Attending reception and not the ceremony?

[chemgirl]

So I knew we had a wedding for one of DH's business associates (they have offices in the same building and go to lunch a couple times per month, but don't work together). I had asked when it started and he told me 5:00pm.

This morning he informs me that he misread the invitation and the reception is at 5:00, but the ceremony is at 12:00 at a venue an hour away.

So now I have to get ready by 10:30 and deal with minimum 4 hours of down time between the two when we are nowhere near home.

I'm annoyed that my entire freaking day is shot and I have to cancel plans with friends. Is it that terrible to skip the ceremony? Neither of us have ever met the bride and we plan on giving the standard $250-$300 so it's not like we're in it for the free food or anything. I think they won't even notice, but DH feels it would be too rude.

Thoughts?

 

[OoohShiny]

So you have four hours to meet new people and learn things you didn't know before, make some contacts that might help you in business or your personal life, enjoy the architecture and 'feel' of the venue, and drink alcohol?

Or just the two of you disappear to a relaxed long lunch date at a nice restaurant you've never been to before, before heading to the evening reception?

And this is a bad thing?



(There is a standard $300 gift expectation, though? WTF?? I was just happy that people spent the petrol money to come and see us and perhaps bought a congratulations card...)

 

[chemgirl]

Very true! I'm an introvert and consider meeting new people the worst part of the entire thing. A nice lunch somewhere would be great though!

And yes around here anything under $100 per person is considered poor etiquette. Venues charge quite a bit and it's expected that you cover your plate.

I know a couple wouldn't say it directly, but it's like an understood thing.

 

[chemgirl]

Sounding negative, but it really is in the middle of nowhere. It's at a "wedding factory" which is a large building in an industrial area that has been set up to do multiple weddings.

The inside is nice, but the surrounding area doesn't offer much.

 

[marymm]

I think if you 2 RSVP'd to attend the ceremony and the reception, you should attend both. Sounds like you 2 didn't read/remember the invite details, rather than the invite was unclear about timing/place. Perhaps you can find a coffee shop/Starbucks and read for a couple of hours? Or google to find out something interesting you can do during that 4 hours - you've got the time to drive a bit if need be. You can even bring a change of clothing for that in-between period (unless not realistic for you guys).

 

[kgizo]

It sounds like DH is pretty friendly with this guy so I would attend the wedding if I were in your shoes. Does he know anyone else going to the wedding? Perhaps he can find out what they are doing during the downtime. Maybe catch a move?

 

[chemgirl]

Very true. Think I'm just complaining because I don't want to go and was hoping someone would agree with me so I could show DH and be like "see the internet says I'm right!"

i also feel strongly about having a gap like that. We aren't allowed to stay at the venue so it's just irritating. since I've never met them I'm probably forming an unfair opinion of them based on that.

 

[Elizabeth35]

We have a similar wedding to attend in September, although I don't think the church and venue are very far apart. Over an hour from our house.
They had a block of rooms at a local hotel that will shuttle to the wedding.
So we opted to stay overnight and can go check in at the hotel between the wedding and reception--take a nap, read, freshen up--whatever. After the reception we can take the shuttle 5 minutes to hotel, rather than a long drive home. We will call it a mini-vacation.
But yes-it makes for a long day.
Weddings are not super fun for me, especially if I don't really know anyone.
We usually cut out after a couple dances.
I opted out of a shower for the bride--only met her once and have no desire to lose a whole Saturday in a room full of strangers. I sent a generous gift.

 

[chemgirl]

It sounds like DH is pretty friendly with this guy so I would attend the wedding if I were in your shoes. Does he know anyone else going to the wedding? Perhaps he can find out what they are doing during the downtime. Maybe catch a move?

It sounds like DH is pretty friendly with this guy so I would attend the wedding if I were in your shoes. Does he know anyone else going to the wedding? Perhaps he can find out what they are doing during the downtime. Maybe catch a move?

That's the thing, he couldn't name the bride when I asked. It's like how close can they actually be? We won't know anyone else there.

I'm going to suck it up and go.

 

[chemgirl]

We have a similar wedding to attend in September, although I don't think the church and venue are very far apart. Over an hour from our house.
They had a block of rooms at a local hotel that will shuttle to the wedding.
So we opted to stay overnight and can go check in at the hotel between the wedding and reception--take a nap, read, freshen up--whatever. After the reception we can take the shuttle 5 minutes to hotel, rather than a long drive home. We will call it a mini-vacation.
But yes-it makes for a long day.
Weddings are not super fun for me, especially if I don't really know anyone.
We usually cut out after a couple dances.
I opted out of a shower for the bride--only met her once and have no desire to lose a whole Saturday in a room full of strangers. I sent a generous gift.

I didn't attend the shower because I didn't recognize the name on the invitation and DH didn't either so we threw it out after sending regrets. We thought it was some strange mistake like someone sent it to the wrong address.

 

[monarch64]

I think they won't notice, and no, I don't think it's terribly rude to attend the reception but not the ceremony. Life happens. This is a business acquaintance, not a close friend or family member. And honestly to ask guests to devote an entire day and night to a wedding is rude in and of itself, if you ask me. I mean, who is the real a-hole here?

 

[PierreBear]

Just curious but has anyone ever missed the reception and attended the ceremony? Ideal to attend both but was wondering if this has ever been done.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I vote, go to both. You'll end of having have fun.

cheers--Sharon

 

[chemgirl]

Just curious but has anyone ever missed the reception and attended the ceremony? Ideal to attend both but was wondering if this has ever been done.

I actually have! Once I was feeling unwell, but it was a close friend so I felt like I should try and attend what I could. The second time we had a flight the evening of the reception so we attended the ceremony only.

 

[OoohShiny]

Seeking affirmation on the internet is a dangerous game lol

I agree that it doesn't sound like the most romantic/enticing of venues, though, but then I guess we all have a budget and must cut our cloth accordingly, even if it's not as nice as we would like. I think you should get onto googlemaps/googleEarth and investigate the surrounding area - there must be something to do within perhaps half hour's drive, one would hope!

Alternatively, you could do what has been suggested above - book a hotel nearby and then 'make the most of it' in the afternoon, if you know what I mean

 

[chemgirl]

We're going. I'm sucking it up lol.

I'm usually not this miserable about weddings. It's just been a hectic work week and I was really looking forward to a nice sunny day off. The idea of dedicating the whole day to people who are not our friends is a little hard to take.

 

[t-c]

Very true. Think I'm just complaining because I don't want to go and was hoping someone would agree with me so I could show DH and be like "see the internet says I'm right!"

i also feel strongly about having a gap like that. We aren't allowed to stay at the venue so it's just irritating. since I've never met them I'm probably forming an unfair opinion of them based on that.

I'm late, but I agree with you Depending on the number of people invited (if they're inviting business associates, it's probably a lot), I doubt they would even notice you weren't at the ceremony.

I'm an introvert and not much into weddings (city hall for me!). I would only suffer through 4 hours hours of nothing for good friends but they would at least select a venue that's close to some amusement, not in the middle of nowhere.

I did attend one wedding where the ceremony was the highlight. The reception was pretty fun, don't get me wrong, but the ceremony was amazing. They had a soloist in the mezzanine -- this amazing voice just came out of nowhere -- sing Ave Maria in the middle of a full-on Roman Catholic ceremony that lasted over an hour.

 

[telephone89]

You have one person that will semi agree with you!
What they are doing is rude. Having a gap (yes even a catholic gap!) is poor hosting per etiquette. However, the ceremony and reception really should not be considered two parts. There is the ceremony, and then the guests are to be 'received' as the hosts thank you to them for attending. Why TF they'd make you wait 4 hours to be 'received' is beyond me, however more and more people are doing this now.
So, they are in the wrong for inconveniencing their guests, and if you are not able to make it, then you are not able to. Something like "apologies, we weren't able to make it to both with the GIANT ANNOYING GAP INBETWEEN" would suffice (or something nicer, up to you XD)
For some reason, I think one reason people are doing this is because they actually don't WANT people to attend the ceremony. They want a smaller private ceremony and then a big party after. This rubs me the wrong way, because the ceremony is my favourite part! I love love, and actually seeing people sign the papers and make that commitment is so amazing to me.
Anyways. I don't think it would be terribly wrong of you to skip it, but I do see you've made up your mind. If you have 4h downtime, you could theoretically drive 30-45m TO someplace (pool bar, movies, mall, restaurant) and hang out there for a bit and then drive back, as you say its in the middle of nowhere lol.

 

[chemgirl]

You have one person that will semi agree with you!
What they are doing is rude. Having a gap (yes even a catholic gap!) is poor hosting per etiquette. However, the ceremony and reception really should not be considered two parts. There is the ceremony, and then the guests are to be 'received' as the hosts thank you to them for attending. Why TF they'd make you wait 4 hours to be 'received' is beyond me, however more and more people are doing this now.
So, they are in the wrong for inconveniencing their guests, and if you are not able to make it, then you are not able to. Something like "apologies, we weren't able to make it to both with the GIANT ANNOYING GAP INBETWEEN" would suffice (or something nicer, up to you XD)
For some reason, I think one reason people are doing this is because they actually don't WANT people to attend the ceremony. They want a smaller private ceremony and then a big party after. This rubs me the wrong way, because the ceremony is my favourite part! I love love, and actually seeing people sign the papers and make that commitment is so amazing to me.
Anyways. I don't think it would be terribly wrong of you to skip it, but I do see you've made up your mind. If you have 4h downtime, you could theoretically drive 30-45m TO someplace (pool bar, movies, mall, restaurant) and hang out there for a bit and then drive back, as you say its in the middle of nowhere lol.

Am I correct in remembering that you are also in the gta? If so then you get how some of these venues are truly out of the way. I do think there is a mall not too far away so that's probably where we'll end up plus lunch somewhere near mall. We'll make the best of it.

 

[PintoBean]

I usually skip the ceremony when there's a gap like that lololol. This is why I opted to have my pictures taken before the ceremony and the ceremony on site so that I wouldn't screw everyone over schedule wise and force them to drive all over the place.

 

[kgizo]

Just curious but has anyone ever missed the reception and attended the ceremony? Ideal to attend both but was wondering if this has ever been done.

We did once. We had plans to be out of town the weekend of the wedding and then storms cancelled our flight plans. We went to the ceremony bc we wanted to celebrate their wedding, but didn't go to reception since we RSVP'd "no" and extra guests can cause a headache at some events.

 

[telephone89]

Am I correct in remembering that you are also in the gta? If so then you get how some of these venues are truly out of the way. I do think there is a mall not too far away so that's probably where we'll end up plus lunch somewhere near mall. We'll make the best of it.

I'm out west, but we have similar things in the cities here too.
Just bring some flats! You can get your steps in doing some mall walking haha. You'll be the best looking couple at the mall!

 

[madelise]

I once skipped the ceremony of a wedding like that. Far away with lull time. I figured it wouldn't hurt since my exFI was just the college friend of the groom, and no one would notice. I tend to think of ceremonies as for close friends and family, anyway.

They noticed. Exfi was pissed that I suggested skipping it. I just didn't want to wait around doing nothing.

Years pass, and it doesnt matter anymore. I won't attend weddings for people I really dont want to be there for anymore.

 

[GliderPoss]

Generally it's accepted here IF you have to pick one - always go to the ceremony not just the reception. You were invited to witness their marriage not just turn up for a meal...!

 

[Squizabel]

(There is a standard $300 gift expectation, though? WTF?? I was just happy that people spent the petrol money to come and see us and perhaps bought a congratulations card...)

OoohShiny, you're in the UK too right? If so, please rest assured that this is NOT a UK thing. And let's not start making it one

 

[OoohShiny]

OoohShiny, you're in the UK too right? If so, please rest assured that this is NOT a UK thing. And let's not start making it one

Agreed!!

 

[OoohShiny]

We're going. I'm sucking it up lol.

I'm usually not this miserable about weddings. It's just been a hectic work week and I was really looking forward to a nice sunny day off. The idea of dedicating the whole day to people who are not our friends is a little hard to take.

As a fellow introvert, I feel your pain! lol

 

[chemgirl]

OoohShiny, you're in the UK too right? If so, please rest assured that this is NOT a UK thing. And let's not start making it one

Seriously you're lucky! I secretly do a happy dance whenever a coworker, distant relative, or acquaintance gets married and doesn't invite me. With weddings most weekends in the summer, my fun budget is shot!

I don't mind at all for people we are close with, but 400 person weddings where we barely know the couple? Ugh.

 

[december-fire]

chemgirl,

I see you've already decided to attend both, which is what I would do.
As far as your DH not knowing the bride's name, well, he is a man.
Perhaps the groom-to-be just said GF or FI, as opposed to referring to her by name.

I see you mentioned there's a mall nearby.
Have lunch with your DH and call it a mini-date?

Cambridge may be nowhere near where you'll be but, as an example, the Cambridge Butterfly Conservatory is small but lovely (there's a cafe on-site, although I didn't have time to check it out).

For me, having a hectic week and looking forward to a relaxing day, only to have that plan tossed out, would not make me happy.

I hope you're pleasantly surprised and have a great time, and meet some interesting people.

 

[Squizabel]

Seriously you're lucky! I secretly do a happy dance whenever a coworker, distant relative, or acquaintance gets married and doesn't invite me. With weddings most weekends in the summer, my fun budget is shot!

I don't mind at all for people we are close with, but 400 person weddings where we barely know the couple? Ugh.

Just say no! Anyone who invites me to their wedding gets a nice card with warm wishes, but I only attend (and take a gift) if I/DH are very close to them. £50 per couple is very acceptable around here (middle class professionals earning good salaries). Mind you, weddings tend to be drawn-out all-day affairs with awkwardly timed meals as standard, so no way am I spending all my free weekends on this and paying for the privilege.

I love attending weddings when I really know and genuinely care about the couple. Don't bother otherwise.