Anyone get mean comments?

[allycat0303]

Well I went to class today (at my school most of our learning is done independently or in small groups) so we rarely have class. So, I wore my ring. Now I live in Montreal Quebec, where e-rings tend to be very small (average size probable 0.3 carats). Aside from that Quebecers just don''t do engagement rings. Most people don''t care about stuff like that. In any case, maybe it was in the water, but I got three comments, which I thought were kind of mean. I didn''t tell anyone I was engaged or anything, they just noticed the ring.

From a girl I totally hate "Well you know how english people like to waste money on useless things" Probably not too surprising.

From my closest friend at this school "What is that stone size wise?" I tell her (1.27 carats) and she responds "Oh, my boyfriend is buying me minimum 1.5 carats when we get engaged"

From my boyfriend''s friend''s girlfriend, "When I get engaged Eric is going to buy me something twice that big."

Seriously, what''s up with that? My friend didn''t even congratulate me on my engagement

. I''m not expecting a big hoopla or anything, but maybe a little "congrats?" Anyone else get stuff like that?

 

[Lorelei]

Saucer of milk for them

This sounds like jealousy to me, probably because you also have a far more beautiful diamond than they have ever seen

Try not to let it get to you, I have had more than my fair share of negativity with my rings being a Brit with far bigger diamonds than the norm. I realize what is motivating it and don't let it worry me, it takes practice! Whatever people think, I know that my diamonds make me happy and are given to me with love, remember that and enjoy your ring, if they can't be happy for you s---w them!!! This spite does seem to go on a lot unfortunately and I have read many stories of girls being upset by mean comments from those they thought were friends. The first girl is out of line and very rude, what an ignorant remark to make - again out of jealousy. The last two sound like size queens to me, nothing wrong with that as I am one

but there is if they are trying to make a friend feel bad. It will be interesting to see what sort of rings they end up with if and when they get engaged, and I know you won't stoop to their level by making condescending and unkind remarks. Big hugs to you, your ring sounds fabulous

 

[appletini]

Ally, these people are just green with envy. Besides just becaue that girl might get a 1.5 ct stone, it might not look as big as it should if her BF doesn''t know the 4 Cs.

 

[kenny]

Someone once said, "Spend your time with the highest quality people who will tolerate you."

Sounds like it''s time for a friend upgrade.

 

[ursulawrite]

Morons. I''ve had everything from, "Oh cute. My wife''s ring actually cost me $40k, though. (American friend) to, "It''s a bit OTT, isn''t it?" (A British acquaintance).

And so what if her boyfriend is planning on 1.5 carats minimum? This past weekend, the wedding section of the Post featured a lorry driver who bought his bride a 1.75 round brilliant. Bigger does not mean that her boyfriend loves her more/nor does it mean he''s necessarily wealthier (because e-rings, for some, are the new BMW or Prada handbag

).

 

[Caribou]

That's a perfect example of how girls can be catty. They're just jealous because you're ring is so beautiful and they probably won't get one as beautiful. To make themselves feel better about that they bring you down.

 

[Patty]

I''m with Kenny. It''s time for new friends.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Hello! As a life-long collector, I've gotten lots of hostile remarks. You just have to let them go in one ear and out the other -- all comments like that spring from envy. But here are a couple of replies for future reference (to be taken with a few grains of salt and a sense of humor).

From a girl I totally hate "Well you know how english people like to waste money on useless things"

Response: Well, the rich are different from you."

From my closest friend at this school "What is that stone size wise?" I tell her (1.27 carats) and she responds "Oh, my boyfriend is buying me minimum 1.5 carats when we get engaged"

Response "That'll be great. I can't wait to see it."

From my boyfriend's friend's girlfriend, "When I get engaged Eric is going to buy me something twice that big."

Response: Same as above.

 

[decodelighted]

Sorry that happened! I''m with all the others who say catty/jealous/rude/etc! But I also have another possible take on at least your friend/friend. Could she be upset that you didn''t TELL her you were engaged. Do you act happy/pleased/satisfied about your ring - or have bad vibes around it because of all the drama? People sometimes want us to establish the "mood" around events. I remember feeling blase about my sister''s wedding and not understanding why I felt so -- blah -- but it turned out she was kind of conflicted about being the first sister to get married & didn''t want to "Show off" her happiness and "rub it in our faces" ... but her "shameful/conservative/reserved" mood rubbed off on everyone around her. We couldn''t enjoy it with her ''cause she wasn''t truly enjoying it herself. I kinda think if you had bounced into class with LOOK AT THIS!! I''M ENGAGED!!! and been resolute in the "I''m happy, be happy for me!" mood, others bend to that (peer pressure). It''s a lot harder to say "snappy" comments to someone brimming with joy. Probably not the case here, but something to think about/experiment with in future encounters if you''re so inclined.

 

[platinumrock]

I haven''t had any mean comments so far (at least to my face). Maybe it''s because I keep my hand very low-key and gush over other people''s rings instead. But AllyCat, I have seen your e-ring, and if I ran into you, I would stop you to admire it.

I expect snide comments from jealous strangers....but from friends and family? That''s disappointing and hurtful.

I don''t see any other reason to say mean things other than jealousy, insecurity and competitiveness. People are free to think what they want, but they need to keep snide comments to themselves. It''s sad when women are more focused on having a better ring and wedding. They should be ecstatic about having a wonderful fiance and upcoming marriage.

Don''t let other people rain on your parade, especially as a bride-to-be. Some people are not mature enough to share another person''s success and happiness because they are too focused on their own inadequacies (issues). Stay away from them! They are toxic, and bad for your health!

I''m always happy to see people get engaged. More eye-candy for me to look at! And may I say, "Congratulations! Your ring is gorgeous!!!"

 

[Angel7]

They''re just jealous allycat! Don''t let them get to you!

 

[MelissaSue]

I agree that the girls are definitely jealous. Your ring is so pretty!

I usually only get the nicest of comments about my ring, especially at my job in the mall random women gush about it all the time! But the other day, one of my coworkers, who I don''t think meant any offense by it, made me and another engaged co-worker hold our rings up next to each other "so she could compare".. this girl is just a youngin.. 19.. and I really like her, so I tried to ignore how tacky the request was.. but then she said to the other girl "Yeah.. your ring is much sparklier.." Which really sort of hurt my feelings. Hers is brand new and I''ve been wearing mine every minute of the day for a year, and she had just cleaned hers (you know how when they are new, the cleaner really seems to take all the gunk off.. but after awhile.. it doesn''t work so well anymore?).. so it really was a matter of mine being dirty. but it still kind of hurt my feelings..

 

[Mara]

jealousy can do the worst things to people!

people love to say the stupidest things, especially like 'when i get engaged (my rock will be bigger)'....if i were you i'd just smile sweetly and say 'oh yes and when is that happening?'

one of my friends always says the nicest thing, that she adores my rings and every time i see her she says the same thing, that they are her most favorite ever. who knows if it's true but it's sweet of her to say it.

a clueless guy that i know when i had the 1.29c stone looked at it and said, what size is that a 3/4carat?

and another clueless guy out in the park..we were talking about him getting engaged to his gf who lives with him (he has a dog that P plays with) and he said 'oh well when i want to get engaged, i want to drop like 20-30k on the ring. i don't want no cheesy 10k ring'.

just chalk the comments up to jealous moronic behavior and admire your sparkly bauble.

 

[FireGoddess]

Sounds like you''ve got some frenemies. A true friend would be happy for you. Jealousy happens to everyone - one of my friends had a gorgeous 3 stone ring with a 1.5 ct center and 0.5 ct sidestones back when I had my 0.75 ct ring. Did I want it? Sure did! Was I a little jealous? Sure was! But was I nothing but happy for her? Of course. Because even though we may like or want things other people have, a true friend is happy for you above all else, and doesn''t let the green eyed monster allow her to be a rude jerk.

 

[allycat0303]

Thanks for making me feel better ladies.

I just don't get people sometimes, there's a million things I envy (mostly people in my classes amazing intelligence) but how can someone say soemthing mean? Do they even know what they are saying? I shudder to think my friend said that to deliberately make me feel bad.

FireGoddes: Frenemies. With other subtle put down's I've been getting (in all manner of things and not only e-ring, I'm beginning to agree with you.

MEOW indeed...

BUT it's good to know people have heard a lot of worst things then me

 

[butterfly 17]

Don''t let these comments upset you, they are most likely jealous or really naive.
The only comment that I would consider okay is the one that your closest friend gave you. I don''t think it''s too bad that she aspires to get at least 1.5 carats. It may have come off as being rude because she said it right after you told her your diamond size, but I think she was just saying that when she gets married, she wants something that big.
If someone had asked me what I wanted for my 10 year anniversary ring, I would have said at least 1.5 carats.

Don''t worry about what other people say to you, as long as you are happy, it doesn''t matter.

 

[jorman]

allycat- I am so sorry those girls were so nasty.

You have a beautiful ring and should hold your head high with pride because your man did a good job!

I am not engaged yet, but I am prepared for the comments. The way I see it is- women are catty fools and men are just fools when it comes to jealousy. Girls have to make hurtful remarks and guys have to prove they are bigger and better. Why is that? I think it comes down to eticate and manners. You either have them or your don''t.

There are five things you never ever make negative comments about:

1) a woman''s weight
2) a man''s job
3) other people''s children (misbehaved, ugly, obnoxious)
4) education (whether someone has one or not)
5) the size/price of someone''s diamond

Those are the facts.

hee hee

My rule is that all engagement rings are special becuase of what they stand for and we should all ooo and goo over them for that reason. Leave the nasty comments at home!

-Janna

 

[Kaleigh]

Well said jorman!!! Ally they are just jealous, and a real friend would be happy for you. Faghet about them!!! Your ring is gorgeous, and that''s that!!!

 

[eks6426]

How rude! They were probably just jealous...afterall YOU have an e-ring now and they don''t

 

[Dancing Fire]

ally

....your ring is beautiful!!!

yep....only women would say something like that.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

Sorry about these mean comments. Be glad that these are friends being nasty and not family! The latter can be 10 times worse, especially when everyone is overly catty at family events and so forth

I agree that if you''re genuienly hurt by these remarks, it''s time to hunt out some new friends. But beware that everyone has the potential at being rude and even if someone isn''t talking to you, they still can be talking about you behind your back. I''m not sure what the deal with people is, but lately the nastiness of some people I know is getting to me, so this is maybe why your post hits too close to home. People simply are incapable of being happy for others. They may say they are, but most hold some sort of grudge even if this feeling is subconscious

 

[diamondlil]

Date: 11/22/2005 11:56:49 AM
Author: jorman

My rule is that all engagement rings are special becuase of what they stand for and we should all ooo and goo over them for that reason. Leave the nasty comments at home!

-Janna

Right on, Janna!

 

[movie zombie]

i don''t think i''d worry about a comment from someone i already hate....or the others, for that matter. smile sweetly and just say very very politely, ''i can''t wait to see your ring!''.

peace, movie zombie

 

[pebbles]

When I was first engaged I used to get mean comments all the time b/c my stone was slightly bigger than 1/3 ct.

I had one woman (that I didn't even know) tell me she would not accepted a ring with a stone so small.

I had one woman ask what my husband (fiance at the time) did for a living. When I told her she said she was surprised he couldn't afford a bigger ring.

I had one of my technicians ask if my e-ring was a promise ring. She turned bright red when I told her it wasn't.

One of my "friends", upon showing her my ring for the first time said "that's OK, you can always upgrade". We are no longer friends.

This was probably the worst though -- When I was in pharmacy school one guy was talking about how he was shopping for an e-ring for his girlfriend. I was sitting with the group of people he was talking to and I was one of the few that was engaged or married. He grabbed my hand and asked what size my center stone was and I told him. Then he said really loud "Oh GAWD!!! I'm going to get her something a LOT bigger than that!" The whole group was silent and I didn't know what to say. I got up and just looked at him and walked away. I couldn't hear what the other people said to him after I left, but he was a lot nicer to me after that comment.

He never did apologize and I always acted very cool toward him.

What is with some people?

 

[decodelighted]

I''ve kinda decided that if ANYONE has the gall to ask how big my e-ring stone is, that I will not answer directly. I plan to respond more generally, with how I feel about the ring. i.e.

Jerk - "How many carats is that" - OR - "How big is that?"
Me - "The perfect size for my hand. I''m thrilled!"

Would you consider *not* answering or being specific? AGAIN - I HATE that people can be so catty/petty/jealous/insensitive/gauche/wrong!!!!!

Firegoddess'' term "frenemies" rings true here & sadly all too often in life.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 11/22/2005 3:10:33 PM
Author: pebbles
When I was first engaged I used to get mean comments all the time b/c my stone was slightly bigger than 1/3 ct.

I had one woman (that I didn't even know) tell me she would not accepted a ring with a stone so small.

I had one woman ask what my husband (fiance at the time) did for a living. When I told her she said she was surprised he couldn't afford a bigger ring.

I had one of my technicians ask if my e-ring was a promise ring. She turned bright red when I told her it wasn't.

One of my 'friends', upon showing her my ring for the first time said 'that's OK, you can always upgrade'. We are no longer friends.

This was probably the worst though -- When I was in pharmacy school one guy was talking about how he was shopping for an e-ring for his girlfriend. I was sitting with the group of people he was talking to and I was one of the few that was engaged or married. He grabbed my hand and asked what size my center stone was and I told him. Then he said really loud 'Oh GAWD!!! I'm going to get her something a LOT bigger than that!' The whole group was silent and I didn't know what to say. I got up and just looked at him and walked away. I couldn't hear what the other people said to him after I left, but he was a lot nicer to me after that comment.

He never did apologize and I always acted very cool toward him.

What is with some people?

I hear you Pebbles

Why some people think a person's treasured e-ring is fair game for snide remarks is beyond me. You wouldn't after all be so rude and ignorant as to criticise anything else that the person may have so why pick on their most treasured piece of jewellery????? There can only be one answer IMO and again it comes back to jealousy. I know it can be hurtful Ally but do remember what is motivating these remarks. As MC says, when I got my first major diamond I was so proud of, a lovely .5 ct Rb, a very close family member took one look and said " why didn't you get a big one?" I felt like saying " I wanted one as big as that hairy mole on your chin, but we couldn't afford it right now" - however I refused to retaliate. Very very hurtful from the one other person I expected to be happy for me. So try not to let it get you down, it is sheer jealousy and ignorance - even to this day the person in question says that my .5 is an ugly ring, however I have learned to take these rude remarks for exactly what they are worth - not wasting my time or energy over. Hope this helps Ally and enjoy your lovely ring!!!!!

BTW this Brit loves to waste money on " useless things" such as diamonds - na na na na na and a rude noise to the girl you totally hate! With knobs on!

 

[decodelighted]

a very close family member took one look and said '' why didn''t you get a big one?'' I felt like saying '' I wanted one as big as that hairy mole on your chin, but we couldn''t afford it right now'' - however I refused to retaliate. Very very hurtful from the one other person I expected to be happy for me.

That reminded me of a kinda reverse hurtful response I got from MY MOM. When she saw pictures of my new e-ring she said to me "Hey, if you die - can you leave it to me in your will?"

I was like "Geez, Mom, you must *really* like the ring if you''re willing to "kill" your oldest daughter over it" -- my Dad was even on the phone line when it happened and said "(mom''s name here, that''s awfully materialistic!" Ei-yi-yi.

 

[Mara]

Date: 11/22/2005 3:56:41 PM
Author: decodelighted

a very close family member took one look and said '' why didn''t you get a big one?'' I felt like saying '' I wanted one as big as that hairy mole on your chin, but we couldn''t afford it right now'' - however I refused to retaliate. Very very hurtful from the one other person I expected to be happy for me.

That reminded me of a kinda reverse hurtful response I got from MY MOM. When she saw pictures of my new e-ring she said to me ''Hey, if you die - can you leave it to me in your will?''

I was like ''Geez, Mom, you must *really* like the ring if you''re willing to ''kill'' your oldest daughter over it'' -- my Dad was even on the phone line when it happened and said ''(mom''s name here, that''s awfully materialistic!'' Ei-yi-yi.

Haha that would have cracked me up...but my family is always making morbid or ''off-color'' jokes like that. My Mom already has it mapped out what we are all getting when she dies (aka who gets what from the house), I am like PLEASE give me that Tiffany heart pendant!!! SURE SURE my sis can have the grandfather clock, that''s fine!

Greg thinks we are insane AND morbid!

 

[bar01]

We (my wife) have received mostly nice comments - and some wonderful gushing/gawking - but there were a few not so nice comments. But I expected this because we have a colored gem as the centerpiece for her engagement ring.

One very wealthy woman we know at our church - who upon hearing my gal was married asked with excitement - “let me see the Rock!!!” then after my wife extend her hand - there was dead silence for about 5 seconds - crickets chirping - then she started talking about something else.

The “best female friend” of my wife actually said to her “well most people don't see that as a real engagement/wedding ring!” Safe to say - this only reinforced my feelings about my wifes best friend.

However, the best part is when my wife runs into another “colored person” and they both end up acting like they just found a new best friend.

 

[pebbles]

Bertrand -- one of my friends has a sapphire as her center stone for her e-ring and she has received a lot of hurtful comments too. I know for a fact that her sapphire cost way more than the 1/3ct diamond in my e-ring! She was also told that it''s not a real e-ring or that they must have picked a colored gemstone in order to save money.

When these people make these rude comments, I usually don''t say anything b/c I am so flabergasted that people would have the kahunas to make such remarks.

Here''s what I would have liked to say:

Mean lady: "I would not have accepted a ring with a stone so small"
Me: "That must be why you are still single....oh, the doctor increased the dose of your Prozac yet again!"

Mean lady: "Seeing that your fiance is a _____, I''m surprised he couldn''t afford a bigger ring"
Me: "Oh, he could have, but he bought me a yacht/house/luxury SUV instead"

Mean technician: "Is that a promise ring?"
Me: "No, it''s my e-ring. Where''s yours?"

Mean friend: "That''s OK, you can always upgrade"
Me: "I can upgrade my friends too."

Mean guy at school: "Oh Gawd! I''m going to get my girlfriend something a LOT bigger than that!"
Me: "Well, no matter what size you get her it will always be bigger than your....."

Sorry, kind of got carried away! I WISH I could have said those thing!