Assigned seats vs. open seating. ACK!

[Lekde]

FI and I went venue hunting on Saturday. We LOVE LOVE LOVE the two spaces we saw but they each have different seating arrangements.

Venue #1 has a main floor and a mezzanine; both floors are used to seat guests. So, with that said, we would have to split up and decided which guests sit upstairs and which sit on the main floor. Each floor has a bar and the meal would be a sit down dinner - assigned seats, table numbers, etc. Passed hors d''oeuvres, open top shelf bar(s), sit down meal: ~$25k

Venue#2 has one floor with open seating. There would be no assigned seats and it would be a buffet style meal. No one would have to be split up and they could all sit where they would like. Less organized, which may or may not be an issue. This venue also has passed hors d''oeuvres, full open top self, and buffet style meal: ~$16.5k.

Each venue offers the feel we''re going for and each venue does not need a lot of decorations. Each venue will allow FI''s band to play and kids to be in attendance.

If you were going to our wedding as a guest, would you prefer a fully assigned, sit down dinner or would you rather a buffet style which allows you to mingle a little more??

Thanks.

 

[vc10um]

I don''t understand why you couldn''t have assigned seating with the buffet...??? I''ve been at plenty of weddings where that was the case. Or does the venue not allow assigned seating for some weird reason?

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/2/2009 9:53:12 AM
Author: vc10um
I don''t understand why you couldn''t have assigned seating with the buffet...??? I''ve been at plenty of weddings where that was the case. Or does the venue not allow assigned seating for some weird reason?

I was sort of wondering the same thing. As a wedding guest, I sort of like being told where to sit. I''d hate for you to spend thousands of dollars more just to have that organization though.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I had the same question, why no assigned seating with buffet?

We had open seating at our wedding, but it was only 35 people and I still think that was a borderline number for open seating. I think anything more than 30 can be a bit problematic--the issue is that people want to sit with people they know, so some tables will have 10 while other tables might have 2 or 3 people. I feel like you have to add about 20% more seating than necessary to account for the fact that people won''t naturally mix the way they would if you assigned seating.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 11/2/2009 10:06:13 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I think anything more than 30 can be a bit problematic--the issue is that people want to sit with people they know, so some tables will have 10 while other tables might have 2 or 3 people. I feel like you have to add about 20% more seating than necessary to account for the fact that people won''t naturally mix the way they would if you assigned seating.

Agreed. Please do assigned seating (even if it''s just assigning people to tables). Otherwise some people will end up with nowhere to sit, people you DON''T want to sit up front will be sitting squarely up front, your best friends might get stuck in the worst seats, etc.

Not a good plan IMO.

 

[Lekde]

Thanks for the replies. I have to e-mail the guy at the open seating venue - maybe I will ask him about why he can''t/doesn''t do assigned seating. Although, I have a feeling it has to do with the way the floor plan is designed...it''s a restaurant/bar/atrium of an old building so...

We feel the same way about assigned seating - we need it. We are inviting 140-150 people and I think with that many people assigned seats will be necessary.

 

[elrohwen]

I absolutely feel that with 140-150 people you need to have assigned seats even with a buffet. I think the chaos of people wandering around looking for seats would just ruin a lot of the feel of the wedding. With that said, I''m not a fan of actual assigned seats, but I think assigned tables are absolutely necessary. I don''t see why you couldn''t assign tables at both places.

 

[jcarlylew]

we have about 100 people, and we''re only doing assigned seating for our direct family, wedding party and older generations (we too have a buffet). I went to a "buffet" style wedding with assigned seating, and we were the "d" table, to say the least. i still cannot forgot how E felt about not being able to sit with his friends.
Fortunately, our eating area is small enough where you are sitting close to another table anyways.

 

[NakedFinger]

as a wedding planner...can i just say PPPLLLEEEAASSEE do assigned seating. No assigned seats is absolutely chaos (think first day of school...walking into the cafeteria...not knowing where to sit...etc). You end up splitting up families, having the awkwardness of finding a seat etc. Plus it was take that much longer to get everyone into the dining area from the cocktail reception, and end up delaying the whole evening. Your paying for that time, make sure you get the most of it.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Another vote for assigned seating. We''re doing assigned seating with a buffet-style dinner.

As a guest, lack of assigned seating gives me a touch of anxiety. DF was in the wedding party at a wedding we attended that did not have assigned seating. So he was off with the bridal party and I was left to fend for myself - it was kind of awkward (this was awhile ago, before I got to know many of his friends etc).

 

[brown_eyes]

I also get a touch of anxiety as a guest when there is not assigned seating. It''s much less stressful to be told who you are sitting with, and where you are sitting.

 

[honey22]

Date: 11/2/2009 10:11:16 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/2/2009 10:06:13 AM

Author: NewEnglandLady

I think anything more than 30 can be a bit problematic--the issue is that people want to sit with people they know, so some tables will have 10 while other tables might have 2 or 3 people. I feel like you have to add about 20% more seating than necessary to account for the fact that people won''t naturally mix the way they would if you assigned seating.

Agreed. Please do assigned seating (even if it''s just assigning people to tables). Otherwise some people will end up with nowhere to sit, people you DON''T want to sit up front will be sitting squarely up front, your best friends might get stuck in the worst seats, etc.


Not a good plan IMO.

DITTO. I can see no good reason that you can''t assign seating at the venue, sounds a bit suss to me. I am really against the idea of letting guests fend for themselves when finding a seat, it''s bound to cause issues and friends/family etc ending up on separate tables.

 

[vc10um]

Date: 11/2/2009 10:11:16 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 11/2/2009 10:06:13 AM
Author: NewEnglandLady
I think anything more than 30 can be a bit problematic--the issue is that people want to sit with people they know, so some tables will have 10 while other tables might have 2 or 3 people. I feel like you have to add about 20% more seating than necessary to account for the fact that people won't naturally mix the way they would if you assigned seating.

Agreed. Please do assigned seating (even if it's just assigning people to tables). Otherwise some people will end up with nowhere to sit, people you DON'T want to sit up front will be sitting squarely up front, your best friends might get stuck in the worst seats, etc.

Not a good plan IMO.

Maybe that can be a proposed compromise with the cheaper venue, if it comes to that???

 

[TooPatient]

I prefer assigned tables. With 10 people or so per table, they can work out who sits in which seat.

I do not like specifically assigned seats.


Assigning tables is the best of both worlds. More organized, quicker, no one without a seat, no one sitting alone, enough flexibility that people can sit with the person/people they choose.

 

[sunnyd]

I am so confused as to why the venue "wouldn''t let you" assign tables at minimum.

You provide table numbers and escort cards, they provide a table for escort cards. It''s not rocket surgery! (Thanks Gwennie! LOL!)

 

[meresal]

Ok, I'm really good about not taking posts personally, but I have to say that people blow this topic SO FAR out of proportion, it's ridiculous.

Assigned, Reserved, or Open, preference is different where ever you are in the world. The North like seated, the south like open, etc. Do whatever YOU want and make it easiest for you. If people really look down on your wedding because there wasn't assigned seating, then maybe they aren't there for the right reasons anyway.

I had over 250 guests, and had open seating, AND a buffet (GASP!). We reserved 2 tables for each family, and had 3 reserved tables for the wedding party.

Everyone had an amazing time. If you invite the people you love, then they ALL have something to talk about. YOU and your soon to be DH.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

We are doing open seating and we have over 200 guests lol We have confidence that people can figure out how to count to 8 and divide themselves up accordingly Our family has never had assigned seating and it was never a problem, always a large group as well. and it''s too late not to change it so knock on wood haha

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 11/2/2009 4:24:27 PM
Author: meresal
Ok, I''m really good about not taking posts personally, but I have to say that people blow this topic SO FAR out of proportion, it''s ridiculous.

Assigned, Reserved, or Open, preference is different where ever you are in the world. The North like seated, the south like open, etc. Do whatever YOU want and make it easiest for you. If people really look down on your wedding because there wasn''t assigned seating, then maybe they aren''t there for the right reasons anyway.

I had over 250 guests, and had open seating, AND a buffet (GASP!). We reserved 2 tables for each family, and had 3 reserved tables for the wedding party.

Everyone had an amazing time. If you invite the people you love, then they ALL have something to talk about. YOU and your soon to be DH.

You have a good point, Mere. It does seem that a lot of the assigned vs open seating is a regional thing. I never thought of it that way. I''ve only ever attended weddings in the northern part of the country and I''ve only ever encountered assigned tables. Its actually very encouraging that you had so many people with open seating and no issues! Not sure about the others in the camp of assigned seating but I personally wouldn''t look down on anyone for not assigning a seat.

Naked Finger does bring up a good point that people will probably organize themselves more quickly if they are assigned to tables. You are paying lots for the time so those extra minutes could add up to a few more songs on the dance floor.

 

[MonkeyPants]

We''re having a buffet with 150 guests. Guests are assigned a table and they''re free to sit wherever they''d like at their assigned table.

 

[supergirl10]

I can''t say from a guest perspective but i can tell you what we are doing.

We are having assigned tables ie. ten people per table, but not assigned seating so these ten people can pick where abouts they sit and who they sit with.

Both my mum and FMIL suggested this to give it a more relaxed and less formal feel.

 

[Lekde]

Thanks again for all the insight. We weren't going to assign specific seating, I guess I worded it wrong, but more of assigned tables.

My best friend/MOH is a wedding planner in Boston so she has been helping me out with everything (and brought up this maybe issue). Personally, I feel confident that our guests will be able to arrange themselves accordingly, but I wouldn't want to stress anyone out by not having assigned tables for them to simply go to and sit.

The place in question is an intimate restaurant/bar/atrium of an old, old building/loft space in Brooklyn, NY. It's one part rock n' roll, one part vintage romantic, and a lot us. Of course, I know that not a lot of people would choose a place like this, but hey, whatever. The floorplan in question may not allow for specific size tables and such only because I think due to where the dance floor would be located is the area in which the tables would go. We have 100% decided that this wedding planning/venue searching is so so stressful and the pressure is on because the fall season here in the Northeast books up super fast. Anyway, we have an e-mail into the owner about the seating.

Thanks again for all of your help!!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 11/3/2009 7:23:26 AM
Author: Lekde
Thanks again for all the insight. We weren''t going to assign specific seating, I guess I worded it wrong, but more of assigned tables.

My best friend/MOH is a wedding planner in Boston so she has been helping me out with everything (and brought up this maybe issue). Personally, I feel confident that our guests will be able to arrange themselves accordingly, but I wouldn''t want to stress anyone out by not having assigned tables for them to simply go to and sit.

The place in question is an intimate restaurant/bar/atrium of an old, old building/loft space in Brooklyn, NY. It''s one part rock n'' roll, one part vintage romantic, and a lot us. Of course, I know that not a lot of people would choose a place like this, but hey, whatever. The floorplan in question may not allow for specific size tables and such only because I think due to where the dance floor would be located is the area in which the tables would go. We have 100% decided that this wedding planning/venue searching is so so stressful and the pressure is on because the fall season here in the Northeast books up super fast. Anyway, we have an e-mail into the owner about the seating.

Thanks again for all of your help!!

That venue sounds fabulous! If you''re so in love with it, I wouldn''t worry about seating and just enjoy the venue!!!

No matter what, people will have a seat (and like NewEnglandLady said, it could be nice to have more chairs than people so that there''s more flexibility in seating)...but if you love the venue that much, and the price is right (which is sounds like!) then I would just go with it!!!

 

[swimmer]

Date: 11/2/2009 4:24:27 PM
Author: meresal
Ok, I''m really good about not taking posts personally, but I have to say that people blow this topic SO FAR out of proportion, it''s ridiculous.


Assigned, Reserved, or Open, preference is different where ever you are in the world. The North like seated, the south like open, etc. Do whatever YOU want and make it easiest for you. If people really look down on your wedding because there wasn''t assigned seating, then maybe they aren''t there for the right reasons anyway.


I had over 250 guests, and had open seating, AND a buffet (GASP!). We reserved 2 tables for each family, and had 3 reserved tables for the wedding party.


Everyone had an amazing time. If you invite the people you love, then they ALL have something to talk about. YOU and your soon to be DH.


DITTO! I had a wedding the same size as Mer''s, over 250 guests and also down south and people sat all over a garden with a few tables benches, a maze, four terraces of victorian fountains, etc. There was no way to assign seating and even the folks from up north in Boston found places to set their behinds when they didn''t feel like dancing. All had a great time, and it was one of those ghastly buffet with passed heavy hors dourves that are so reviled here! Oh, the three open bars on various terraces with top shelf alcohol probably helped some.

Do remember ladies that whenever you condemn some setup, you are insulting another''s idea of perfection. Different strokes for different folks right?

I hate assigned seating, somehow I end up with the dud table of random relatives, or the drunken table, or the table next to the speakers, a buffet with open or flexible seating allows people to choose who they can socialize with (granted if there is enough space...). I mean, you don''t assign seats at your religious venue, how do guests manage to seat themselves? They just do.

 

[Lekde]

Thank you for the reassurance. Seriously, I needed it. My heart was aching for the past few days thinking that we couldn't possibly have a wedding for 130+ people and have no assigned seats - my FI and I adore this venue. See, FI and I are not fancy pants people. We love dive-bars, rock n' roll, mico-brew beer, and food. I have a strange obsession with J. Crew and FI plays in a hard rock band. We have this vision of a slightly vintage romantic, slightly vintage rock n' roll reception with a ton of laughter, dancing, food, and booze. We want it to be dressy, but not stuffy. We want people from each side of the family to mingle and get to know one another. I guess we want it to be us. Its also difficult to land a place that will allow us to have FI's band play - especially because they're writing a song for FI's parents (40th wedding anniversay that month). We have rooftop access at this venue which overlooks the Manhattan Bridge and NYC skyline - gorgeous at night.

So, I guess I will talk it over a little more with FI and my MOH (wedding planner) and go from there. The venue e-mailed FI back today and said no reserved seating at their place - their floorplan just won't allow it - which I figured anyway.

ETA: Some were mentioning time frames and paying for a certain amount of time for the rented venue. This said venue does not have a time limit. If you book there you get it for a full 12 hour time period. So, if we start at 2pm we have it til 2am. I guess a little added bonus!