Are you missing a loved one for the holidays?

[Ellen]

Date: 12/25/2007 3:42:46 AM
Author: Lorelei

Ditto...I miss my Father so much too, especially this time of year.

I''m sorry. {{{HUGS}}}}


And hugs to all of us who are missing a loved one. As said before, at least we have our cherished memories, and they will never leave us.

 

[strmrdr]

Thoughts and prayers outgoing for everyone missing loved ones this Holiday season!!

Thank you steel for starting this thread.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/25/2007 4:34:41 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 12/24/2007 8:07:45 PM

Author: justjulia

My mother passed away this past Thursday night from a long bout with lung cancer. It's been a difficult week/month/year.

Oh julia. {{{{HUG}}}}



You know, last week I seriously had a funny feeling about you, and wondered if something was wrong. I'm so sorry sweetie.


Knowing a bit about your mom, I can imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you are probably feeling right now. I wish we had PM's, there's more I'd like to say, but I don't really want to say it publicly.


Just know that you are so much in my thoughts at this time. And if you ever want to talk publicly, just bump our thread. I'm there for you, always.

Ellen, you have always been able to read between a lot of lines. So much I know you and I could say to each other.

I pulled out mom's china tonight and decided to display it, even though I always told her it wasn't my thing (folk pottery has always been my thing). Somehow it all fits now. It's the little things.. cleaning out the car and hugging her coat that I found in the back seat, putting her 2 favorite chairs in my living room (our last conversation centered around those Queen Anne chairs and how she wanted me to "take care of those chairs," the roses from the casket-gathered and put away... Oh good Lord, I'm crying again. I don't know if the pain will ever end. "Did I do the right things?" plays through my mind. All the trips with the coke and snickers (her favorite snacks), little arguments over silly things like cleaning her room and moving papers around, the nutcracker I brought her which she could not remember who brought -and declared she did not like the look on its face (and I swept it up when she went to the bathroom and put it away in my purse so it wouldn't bother her again), oxygen tanks all over the place, bottles of unused medicines, little lists, her jewelry box filled not so much with jewelry as momentos of the children, pictures, etc.

To everyone else,
If any of you have not spoken with your mother in a while. For whatever reason, please try to find a way to rekindle a conversation. Because, when they are gone, it is an incredible void, no matter what your relationship was.

 

[diamondfan]

JJ, I am so sorry for your loss, it is so new. No matter how much one expects this when someone is ill, you are never really prepared. I really hope you have someone to comfort you right now. I found, even though I was young, that little things really made it tough. I would see my dad''s favorite pipe in a drawer, or see his writing on something that he left somewhere, and it would make my cry. But I am glad to have some some mementos, small things, that remind me of him. I like to see them and think of him, healthy and vibrant, versus seeing him so weak and sick, in a coma just before he died.

It will get better, but do not be hard on yourself. Some days will be better than others. Peace in the New Year and always treasure your memories.

 

[GoingCrazy]

JJ, I know exactly how you feel. I too remember all of that. After she passed I came home to her house and stood in her closet and just smelled all her clothes. She always wore Rare Gold perfume. Avon sells it. Anyway I just stood there and buried my face in everything and cried and cried. Even to this day I still question was to wether or not I done everything I could do and wonder if she liked all the things we done for her service, but I just have to tell myself that we''ll be together again one day and what a happy day that will be.

I don''t know what your religious feelings are but I know you will find some peace farther along down the road. You will never forget or get over it but you will learn to continue.
Sending virtual hugs your way.






Perhaps they are not really stars in the sky but rather openings in heaven where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/25/2007 8:56:25 PM
Author: diamondfan
JJ, I am so sorry for your loss, it is so new. No matter how much one expects this when someone is ill, you are never really prepared. I really hope you have someone to comfort you right now. I found, even though I was young, that little things really made it tough. I would see my dad''s favorite pipe in a drawer, or see his writing on something that he left somewhere, and it would make my cry. But I am glad to have some some mementos, small things, that remind me of him. I like to see them and think of him, healthy and vibrant, versus seeing him so weak and sick, in a coma just before he died.


It will get better, but do not be hard on yourself. Some days will be better than others. Peace in the New Year and always treasure your memories.

Thank you.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/25/2007 11:29:17 PM
Author: GoingCrazy
JJ, I know exactly how you feel. I too remember all of that. After she passed I came home to her house and stood in her closet and just smelled all her clothes. She always wore Rare Gold perfume. Avon sells it. Anyway I just stood there and buried my face in everything and cried and cried. Even to this day I still question was to wether or not I done everything I could do and wonder if she liked all the things we done for her service, but I just have to tell myself that we'll be together again one day and what a happy day that will be.

I don't know what your religious feelings are but I know you will find some peace farther along down the road. You will never forget or get over it but you will learn to continue.

Sending virtual hugs your way.

Perhaps they are not really stars in the sky but rather openings in heaven where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.

You did that, too? (Smell is an amazing tag to memory, isn't it?)
Thank you.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/24/2007 11:32:38 PM
Author: Kaleigh
JJ,

I am so sorry to hear your Mom has passed. I knew she was sick. My heart is with yours this holiday season. Such a tough time I''m sure.


nebe,

What to say. I''m not close with my Mom either. Selfish doesn''t begin to describe her. BUT, have moved on being proud of the person I am and don''t look back.

But there is always hope, so wishing good things ahead for you and for her.

Thank you, kaleigh. I hope things get better between you and your mom. I can definitely relate.

 

[bee*]

I''m so sorry to hear of your loss Julia. Sending hugs.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 12/25/2007 8:07:30 PM
Author: justjulia

Date: 12/25/2007 4:34:41 PM
Ellen, you have always been able to read between a lot of lines. So much I know you and I could say to each other.

Yes.


julia, I totally understand wondering if you did enough, was it good enough, etc. I too wondered that with my dad. After much fretting, I finally realized, that given the emotional state I was in that last year, and trying to take care of him and my family, I had done the best I could. In hindsight, were there things I might have done differently? Yes, some. But when you're in the thick of it, you don't always think clearly/objectively. But, like me, I know that you meant well. And that's all that really matters. Don't beat yourself up, you already have enough sadness in your life right now without adding to it, unjustifiably.



About smelling their clothes, I did that too. And I left the sheets on his bed for weeks, and when missing him got to be too much, I would go bury my head in his pillow. Something else I did, that you could do too, is put one of her worn shirts in a non scented plastic bag and tie it up tight. It will hold their scent for a long time.

Things will get better julia, but I won't lie, it takes awhile. But you will get there. {{{hugs}}}


p.s. Snickers were my dads favorite too! In fact, every year on his bday, I buy all of us one, in remembrance of him.

 

[UCLABelle]

JustJulia- So sorry!

And to everyone else, I fully understand how hard these times are! I am missing my grandfather (who passed in 06) and my grandmother (who passed when I was 16). We had WONDERFUL Christmas traditions with them, and no longer do, as the family has fallen apart a bit. My grandfather was by far my biggest supporter and this Christmas was really hard without him...

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/26/2007 9:30:07 AM
Author: bee*
I''m so sorry to hear of your loss Julia. Sending hugs.

Thank you, Bee.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/26/2007 10:31:26 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 12/25/2007 8:07:30 PM

Author: justjulia

Date: 12/25/2007 4:34:41 PM

Ellen, you have always been able to read between a lot of lines. So much I know you and I could say to each other.

Yes.



julia, I totally understand wondering if you did enough, was it good enough, etc. I too wondered that with my dad. After much fretting, I finally realized, that given the emotional state I was in that last year, and trying to take care of him and my family, I had done the best I could. In hindsight, were there things I might have done differently? Yes, some. But when you''re in the thick of it, you don''t always think clearly/objectively. But, like me, I know that you meant well. And that''s all that really matters. Don''t beat yourself up, you already have enough sadness in your life right now without adding to it, unjustifiably.




About smelling their clothes, I did that too. And I left the sheets on his bed for weeks, and when missing him got to be too much, I would go bury my head in his pillow. Something else I did, that you could do too, is put one of her worn shirts in a non scented plastic bag and tie it up tight. It will hold their scent for a long time.

Things will get better julia, but I won''t lie, it takes awhile. But you will get there. {{{hugs}}}



p.s. Snickers were my dads favorite too! In fact, every year on his bday, I buy all of us one, in remembrance of him.

Thanks Ellen.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/26/2007 10:25:29 PM
Author: UCLABelle
JustJulia- So sorry!


And to everyone else, I fully understand how hard these times are! I am missing my grandfather (who passed in 06) and my grandmother (who passed when I was 16). We had WONDERFUL Christmas traditions with them, and no longer do, as the family has fallen apart a bit. My grandfather was by far my biggest supporter and this Christmas was really hard without him...

Yes, same here I think. Since my husband''s father passed, they don''t gather like they used to. It has been a catalyst for making our own traditions--but you are right, it is never the same.

 

[Skippy123]

Justjulia, I am sorry I am late to give my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss and a huge hug to you sweetie. This is a tough time of year and wishing you peace during this time.

 

[justjulia]

Date: 12/29/2007 8:05:34 PM
Author: Skippy123
Justjulia, I am sorry I am late to give my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss and a huge hug to you sweetie. This is a tough time of year and wishing you peace during this time.

Thank you Skippy.