At what age did you walk to school alone?

[Allison D.]

Date: 10/29/2009 12:56:12 AM
Author: softly softly

This thread makes me think how interesting it is how we normalise certain risks, while attaching great significance to others. Most of us don't think twice about driving our children to school in a car, risking a potentially fatal outcome, while the thought of sending our children out to walk to school fill us with dread. I'm not trying to make light of the potential risks of children walking unaccompanied, but I do wonder if they are greater than those posed by driving them around in a car.

And I do wonder if we are doing our children a disservice if we don't allow them to experience some level of independence when growing up. What sort of world are we creating for them if we can't let them walk a few doors down to visit a friend? At what age do we let go?

SS, I'd point out that I see those risks a bit differently. Everything we do incurs risk, but some risks are more preventable than others.

In the getting the child to school scenario, the child is going to incur some level of risk regardless of how we choose to get him there. Since he HAS to go to school, we simply have to choose the method we feel represents the least amount of risk. Between walking, taking the bus, or driving him, I'd probably consider driving him to be the least risky.

I don't think I could make the same argument about letting my child (if I had one) walk a few doors to meet a friend because it's possible to achieve the objective (getting to the friend's house) in a less risky way. I could either walk with him or drive him (as opposed to letting him walk alone).

I don't know at what age we let go; I think knowing I would struggle greatly with this is one of the reasons I've elected not to have children. I'm like Mara; in principle, I'd feel that it was important to teach my child a sense of independence and how to aware of his surroundings. That said, though, I don't know if I could put that into practice. I cannot imagine being in the shoes of the parent who's child has disappeared or, even worse, fatally harmed during that event and thinking to myself "I could have prevented this; this didn't have to happen."

This just happened to a 9-year-old girl in MO; she left her friends house just FOUR DOORS away from her house and didn't make it home (even though she had a cell phone on her). When I read this story, I was just devastated for her parents. I'm sure they were trying to let her grow up, and it cost them dearly.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,569338,00.html

ETA: There are freedoms that I think we *all* have to forgo in the name of safety; it's not just children. While in concept, I *should* be able to safely go for a walk in my neighborhood at night alone, I recognize that it's just not a prudent thing to do (even though my neighborhood is fairly safe). If, by walking my kid to school, my child learned that it's always smarter to pair up, I think I'd feel I'd done my job.

 

[packrat]

Oh boy..I just saw the headline of that link and I''m not sure I can read it without crying.

I know kids need to be independant, but..I was driven on the bus every day for 13 years and I''m independent. (yes, even as a senior, I rode the bus b/c I had to pay for my own gas..so unless I was working right after school, I bussed it!) Country kids didn''t get to walk anywhere, and they could grow up to be just as independent as the town kids.

I know back in the day, kids did a lot more at an earlier age. But lets face it..this isn''t Little House on the Prairie anymore. Heck, it''s not even Leave it to Beaver.

A 4 year old doesn''t have the knowledge and capacity to understand what''s going on, and the "life experiences" that say...a 12 year old does/has. A 6 year old who still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy does not believe that the nice looking gentleman that pulls up along side the road to ask where a certain street/store is, is going to harm them. Rather than take a risk of offending the adult by either running away or whatever, more than likely, they''ll stop and talk..or even go to the car.

I know not every person my daughter encounters on a day to day basis is out to get her. But it''s my job as her mom to do what I *can* to protect her from danger. I know the chances of my home being broken into while we''re in bed sleeping is miiiighty slim. Greater chances of being hit by lightning and all that..but I still lock the doors at night. I most certainly make sure the windows are locked. I can''t be there with her all the time, and I understand that. At school we rely on the teachers and staff to take care of our kids. At a friends house, I would be relying on the other parents to see to her safety. From my house to the school, there''s no one but me.

The world isn''t exactly an accommodating place all the time, and I really would rather not push my child out into in any sooner than need be. There are things kids need to experience yes, but there are *worse* things they don''t need to experience first hand.

 

[star sparkle]

I walked to and from school by myself starting in kindergarten, so I was 5 years old. It always seemed perfectly normal and safe.

Date: 10/29/2009 1:07:43 PM
Author: packrat

A 4 year old doesn't have the knowledge and capacity to understand what's going on, and the 'life experiences' that say...a 12 year old does/has. A 6 year old who still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy does not believe that the nice looking gentleman that pulls up along side the road to ask where a certain street/store is, is going to harm them. Rather than take a risk of offending the adult by either running away or whatever, more than likely, they'll stop and talk..or even go to the car.

I don't know if this is entirely true. My mom always told me that when I was walking to/from school, to never get in the car with anyone unless I had my mom's permission beforehand. I distinctly remember walking to school one day in kindergarten...my best friend (we had also gone to preschool together and we'd been doing play-dates for a couple years) and her mom pulled up next to the curb where I was walking and offered me a ride the rest of the way. I shook my head and said no, I'd walk the rest of the way. Best friend's mom said it was ok, my mom wouldn't mind, and I still said no and walked. So even though it was someone I was very familiar with, someone I knew, I still didn't get in the car because I was told not to ever do that.

That may fall under some extreme or another, but kids who follow directions do exist. At the same time, I do see your point. Some kids will do anything a grown-up tells them. It all depends on the kid in question, I guess.