Wedding Are you anxious about certain guests?

[CJ2008]

Hi...

As the date gets closer, I'm getting nervous...having a little anxiety over less-than-ideal guests. We have a couple of people who are coming who are not the happiest, most positive people...I keep telling myself that on that day I will need to keep my energy focused on what matters, which of course is me and my FI, but I know that's easier said than done, because I'm like a sponge, and can feel and absorb negative energy so easily. Plus it's a small wedding so everything will be so "noticeable". So I'm also getting nervous about any anxiety on my part showing...

I read all the advice from the brides, and I plan to share it with my FI, so we can help each other that day. I was telling him today that we worked too hard to make this a beautiful wedding, and that no matter what we need to keep it about US. But...like I said...hard to do sometimes.

Do any of you have similar situations going on? Are you anxious about anything?

 

[Dani_81809]

I am the most worried about my family. My dad and brother both have attitudes and a fist first mentality. On my fiance''s side I am only worried about his aunt and uncle. The first time I met them her first question was "Does you church teach the blood of christ?????" Picture that with an intense individual leaning in within a foot of your face. WOW.

I don''t plan on letting anyone bother me because it is our day. I am marrying the man of my dreams and no one can take that away.

 

[CJ2008]

Wow, Dani, I am impressed at how sure you are you''ll be able to not let anyone get to you. Your situation sounds scarier than mine...but mine has potential.

I say the same thing, but I am still anxious about it. I''ve actually even been doing searches on the Internet for emotion/mind control, to train myself with some techniques or something! That''s how worried I am.

 

[oobiecoo]

I just found out that my neice and nephew are coming. I love them but they are hell to deal with. Both are into the gothic style, the girl is EXTREMELY sexually active (at age 13!!!!!) and has major depression/self-mutilation issues. They are unclean (rarely bathe), unbehaved, and frankly I''d prefer them not be there because they have no respect for anyone except their father (my brother) who is a drug addict.

I can only hope that they sit in a corner and don''t cause any trouble. I think every family has a couple of black sheep so I''m trying not to be too worried about what FI''s family will think of them.

 

[miraclesrule]

OMG on the goth, sexually active, drug addict story...

Personally...
Anxiety = Xanax

And like Forrest Gump...that''s all I have to say about that.

 

[CJ2008]

oh, man, oobiecoo...I''m worried about one guest looking/being totally miserable, and the other one possibly drinking too much and putting on a show for attention. And then there are some others who smile and enjoy themselves sparingly, but I''m far less worried about them. The other two are my main concern.

miracles - I can always coun on you for a laugh, along with saying something that is just right on.

And, I have joked about taking a Valium or two hahaahha But I forgot about Xanax!

We can''t be the only ones here with anxiety! Any others?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Oh I am totally developing panic and anxiety disorder I think. So no you''re not alone.

My Mom has it, so I figured it would happen eventually. I had my second (within a few months) panic attack this week.

But anyway, to answer your question yeah I am a bit anxious. We are still ironing out our list, but there are some questionable people that I feel kind of uncomfortable with. It''s majority my family since we seem to have a bunch of rifts/feuds.

I guess I just need to decide whether or not it would affect me to have them there. Part of me thinks I should definitely invite them and be the better person, but I also wonder if I should have people I don''t talk to at my wedding. Wooo anyway, I know how you feel, I am just in earlier planning stages.

 

[Dani_81809]

The way I see it, if they want to act dumb, they can leave. It is about me and my fiance celebrating our union, not them throwing a tizy over a dirty look.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Very true.

 

[mimzy]

i am a little bit nervous about inviting an aunt that my mom no longer speaks to (her sister). it''s still up for debate about whether or not she will be invited, but i think my mom would like for my adopted cousins to be there, so she will be probably sticking around.

i''ve never met any of FI''s extended family except for his grandma and an aunt/uncle, but FI''s family doesn''t get along with any of them (and there are like 14 sets of them), so i have no idea how that is going to go if they choose to attend. and that brings me to...

FI''s parents. it''s probably over nothing, but i have serious concerns that they are both going to be miserable the day of and i am going to guilt tripped into paying attention to it. i love them and i want them to be happy, but there are SOOO many things about the day that have the potential to push them over the edge. again, hopefully it''s over nothing, but i guess i am bracing myself.

 

[CJ2008]

sarah - anything you can do or are doing about the panic attacks? it's probably better to try to work on them before they get worse. that's how i feel too...will the little tensions come out that day because people can't/won't put them aside. like I said, I will definitely try to ignore anything that isn't "happy" or could cause me anxiety...but I find it hard to do that sometimes. I think it will also depend on how connected me and FI feel that day. If we're feeling connected, and I feel like he's got my back, and I got his, we'll be fine. But if he too feels anxious for whatever reason it will be hard for us to connect.

dani - like i said, u're like a rock. more power to you.

mimzy - thank you for posting. I was feeling kind of alone with only a couple of people responding! I'm bracing myself for miserable people too. Hopefully you and I are both wrong and everyone will be happy and enjoy themselves. I think it matters too, how "close" to you and your FI that miserable person is. If it's an aunt/uncle, it's a little easier to ignore than if it's your parents or FI's parents.

And because ours is a destination wedding if these people are indeed miserable they will spread their misery in the days following UP to the wedding. Sometimes I wish I was just going to show up, see them at the wedding, and that's it.

 

[sera]

I''m anxious and I don''t even have a list yet!

I was worried about needing to invite (due to ettiquette or what not) my 1:1 student and the student''s family. Yesterday he asked, "Is my mom going to your wedding?" Ummm. Understand this woman has caused severe stress to others... others that I plan on inviting. It''s kind of an awkward situation. I see/talk to her twice a day, 5 days a week and I''m with her child all day. Seems only proper to invite them. But...

So yeah, you''re not alone here.

Not sure what advice to offer. Miserable, negative people are just gonna be miserable and negative... it''s dumb but their choice.

As for any drunks... maybe there are those you could talk with now about maybe having to "escort" someone outta there? Or maybe that is something the venue can handle?

 

[CJ2008]

sera, sounds like a sticky situation. Is your wedding going to be local, big, etc., so that if you don''t invite her it will stand out?

because I''m telling you, as my wedding gets closer, the more I''m realizing, it''s worth going through the pain of offending some people and not inviting them, if they''re going to cause problems. ESPECIALLY if they aren''t family.

well...my wedding is only going to be about 20-30 people...so any drunks will really stick out...and unfortunately, although I don''t want to mention WHO it is, let''s just say that it''s family, and it wouldn''t go over well if they were escorted out. and the few people i could trust with this anxiety, i don''t want to tell them about it because you know how it is...once you point something out to someone, they''re looking for it and will remember what you said forever. it''s kind of like what i learned about my relationship with FI - I share any problems with NOONE. I''ve found that when you do, it will always come back to bite you in the a$$. Whatever we need to resolve, we resolve it between us. but I guess at the moment, if there are any problems, I hope someone "stands up" and gets the person out of there or talks to them -- in other words i hope someone will stand up as protector if anyone''s getting out of hand and shield us from it.

 

[sera]

There''s a possibility we might elope (marry on a cruise)... regardless, the reception will be local (or local-ish... within 2 hours drive).

Anyway, my student will ask who went... I can beat around the bush, but I won''t lie to him. And actually, beating around the bush won''t work with him... it never does... he will want to know names and if this person or that person went lol. Besides that, he hears ev.ery.thing.

It''s not that I think the mom would cause problems- she''s very nice and respectful to me- I think she would just ignore the others, which is fine... I just wouldn''t want the others to feel uncomfortable by her presence. I''m not going to worry about it too much as we don''t even have set plans yet, so it may not even be an issue.

As for your situation, if nobody is assigned the task as "bouncer," I''m sure someone will stand up and tactfully take care of it.

 

[anchor31]

FI''s parents worry me the most. They have a very negative attitude... But I''ve sworn to myself that if they start complaining to me about something, I''ll smile, make an excuse to end the conversation right then, walk off and brush it off. In fact, I''m going to do that if anyone complains. I''ll probably be too busy to spend a lot of time with them anyway.

FI decided to not invite one of his uncles who''s an alcoholic and a mean drunk. His mother wasn''t please (then again she never is), but it''s definitely going to make it easier on everyone. I have an uncle who likes to drink (although he''s not an alcoholic), but he''s a happy drunk and I''ve asked the bartender to not serve alcohol to anyone if they''re intoxicated, so it should be fine.

 

[Haven]

Try not to worry yourself over anything that you can''t control, especially other people.

I''m sure we all have the odd guest who is cause for alarm, but in the end I think rather than giving us anxiety they really leave us with great stories to tell later in life. "My great aunt Sally did the most horendous thing during my wedding reception . . . "

 

[Independent Gal]

Hiya,

I posted a few times about my completely insane Aunt F. I actually considered not having a wedding just because I was so scared of how she might behave. I had nightmares about it and everything. Anyway, I basically ignored her. I said "Hi F!" at one point, but otherwise didn''t even make eye contact. And I sat her as faaaaaar away from me as possible, with some cousins who know how to handle her. And you know what? I hardly noticed she was there.

So, it can be done.

Have hope!

 

[Independent Gal]

BTW, why keep the xanax to yourself? My sister (I think it was her?) suggested providing a generous dose to Crazy Aunt F and then finding her a comfortable place to rest for the evening, thereby circumventing any problems.

Have you considered that strategy?

OK, I know, that is HORRIBLE! But a leettle bit funny too.

 

[diamondfan]

This is when slipping someone a mickey is not out of the realm!!! JL, but not really...

 

[anchor31]

Date: 4/19/2008 5:21:42 PM
Author: Independent Gal
BTW, why keep the xanax to yourself? My sister (I think it was her?) suggested providing a generous dose to Crazy Aunt F and then finding her a comfortable place to rest for the evening, thereby circumventing any problems.

Have you considered that strategy?

OK, I know, that is HORRIBLE! But a leettle bit funny too.

Heehee!

 

[miraclesrule]

Gotta love the Zanax.

Just don''t take more than a 1/4 of one on the big day. Nobody wants to carry your gumby body to the groom.

 

[oobiecoo]

FI is not inviting his mother because she makes people uncomfortable and was abusive and manipulative to him as a child. Pretty much everyone is supportive of his decision so that helps. We also didn''t invite my mom''s siblings... both are pretty selfish and only talk to her when they want something or when they have bad news. Anyone who gives us a hard time at the wedding or looks miserable will either be ignored or escorted off the property. The reception site owner used to be in the army and FI used to be a bouncer at a bar so I think we have it covered lol.

 

[MoonWater]

I had severe anxiety attacks worrying over certain guests. So, I narrowed it down to only 4 guests and now I''m happy lol.

 

[bee*]

Date: 4/19/2008 4:37:34 PM
Author: Haven
Try not to worry yourself over anything that you can''t control, especially other people.


I''m sure we all have the odd guest who is cause for alarm, but in the end I think rather than giving us anxiety they really leave us with great stories to tell later in life. ''My great aunt Sally did the most horendous thing during my wedding reception . . . ''

yeah I''m thinking the same. I can''t control what others do, just myself and I''m going to have a great time on the day!

 

[CJ2008]

guys,

You are all right. You are. And believe me when I tell you, I keep telling myself that I will handle it the day of, because nobody is taking that day away from me, from us. I think deep inside, it''s just disappointing that some of those people close to us could bring negativity or problems even on our wedding day.

It does help to see that we are all dealing with the same issues in one way or another.

And Indy, that was FUNNY, and it sounds like a PLAN.

oobiecoo - can I borrow him for my wedding too? haha

moonwater - does that mean you''ll only have 4 guests at your wedding? or you''re only worried about 4 guests?

 

[Pandora II]

I was stressing about a couple of people - I''ve got it out of my system thank goodness.

However, I am super stressed about the venue co-ordinator. I feel sick everytime I think of her being there.

My father is trying to have her taken off our event. I have a feeling it won''t happen and things will go from bad to worse. I wouldn''t put it past her to sabotage things. She certainly doesn''t care about my event in anyway.

 

[CJ2008]

Pandora, you CANNOT work with someone that you think will try to sabotage your event! Can you speak to someone "higher up" that will replace her for your day of? Or have you considered hiring someone else for that day? I am sure you don''t need/want to spend any extra $ but it''s worth your peace of mind!

I think I remember reading in another one of your posts that you were having problems with your venue...is that what you''re referring to?

How did you get the stress out of your system?

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/20/2008 11:39:30 AM
Author: claudinam
Pandora, you CANNOT work with someone that you think will try to sabotage your event! Can you speak to someone ''higher up'' that will replace her for your day of? Or have you considered hiring someone else for that day? I am sure you don''t need/want to spend any extra $ but it''s worth your peace of mind!

I think I remember reading in another one of your posts that you were having problems with your venue...is that what you''re referring to?

How did you get the stress out of your system?

Don''t, I''ve been so stressed about it all that I didn''t want to do anything for the wedding for nearly a week. It''s only thanks to all of you that I''m kind of enjoying it again. It''s just a horrible feeling that I am going to have to see and deal with this woman and her ''fake'' niceness on my wedding day.

She is the only co-ordinator at the venue unfortunately. My father is going as high up as he possibly can and doing everything possible to not have her there. So fingers crossed.

I''m actually fine if she goes - my former assistant from work is coming to the wedding. She knows EXACTLY how I like things run, and everything will be planned down as far as I can and on a minute by minute running order anyway (the current co-ordiantor said we will be working with HER running order WTF!

). She''s just had to drop out of her Masters for a year due to losing her funding so really needs some money - I would happily pay her £400 or so to help me out.

I have never wished ill of someone so much in my life!


On the relatives stress thing, I had a long bitch to FI about them and then realised that I didn''t actually care. The wedding is about us not them and they can''t do anything to spoil it (hence the stress about one of the few people who could!).

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/19/2008 12:36:41 PM
Author: claudinam
sarah - anything you can do or are doing about the panic attacks? it''s probably better to try to work on them before they get worse. that''s how i feel too...will the little tensions come out that day because people can''t/won''t put them aside. like I said, I will definitely try to ignore anything that isn''t ''happy'' or could cause me anxiety...but I find it hard to do that sometimes. I think it will also depend on how connected me and FI feel that day. If we''re feeling connected, and I feel like he''s got my back, and I got his, we''ll be fine. But if he too feels anxious for whatever reason it will be hard for us to connect.

I am cutting out a lot of caffeine! That''s helping so far. I''m sleeping a bit better, too. Which is great! FI is trying to help. I guess I feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people coming from his family. I am excited to see them, but I am a pretty private person and it''s a bit overwhelming. I don''t want to not include them though.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Just wanted to say I am sorry you have someone that is not looking out for you working on your wedding Pandora!

((Hugs))