- Joined
- Apr 30, 2005
- Messages
- 33,634
Boy this is a tough one.
I see both sides: be happy with what he selected vs. exchanging it for something you truly love.
Such a conflict is very personal.
It brings up issues of selfishness vs. self respect, consideration for his feelings vs. yours.
It is also sort of a new vs. old conflict.
I think 100 years ago a woman was expected to be quiet about such things.
Today woman and men are equal.
I think you feel guilty that you are not how you should be: delighted with what HE picked.
Personally I'm always suspicious of the word should.
Should is pressure to be a certain way vs. how you actually are.
Obeying too many shoulds in life can make for a very miserable suppressed person.
Everyone is going to have a strong opinion about what THEY would do.
But they are not you.
Only you can decide this one.
That said here is my input.
Personally (and who cares what I think) I'd speak up.
Communication is one foundation of a good marriage, and the sooner you two learn to talk about the sensitive stuff the better.
But first I'd start by finding out if it is returnable.
If not, I would reconsider speaking up because you stand to lose a lot of money.
Now you have to weigh his feelings AND gobs of lost money vs. how much you dislike the stone.
If you still decide to speak up I'd first apologize for making the mistake of agreeing that the surprise was a good idea.
Admit that although the clarity and color are wonderful, you are more particular about CUT than you let on, and you are still learning about the cut of asscher you prefer.
Then you BOTH should spend a lot of time getting educated about asscher cut and shop together, making it clear that the final look is YOUR call.
Perhaps narrow it down to two stones and let him pick and surprise you.
Compromise and communication is so important in marriage.
Even if his feelings are initially hurt I think in the long run you will both understand each other better and you will be moving towards a life in which you both let go of trying to live the fantasy life of shoulds, and live more true and authentic lives.
A Shakespeare quote I love is, "To thine own self be true."
I see both sides: be happy with what he selected vs. exchanging it for something you truly love.
Such a conflict is very personal.
It brings up issues of selfishness vs. self respect, consideration for his feelings vs. yours.
It is also sort of a new vs. old conflict.
I think 100 years ago a woman was expected to be quiet about such things.
Today woman and men are equal.
I think you feel guilty that you are not how you should be: delighted with what HE picked.
Personally I'm always suspicious of the word should.
Should is pressure to be a certain way vs. how you actually are.
Obeying too many shoulds in life can make for a very miserable suppressed person.
Everyone is going to have a strong opinion about what THEY would do.
But they are not you.
Only you can decide this one.
That said here is my input.
Personally (and who cares what I think) I'd speak up.
Communication is one foundation of a good marriage, and the sooner you two learn to talk about the sensitive stuff the better.
But first I'd start by finding out if it is returnable.
If not, I would reconsider speaking up because you stand to lose a lot of money.
Now you have to weigh his feelings AND gobs of lost money vs. how much you dislike the stone.
If you still decide to speak up I'd first apologize for making the mistake of agreeing that the surprise was a good idea.
Admit that although the clarity and color are wonderful, you are more particular about CUT than you let on, and you are still learning about the cut of asscher you prefer.
Then you BOTH should spend a lot of time getting educated about asscher cut and shop together, making it clear that the final look is YOUR call.
Perhaps narrow it down to two stones and let him pick and surprise you.
Compromise and communication is so important in marriage.
Even if his feelings are initially hurt I think in the long run you will both understand each other better and you will be moving towards a life in which you both let go of trying to live the fantasy life of shoulds, and live more true and authentic lives.
A Shakespeare quote I love is, "To thine own self be true."