Are you allowed to grieve for your pets at work?

[setell]

I am just curious if I am just over reacting. Yesterday I got the worst possible news right after I came to work. My sister called me to tell me how sick our cat was at the vet’s. I spoke to the vet myself and as he was telling me what was wrong with our baby I had tears rolling down my face. Since my workplace has ZERO privacy, I found a private corner and started crying. After I talked to my sister and the vet I had to go home as I couldn’t stay at work. So I went to my acting manager to let her know I’m going home since we’re putting my kitty down. I had liked her till I got a fairly emotionless response from her. I mean here I was a total mess with bloodshot eyes and looked horrible yet not one kind word from her. I’m back at work today but when I saw her it was as if nothing is going on. She didn’t even ask how I was doing considering how messed up I was yesterday. I guess my emotional well being is not their concern. I am sorta feeling like I am a weirdo or something for allowing a cat’s death to cause me so much emotional distress. I am not asking much just a kind word like “how are you feeling?” while I grieve for my baby girl. Have you guys had this sort of treatment at work? I am finding I hate it here more and more so bad I might break and put in my notice so I am happier since I am treated like crap.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I guess it depends upon what kind of field your in and/or office atmosphere. Sounds like your manager is heartless and cold.

Sorry about your kitty.

 

[Lauren8211]

Absolutely my work allows it.

We don''t have bereavement time for pets ( I know some companies do) but we''ve had pet tragedies here at my work, and people were encouraged to take a day or two off if they needed it. I would absolutely need it. I think I might need a whole week, and I''m not exaggerating. I really love my pets.

I''m so sorry to hear this. Losing a pet is SO hard. ***HUGS***

I think a job that doesnt care about your emotional health is not worth having. We''re still people, even when we''re employees.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

I once worked at a grocery store and we had just been told at the grocery store that my mom had stage 3 or 4 cancer and they weren't sure where it was coming from so of course I was a complete mess. Guess what, they didn't care whatsoever. Everytime an older lady would come through my line I would burst out crying because I didn't think it was fair they got to live so long when (at the time I thought) my mom wouldn't. Also whenever someone would complain about something completely trivial that day, the same thing would happen. Some employers are just asses. Pardon my french. Now where I work, if my kitties passed away, without a thought I'd probably have 2 days off.
(as a side note, my mom got through the ordeal and is very healthy today...)
I'm very sorry to hear about your kitty passing by the way

 

[decodelighted]

Not being "kind" is different than improper treatment. We're talking about one person who reacted coldly. One supervisor. Not sure what your workplace is like but there is the highest unemployment rate since 1982 right now. Over 10% of people are unemployed and that number is wrong because it doesn't count the people who've just become discouraged & stopped actively searching or people who can only find part-time work but who desire full time.

I'm really, really sorry about your cat. I just went through something similar myself two months ago. Still very fresh & I can tear up thinking about it for too long. But I wouldn't let this one encounter during an emotional time be an excuse to do something rash. You're in mourning. Let yourself calm down & heal & then look at the situation with a different perspective. And wait til you have another job lined up. For reals.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:38:18 PM
Author: decodelighted
I''m really, really sorry about your cat. I just went through something similar myself a month ago. Still very fresh & I can tear up thinking about it for too long. But I wouldn''t let this one encounter during an emotional time be an excuse to do something rash. You''re in mourning. Let yourself calm down & heal & then look at the situation with a different perspective. And wait til you have another job lined up. For reals.

ditto to this

 

[Callisto]

I think it depends on the person too as well as the atmosphere of the work place. I think I would be allowed to grieve the loss of a pet here at work but I know some of my cowokers who are not "pet people" just wouldn''t get it. As I''ve never lost a human loved one(very lucky I know) the day we put my dog down was thus far the worst day of my life. It was almost a year and a half ago and just writing this post is bringing me to tears. I know that if any of my coworkers lost a pet I would totally allow them to grieve because I know how terrible that loss is. But if they''re not a pet person, sometimes they just don''t get it.

I''m so sorry for the loss of your kitty. I''m sure you gave her a wonderful life.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Not everyone is an animal person, so not everyone will understand your grief over losing "just a cat." I would just let it go, because not everyone can love an animal with all their heart like you can.

I''m sorry about your kittybaby

 

[setell]

Thanks guys for the support. It is hard to lose a pet you love so much.

I know it’s the highest unemployment since like the great depression but this place really sucks. Not just the acting manager, my VP, the whole office etc. I’m not going to get into details as to the crap they’ve thrown at me which included promising me a job offer (I didn’t apply they gave it to me) then retracting it two days later! The list of things why I hate this firm keep getting bigger and bigger that I’m getting really really close to my exploding point. This cold treatment isn’t just my dept but the whole company culture/atmosphere. If a close relative pass away you get 2 days here! That’s it for bereavement! Close relative is defined as siblings, spouse, children and parents. Anybody outside of that you get nothing. If it wasn’t for the economy I would have been gone last year

 

[Bia]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:50:06 PM
Author: setell

Thanks guys for the support. It is hard to lose a pet you love so much.

I know it’s the highest unemployment since like the great depression but this place really sucks. Not just the acting manager, my VP, the whole office etc. I’m not going to get into details as to the crap they’ve thrown at me which included promising me a job offer (I didn’t apply they gave it to me) then retracting it two days later! The list of things why I hate this firm keep getting bigger and bigger that I’m getting really really close to my exploding point. This cold treatment isn’t just my dept but the whole company culture/atmosphere. If a close relative pass away you get 2 days here! That’s it for bereavement! Close relative is defined as siblings, spouse and parents. Anybody outside of that you get nothing. If it wasn’t for the economy I would have been gone last year

For me, the relationship I have with my boss is the deciding factor whether I like a job or not. Every job I've ever left was because of a boss I did not feel comfortable working for/with. I am not afraid of hard work but I am against working for someone I cannot stand as a person. I don't have to love you but if just seeing you makes me cringe, hasta la vista!

If you're not happy you shouldn't stay, but (and this is a big BUT) I caution you to not leave before you find something else. The job market is rough right now, so if you need the money to live, quietly search for something else and when you eventually find something, QUIT!

I'm also very sorry to hear about your cat. It's hard enough having to deal with the death of someone you love, to then not have the support of the people you work so closely with, makes it sooo much worse. That would be a dealbreaker for me. I feel glad knowing that if it were me, I'd have the support from my coworkers. I'm sorry you don't.

 

[Hest88]

I''m so sorry, Setell, about your kitty.

It does sound like you''re in an enviroment where employee needs aren''t taken into account. It really should have nothing to do with a pet or whether someone is or is not an animal lover. Think of all the things in this world that mean a great deal to some people and not to others; a caring, compassionate manager should be able to sympathize with an employee even over a situation they can''t directly relate to.

 

[kenny]

I'm sorry about your cat, but when it comes to being 'allowed' to grieve at work where should they draw the line?
Dogs and cats?
What about parrots?
Hamsters?

I'm growing attached to my goldfish and snails too.

I mean they have a business to run.
I agree people should be understanding but . . . where do you draw the line?

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I am so sorry you lost your dear cat.

Grief is grief, regardless of the cause. A person who is grieving needs some time and space. Even the most dim-witted supervisor should realize that an individual who has had some time alone will do better on the job, and a kind word will always be welcome.

 

[yssie]

I'm so sorry for your loss

what a heartache.

Whether or not your supervisor finds it worthy of compassion - doesn't change the fact that for you, it should have been, and you should grieve as you need to.

I would be a wreck.

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 11/10/2009 2:11:33 PM
Author: kenny
I''m sorry about your cat, but when it comes to being ''allowed'' to grieve at work where should they draw the line?
Dogs and cats?
What about parrots?
Hamsters?

I''m growing attached to my goldfish and snails too.

I mean they have a business to run.
I agree people should be understanding but . . . where do you draw the line?

IMO, it''s not their place to decide what you can grieve over. People DO get attached to hamsters and fish and birds. I have a bird, I''d be a wreck if he died!

A supervisor should understand that employees are people. Yes they have a business to run. But stuff happens. Unless they''re abusing some sort of policy (Something dies every other week) then its irrelevant to decide what is worthy of grieving over.

Im sorry, but i wouldn''t want some teary-eyed, snot-nosed, hysterical, grieving person coming to work. Give them their space! Sheesh!

 

[purrfectpear]

I don''t see anything at all in the OP''s post where her employer did not allow her to "grieve" ? She took the rest of the day off, and they didn''t say anything. Where exactly is the problem here?

If she needs to grieve further she can step into the ladies room and compose herself, or take additional personal time off.

It seems like she''s peeved that no one at work personally acknowledged the loss of her pet. Face it, not everyone you work with is going to acknowledge your loss even when it may be a very close relative who passes. That''s just how some people are. Some don''t care, some care but don''t know what to say, and some will relate to your loss.

When we start evaluating employers by whether they remember to ask after the well being of our dog or kitty, I think we may have gone over the top

Perhaps PS is a better place to look for validation of your loss and empathy. Many of us are pet owners, and we do understand how you feel

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:38:18 PM
Author: decodelighted
Not being ''kind'' is different than improper treatment. We''re talking about one person who reacted coldly. One supervisor. Not sure what your workplace is like but there is the highest unemployment rate since 1982 right now. Over 10% of people are unemployed and that number is wrong because it doesn''t count the people who''ve just become discouraged & stopped actively searching or people who can only find part-time work but who desire full time.

I''m really, really sorry about your cat. I just went through something similar myself two months ago. Still very fresh & I can tear up thinking about it for too long. But I wouldn''t let this one encounter during an emotional time be an excuse to do something rash. You''re in mourning. Let yourself calm down & heal & then look at the situation with a different perspective. And wait til you have another job lined up. For reals.

agreeed!Also keep in mind that some people dont know how to show compassion for people in pain or crying...for some its automatic and for some its a learned or trained response...you boss may have niether.Sorry for you loss!

 

[jewelerman]

Date: 11/10/2009 1:35:42 PM
Author: Smurfyimproved
I once worked at a grocery store and we had just been told at the grocery store that my mom had stage 3 or 4 cancer and they weren''t sure where it was coming from so of course I was a complete mess. Guess what, they didn''t care whatsoever. Everytime an older lady would come through my line I would burst out crying because I didn''t think it was fair they got to live so long when (at the time I thought) my mom wouldn''t. Also whenever someone would complain about something completely trivial that day, the same thing would happen. Some employers are just asses. Pardon my french. Now where I work, if my kitties passed away, without a thought I''d probably have 2 days off.
(as a side note, my mom got through the ordeal and is very healthy today...)
I''m very sorry to hear about your kitty passing by the way

If i were the manager i would have sent you home after hearing this news.Its better for you to be home with your mom and better for business that you are not helping people in that type of condition.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I''m sorry about your kitty :*(

People are different. There is nothing wrong nor unusual about how you feel or how you are acting.
But not everyone feels the same. Some people are very uncomfortable with displays of strong emotion. Some people don''t feel the same about animals/pets as others do. Even from pet to pet we may feel a greater sense of loss.

As long as she is not making your life difficult and your disappointment is based on her (or others) not feeling the same or sharing the same level of attachment to their own animals, you have to give them the space to be themselves as well, however much an insincere condolence (assuming they cannot muster a sincere one) may make you feel.

I would wait a couple weeks before you make a decision about your place of employment. Your emotions are running very high right now and you need to take that into consideration and allow yourself to grieve. If you still feel the same once some time has passed, it certainly is a choice you can make to leave that place. I don''t know how much your livelihood depends on your job, but I encourage prudence.

 

[setell]

I agree with what you wrote purrfectpear. I am peeved at how cold this place is and disregard people’s feelings. It’s sorta like, I really don’t care how my acting manager’s son is sick and he won’t take his meds since I don’t have children of my own and don’t plan to for a LONG time (if ever). I say a kind word and move on. If I can say a kind word to her when she’s got a sick son or crap happens to her then I sort of expect a kind word back. ‘sigh’ it’s not a two way street here if you want a kind word. For some reason, I am not fond of working for a company where the corporate culture is to be cold and emotionless towards their employees. They had to let me take the day off yesterday as I used my vacation days for it. If I want a vacation day off they can’t not let me take it as long as it doesn’t conflict with work scheduling (no coverage required from other employees as our whole dept could be out of commission from H1N1 for a month and it’ll be ok)! That’s according to the employee handbook (I’ve analyzed it with a fine tooth comb when I first started working here).

 

[oddoneout]

I''m so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand wanting time off for the loss of a pet. Pets are a big part of peoples'' lives so losing them is really hard.

 

[Diamond*Dana]

I am sorry to hear about your kitty, that is a tough thing.
We had to put our dog, Friday, to sleep in August and I was pretty upset about it at work. The people I work with were all pretty supportive (I am a nurse), and I was very touched when a coworker gave me a sympathy card. I think that it really just depends on the person...some are animal people, others are not.

 

[NovemberBride]

First, I am very sorry for the loss of your kitty. I am extremely attached to my pup and would be heartbroken if we had to put him down. However, I don''t see how your work did not allow you to grieve? Did someone tell you that you weren''t allowed to cry? If you mean they did not give you time off for the loss of your pet, I don''t think that means they aren''t allowing you time to grieve. I have never known of a company that gave time off for pet bereavement. In fact, I''d say you are pretty lucky you were allowed to take the time off on such short notice, many companies would not have allowed this. I am sorry your boss was not more sympathetic, but as others have said, maybe she''s not an animal person or maybe she''s just uncomfortable with death. Either way, I hardly think that it is something to quit your job over. PS or your friends and family are probably a better and more appropriate place to look for sympathy for the loss of your pet.

 

[Haven]

I''m so sorry for your loss, setell. Pets are family members, and I send you lots of hugs and comforts during this time.

As for your manager, it would have been kind of her to acknowledge your loss. I think some people are very uncomfortable with these sorts of things, so perhaps she didn''t know what to say, or she doesn''t even understand how horribly sad it can be to lose a beloved kitty. Either way, I''m sorry you received such a cold response.

 

[LGK]

All of the girls at my work are way too into each other's pets and personal lives, and when one of our staff lost two Bengals in a row I cried too when she told me both times- both cats were so sweet and beautiful and I'd met them both. It is like losing a family member. (I'm the owner/manager btw.) I never have a problem giving people time off for the death of a pet; in fact, one of our staff took two weeks off to be with her ailing kitty before he passed, and I totally understood.

I think it really depends on the work environment. I suspect you're reacting to a build up of things and not just to this particular event? Definitely try not to react rashly, though- jobs are a difficult commodity to come by at the moment, and even if it isn't an ideal job, sometimes it isn't like there's many other alternatives. And yes, some people just don't understand how pet people feel when they lose a beloved pet. Or are just jerks.

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/10/2009 5:40:26 PM
Author: LittleGreyKitten
It is like losing a family member. (

Pets are like family members. My husband's friend (a guy) went into a deep depression after his cat died. I remember him coming over and nearly bursting into tears over the event. The cat ate plastic and damaged her insides and she had to be put to sleep. He had her cremated.

Like Kenny said, though, where do we draw the line? I cried when my "fancy" $2.50 guppy died.

I was horribly sad and cried with the shower running hoping my kids wouldn't hear me!

 

[bee*]

Sorry to hear about your kitty. I''m lucky in that I work at a veterinary clinic so they''re definitely sympathetic when a staff member loses a pet. Unfortunately not every one is an animal lover so it can depend on the work environment.

 

[Callisto]

Referencing the "draw the line" coments: I don''t think we necessarily need to draw a line anywhere in this issue. I cried like a baby when my rats died. Would I have expected the day off, no. But I would have been pretty peeved if my coworkers couldn''t at least acknowledge the fact that I was going through a loss. They don''t have to understand it but they should respect the way I''m feeling. That''s just general kindness that we should all try to extend to each other.

 

[Luckyeshe]

I am so sorry for the loss of your pet! I can''t believe your manager didn''t at least ask how you were doing when you got back to work the following day. She may not understand that pets are family to some people. As for where I work, we have enough "time" that if that ever happens, i''d be able to use some "personal time" and go home. But it''s not specificially for grieving for a pet. It just depends on how the individual wants to use it.

 

[diamondfan]

First, I am so sorry about your pet''s passing...I am an animal lover and know how tough it is to lose a beloved pet. And I know it can be hard to concentrate or focus when you are so sad...and it was probably good to go home and give yourself a mental health day to grieve. Just know that sadly there are many people who are either not animal lovers or are just not as able to reach out and comfort someone in their time of sadness...or maybe they just do not see that a pet dying is really traumatic to the owner. It is really hard to know...some people are just super insensitive or self absorbed...again I am sorry...