyfriends before meeting DH.

    Not that anything changes now - my parents brought me and my sister up on a tiny Pacific island and my mother travelled around the world solo with 3 kids under 7 at one point. Yes, things are more difficult, but your attitude defines how difficult!
     
  28. Italiahaircolor
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Italiahaircolor » Nov 3, 2008
    My best friend got married young, and was still attending college when she did...and now we always talk about how fun it would have been if we had lived together in down town Chicago after we finished our education--even if it were just for a year--before getting married to our respective spouses.

    Of course, we adore our lives--and have no "regrets"...but its an opportunity to missed that could have been lots of fun.
     
  29. IloveAsschers13
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by IloveAsschers13 » Nov 3, 2008
    I''m not married yet and I won''t be till about 2012-2013, and I want to travel so bad. I want to go to every continent too and I''m starting in may- I''m going to the Netherlands for 3 weeks with study abroad, and then I am staying an extra week and traveling to Ireland and staying with my second cousin. WOO-HOO! I really want to go to Russia sometime too because it''s where my boyfriend was born and I was to visit there to feel what living there is like.

    My dream is to live in London and go to Paris... ALL THE TIME. :)
     
  30. bee*
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by bee* » Nov 3, 2008
    Sorry to hear that you''re still having a bad time nytemist. I hope that you''re ok.
     
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