asking her father

[proposer]

OK so I am about to close the deal on a diamond (which I will keep you all fully informed as to ALL the details once it is done) and I dont know about this whole father thing. I am going up to see her parents this weekend and I am thinking about asking on Sunday. I am proposing the first weekend in August. Any input? Can her Mom be around? Is there a phrase that I have to say "I want your blessing" "want to have her hand in marriage" blah blah blah...

 

[Babylon1023]

I don't think there's any rules at all. The whole asking of the blessing thing sounds too religious and old world for my tastes, but I do plan on telling them about my plans to propose and casually asking them what they thought and if it was ok with them, although I already know the answer. I'm already very familiar with the both of them and they're both very cool with me, so I have some freedom on how I go about it. In your case, I have no idea what they're like or how much they know and/or like you, so perhaps if they are old world and unfamiliar the old humbly asking for their sovereign blessing just might be the best thing. I think it's totally up to you and how they are. Don't forget it's 2002, and that as far as I'm concerned the whole asking thing is more of a luxury token of respect rather than the do it or die thing it used to be. I think though it would impress your future fiance, because I think girls love that sentimental stuff, and it always gives the parents and ego trip and an illusion of power . You also don't want to completely go over their heads (unless you have to) because the last thing you want is a bunch of assh*le inlaws that hate your guts. Just remember that the FINAL decision is always up to you guys. That's my two cents anyway. Go with what you're comfortable with and/or what your fiance wants first, and good luck!

 

[proposer]

yeah I forgot to fully explain...I am very close to her parents, we have a great relationship but her older sister recently got engaged and subsequently married and her husband did the whole asking thing.

 

[Babylon1023]

Oh, well why didn't you say so? If you're cool with them and they like you, go for it! In that case it couldn't hurt at all. Chicks and inlaws love that stuff! Hey, do what Ben Stiller did in Meet the Parents: Pop out the ring and ask "Will you be my father in law?" LOL!

 

[TMW]

I'm in the same boat as you my friend. What I have to come up with is let her mother stay out of this. This is between the two men in her life. YOu are about to step in and take over this mans daughter or as I like to look at it his little princess. It is an old tradition to ask a man for his daughter and in my opinion a proper one at best. So take him aside, hell, take him golfing. Some place open in case he flips out. LOL Start off by saying something along the lines of. "Your daughter and I, or As you may know Sir". Then let him have it. Let him fully understand what she deeply means to YOU and in YOUR life. Don't go on how she is your bestfriend. Explain to him how she is your balance to your checks and your checks to your balances in life. Go on to say what dreams you may have and the planes you have for the both of you. This gives him time to think and react to your blowing quwstion. One he may have been dreading for a long time to have come. Fully and I do mean fully make him aware howyou will take care of her and how you will make sure that her happiness is what you have in mind. A father must trust you and he must have a fulll understanding from you about what he is about to so by letting his princes go. YOU are now taking on a huge roll, if not the roll itself from him as bieng the only man in her life. He is no longer the " Kiss and make it better man or the Knight in shinning armor". He knows it too! Some fathers find that this is very difficult to let go of. It's easy to fun around and date women and have your way. It's another to fanter one of your own. Ones attitude and out look changes all at once. This is what I call the great wall. This is now the wall your up against. At this point it sounds that running off to Vegas is not a bad idea after all. LOL Fathers all know this day will come. In fact the minute they hold their baby girl for the first time they take this hidden oath. Th oath that no other man in this world will ever harm her or ever take his place. It's up to YOU to fully reassure and make him understand that YOU have all the right intentions. Most of all let him know, you know what your talking about. Not that your in puppy love. Throw in form time to time how much you love her just don't over kill it. I believe this to be the one if not the big one where a man let's down his toughness and guard in life when it comes to his princess. He has to tust you to do so. That my friend is truly the BIGGEST and the BEST complement any man could ever give one man is the hand of his daughter. Don't ever forget that! Reassure him that YOU and no other are the man that he and his wifr had envisioned for their daughter from the day she was brought into this world. Oh and finish by saying that your going to take HIs PRINCESS and make her YOUR QWEEN. Best of luck! Let me know how it goes! I myself am still trying to figure out what to say. Easier said then done. I'm still looking for that perfect diamond as well!

 

[proposer]

GREAT STUFF!!!! THanks for your input. You had some very good points. I will surely let you know how it goes after I talk to him. Also good luck finding that rock, it has taken me a long time to find the perfect one...

 

[Caratz]

Well said TMW!

 

[BEDAZZLED]

My husband never asked my dad. When we told him that we were engaged, he turned white as a ghost and went up to his room. Today, 10 years later, he and my husband are very close.

By the way, my husband proposed over a chicken dinner that his mother cooked for us in her house. I was even in my aerobic attire having just gotten back from the gym. Not very romantic, but he did get down on one knee.

Just remember to make it a day that she will never forget. She's really only interested in the diamond anyway (HAHAHAHA).

My sister's husband sent my father an e-mail asking permission and all that other sentimental stuff. It was very cute and my dad got a real charge out of it.

Good Luck.