Anyone here a long-term stay-at-home-mom?

[MichelleCarmen]

Okay, my goal isn''t wanting to start a debate about being a working mom vs. a stay-at-home mom but I just am feeling the pressure that now that my kids are 5 & 7 and my younger son will be starting Kindergarten that it''s no longer acceptable for me to be a SAHM so I need feedback from those who have decided to continue being at home.

How do you brush off the pressure & judgement for your decision? Are you feeling the need to defend your choice to others?

My husband is mostly on board with me as it was always planned that I''d be at home, but now, in a family where ALL the females on my husband''s side work and support themselves, I''m left being the odd one out who has creating an entirely different manner of taking care of her family by being home & around my kids. One relative recently commented that she cannot imagine a person not working, so I wonder is that comment made about me when I''m not around.

Recently I was told by a working mom that a mom who stays home while her kids are in school is basically an "unemployed woman."

My uncle, who has a big mouth that he doesn''t know when to shut, stated to me that now that my boys are 5 & 7, they''re no longer work. Those exact words.

My SIL recently cornered me when we were alone, squinted her eyes and asked me, "exactly what do you do all day long?".

My confidence in my decision is beginning to falter and I''m the type of person who constantly feels that she must keep other people happy and feel I should be working JUST to keep others from hating me.

Any thoughts? Why do people make my job status their business?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Oh MC! People are so rude. I wish everyone would just keep their opinions to themselves. Life would be so much more pleasant. I have no idea what I will do once my daughter and future children are school age but I think it is wonderful you are in the position to stay home. My mom was home with us and I loved that she was there when I got off the school bus or if I got sick at school. I think it was comforting. Plus she had more time/less stress. Could go on field trips. Help out in our classrooms. Just ignore them! (I know easier said than done).

 

[lumpkin]

Here''s what *I* think. When the benefits of working outweigh the benefits of staying home, and it''s profitable to work and you WANT to work, by all means, work. When the benefits of staying at home outweigh the benefits of working, and you WANT to be at home, by all means, be at home. What works for one family doesn''t work for others.

I''m at home, too, and we really could use my income. However, the cost of putting my younger one in full day kindergarten (we have to pay for that option) and then the cost of the two of them in before and after care would outweigh any salary for me to work full time. Not to mention that I''m not sure if my younger one is ready for that much stimulation for that long of a day. Working part time would require my husband to work all day and then come home and do all the parenting. I love him dearly, but he''s not an effective disciplinarian. The kids don''t get bathed as often as they should and their dental hygiene suffers (and we have the dental work to prove it from the last time I did this). Our dental insurance is not that great, so it cut into the profits of my working. They don''t get to bed early enough when I work evenings and then they don''t do as well in school, they are out of sorts and then more difficult for him to manage the following night, so it becomes this vicious circle that gets out of round and takes a long time to sort out. For right now, the benefits of staying home outweigh the benefits of working. In OUR family at the CURRENT time. So if someone makes a snide remark to me I tell them that my husband and I have discussed the matter and have decided this is the best option for us and that they are responsible for their own decisions and we''ll be responsible for ours. I have gotten a little prickly about it on occassion, but HOW RUDE to tell someone how you think they should run their home. It would be different if you were on wellfare, going bankrupt, depending on relatives to pay your bills, etc., but if you are not, it''s none of their business, and there are ways to make this point to them.

 

[rainbowtrout]

FI''s mother says snarky little things like this. I cannot believe it, really. People are ridiculous to mothers, ALL mothers, you can''t win either way, damned if you work, damned if you don''t.


I am not a mother, but I wanted to chime in and say that I appreciated my mother being there for me when I was school age to bring me lunch if I forgot it, (sometimes homework), come on trips when she could, and just generally be *around.* And I''m sorry people are being difficult with you about this!


Maybe you should consider that the people accusing you of eating bobons all day must be the kind of personalities that, were they in your position, WOULD, and thus lash out.

 

[ladypirate]

People can be so RUDE!

Maybe next time someone makes a comment like that you can say "Really? Because I believe that if more people actually stayed home and took care of their kids, we''d have far less juvenile delinquency!" Kidding, of course, but I get so mad when people stick their noses in other people''s business. While the feminist movement has been great in allowing women to work after having children, it''s done a disservice as well by making women who choose to stay home feel like they''re doing something wrong.

If you want to work, that''s great, but as someone who grew up with a stay at home mom, having someone there to pick you up from school every day and help with homework in the afternoons was wonderful.

If it''s really bothering you, maybe you could find something that you could do part time or from home? That way you could be home with your kids, but also feel a little less self-conscious (not that you should feel that way, of course).

 

[steph72276]

Hi, MC! I am a stay-at-home mom right now to my 3 year old son. I have been on both sides of the coin with this situation and let me tell you, it is hard either way! I was a teacher and stayed at home the first year after my son was born. Then I made the decision to go back to work b/c my sister in law was there to watch my son, and I was working teacher''s hours, so I didn''t feel too guilty about going to work. Last year, my husband''s job got transferred to another state, so I decided to stay home for now. Believe me, I feel your pain on people making rude comments either way. I felt guilty for going back to work b/c people would say they feel like the mom should be at home with thier children and then I feel like I''m not making as much of a contribution staying at home b/c people comment sometimes about me not working. I too have had people ask, so what do you do all day long, don''t you get bored? I really wish people would keep their opinions to themselves too. I say, do what you think is best for your family and what makes YOU happy and don''t let rude people make you feel guilty with either option you choose.

 

[lydia]

I was a stay at home mom and I can honestly say that it was the most rewarding job I have ever had. Our boys are 26 and 22 now and I can look back on those younger days and smile because I didn''t miss any of the "firsts". I don''t think you can judge or should be judged on this issue because it is a choice that you and your husband have to make. They are your children and you know what is best for them. My younger son was in third grade when I decided to go back to work. He was OK with it. However, my older son who was in sixth grade at the time wasn''t so sure he wanted me to work. He was afraid I wouldn''t be there if he needed me. I was lucky - my job allowed me to be home to get the kids on the bus in the morning and I was home before they got home from school. My kids have always been my rewarding job and my paying job always has come 2nd. It still does. During the holidays or anytime I''m lucky enough for my boys to be home - I''m home soaking up the rewards. The pay can wait.

 

[Mara]

HMM so assuming that my husband was fine with me being a SAHM even though our kids were older and therefore no work during the day because they are in school etc.....you don't work in the technical corporate sense, but who cares! If your husband is okay with that and you are too, then tell other people to butt out. For me you are limiting yourself in just calling yourself a SAHM. You are also a woman who doesn't work in the technical sense that everyone can relate to. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But by saying well I'm a SAHM...yes you do open yourself up to people who are like well when the kids are at school...what exactly are you doing? I can totally see that, a working person in a corporate gig, typically we are expected to be working when we are on the clock which is DURING THE DAY. So for most people who are in that same experience, they are probably like...sooo during the day you have no actual work to do right, because the kids are at school.

What they may not realize is that sure you don't work from like 8 to 3. But you work from 6am to 8am. And then 3pm til what, everyone is in bed and the house is all cleaned up? 9pm? That's ummm 8 hours a day. TECHNICALLY.

I don't even know if I am making sense. But I guess if people asked me what I did...I'd say I was a flexible schedule consultant...LOL. And my expertise was my kids.

 

[curlygirl]

MC, people are INCREDIBLY rude! I''m so sorry you''ve had to endure such horrible, thoughtless comments.

My baby is only 7 months old and I''ve been back to work since she was 12 weeks. Do I wish I could stay home with her? ABSOLUTELY! But financially, we can''t swing it at all, even though I feel like I''m working to pay for her daycare! But we''re on my insurance, my job is really good and stable and DH is self employed so we truly rely on my income. But let me tell you, if I were in your position, especially with children at those ages, I would TOTALLY stay home if we didn''t need my salary!!! What you do all day is nobody''s business but I would think that most people with children would understand that there is A LOT to do if you''re home all day without having your kids underfoot all the time. Plus, don''t people realize that being a mom is a FULL TIME JOB?!?!?! My mother was home till I was 16 and I loved coming home to a clean house, a nice dinner and a smiling mommy every day. And she only went back to work because she was finally bored at home and we needed more money to put me and my sister through college!!

So my advice to you is to keep doing what you''re doing and tell everyone else to buzz off. It''s none of their business. And as far as I''m concerned, you have the best job there is!

 

[Kaleigh]

It sucks that people can be so rude. I am a SAHM, worked when my kids were little. I felt like I was missing the big moments, so I quit. I m lucky to be in this position. I am at the other end of the spectrum as my kids are older, 19 and 17. Staying home was the best thing I ever did. I loved getting involved in their schools, went on many field trips. Most of all I loved that I was able to pick them up at the end of the school day, or be home to give them hugs when they got off the bus. And if they were sick well no biggie, I was there to nurse them back to health, and trust me my kids suffered their fair share, asthma and JRA.

For sanity I played competitive tennis. I got to play at all the neighboring clubs and became Captain of my tennis team. That helped as in I was getting great excercise and socailized as well. I can say, there is nothing I would have changed. The memories I have about being home with my kids far outweigh any that I would have at the office.... Or in my case the jewelry store.
Do what is best for you and your children.

Don't listen to those that don't know you, or your situation. Love how people are experts at other people's lives....

 

[lyra]

I dunno. My situation is partly based on health problems I''ve had, and partly based on decisions we made early on. I''m a very long term SAHM. It suits me just fine, I don''t lack for social activities, nor do I care what other people might think about me. They don''t know the whole story, so they can think whatever they like. My health problems began the year I turned 30. I''m now 45, and am much more healthy, but now I''m too old to really want to go back to work. I''m still pretty busy at home even though my daughters are 17 and 20. My husband is away several days a week. That doesn''t lead to loneliness so much as I now just get very tired being "single mom" all the time. I''m about ready to "retire" which might seem like an oxymoron, but until my girls actually do leave home, I have a lot of everyday responsibilities. I do have a lot of unresolved guilt over not having been able to contribute more financially to my family early on.

For my daughters, I believe they''ll probably both choose not to be SAHM''s in the future. Part of that will be because of financial considerations for sure. Fewer women even have a choice these days, which is a shame. At least in Canada we now have one year maternity leave. When I had kids, I only had 16 weeks which was totally inadequate.

 

[KimberlyH]

My mom stayed home with my sister and I until we were 8 and 10. My dad was laid off and unemployment didn''t cover the bills, so she returned to work full time until he found another job. Once he returned to work she scaled back to part time and was able to drop us off and pick us up from school, etc. It worked for my family.

If DH and I have a child/ren, I''ll stay home for a while. I''m earning my teaching credential, in part because if we choose to have a child/ren I will be on a similar schedule to his/hers/theirs.

Neither, working or SAHM, is right or wrong it''s all about what is best for you, your husband and your children. I would be bothered if I were in your shoes and people offered their opinions; I''d come up with some snide response that I could use when I was floored by the fact that anyone felt my personal life was open to their comments. I''m not too quick on my feet, so I''m not sure what that response might be, but I certainly wouldn''t let their opinions affect my decision. It''s none of their business!

 

[hlmr]

I stayed at home with my son full time until a few years ago, when I started back part-time. I actually think it can be more important to be home for them when they are older and don't agree that once they are in school your job is over, so you should go back to work.

Do what is right for yourself and your family. People that ask what you do all day are either oblivious or jealous.

I went back because it made me feel better about myself, which in turn, made me a happier and healthier Mom and wife too!! I am lucky that I am able to still be here almost everyday when my son comes home from school. That is very important to me, and I schedule my work around this.

Life is short and childhood even shorter. What works is different for every family and is no one's business but yours.

 

[mrssalvo]

I''m a stay at home mom too and totally agree with mara and is actually how I usually handle questions if asked. i''ve got a 4 year old and one on the way so i''m not quite there with the "what do you do all day questions" but most of the SAHM''s I know are so busy, just running the kids around, volunteering at their schools, keeping the house clean, keeping the fridge stocked, dinners/meals prepared etc. I think the proper title should be domestic tech..

Also, I probably will not go back to work once all my kids are school age. I actually love being a room parent, helping out the teacher, going on field trips etc. I like being available to be home with my kids when they are sick and being home when they get off school. Raising responsible, respectful, well behaved children is my job and I want to be available 24/7 to do it the way I think it should be done.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

My mother did both. Until I was 10 she was a full time lawyer and then switched to a full time mom. My mother, always the pragmatist, sites a study that is done each year that records what a sahm would earn if she was paid for all she did. The answer, $138,095 covers full time and overtime pay for being a cook, day care teacher, housekeeper, laundry facilitcy operator, operator, chauffer (sp), facilities manager, janator, computer operator and pshychologist. My mother refers to herself as a full system manager.

 

[Haven]

I cannot imagine a more important, purposeful, and worthwhile way to spend your time than taking care of your household and your family. Your home is your family''s haven from the world, your little corner where all of the important things happen, big and small.

People can attach whatever kind of meaning they want to attach to working outside of the home, but as I see it the bottom line is that we work to earn money. Yes, some people love their jobs (including me,) and yes, some people find satisfaction and joy in working, but when it comes right down to it, we work in order to make money, and we need money in order to provide for our family. Personally, I feel that the day that I decide that working outside of my home is more important than spending time with and being there for my (future) family is the day that I need to reevaluate my priorities.

MC, if you can provide for your family without working outside of the home, do it. Relish the freedom you have to experience so much of your children''s lives because you don''t have to work. I plan on staying at home or only working part-time when I have children, and I can only hope that we''ll have the financial freedom to actually make this choice. I can''t imagine why people (let alone family members) would say these things to you, but please don''t let them question your choices.

 

[lumpkin]

We have just as much life insurance on me as we do on my husband. If he had to pay someone to just come and clean once a week, do the laundry, get the kids to and from school, and fix meals, he would be up a creek without insurance money. And then he''d have to do all the other stuff on his own and he would have NO time to himself. We have old families -- old in age, not as in long established famous famlies -- and there would be little or no support there. It is a big job, and you couldn''t pay most people enough to do it. Mothers do it out of love and duty for no money at all.

 

[lumpkin]

Oh, and there''s the other issue of what to do with your adolescent when you work and there is no child care for them. Typically child care ends at the age of 12. There are so many new dangers to adolescents that they need just as much supervision and guidance as the little ones.

 

[vslover]

I''m a SAHM with no plans to ever return to work. My son is in preschool this year and will start full time school next year. I just tell people that I keep busy!

 

[Demelza]

I'm a SAHM with my 1 year old daughter and plan to continue staying home with her as long as I can. I don't know what the future will bring or how I'll feel when she's a bit older, but I can say with certainty that being a mother is the hardest thing I've ever done and I doubt that will change when she's 5 or 7. Just because they go to school doesn't mean you're not still working really hard; it just means you get a little break in the middle of the day.

Anyway, this thread reminded me of a story a friend sent me. Thought it was apropos. Sorry if it's a bit long.

Mothers


A woman named Emily, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a .....?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation... 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).

I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the

Humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new

experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program,

testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother."

Motherhood. What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 12/19/2007 11:39:40 PM
Author: Demelza
I''m a SAHM with my 1 year old daughter and plan to continue staying home with her as long as I can. I don''t know what the future will bring or how I''ll feel when she''s a bit older, but I can say with certainty that being a mother is the hardest thing I''ve ever done and I doubt that will change when she''s 5 or 7. Just because they go to school doesn''t mean you''re not still working really hard; it just means you get a little break in the middle of the day.

Anyway, this thread reminded me of a story a friend sent me. Thought it was apropos. Sorry if it''s a bit long.

Mothers


A woman named Emily, renewing her driver''s license at the County Clerk''s office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

''What I mean is,'' explained the recorder, ''do you have a job, or are you just a .....?''

''Of course I have a job,'' snapped Emily. ''I''m a mother.''

''We don''t list ''mother'' as an occupation... ''housewife'' covers it,'' said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, ''Official Interrogator'' or ''Town Registrar.'' ''What is your occupation?'' she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. ''I''m a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations.''

The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

''Might I ask,'' said the clerk with new interest, ''just what you do in your field?''

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, ''I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn''t), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out).

I''m working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the

Humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.''

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk''s voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new

experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program,

testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than ''just another mother.''

Motherhood. What a glorious career! Especially when there''s a title on the door.

Does this make grandmothers ''Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations'' and great grandmothers Executive Senior Research Associates''? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts ''Associate Research Assistants''.

Awesome post!! Says it all.

 

[thekinglives]

Late to the thread (as per) and in agreement with
opinions so far, but just have to express the

I''d feel about this. Why anyone would have to resent or
''hate'' you, as you put it, for being a dedicated mother to
your children is beyond me. People who can''t imagine
fulfillment in fulltime motherhood or who resent the fact
that they can''t escape fulltime employment are both
groups of people that you (general) would need to
form a strong mental barrier against.

Absolutely no one in your family (apart from your DH,
and even then not quite) has the right to make judgements
or force you to justify the way you play your part in your
own family. It might feel bad/be hard to cultivate a
more forceful/direct voice to the people you are
motivated by nature to be kind and gentle with --
but some topics should be met with a definite
shut door: make them respect that it is outside
their business.

I don''t have children (yet), but when we do I''ll
(in all events other than financial disaster) be at
home for as long as I and my husband deem it
necessary. Anyone who comments on it or
questions what I am compelled to carry out
by the dictats of my own life-goals will have
their head politely handed to them, and that''s
the way it should be

Rant over, back to normal transmission

 

[tulip928]

I was a SAHM, even when my kids were in school. The benefits as I see it: you''re there for your kids when they get out of school, you''re there for them in the evenings when there is homework because you''re not frazzled trying to keep up the house in the evenings that you couldn''t do during the day. You have time to cook real, nourishing dinners and actually have a sit down meal together in the evening. IMHO our children need their own parents (at least one of them) to be watching over them and guiding them as much as possible in this day and age.

I heard Dr. Laura talking to mom about her 12 year old son who has always had trouble with schoolwork and homework. The mom was always on top of him, prodding and scolding endlessly, and she was tired of it. Dr. Laura''s advice: have a quiet time in the evening, everybody together with mom and dad reading, children doing homework - setting the example. Can you imagine doing that if you''re trying to do everything at night that you can''t do during the day?

There will always be critics - no matter what you do. Do what you feel in your heart is right for you.

 

[VegasAngel]

Some people feel you arent mothering while your kids are in school & that you should be contributing financially to the household. With that being said, If you & your husband agree that staying home is best who cares what others say or think. People are always going to throw in their .02 when it comes to working vs. sahm. Think of something snarky to fire back. I have been home since I was pregnant, my daughter is almost 2 now. People say all kinds of things. If they ask too many questions or make comments I just tell them it''s not open for discussion.

 

[nebe]

My FH''s mother has been a SAHM all her life. She''s never worked outside the home. I think it''s wonderful that she got to raise her (3) boys and kept them under control. All of them are now happy, healthy, well grounded people and she has taken on the job of babysitter for FH''s nephew.

I would ADORE being in her position. Unfortunately, FH will probably not allow me. He doesn''t make $100,000 a year and never will, so we will probably need two full time working parents. If I get to be a SAHM at all (which is up in the air until children are born

) it''ll only be until they''re school aged. I''ve been kind of a stay at home girlfriend for about three months since I got laid off, but it''s kind of upsetting our status quo at this point and I have to go back to work by the end of Jan.

Oh to be a class higher!

 

[Maria D]

As others here have already pointed out, it''s damned if you do, damned if you don''t. You can''t win -- meaning you can''t do the right thing in everyone''s eyes -- so don''t even try.

I love how people think that women of school age kids aren''t doing any real work when the truth is they''re just not getting any real pay. I know moms/dads who both work but pay others to clean their house, walk/play with the dog at doggy day care, watch the kids in afterschool programs, entertain/stimulate/play with the kids all summer long at summer camp -- oh and don''t forget ''camp'' for winter and spring school vacations, hire tutors to help with homework, eat out or get take-out many nights of the week -- the list of expenses goes on and on. But this is all OK because at least the mom isn''t some unemployed bum who is ''only'' in charge of creating a great home environment complete with nutritious meals, right?

I''m not knocking anyone who chooses to do the above things, by the way. Just the busybodies who think their way is the only *right* way, LOL.

I think you should blow off your nosy relatives MC. If your SIL feels it''s OK to corner you with a question that''s really none of her concern then she must be picking up on your ''must please everyone'' vibe. As a mom who was a sahm for only one child I''ve got to tell you this is a dangerous vibe to have. Not because it makes it difficult to fend off SIL''s but because it can suck you into doing TOO much for your kids. That''s what I think you should be more concerned about -- how your attitude will affect your own family. It''s easy to feel bad about being a sahm when hubby is out there earning money and the next thing you know no one else has cleaned a toilet in five years! (ask me how I know) OK, I''m rambling here but I hope you get the general idea...be proud of your decisions, walk around with an air of superiority, respond to your SIL with statements like...''funny, I *never* wonder anything about *your* day-to-day life -- too much going on for me! By the way, have you been getting any exercise? You''re looking a bit run down''

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Thanks so much everyone for your support! I really appreciate it.

Haven - your comment "Personally, I feel that the day that I decide that working outside of my home is more important than spending time with and being there for my (future) family is the day that I need to reevaluate my priorities." really hit home for me as being the ultimate statement to live by and ground me in my struggle right now. Working outside the home would reflect only a priorty of pleasing others!

If finances were an issue (which is the reason many moms work), of course, I wouldn''t even be posting this in the first place, but my husband and I get by and NEVER ask for help with bills OR childcare, so we do manage on our own with me being at home.

Nebe - best of luck to you. We all dream of being one class higher! lol I may be a SAHM, but do not have everything, and my diamond is TINY!!! lol It''d be nice to have it all, but it''s not going to happen with me unless I win the lotto.

 

[Jas12]

Do you want to work?
If not, I would ''stay home'' (I don''t like that description--cuz as if moms just sit around all day) and get involved in your kid''s school activities or activities for yourself.
As a teacher myself, I know schools love parents who are around to help out on occasion and their kids are usually the best adjusted and secure individuals.


As for those opinionated ninny''s --> tell them you have considered going back to work but you are worried about how you''ll adjust to getting scheduled breaks during the day, only having to have to worry about yourself and getting to sit down for more than 5 minutes at a time

 

[gailrmv]

I think it is up to each family and especially the mom to decide what is best for their situation. The equation is different for each family when taking into account salary, day care costs, special needs, and preferences. If people are making these comments they are probably jealous that you have choices. The only opinions that really matter are yours and your DH''s. As long as you two are on the same page, don''t worry about pleasing the others (I know, easier said than done!)

 

[partgypsy]

As long as you and your husband are taking care of each other, your children, your finances, then it is really none of their business how you decide how to do that, split the labor, etc. What works for some people doesn''t work for others, there is no one size fits all. I personally think it is ideal to have at least one full time parent at home, but unfortunately it is hard to do in this society.
Women''s rights means being respectful of all women''s choices, not just your own.