asking for dad''s blessing (but not mom''s)

[wedding_crasher]

Just wondering what people think about asking the father for his blessing and not the mother? And also asking the father nicely to not mention it to anyone (including the mother)...is this asking too much? I would want my girlfriend to be the first to break the good news to her mom once we''re engaged. I''m also pretty sure that her father wouldn''t let anything slip, but you never know with moms!

Also, is having "the talk" with her father almost a month ahead of time asking for trouble? Should I wait until closer to my planned proposal day? Thanks!

 

[Momoftwo]

I think it''s asking a lot of her father to keep it from her mother for a month. I know my DH isn''t comfortable keeping anything from me. I could see it if it was a few days at the most. Have you discussed any of this with your gf in the context of what her expectations would be concerning her engagement? I personally wanted to know before anyone else and my DH didn''t ask my parents 25 years ago and I was still living at home. I think more couples today ask for the blessing than did when I got married and yet more couples are totally on their own when they get engaged than 25 years ago. It''s pretty interesting. Any particular reason there would be a month gap? If not, I would do it just before.

 

[firebirdgold]

My father would be utterly thrilled if my bf asked him, and probably could keep it from my mother for a month. I know she couldn''t keep it from me for more than a couple of minutes!

My fbil talked to my bf''s parents a couple of months before proposing to my fsil, and they certainly were thrilled and also kept it a total secret from her.

I''m not sure why asking the parents has gotten so popular. Perhaps it''s because the guys don''t have to, that makes it such a moving gesture. Besides, I may be 33 but I''m still my Daddy''s little girl.

 

[wedding_crasher]

She is very close with her father (daddy''s little girl like Wren

)and it would mean a lot to both them and myself for me to ask his blessing. I just don''t know about talking to her mom about it. She would be thrilled but not sure about it slipping out (not just to my gf but to anyone). And I think her father would get a kick out of telling her mom he knew the whole time.

The reason for the month in between was more of a safety net for myself. I want to ask before proposing but if I wait, I might not get the chance to ask him. I don''t want to run out of time and then be stuck. This way I''ll have it taken care of in advance. I guess I could wait until a little closer to ask him, as long as I can keep our meeting from her a secret. It would be very strange for me to just stop and see him without a good reason. All the little details are so nervewracking!

 

[anchor31]

Is there a reason why you only want to talk to her father? I''m not sure I understand why she should be kept in the dark, especially if she is a part of her daughter''s life. I know my mother would be hurt if my dad knew but nobody told her.

 

[ChooChoo]

I don''t like the whole asking the parents tradition (but that''s just me), but I also think that if you''re going to do it, ask both. You don''t want to start off your engagement by possibly offending your future mother in law.

 

[Kaleigh]

My husband asked my dad for permission to marry me. My dad called me the next day and spilled the beans. Mom also knew. I guess I would include them both. And I wouldn''t do it until you''re close to proposing. Family members do get excited about this stuff and the word spreads like wild fire. But I do like the tradition of asking the parents. I think it''s nice. But I''m old fashioned and have been married almost 20 years.

 

[jldunn]

I''d say it''s fine to ask for blessing from the father only. That''s my plan (I think her mother hates me). I''m also planning to ask a few months in advance. I think this is good because it allows him time to think about whether he wants to bless the union or not. Also, if he has concerns it gives me time to address them. If I ask him too close to when I''m planning on proposing I''m basically saying, "I''d like you to approve, but if you don''t, I don''t care enough to do anything to put your mind at ease". If I really care about his blessing I think I need to be willing and ready to fulfill any meaningful request he might ask of me to earn it (spend some time with her parents, give them time to run a credit check, look for me on the registered sex offenders website).

I think your plan is good.

 

[ChooChoo]

Harold, not to sound mean, but if her mom hates you, shouldn't she be the one you talk to and try to resolve that before you get engaged?

 

[wedding_crasher]

Harold - I was thinking along those lines. My idea of doing it earlier was more to give him time to prepare himself though. He is very close to his daughter and I think it will be difficult for him to eventually "give her away". I just wanted to give him a heads up so when it comes he won''t have to deal with it all right then. I also think it''s good to ask a little in advance so then the parents aren''t expecting it. It leaves a little element of surprise.

 

[mre]

I've been going out with my GF for over 8 years and I always thought that I would ask her parents permission. Now that I'm close to proposing, I think I've changed my mind on the subject. I know that they like me and would give me their blessing, but frankly, even if they didn't give me their blessing I would still marry her. The other factor is that I'm stressed enough about the situation, that more people knowing will just make things harder. Right now, I know my plans and can act how I want without anybody (except my GF) expecting anything. It just seems simplier to me.

 

[daniel456]

i am also "stuck" on asking the girl''s parents....its coming down to the wire now and feel the tradition is out-dated.

i need to decide soon though...i plan to get engaged next week sometime!!!!

 

[wedding_crasher]

That''s what I''m worried about daniel456. I still have a few weeks but can''t find a good time to have the talk. I don''t want to run out of time

Good luck with the talk (if you do it) and the proposal!

 

[daniel456]

i have decided against "asking" the parents (its not even asking, its more of a telling).....i plan to pop the Q on wednesday.

 

[TBeck2000]

I asked my girlfriend about this issue and she said that I could ask her dad. She instructed me to not ask her mom because she would be on the phone immediately telling all of the relatives. My girlfriend wants to be the first to tell her mom and I can understand that. She really wants to be the absolute first to know, but understands if I first ask her dad. I plan on asking him some weekend when we are both working on something together outside (cutting wood or fixing his truck).

Good luck daniel456!! Only 2 more days to go!!

 

[klavigne]

I asked my FFIL the Friday before, I proposed on a Saturday. I knew if he slipped and said anything to her Mother it would all come crashing down. The less amount of time between the talk with her Father and the time you ask her the better I say. Don''t rely on anyone not to slip!

 

[pahoyafan]

I am in the same boat. I am proposing to my girl next Friday, but i can''t seem to get her father alone. I only see him once or twice a week (briefly when i stop in her house). He has a slight hearing problem to boot, so I am afraid to ask him if my girl left the room or ran upstairs. I am thinking of just calling him on his cell phone next friday afternoon?? Should i ask in person, or is over the phone OK?? I won''t ask my girl to marry me until i have his blessing (which i know he will give). This has been more stressful than the actual planning for the engagement!!

 

[daniel456]

Date: 3/20/2006 4:03:48 PM
Author: TBeck2000

Good luck daniel456!! Only 2 more days to go!!

plans fell through...check it out:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/observatory.41745/