Babies after 35

[tuesdaem]

Just wondering...I''ll be 37 when I get married next summer & I haven''t had children yet but think I want to. Is there anyone here who has had babies in their late 30s or 40s??? My Mom had me at 43 & I just remember always thinking that she was going to die bc she was so old! She died 11 months ago at age 77 but still I was only 34 & that''s young to have lost both parents. My Dad died at 65 & when I was just 22. Just wondering...I''m mostly concerned w/health issues of the baby & me. Thanks!

 

[poptart]

I''m not a mother, and I''m not 37, but I just wanted to let you know I had that same fear of my mom dying, too. She adopted me when she was 36 and I was always afraid she would die and since she wasn''t married that I would be all alone! She''s still alive though, so that''s good. I *have* heard that there are sometimes health issues or defects that can occur in that age range. If you are thinking about it now, I would definitely start asking your doctor questions as soon as possible so that you are aware of everything.

*M*

 

[diamondfan]

I had my third at 36.

I have a funny story about a mom's age.

When I was 9 I asked my mom how old she was. She had me at almost 40, so she was turning fifty shortly. At 9, 49-50 seemed ANCIENT to me. She did not want to tell me but I insisted that she tell me the truth. She says I told her, "I can handle it!" Well, she told me she would be turning 50 and I nearly had a heart attack. I seriously was sick with stomach aches about it, thought it was the beginning of the end. All of my friends parents were young, maybe mid 30's on average, some a bit younger than that and some a bit older, but overall 35 was pretty average and she seemed so old to me after that. I always was worried about her, and looked at her wrinkles and got scared. She is turning 80 in January so she is doing well. Sadly, though, my dad died of cancer a few years later and then I really got scared, because she was all I had left and if she died I would be an orphan.

My son always tells me I am the second youngest mom in his grade. The youngest is a month younger than I am. I also look pretty young so sometimes people find it hard to believe I have a 14 year old. For my mom to have a kid at that age in the 1960's was rare, of course it is not rare today.

I think in today's world as long as you are healthy it is no problem to have a child at close to 40. You must make that extra committment to being healthy and you would likely need to see a high risk ob, but if are fit and do not smoke and eat well, I think it is really so easy to manage. They will likely run lots of tests and screenings, so do not worry, you will have a lot of information. I might recommend a CVS instead of an amnio if you would be inclined towards that type of test (some people are opposed and do not want them). I do not agree with people having kids super late, because of something happening to the parents.. I have heard of rare cases of women having kids at 50 something and think, they may not make it to see the kid off to college, and while at 18 a person is likely able to handle things in life on their own, it is still sad to me...

 

[VRBeauty]

I think you and your sweetie should discuss whether you want a baby sooner rather than later. If you decide that a baby would be nice but something you could also live without, should the cards fall that way, that''s one thing. If you decide that you''d really like to have children, you should talk with your doctor or see whether your health service offers classes or counseling on conception/fertility issues, or do some online research.

We are generally a lot healthier than our ancesters were at the same age, but we''re not yet immune to aging and our reproductive systems do start to wind down at some point. The conventional wisdom used to be that the risk of birth defects or problems increases as the mother ages, and that conception becomes more difficult (I haven''t looked into this in a long time, so don''t know what the current thinking is...).

I''m absolutely not trying to frighten you. I''m just saying that if you decide that you want your family to include a new little one somewhere down the line, you may want to discuss the risks of waiting and steps that you can take to keep this option open. The women who are able to have babies in their late 30''s - early 40''s are pretty visible. The ones who try but cannot conceive, or need medical help to conceive, are far less obvious.

 

[Cheekyprincess]

The biggest issue at that age is conceiving in the first place. Your fertility will naturally be a lot lower than someone 10 years younger. Other than that I guess there is an increased risk of down''s syndrome- but your doc will check for that and let you know the risks etc. I think if you know you want kids, and your partner does too, start trying ASAP!!! it may take a long time for you to fall pregnant, or you may decide you want more than one child- so start thinking seriously now!

 

[robbie3982]

My mom had me at 35 and my younger sister at 43. I''m perfectly healthy. My sister, however, is mentally and physically handicapped. When she was born they thought she had many more problems than she does. From what I remember (keep in mind I was 7) they ran all sorts of tests and they definitely knew she had problems before she was born. I''m sure the tests now are much better than they were 15 years ago, though.

My mom didn''t intend to wait 8 years inbetween kids, but she had a lot of trouble getting pregnant the second time. I remember being 4,5,6 and my parents telling me I was going to have a new brother or sister only to have them tell me later that my mom had lost the baby.

FMIL had her youngest daughter when she was about the same age that my mom had my sister and FSIL is perfectly healthy. It obviously depends on the person, but the risks of complications definitely increase with age.

 

[mercoledi]

I''m also neither 37 nor a mother, but several (four total) of my friends/family have recently had childern/are expecting between the ages of 36 and 41. My friend who had her first at 41 was very careful to get the best care and almost every possible test. They managed to get pregnant pretty much right away, but we were all pulling for the baby to be healthy and on time. She now has a lovely 4 month old boy, and no one could be happier! That''s the riskiest case of the four, and it all worked out. I would second the "now is better than later" sentiment, but of the four geriatric (that''s what they call it if you''re over 35) pregnancies I''ve been around, there are two happy healthy babies and two more moms-to-be who are right on track and scheduled to give birth in the next two months.

My impression is that pre-natal care and screening are a must, and that even pre-pregnancy care can have a big infulence on the course of your pregnancy. There was actually an article about that in the times yesterday:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/28/health/28natal.html?em&ex=1164949200&en=22b4c79b06437201&ei=5087%0A

Good luck!

 

[ellaila]

I''m 35 and just got married two months so ago, so this is something that is definitely on my mind too!!

My mom had four kids all before the age of 30. YIKES!

Her mom, on the other hand, had two kids in her 20s and then two more in her 40s (from a second marriage) -- all healthy.

And my cousin who had her tubes tied at 22 after having two kids, got the tying reversed at 43 and had healthy twins at 44 -- with no drugs or medical intervention! So fertility-wise, it seems that my odds are good of having a baby later in life, based on Grandma''s and first cousin''s records. But of course, I do still worry about things. I''m more concerned about miscarrying, to be honest, since -- and I don''t mean to be Debbie Downer here, but -- most woman I know in their 30s trying to have a baby tend to have at least one miscarriage. (sigh)

And yes, they do a LOT more tests on woman who are due at or after 35. My friend was due right after her 35th birthday (like 5 days after!) with her second child, and because my friend was going to BE 35 when she gave birth, the doctors said they had to do all these additional tests they didn''t do during her first preganancy (when she was 32). Strange, huh? What''s so magical about 35??

I don''t think I''m ready just yet to have a baby, but as I put it to my husband, I''m feeling more ready to be ready. One thing I do want to do beforehand though is meet with a genetic counselor for testing. I think that''s important.

(Oh, I just answered my own question about what''s so magical about 35: http://www.marchofdimes.com/159_812.asp)

 

[firebirdgold]

Two of my female friends have had kids at 40. One had her first at 38 (almost 39) and her second at 40. They are both wonderful, brilliant, and beautiful children. My other friend just had her first child at 40, and everything seems ok. I think they both had a few issues during pregnancy, but nothing that competent pre-natal care couldn't handle easily.

I've, ah, mentioned the over 35 issue to my (younger) fi and he just looks at me like I'm nuts. Says that women have kids all the time at 40 and over so I shouldn't worry (I'm 34, but we wouldn't start thinking of kids until a few more years). I probably would worry more if the cutest, sweetest, smartest little girl I know hadn't been adopted from China.

ETA: This little girl is so special that my mother is trying to arrange for my sister and her husband to meet up with the couple more often hoping to inspire them to have kids. My sister's 39, already married, and good with children so I told our mom to go pester her about kids instead of me.

 

[curlygirl]

I''m 35 and I''m pregnant!!! I''ll be 36 when I deliver in May. It does happen for us "old ladies".

I''ll just tell you about my experience. I was on the pill for 15 years and went off the day after I got married this February--it just happened to work out that way with the pill cycle. I knew we didn''t want to get pregnant right away but we weren''t going to prevent it from happening either! So I immediately began charting my cycles because I wasn''t sure how my body would react after being on the pill for so long. Fortunately, I jumped right back into normal 28-30 day cycles. But I decided to really get to know what was going on in my body so I did the whole temping thing, knew when I ovulated, knew when I would get my period. It totally helped me when we decided to actually "try" and sure enough, we had success in the first month!

It''s true that as we reach "advanced maternal age" (that''s what it''s called in the medical world when you''re 35 or over--ugh!), our fertility begins to decrease and chances of other issues increase, but it doesn''t mean it''s impossible to get pregnant. It just means the window is smaller but if you''re in tune with your body, you may be able to increase your odds.

My doctor specializes in maternal fetal medicine--basically she''s an OB for women who are "high risk" because of age or other circumstances. I''ve had some additional testing so far only because it''s my choice to find out if anything is wrong with this baby but you''re not forced to do anything if you don''t want to. Just know that if you have good insurance and you do opt for additional testing, your advanced maternal age will be an advantage as you won''t have to pay for any of it! The first round of testing I had--which was an ultrasound and a blood test, no big deal--showed that I have the same chances of having a child with a chromosomal abnormality as a 20 year old! So I say phooey to all those statistics that scare us into believing we''re doomed because we''re "OLD" or as someone here said "geriatric" (not a good thing to say about women who aren''t in their 80s)!

I''m almost 18 weeks right now and (knock on wood) I''ve been having a really uneventful pregnancy. I still go to the gym, I haven''t gained tons of weight and I feel good. I go to the doctor every 4 weeks and I just try to stay positive. Am I terrified all the time? Absolutely, but I think that''s normal. I''m not done with all my testing--going tomorrow for the full anatomy scan and another blood test and I haven''t ruled out having an amnio yet. I think you just need to be armed with as much information as possible so you can prepare for the next steps.

My advice to you and anyone in their 30s is to get to know your body. Seriously. It sounds corny but I really think it helped me. And try to live a healthy lifestyle, if possible. Don''t get me wrong, I was not a pollyanna before I got pregnant and actually drank half a bottle of wine the night before I got my positive pregnancy test! But take care of yourself, try to exercise, don''t over indulge in anything, be careful with caffeine. If you''re really concerned, talk to a doctor and make sure you definitely discuss everything with your fiance/husband. And don''t let all the statistics get you down. We have a lot going for us--we''re mature, we''ve experienced life and we''ll probably be better equipped to handle any curveballs that get thrown at us. Not to offend any of the younger women, just giving a pep talk to our "older" ladies!

OK, I''m sorry that was so long winded but just wanted to get my point across. Stay positive and know that there are millions of women who are still having babies well into their 40s. It''s not impossible. Good luck!!!

 

[SoonIHope]

I don''t have much to add to this other than good luck!!!

But I also wanted to say (off topic) ellaila - NO WAY are you 35??? I thought you were like 22!!! You look sooooo young!!!!

Anyway, I''m keeping my fingers crossed for happy healthy timely pregnancies for everyone who wants them!!!

 

[nejarb]

gosh poptart and diamondfan, I had a very different perception of my mom''s age. She had me when she was 40 and I knew she was older than my friends'' moms b/c some of my friend''s moms were my sister''s age (19 years older than me). But I just thought 50 was young when I was 10, b/c my mom seemed so young to me. She seemed the same to me as my friend''s moms who were 35 or 40. Same with my dad, who was 45 when I was born. In high school he was already in his 60s but none of my friends believed me b/c he seemed so young. Now I think 66 is still pretty young (my mom''s age now) but I can finally see in the last few years that she is starting to get older (although she still chops her own wood and wears a size 6).

I really think that the benefits of having your child(ren) when you''re mature and really ready for them are so great that it''s worth the small risk to wait.

I think Annie Lebowitz had her 1st at 50, by the way.

 

[ellaila]

Date: 11/29/2006 11:25:32 AM
Author: albicocca
I don''t have much to add to this other than good luck!!!

But I also wanted to say (off topic) ellaila - NO WAY are you 35??? I thought you were like 22!!! You look sooooo young!!!!

Anyway, I''m keeping my fingers crossed for happy healthy timely pregnancies for everyone who wants them!!!

Hee!!! Thanks Albi!!

(Actually, I''ll be 35 AND A HALF in a few days!)

Congrats and good luck, curlygirl! Us "geriatrics" need to hear positive stories like yours!

 

[tuesdaem]

Thank you so much to everyone that replied!!! I am very healthy, I''m vegan, dont drink, smoke, or do drugs, & am not overweight so am not worrying too much about getting pregnant but just wanted to hear some good stories! Thanks so much for sharing! My FI and I are not dying to have kids & if we cannot, we are totally open to adoption.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

My mom had my younger brother when she was 37. He was three months early (lowest weight was 1.5 lbs) but she had a blocked tube and we were all early. That was over 20 years ago and my brother is healthy and normal. I am sure medicine is *much* better now. There is a thread in family & home. Many women there expecting are in their mid to late 30s. I don''t think you should worry until you have something to worry about.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

what a great topic!

I turned 35 a month before our wedding in late september. i''ve always known that I''ve wanted kids, but never really thought of a timeline. Lately though I''ve been thinking a fair bit about motherhood. I''m nowhere near being ready, but the "urge" is starting to kick in more than ever before. We''re going to give ourselves at least one good "married" year before we get started on a family.

I think I have good genes on my side. My mother had me when she was 38, and my brother when she was 41. My father is now 89, so he was 54 when I was born! I know they regret the fact that they didn''t do more adventurous things with us growing up, but I don''t think that it will be an issue with my kids. For one, although my father is in relatively good shape, he broke both his legs in a work-related injury a couple of years before I was born. It was tough at times for them to keep up with us because of their age and physical abilities, but I had a wonderful childhood!

 

[poptart]

Date: 11/29/2006 12:05:44 PM
Author: tuesdaem
Thank you so much to everyone that replied!!! I am very healthy, I''m vegan, dont drink, smoke, or do drugs, & am not overweight so am not worrying too much about getting pregnant but just wanted to hear some good stories! Thanks so much for sharing! My FI and I are not dying to have kids & if we cannot, we are totally open to adoption.

Yay for adoption!! That''s all. It just makes me happy to see people who are open to it, as I''m adopted.

*M*

 

[Kit]

Congratualtions Curlygirl! Best wishes to you and your family.

I have another positive story to share: my sister who will be 37 in April just had her first baby. She had high risk care all throughout, and they were even concerned at a certain point with low fetal weight. But the baby is doing well, just about 7 weeks, and sister is health too. It can totally happen for us "older" ladies

...the stats ARE scary but at least we all know what we''re getting into.

I am 30, will be 31 when I marry and I dont'' know when I''ll truly feel ready and will want to have a kid...but I''m sure I''ll probably be around 33-35ish...personally I dont'' think I was emotionally mature enough in my 20s to have a child. I am always amazed by women younger than me who have kids, and they really seem to have their stuff together. I say, hats off to them! They do have biology on their side, but every persons genes are different and you never really know until you start trying to conceive.

 

[chickflick]

I just turned 39. We''ve been married three months and in that time I''ve had two miscarriages. We have absolutely no problems getting pregnant- we were off of the pill for two full cycles and got pregnant both times. I lost the first pregnancy very early and only knew that I was pregnant for a few days, so while I was disappointed it wasn''t devastating. Losing the second pregnancy was harder because we''d known about it for over a month and told some people. I also had to have a D&C this time because I had a partial molar pregnancy, which was a new term for me but basically means that two sperm tried to fertilize an egg at the same time which results in an egg with too many chromosomes.

We''re going to wait a few months before trying again. Doctors normally advise you to wait a year after a molar pregnancy before getting pregnant again but my doc doesn''t think we should wait that long because of my age. I have no doubt we''ll have a baby but now I''m convinced we''ll have just one. I don''t want to go much past 40 so that rules out a second baby. My OB/Gyn is very optimistic about our chances and says there''s no reason we can''t have a healthy pregnancy, despite my history of miscarriage.

I have a friend who had a healthy baby boy, her first child, at 42. She also had several miscarriages before having her son so I don''t think my experience is unique. I''m sure it will all be worth it when we have our baby but honestly, sometimes I think we''d be happy with just each other, too. I think it''s just whatever God decides to give us.

 

[diamondfan]

Date: 11/29/2006 11:36:31 AM
Author: nejarb
gosh poptart and diamondfan, I had a very different perception of my mom''s age. She had me when she was 40 and I knew she was older than my friends'' moms b/c some of my friend''s moms were my sister''s age (19 years older than me). But I just thought 50 was young when I was 10, b/c my mom seemed so young to me. She seemed the same to me as my friend''s moms who were 35 or 40. Same with my dad, who was 45 when I was born. In high school he was already in his 60s but none of my friends believed me b/c he seemed so young. Now I think 66 is still pretty young (my mom''s age now) but I can finally see in the last few years that she is starting to get older (although she still chops her own wood and wears a size 6).


I really think that the benefits of having your child(ren) when you''re mature and really ready for them are so great that it''s worth the small risk to wait.


I think Annie Lebowitz had her 1st at 50, by the way.

Perception is everything to a child!

And while Annie has had a healthy baby (hopefully) and with people living longer healthier lives today, I guess if that is what she did (for whatever reason) I am not here to judge. I just think, being a parent now of three children, that I want to be young and vital (which is not just an age issue) for them. Overall I think if you have a child at 50 or more, and I know there are cases of women who have, there is just a higher risk that you will not live to see a lot of their lives and they will likely need to be caring for you when they are a younger person. If you only have one child, again, that may be all you can have, and you are a lot older than the norm, that child deals with it all alone. I do think people are going to be living so much longer in the not too distant future, with all the medical advances, so maybe 50 will be a youngster and fertility will be prolonged more generally. I just know that as a mom about to be 41 I could not imagine another nine years and then having my first...but I certainly hope it is all going well for her and her partner!

 

[dtnyc]

chickflick- I am so sorry for your losses and wish you the best of luck.

There have been quite a few articles on this topic in the New York Times lately- and as a 30 year old newlywed I am always trying to keep up. My dad is an MD and told me to start taking a vitamin with folic acid before our wedding.
My OB told me it''s best for a woman to be off the pill for 6 months before trying. She said you can conceive before then, but there may be some residual hormones left in your system and while there hasn''t been any evidence that these could harm the baby in any way, better safe then sorry.

Here is an article on pre-pre-natal care from the NYT

 

[Julian]

I agree with Diamondfan. I have a friend whose father was 50 when she was born. He died before she graduated college. It was so devastating to her, as it is for anyone at any age... But she will never have her dad walk her down the aisle, he will never see his grandchildren and so much of her young life was spent feeling scared.

If parents do decide to have kids at 50+, they should take really good care of their health to compensate. They need to be around for their children. It's the greatest blessing to have your parents around later in life. Of course, she is lucky to have been brought into the world and is grateful for his presence in her life. But then again, it is a tough position to be in.

I know if I were 50, I would not have a child because I would not want my child to be parentless in the world just as he/she is becoming an adult. It just seems unfair to them. If I brought them into the world, God willing, I want to be sure that I am young enough to see them through this life that I helped create. Of course, anyone can pass away in all sorts of methods these days... but I would not want my children to be scared or worrying about taking care of me in my old age when they're just starting out. It would be too much of a burden for them.

 

[Julian]

Chickflick, I am sorry to hear about your losses. But I am also very excited for you and your hubby -- it sounds like you will have no problems having a beautiful baby soon. You both sound young, very healthy and very informed. I know you will both be wonderful parents no matter what God blesses you with!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

MY sister got married at 35 and had her baby at 40 with zero problems.

We had two kids in our 20''s and then adopted a baby girl from China at 40. We have enjoyed her so much because we learned a lot from our mistakes with the other two! Haha! But also, we were more mature and had our priorities in order. I would have adopted more children, but hubby said 3 is enough. And you do get to a point that you worry about not being around long enough for them. So I wouldn''t have done it much after 40 even if he had agreed.

Poptart, I''m a BIG adoption proponent, too! That ranks right up among the greatest blessings of my life!

 

[lisaC]

I had my third child the day before my 37th birthday. My elder sister had her third when she was 39. I think she had tests to make sure everything was okay. My OBGyn said it was up to me but as I was only just 36 and had had normal pregnancies he wasn''t going to sway me.
My father, who is a GP, said sometimes the invasive tests can cause miscarriages and that I should have a healthy baby and I shouldn''t worry.
The only advice I can offer is if you''re on the pill asking about how long you should be off before trying to conceive and starting a good vitamin regime cause you mentioned you''re vegan.

 

[Tybee]

I''m 38-- and just married as well.
My mother had me when she was 38, had my little brother when she was 40. I never ever thought she was an OLD mom.
She was just crazy and young as she could be.
She''s since passed, but cancer took her at 57...
My dad is 73 and plays softball in the senior olympics. Age these days isn''t what it used to be, that''s for sure.
I feel like my dad will be around for ever.

Currently a few of my friends are pregnant. One dear friend 39 got pregnant shortly after her wedding-- no problems there! They just thought they''d try, and they succeeded! They now have BEAUTIFUL, healthy twins. Another friend (also 39) found out she was pregnant while away at my destination wedding... oh and another friend 40 is about to have her second.

It''s certainly not unheard of.

 

[Liquiddazi]

My parents had my younger sister and I in their mid to late 30s. We both were both with mild complications. My younger sister was about 4 weeks early and we both have mild, mild learning disabilities. However, I think the learning disabilities have to do with genetics more than anything. My boyfriend''s father was 37 when he was born and he advised my boyfriend and I against having kids so late. This is only because his father has some medical problems. One of my mom''s best friends had her daughter in her 40s and they have had no health nor medical problems and act like any "normal" mother-daughter teenage relationship.

As a "nurse," I will graduate from nursing school in a week, there are definitely more complications for women who have children in their late 30s. You are placed in a category called, "high risk," but it is only for you and your future child''s safety. My older sister was considered "high risk" because she formed preeclampsia when she had her daughter at 29. I also had a friend who was considered "high risk" at 22. A person older than 35 is more at risk to have a child with Down''s syndrome and other genetic disorders; however, if you are healthy and continue to be healthy, I think it could be a life experience. I am definitely not in my late 30s, but I know if I did not get married until then, I would have children at 35, 37, 40, without thinking twice about it.

It is completely up to you! Children are a great commitment no matter your age or the health risk you and the future child has.

 

[swingirl]

For anyone wanting to have children in their late 30''s the thing you have to do is stay very active and in good physical shape. If you want to keep up with toodlers, young children, teenagers and young adults stay healthy! Get to an ideal weight, drop bad health habits, get a lot of excersice, get strong, take vitamins and wear sunblock on your face. You will need a lot of energy and your kids will not think of you as "old" is you don''t act or look it.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 11/30/2006 10:17:46 AM
Author: dtnyc
chickflick- I am so sorry for your losses and wish you the best of luck.

There have been quite a few articles on this topic in the New York Times lately- and as a 30 year old newlywed I am always trying to keep up. My dad is an MD and told me to start taking a vitamin with folic acid before our wedding.
My OB told me it''s best for a woman to be off the pill for 6 months before trying. She said you can conceive before then, but there may be some residual hormones left in your system and while there hasn''t been any evidence that these could harm the baby in any way, better safe then sorry.

Here is an article on pre-pre-natal care from the NYT

dtnyc, can''t seem to get into that article, as it requires a sign-in...can you copy and past, or am I missing some detour? I''m very interested, as I''m 29 and at my last gyn. appt. the doc gave me a prescription for pre-natal vites just in case we get pg this year...

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 11/29/2006 12:03:21 AM
Author: diamondfan

When I was 9 I asked my mom how old she was. She had me at almost 40, so she was turning fifty shortly. At 9, 49-50 seemed ANCIENT to me. She did not want to tell me but I insisted that she tell me the truth. She says I told her, ''I can handle it!'' Well, she told me she would be turning 50 and I nearly had a heart attack. I seriously was sick with stomach aches about it, thought it was the beginning of the end. All of my friends parents were young, maybe mid 30''s on average, some a bit younger than that and some a bit older, but overall 35 was pretty average and she seemed so old to me after that. I always was worried about her, and looked at her wrinkles and got scared. She is turning 80 in January so she is doing well. Sadly, though, my dad died of cancer a few years later and then I really got scared, because she was all I had left and if she died I would be an orphan.

Oh my goodness, that SO sounds like me as a child... I was so sensitive to those kinds of things!! My mom was only 23 when she had me, but my grandmother (who I lived with part of the time) was 60. I remember one afternoon when I was about 6, my mom came upstairs to find me weeping alone in my room. When she asked me what was wrong, I told her I had just realized that my grandma was going to die someday. 6 year olds aren''t supposed to worry about that stuff!!

Ugh... it''s so easy to look back on being young and think how carefree it was, but sometimes we forget how painful and confusing it could be too!