Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Bad to worse, just found out SO needs new kidney

PintoBean said:
I'm so sorry Kenny!!! What can @jordyonbass do to help distract you even for a moment?

{{{hugs}}}
Click to expand...

Well, I don't think Ms. Jordy would like that and I'm not going to put PS's resident hunk on the spot, but thanks for the delectable thought. :Up_to_something:
 
Tacori E-ring said:
Kenny, I am so sorry to hear this. I don't live in your state but I work for an organ transplant center. If you are willing to donate they will do a "chain" until everyone has what they need. Where I live the wait list for a kidney is 3-5 years so that would be the quickest way to get a transplant. Otherwise he will get points for being on dialysis. So people on it longer are higher on the list. I will warn you where I live there are some strict regulations to be considered. My best advice is COMPLIANCE. Anything they say (gain weight, lose weight, medication, fluid intake restrictions, etc) DO IT. Don't miss appointments. Make sure you can let them know he has so much social support (trust me, that is huge) and can financially afford it (including medications post). They have special fundraising they can suggest if that may be an issue. Luckily the recovery for kidney is way easier than other organs. Let me know if I can answer any questions for you. Best of luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you soooo much.
This is all so new I need to learn what questions to ask.
I'm sure in the days/weeks/months to come I'll have questions for you.
I'm very grateful you are offering your expertise.

Our neighbor is an RN and has been a lifesaver.
SO is very proud and doesn't like to show weakness.
He doesn't like even me getting involved, but clearly has no choice at this stage.
She is also latin and understands the latino male machismo stuff.
She just pushes herself into the picture with infinite kindness ... and bless her heart!
She happens to work at the hospital he's at.

This is a good time to know good people.
 
Last edited:
AGBF said:
...Next week I see my nephrologist. I have had compromised kidneys for a number of years and may, at some point, need dialysis or a transplant. I, therefore, keep my eye on the progress in the field of kidney transplantation for personal reasons. ;))
Click to expand...

All the best to you and your kidneys, Deb!
 
I'm very sorry and hope you'll find a match for him very fast
 
Oh Kenny... sending you lots of love & strength. I know you find all of this with him so frustrating. Be strong & hopefully he'll get a new kidney soon. And then the reality of that will make him want to take a bit more care of himself.
 
I am truly sorry to hear this. I hope that someone in his family is a match and willing to donate. Best wishes to you both for a speedy resolution to this issue. I can only imagine how difficult and frustrating it must be.
 
I hope you don't have to sell your FCDs!


kenny said:
PSA: Folks, if you have an SO who never sees a doctor please FORCE him/her to.
Click to expand...
kenny said:
Yes and no. He's on meds, but refuses to eat right, which makes me pull my hair out. It's the source of endless fights. Junk food is an addictive drug. It's also a cultural/family thing. Yesterday his mother brought him a V-Day gift that included sugary candy. :angryfire: Today in the hospital I threw it away, which really pissed off my SO. I hate treating him like a child ... but ...
Click to expand...
Tell me about it.

There is a man within the family who is about 6' tall and must weigh about 25 stone / 350lbs. It's not muscle - it's just that he will eat endless amounts of crap and/or utterly ridiculous portion sizes.

I recall we went to an American-style diner once - he had a large main meal, but with a 'side' of an entire rack of ribs (which itself was another main meal on the menu), and followed that up with a 'Sundae to Share' all to himself. Made me feel sick.

He lives off 'energy drinks' and full-sugar fizzy drinks. He clearly has uncontrolled diabetes but refuses to acknowledge this or get it seen to. The last time he went to the doctor it was because he had a massive headache that wouldn't go away - the doctor told him it was because he had astronomically high blood pressure, and that if he didn't sort himself out, he'd be dead by 40. He is currently about 38.

With a third child on the way, and a first child that he shares with his ex (who does not wash the child, feed the child, wash any of the child's clothes, make the child clean their teeth or go to bed before 1am on a school night - which is basically child abuse in my book - seemingly because she's not quite right in the head) I would have thought that he would want to be around to make sure he can provide for the family and rescue his first child when they finally make a decision that they don't want to see their mother again. But nooooo....


I do understand that these things can be engrained in childhood before conscious thought, and that it can often be a mental health issue, but it is so frustrating to deal with. Treat them like a child and they will react like a child, trying to sneak 'treats' etc, but if they won't act like an adult and make informed, sensible choices, what choice do we have?!


Anyway, apologies, going off on a slight rant there...


I hope your SO is able to get sorted out and stay sorted out, Kenny.
 
Kenny,

I'm happy to hear that your SO has siblings and that they're willing to donate a kidney.
Like you, my understanding is that finding a match is greater with biological family members.

I hope that someone is able to get through to your SO, his mother and anyone else contributing to his health crisis through his eating habits.

An already stressful situation is made even worse for the caregiver when the loved one makes choices that negatively impact their health. For the sake of your sanity and blood pressure, I hope you'll be able to do things that benefit/support/strengthen you; talk to supportive people (counselor/therapist, friends, or here on PS), try to ensure you don't neglect eating or getting enough sleep, find some time to do something that isn't mentally exhausting (as this situation must be) such as playing with the dogs, reading, whatever.

Sending supportive hugs and thoughts to you, Kenny.
 
@OoohShiny ,

My heart breaks for the children of that man.
Not just the first born, but the others as well.

I suspect there would be many people who could relate to a thread on loved ones who knowingly make unhealthy choices.

Yes, I know all the standard responses/excuses; 'their body, their choice, their business'.
The problem is that 'no man is an island' (if I may borrow that phrase); loved ones are affected by a person's choices to knowingly do something unhealthy.
 
Wow kenny. :blackeye: So sorry to hear this.

It doesn't help the situation the he doesn't do enough to take care of himself. That adds a layer of difficulty and frustration to the situation that has to add even more stress. :blackeye:

Take care of you too.

Sending hugs to you your SO.
 
Of course Kenny! Transplant is really overwhelming. I cannot speak for other centers, but here you will have an all day consultation to learn about transplant and for them to get information on your SO. Here you meet with social worker, dietitian, pharmacists, nurse, surgeon, finance, etc. Ask what you don't understand and take notes. It will be a lot of information coming at you at once. He can be referred to multiple centers (which may help him get one faster) but it would be at extra expense. Honestly a deceased donor will take YEARS. It sounds like he has many people willing to donate (yay!) and they will also have to be considered a candidate (physical, psych eval, etc). Like I mentioned before they do donation chains so don't worry if someone isn't a match. They will make sure everyone in the chain gets what they need. Your insurance covers donor's expenses so keep that in mind.

Maybe some questions to ask...
What is the timeline if I have a living donor?
What is an estimate of the expense (both medical and medicine post transplant)?
What fundraising do you recommend? (STAY AWAY FROM GO FUND ME)
How will transplant effect my other health conditions?
What support do you offer for patients and caregivers?
What life style changes should I expect post transplant?

I have many patients post-kidney that do great. Some are only in the hospital for a week which is amazing! Unfortunately how he takes care of his body makes a huge difference. Sodium will also be a big deal now with kidney issues. I have had patients start taking care of themselves, take meds, stop drugs/alcohol and their kidneys kick in again so don't give up hope.

Hope this helps!
 
AGBF said:
I didn't know you worked for a transplant center, Tacori. I started out my social work training on the pediatric dialysis unit of a major metropolitan hospital and on the pediatric floor where many pediatric kidney patients were treated. Since I have a friend who does social work in an adult dialysis unit now, I know how much has changed in the past 25 years. There has been a lot of progress.
Click to expand...

It's one of three jobs I have ;)2 I am not an expert but over four years working at a center I have picked up on a few things. I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. I hope only the best for you.
 
Callie, you are so sweet and am so glad I could offer you encouragement during that time. :)
 
Hi Kenny,
Have been in horrific medical situations where you have to make lemonade out of the lemons.
I'm glad that his siblings have volunteered to be tested. They will be his best bet. I am praying that everything works out.
 
Kenny, When my family member was on dialysis, one of the things that’s bothered him the most was the liquid restriction. One of the things he said helped was chewing gum. If he complains of being thirsty you may want to see if chewing gum helps him.

From what you have shared about your SO you may have to just walk out of the room a few times a day if he acts unreasonable to save your sanity. Unfortunately he may need to be reminded that this is no picnic for any of you. Please take care of yourself.
 
Tacori E-ring said:
Callie, you are so sweet and am so glad I could offer you encouragement during that time. :)
Click to expand...

@Tacori E-ring Your kindness and words of encouragement helped me immensely. I’m positive there are MANY others who say the same things about you.
 
I am registered on a donor site I think called Be the Match. I have never been called. It’s a good thing to sign up for. If it doesn’t help you, it may help someone else. I urge all of you to check it out! Best wishes for a quick match Kenny!
 
I'm so sorry to hear the bad news of your SO! Sounds frustrating and scary, and emotional.
I am hoping that he get's matched, and he has a light go on, how important to take charge of his diet when having this disease. Hoping you get through this crisis.
 
Hi Kenny - I'm hoping to uplift you with a screenshot of eyecandy that popped up on my Instagram account. Hubba hubba!:love:
IMG_3531.PNG
Let me know if you want me to cajole @jordyonbass into posting some pics of his mug for you.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...:saint:
 
I am so sorry to hear that Kenny.
My heart goes out for you, your SO and family.
 
Kenny - so sorry to hear of your SO's illness and transplant need. Keeping my fingers crossed he gets a match soon or his sibs match. Take care of yourself too. Being a caretaker is physically and emotionally taxing.

CAF
 
Kenny, I am so sorry to hear your bad news.
I know from experience how frustrating it is to get someone with diabetes to take care of themselves and eat right.
Wishing a speedy resolution, and as many have said, please take care of yourself as well.
 
I’m so sorry Kenny. I hope that he will find a match soon. Sending hugs your way.
 
Kenny,
I was thinking about you and your SO today. I wanted to share with you about my aunt, who learned that she needed a kidney transplant about 15 years ago. Long story, short, her daughter, my cousin, was a match, and the surgeries were successful.
I am Hopi g your SO has a match waiting to be found and soon you will be updating us on the us on success of the surgeries.
Kk
 
I am sorry to hear this Kenny, hang in there.
 
KaeKae said:
Kenny,
I was thinking about you and your SO today. I wanted to share with you about my aunt, who learned that she needed a kidney transplant about 15 years ago. Long story, short, her daughter, my cousin, was a match, and the surgeries were successful.
I am Hopi g your SO has a match waiting to be found and soon you will be updating us on the us on success of the surgeries.
Kk
Click to expand...

Well...I will share a story, too, then. I have a first cousin who had a disease that affected his kidneys. He is a physician attached to a large hospital, but it did not get him preferential treatment on a waiting list for kidneys. Everyone in his family was willing to donate a kidney; he has three brothers and two sons. However, the ones who matched were medically unable to donate and the ones who were medically fit didn't match. Eventually his sister-in-law was found to be a match and donated a kidney. They were both in their sixties at the time and the donor had been married to my cousin's brother for many, many years. It was a wonderful gift of life. Everyone is well. I saw that whole side of my family, whom I do not usually see, at my father's memorial service a few moths ago. Kidney transplants now, usually, work beautifully. As I said earlier, there has been huge progress in the past 25 years.

Deb :wavey:
 
I'm so sorry, Kenny. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your SO. I hope a match is found soon.
 
Kenny, I'm sorry you and your SO are dealing with this. My older sister passed last March of complications relating to diabetes, so I know how serious a situation this is. I'll be praying for you both. I'm so glad that you have a great neighbor who is an RN, and Tacori right here to help you with questions.
 
Oh no, Kenny. I am so sorry. You and your SO are in my thoughts.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top