bathroom training questions

[TooPatient]

I need advice. It never crossed my mind that I'd have to teach a 13 year old how to use the bathroom, but here we are.

A hadn't been flushing consistently and we all share the same bathroom. (We have 3, but one is more conveniently located and is much nicer than the rest.) I've noticed that she doesn't use toilet paper. At first, I thought it was just before showering (like maybe she'd been told she didn't have to then) but now I know it is all the time. I've seen some suggestion in her clothing that this may also be the case when she poops too.

She's gotten much better at flushing since I talked with her about this. I explained (quietly -- it was just me and her around) that using toilet paper is a very important thing. It keeps her from stinking at school. If she doesn't wipe, she'll have a bit get in her underwear and it could leave her smelling. I also explained infections to her and how very uncomfortable they are.

So now she's flushing and I had figured she was using toilet paper. Well.... this morning, I replaced an empty roll before she got up for school. She used the toilet twice before leaving the house. When I went in after she was gone, I found that the brand new roll hadn't been touched.

I don't know what to do. The toilet paper is of very high quality, within easy reach of the toilet, and always filled. There should be no reason for her not to use it.

I can't just ask her because she won't be honest about this (tried that already before she got consistent in flushing) and I certainly can't go in the bathroom with her and watch.


Ideas?

I've got her going to the dr for a physical in the next couple of weeks. Should I mention to them and let them address? Would that leave her worried about talking to the dr about other stuff she may need as a teenage girl?

 

[iheartscience]

Has this child been evaluated by a psychologist? A 13 year old girl who does not know how to use toilet paper likely has serious issues beyond "bathroom training."

 

[TooPatient]

Has this child been evaluated by a psychologist? A 13 year old girl who does not know how to use toilet paper likely has serious issues beyond "bathroom training."

A good friend is a very well known psychologist specializing in kids with this sort of difficult situation. We're working with her to get the psychological help needed.

The toilet paper thing was a problem when she was 7 also. We didn't see her between then and now so I assume it was an ongoing thing. Her mom didn't teach her much of the stuff that should have been taught and other stuff was really taught incorrectly. I know that when she was 7, we were told that it is "bad" for her to use toilet paper and would cause infections because "it is bad for young girls to wipe". Her mom is also the sort to focus on how it is bad to touch "there".

I suspect that this is the same thing as her not washing her hair when she first came back to live with us. She'd been told that she's too young to wash hair every day and that it should be washed no more than once every few days and NEVER conditioned... of course that meant her hair was an absolute mess. I took her to the salon I go to and they taught her how to wash & condition her hair and did a special conditioning treatment to repair some of the damage.

FWIW, "A" also suggested that we should go get those special color changing spoons for her so that she would know when something is too hot for her. (her mom had her eating with those up until CPS took her (12-1/2))

 

[iheartscience]

Oh dear. I'm so glad you're on top of it and are getting her help. I would discuss this situation with a psychologist, unless someone with experience with troubled children can chime in here.