Are vow renewals the wedding version of an "upgrade"?

[Imdanny]

I think sometimes vow renewals are a hugely important and symbolic part of a marriage. When a couple has been through a very difficult time, or weathered some dreadful storm, it can mark the beginning of a new chapter, or a fundamental change in their marriage. It's neither a downgrade nor an upgrade on the original wedding, it is a life event in its own right for some people.

I know some PSers have renewed or planned to renew their vows in response to some very tragic life events, and I would think it compassionate to tread very gently in discussing this.

edited for clarity.

Well said! As Kenny says people vary. It's about what makes the two people involved happy and I wouldn't cast aspersions on it.

 

[Gypsy]

I'd love to renew our vows and have a party. No, vows don't expire, but I think after being together as a couple for many years, sometimes you kind of slip into..we're married, got a house, couple vehicles, maybe some kids, we work, whatever..and everyone goes about their lives. I think it's a nice way to put the focus back on you as a couple..you're not just Mr and Mrs Jones, you're Mike and Amy Jones. If there are kids, I think it's a nice time to include them-they are a part of it too. To me it's like a celebration of who you are as a family and where you are in your lives. Maybe if people celebrated their marriages a little more and paid more attention to being married and the joy it's supposed to bring to our lives instead of waiting until the last minute to appreciate what we have, we wouldn't be so jaded about it. I think it's a bigger deal to be married 10/20/30 etc years than it is to get married in the first place-that's the easy peasy lemon squeezy part about it. I've spent 10 years picking up dirty socks and "finding" things that aren't lost b/c *some*body doesn't know how to look for things, by golly if I want a new dress and a cool song and a cake, I'm having it.

Good for you.

You've won me over to the idea. It sounds wonderful.

I agree. I never associate it with breaking up and was shocked to read that so many did. I always assumed that people who had them felt you did.

We had the most wonderful ceremony. I think it would be fabulous to relive that wonderful moment together on a beach somewhere for some far off anniversary. They certainly don't expire but what's wrong with celebrating them all over again just because you can?

 

[missy]

I'd love to renew our vows and have a party. No, vows don't expire, but I think after being together as a couple for many years, sometimes you kind of slip into..we're married, got a house, couple vehicles, maybe some kids, we work, whatever..and everyone goes about their lives. I think it's a nice way to put the focus back on you as a couple..you're not just Mr and Mrs Jones, you're Mike and Amy Jones. If there are kids, I think it's a nice time to include them-they are a part of it too. To me it's like a celebration of who you are as a family and where you are in your lives. Maybe if people celebrated their marriages a little more and paid more attention to being married and the joy it's supposed to bring to our lives instead of waiting until the last minute to appreciate what we have, we wouldn't be so jaded about it. I think it's a bigger deal to be married 10/20/30 etc years than it is to get married in the first place-that's the easy peasy lemon squeezy part about it. I've spent 10 years picking up dirty socks and "finding" things that aren't lost b/c *some*body doesn't know how to look for things, by golly if I want a new dress and a cool song and a cake, I'm having it.

Good for you.

You've won me over to the idea. It sounds wonderful.

I agree. I never associate it with breaking up and was shocked to read that so many did. I always assumed that people who had them felt you did.

We had the most wonderful ceremony. I think it would be fabulous to relive that wonderful moment together on a beach somewhere for some far off anniversary. They certainly don't expire but what's wrong with celebrating them all over again just because you can?

I too was very surprised by all the negative responses regarding vow renewals. I don't think anyone believes wedding vows expire- that is a pretty cynical outlook.

Our wedding day was so very special and romantic and I wish we could relive it all again. We haven't gone through any marital hardships/trouble etc and are very much in love. I just want to celebrate our happiness and love all over again with the ocean as a backdrop. I am sorry for those who are going through difficult times but that is not our reason for wanting to do the vow renewal. I also agree with those who said life is full of difficult times and any reason to celebrate is a good opportunity to do so. I look forward to the day we can have this joyous and loving celebration.

 

[HollyS]

(I'm bumping this thread because I missed it.)

DH and I talk about a 'vow renewal' on our 5th anniversary (next year).

BUT . . . . it would be just us, and two very special friends (a couple) that were unable to attend our wedding. We've thought about going back to our honeymoon spot, having a small ceremony without any usual fuss, and then having the inn's special gourmet multi-course dinner with our friends. Quiet, intimate, personal, private, and no foo-foo doo-doo. Kind of like eloping!

Well, maybe a 25 yr anniversary would warrant a real party. We attended a wonderful 50 year anniversary party for church friends, preceeded by a renewal of their vows. It was a major bash, with dinner and dancing; and she had the most beautiful beaded lace gown. It was all probably much fancier than their WWII wartime wedding. I think they earned it.

 

[VRBeauty]

Well, maybe a 25 yr anniversary would warrant a real party. We attended a wonderful 50 year anniversary party for church friends, preceeded by a renewal of their vows. It was a major bash, with dinner and dancing; and she had the most beautiful beaded lace gown. It was all probably much fancier than their WWII wartime wedding. I think they earned it.

That's a nice way of looking at it!

 

[PositivelyPeanut]

Well, since Holly bumped it and I wasn't really around before...

I think maybe people get stuck on the word "renewal" and take it too literally (like the vows expired comments). Maybe "re-expression" or "affirmation" or something along those lines would be a better way to put it.

Personally, I love the idea of people celebrating their love...no matter the reason or the season. Then again, I just love the idea of celebrating, period.

 

[vc10um]

DH and I are already somewhat talking about doing a vow renewal someday.

I had two different visions for my wedding. One was the classic ceremony, dinner reception, in someone's hometown, with all our family and friends, good food, dancing, etc etc etc. Which is what I got and I couldn't have been happier. But DH and I both love the beach and having our toes in the sand. And part of me wanted nothing more than to marry him at sunset on a beach, just us, perhaps our parents and siblings, with me in a light breezy sundress and him in his khakis...rolled up to keep them out of the surf, of course. I also wanted to honeymoon in Tahiti/Bora Bora/etc. but DH hadn't been on a flight longer than 3 hours at the time we got married. So...at some point down the road...we're planning on jetting off to one of the islands and renewing our vows on the beach, just the two of us...probably for our 10th anniversary.

ETA: So I'm not sure they are an "upgrade" to me. Just another way to celebrate the love you've built and how it's grown and changed since you first wed. Definitely agree with Haven and Peanut and Packrat that sometimes, you just need to celebrate!