Are you a sincere flatter?

[nala]

Do you only flatter people when you mean it? Or do you flatter insincerely, and if is so, what might motivate you to do so?

 

[MissGotRocks]

No I am pretty straight up in my opinions. If I say I like it, I really do. I don’t feel compelled to heap on praise of something ‘just to be nice’. When I ask for opinions I want an honest answer. Anything but that is not helpful to me and I feel the same way about other people’s request for advice. I am not offended if someone has a differing opinion if I ask them for it either. Being petty is just not real to me.

 

[Austina]

No, unless I genuinely mean it, I won’t flatter for the sake of it.

 

[missy]

I’m always sincere. I love complimenting people but only if I mean it. I am never insincere. It goes against everything I am.

 

[missy]

If someone asks me for my opinion and it’s less than flattering I will share the truth but I do it with kindness. But always sincere. And if I am not asked my opinion and I have nothing nice to say I keep quiet.

 

[Ally T]

I only flatter if I mean it. And I find nothing worse than listening to somebody suck up to somebody else, when it's clear they don't mean a word of it.

There are certain mothers at school who do this & i find it nauseating to listen to It's very much "Gosh, I love your hair today & you look GREAT in that blouse! You are so lucky to have that bone structure, do you know that??!" Gag......

 

[123ducklings]

I’m sincere. However, I will say that when I’m visiting with a bride-to-be in the months leading up to her wedding or a new mom in the months after she’s given birth I will ALWAYS find a way to compliment her. I wouldn’t lie, but I do go out of my way to find something nice to say in these instances. I do this because I find those periods of life can be so full of worry and insecurity, and I want to be supportive.

 

[Big Fat Facets]

I tend to operate from a "I say what i mean and I mean what i say"

If i don't have something nice to say, i try not to say it at all.

Furthermore, there really is, usually, ALWAYS, something nice to say.

the issue, is that i might be of mixed opinion, then i highlight the good and don't mention the rest

 

[AGBF]

Jane Austen wrote that honesty was a much overrated virtue. I draw a distinction between unctuous flattery and lying to spare someone's feelings. Would any of you really tell a new mother you think her baby is unattractive? I'd lie in a heart beat.

 

[lyra]

Always sincerely. I think it makes other people feel good.

 

[Musia]

Depending on the situation. I value honesty a lot and never seek someone's approval or friendliness. So I don't praise anyone or anything insincerely. But sometimes you just need to give compliments in order to cheer someone up, to brighten someone's day. I am doing this for the sake of the other person, so I think it is rather good, not a bad behavior. I don't approve anyone who praises other people all the time and expects them to praise one back, or is looking for making "friends".

 

[TooPatient]

I mean it when I give a compliment. If I don't like one aspect of something (color of a handbag for example), there is usually something else I truly do like (great shape of bag, great quality material, matches the outfit perfectly, whatever) and can honestly compliment on.

 

[PintoBean]

I like uplift bras to keep from looking flatter, especially under sweaters.

 

[dk168]

Can't pretend I like something when I don't!

I stay quiet if I don't like something when in polite company socially, unless I am asked directly what I think.

Those who know me well would know I would always give my honest opinion based on my own personal preferences when I am asked for it, regardless whether it would go down well or not!

I have been described as being brutally honest. If one cannot handle what I have to say, then don't ask for it!

It is different with work though, in that I am relied upon to speak out if something is adrift, like not buying in ideas or plans that I do not believe would work.

I once made the mistake of sitting with senior managers at lunch. I was on a big table waiting for my team, and my then boss and his peers joined our table. I had to put up with all the nauseous flattery directed at the site head. They were sucking up to him left, right and centre, and it was painful to watch. Not my boss though, he did not join in as he normally took a newspaper with him to read at the table.

DK

 

[1ofakind]

I always aim to mean what I say. But I also understand that I am not as emotionally driven as some of my women friends. When appropriate I may look intentionally for something flattering to say although it may not have been my first natural thought/inclination. But it is always true, always sincere.

However, if my reaction to something is truly negative I don't find it always appropriate to express it. I can remain silent, I can find some positive aspect to comment on and leave out the negatives. If the person is not looking for a full honest opinion I do not always share it. Withholding negative aspects is done sometimes to spare their feelings or because it would not add to conversation.

 

[MamaBee]

I USUALLY...99% of the time tell the truth when I give a compliment. There have been a few times when a person I know truly looks bad and beaten down. They apologize for looking bad..saying they haven’t slept, worrying, etc. I will lie through my teeth. I always get a hug afterwards...Sometimes I feel you have to stretch it a bit if the person needs it.

 

[Queenie60]

No. I’m not wishy-washy.

 

[missy]

Jane Austen wrote that honesty was a much overrated virtue. I draw a distinction between unctuous flattery and lying to spare someone's feelings. Would any of you really tell a new mother you think her baby is unattractive? I'd lie in a heart beat.

I understand what you are saying. However that is a hypothetical. I personally have never seen an ugly baby. I think they are precious. Just like I think all animals are beautiful and I have never seen an ugly one. Ditto all babies.

 

[Calliecake]

heeehheeeee 35th anniversary tomorrow. Going to bed early..

I USUALLY...99% of the time tell the truth when I give a compliment. There have been a few times when a person I know truly looks bad and beaten down. They apologize for looking bad..saying they haven’t slept, worrying, etc. I will lie through my teeth. I always get a hug afterwards...Sometimes I feel you have to stretch it a bit if the person needs it.

This a million times. It’s part of being a good friend.

 

[seaurchin]

Most of us have probably given a compliment that wasn't 100% accurate, as a small, kind, social nicety.

That's a whole different animal from someone who falls over themselves kissing up to somebody else for some kind of personal gain.

 

[Musia]

Would any of you really tell a new mother you think her baby is unattractive?

My first grandbaby was so ugly...I wasn't feeling well and didn't visit her in a hospital on the first day. My daughter who assisted her SIL as a doula sent me many pictures of a new baby and I was chocked and scared. Barely found several less ugly pictures and sent them to my FIL and my friends in Ukraine. Good thing the baby was just temporarily unwell too, the placenta and the umbilical cord were defective and personnel even sent them to the lab for an autopsy. No one said the baby was unattractive, but later my son and DIL admitted they also thought she actually looked like an alien from some horror movie. Some newborns are just uglier than the others But they all are precious!!!

 

[Big Fat Facets]

@AGBF @Musia

Unfortunately, I have indeed seen some ugly or very uncute babies.
And i most definitely keep my mouth shut about the newborn's appearance.
Instead, I focus on the new mother's heroism and self sacrifice of labor and childbirth

 

[LinSF]

I'm sure have have been insincere in flattery at some point in my life, but as a 99% of the time rule I'm always super honest. Actually, I'm brutally honest by pesonality. So, if I flatter someone it's a great compliment because knowing me it's truly sincere.

If I have nothing to say I'm silent and try to find something small that is true and that will create a bond between me and the other individual. This has to do with my requirement to find something I like/can appreciate in every human being. I felt functions so that I can recall that thing when I need to have a relationship with someone difficult. Makes it infinitely easier for me to deal with them.

 

[MamaBee]

This is why I love my daughter-in-law. Scott told me when he was getting serious and wanted me to meet her that she is honest. She will not be fake and demonstrative if she’s not feeling it. I didn’t know what to expect. We get along so great. She tells me she loves me every time we talk. I know it’s true because she tells the truth. It’s refreshing because I always know where I stand. She will also tell me if she doesn’t agree with what I say. I love that about her.

 

[Karl_K]

If I do so I mean it but i rarely do except my wifey, im shy.
I also worked in a business where I went into peoples homes to work and even something as innocent as nice car or tv can creep some people out much less saying something about a person or something more personal when working in their home.
A new customers called screaming that someone I worked with was going to rob her because he said nice tv.
He didn't get in trouble but we all got a talking to.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I am always sincere b/c I suck at lying.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Dancing Fire]

So, how you guys really feel about me?

 

[Musia]

So, how you guys really feel about me?

You are young, attractive, tall, fit, handsome gentleman with lots of curly and shiny hair who is always dressed with the greatest sense of artistic taste. Your bling collection is one of the best in the word! I forgot to add that you are the smartest and the most clever person (after my husband)

 

[inne]

I say nice things to make people feel better, for sure. In practice, this mostly manifests as me telling people they're doing a great job in a sport I participate in. In reality, no, they're not blowing me away with their amazing skill and everyone knows that. Sometimes people are actually pretty awful. But I try to say something nice, especially to those I know are struggling, because a little bit of encouragement can go a long way. I know I'm not the most amazing thing they've ever seen either, but kind words are so important when you devote so much time and energy to something that is very difficult to master.

I also always tell people the food they cook is delicious, that I love the gifts they give me, that their children are adorable, and find something nice to say about their house (even if I have to make something up). These things have been so ingrained in me my whole life that not doing them would feel like shouting "I HATE YOUR FOOD/GIFT/KID/HOUSE!"

Unfortunately, this sometimes leads to situations like my mother-in-law thinking I love a particular dish she makes so she makes it every time I see her for the next 14 years and it's far, far too late to tell her I was just being polite. So many crab legs.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

[

Do you only flatter people when you mean it? Or do you flatter insincerely, and if is so, what might motivate you to do so?

Yes
But in saying that sometimes its for genuine kindness
Someway may benifit from a lift in self esteem and beauty is a light that shines from within