Any animosity from diamond size??

[meresal]

One of my best friends recently got engaged, and I love her ring. Beautiful and dainty, just like herself. But I noticed that mine is going to be huge next to hers, when you factor in the diamond size and setting. My friends know that C has been paying off our ring long before she knew she would get engaged, so this isn''t an issue for me. It just got me wondering...


So here''s my question. Do you have friends, family, or coworkers that got engaged before you, and maybe thought that becuase you got a bigger ring, that you were trying to out do them? Or are you in this situation right now, and aren''t sure how someone is going to react once they see it?

 

[Lauren8211]

Sweetie, you simply cannot worry about that stuff. Although it''s nice that you''re actually considering the feelings of those around you!

There''s always someone out there who spends more or is better than you. If a friend chooses to view that as you showing them up, that''s their problem, not yours.

A ring is highly personal purchase, and your FF will be buying (or has bought) what is appropriate for you and your relationship. Don''t worry about other people. Their insecurities are not your concern!

 

[neatfreak]

Unless you shove it in her face and say "mine is so much bigger than yours!" it won''t be an issue if she''s a real friend. The only time it annoys me is if a friend got something bigger than mine to TRY and top me ya know? If you are just getting it because you love it, then love it and don''t worry about it!

 

[tessari]

I have a similar situation---just not with rings.

For my 2006 graduation I got a diamond solitaire pendant from my parents that I wear all the time (mainly bc I think that if I take it off I will lose it). It''s a 1.25 carat, D color...it''s lovely. I''m never getting a diamond from my bf so I cherish it (he''ll get me a sapphire). I even joke about turning it into a right hand ring so that I can admire it on my hand more easily. One of my friends was just absolutely in love with the idea and she got the same thing for her bday recently but she got a smaller diamond...and she always comments on it being smaller. But her parents are retired and have 8 kids and this was just an ordinary bday. My point is comparing human nature but it is unproductive and different people have different spending priorities. Even for the engagement, we are spending way less on an e-ring than the "norm"--most of my bf''s co-workers are going to buy 2 carat minimum stones for their fiances--but I would rather have money to travel and go out to nice dinners.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:08:11 PM
Author: neatfreak
Unless you shove it in her face and say 'mine is so much bigger than yours!' it won't be an issue if she's a real friend. The only time it annoys me is if a friend got something bigger than mine to TRY and top me ya know? If you are just getting it because you love it, then love it and don't worry about it!

I agree! I had a friend who's ex was well off, but for some rather shady business ventures (ie, dealing!). But she always had the biggest diamon earings. When my boyf got my diamond earings (canhardlys...) she was just like "ooh.. they're so small". Of which i said - "yeah. I have small ears. why would rather have canhardlys that something so large that it just looks silly..."

Needless to say that topic did not come up again.

Now my best friend who has a BEAUTIFUL ring, worth a bit, is quite bigger that what i have, would never say something like that. she know's it is all personal style, and would agree with me that its never who has what, but do you cherish what you have?

 

[meresal]

Ok... hahahaha. This thread was strictly just for the idea that it might be out there and on other people's minds. She knows my ring is going to be bigger than hers, and she is just as excited as I am to see it whenever that day comes. Like I said, mine was ordered over 9 months ago, and it's not going to be an issue. I love you gals!!! Always with the support and helpful thoughts!!

NeatF: That's kind of what I'm talking about. How would you know that she did it on purpose? Would you be able to tell by the way she talks about it. (ie The first words out of her mouth are, "Let's compare!!!") LOL!!!

Tessari: I can understand what your saying. Does it ever bother you, that it bothers her?


ETA: Oops... I just reaized maybe this thread should have been posted in BIW???

 

[Anna0499]

I know my ring will be a carat larger than most of my friends' rings, but I am not concerned about how they will feel about it. I trust that my friends are good enough friends that they will be nothing but genuinely happy for my engagement like I was for theirs. I would seriously question my friendship with someone if they displayed any sort of animosity towards my ring. I would think someone would have to be pretty self-centered to believe that my engagement ring size had anything to do with theirs. (Not saying you have friends like this, just saying generally.) Of course, I do understand animosity if someone goes out of their way to compare their stone to smaller ones and brag about it - that's not classy at all.

 

[KesVayReas]

I was in this situation just after I got engaged last year...

My then fiance (now husband) and I went to dinner with someone I had been good friends with since 6th grade and her boyfriend, just a few days after the proposal. As soon as we sit down, she asks to see my ring... She looks at it and turns to her boyfriend and says "don''t worry honey, I''m not this materialistic."

I immediately took my ring back and declined to let her try it on... She kept asking to see it the rest of the night, she even asked my husband how much he spent.

I bit my tongue and did not react in the restaurant... I wish sometimes I had said something back right then and there, but I''m just not that kind of person, I like to show a little class now and then.

But anyway, I could not believe she said this, then proceeded to tell my friends behind my back that my ring represented money and not love. Meanwhile,this is the girl that wore a fake "celebrity" wedding set and told people it was real. She had been brow-beatingher boyfriend to propose just 4 months into their relationship. And convinced him to sell his car and take a bus ride to work to put more $$ toward her ring.

I did not expect the kind of ring my husband proposed with at all. He had just returned from 18 months worth of deployments in Iraq and used some of this money to buy my ring in hopes it would become a family heirloom. This ring is ALL about love to me, regardless of size. The fact that she tried to take some of my joy away from me dampened our friendship and I lost some respect for her...

I hope this does not become of your situation! Such a silly thing to effect friendships over. But, if it does, hold your head high and be thankful that you are engaged to the man God made just for you. Don''t let anyone bringyou down!!

(Sorry this got long)

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:30:01 PM
Author: KesVayReas

I did not expect the kind of ring my husband proposed with at all. He had just returned from 18 months worth of deployments in Iraq and used some of this money to buy my ring in hopes it would become a family heirloom. This ring is ALL about love to me, regardless of size. The fact that she tried to take some of my joy away from me dampened our friendship and I lost some respect for her...

I hope this does not become of your situation! Such a silly thing to effect friendships over. But, if it does, hold your head high and be thankful that you are engaged to the man God made just for you. Don't let anyone bringyou down!!

(Sorry this got long)

Kes: You HAVE to put this in the love stories thread!!! How amazing to know that he is so sure that he'll be with you the rest of his life, he was already thinking about fasmily heirlooms

 

[MoonWater]

It's funny that you ask. I think I must have been really stuck in PSland because I just assumed my diamond was small. Then I got it and started to pay attention to the rings around me (I honestly never did before because I didn't care. I know crazy, a PS member not caring about other people's Erings). I became self concious when I realized they were all smaller than mine, isn't that weird? FI sayd I need to get over it. Then his grandmother saw it for the first time and she said "you're catching up with me." She has a 2 carat Tiffany solitaire so I pointed out to her that mine only looked bigger because of the halo!! LOL. I did wonder about one person in particular and if they thought I got a bigger stone on purpose. But I had never even looked at her ring before, nor did I know anything about diamond size (this was long before studying PS) so I just didn't know.

Seriously, I do need to get over it. I'm not sure why I'm so concerned about hurting other people's feelings. Although, more of it is just not wanting to be the center of someone's jealousy. It's not a good place to be.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:30:01 PM
Author: KesVayReas
I was in this situation just after I got engaged last year...

My then fiance (now husband) and I went to dinner with someone I had been good friends with since 6th grade and her boyfriend, just a few days after the proposal. As soon as we sit down, she asks to see my ring... She looks at it and turns to her boyfriend and says 'don't worry honey, I'm not this materialistic.'

I immediately took my ring back and declined to let her try it on... She kept asking to see it the rest of the night, she even asked my husband how much he spent.

I bit my tongue and did not react in the restaurant... I wish sometimes I had said something back right then and there, but I'm just not that kind of person, I like to show a little class now and then.

But anyway, I could not believe she said this, then proceeded to tell my friends behind my back that my ring represented money and not love. Meanwhile,this is the girl that wore a fake 'celebrity' wedding set and told people it was real. She had been brow-beatingher boyfriend to propose just 4 months into their relationship. And convinced him to sell his car and take a bus ride to work to put more $$ toward her ring.

I did not expect the kind of ring my husband proposed with at all. He had just returned from 18 months worth of deployments in Iraq and used some of this money to buy my ring in hopes it would become a family heirloom. This ring is ALL about love to me, regardless of size. The fact that she tried to take some of my joy away from me dampened our friendship and I lost some respect for her...

I hope this does not become of your situation! Such a silly thing to effect friendships over. But, if it does, hold your head high and be thankful that you are engaged to the man God made just for you. Don't let anyone bringyou down!!

(Sorry this got long)

Oh my goodness! I applaud your restraint in that situation at the dinner, I hope I would have been so calm. My SO went to the jewelry store a bit ago just to get some pricing and carat size ideas and asked to see a 2ct. round. The saleslady then asked our ages and then proceeded to tell him, "Your girlfriend sounds pretty materialistic." I was SHOCKED when he told me the story. I told him he should've asked to speak with the manager because of the poor customer service, not to mention why would the saleslady be convincing my SO NOT to buy a larger stone? He was already intimidated by the store so he just left. I chalk up most catty remarks about the size of a diamond, large or small, to jealousy. (Disclaimer: I know there was just a huge thread about remarks about diamond size not ALWAYS being jealousy and I agree, but in your situation I think it was.)

 

[KesVayReas]

Thank you, Meresal. I feel more and more blessed with each passing day...

 

[KesVayReas]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:27:09 PM
Author: IndyGirl22
I know my ring will be a carat larger than most of my friends'' rings, but I am not concerned about how they will feel about it. I trust that my friends are good enough friends that they will be nothing but genuinely happy for my engagement like I was for theirs. I would seriously question my friendship with someone if they displayed any sort of animosity towards my ring. I would think someone would have to be pretty self-centered to believe that my engagement ring size had anything to do with theirs. (Not saying you have friends like this, just saying generally.) Of course, I do understand animosity if someone goes out of their way to compare their stone to smaller ones and brag about it - that''s not classy at all.

Amen!!!!!!

 

[neatfreak]

Meresal: You can totally tell by the WAY they react/talk about it. If they say something snotty about how small it is, or how much bigger theirs is going to be, or how they would never ask for something as big as yours, you know they''re being snarky. If they get a ring and say to you "I got engaged! Look at my ring, it''s just like yours but BIGGER", then you know they are being snarky. Ya know? If they just say "Congrats! Yours is gorgeous!" or "It''s so big!" or if they get engaged "I just got engaged! Look at my ring!" without saying anything nasty about yours, you know their comments are in the right place.

At least that is what I think...

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:37:43 PM
Author: IndyGirl22

Oh my goodness! I applaud your restraint in that situation at the dinner, I hope I would have been so calm. My SO went to the jewelry store a bit ago just to get some pricing and carat size ideas and asked to see a 2ct. round. The saleslady then asked our ages and then proceeded to tell him, ''Your girlfriend sounds pretty materialistic.'' I was SHOCKED when he told me the story. I told him he should''ve asked to speak with the manager because of the poor customer service, not to mention why would the saleslady be convincing my SO NOT to buy a larger stone? He was already intimidated by the store so he just left. I chalk up most catty remarks about the size of a diamond, large or small, to jealousy. (Disclaimer: I know there was just a huge thread about remarks about diamond size not ALWAYS being jealousy and I agree, but in your situation I think it was.)

This is ridiculous!!! I would be very offended and my SO would have too. Props to him for walking out.

The saleslady that C is working with just reminds him everytime he goes in, that he''s going to get a good long break before the upgrade

I think it''s cute, bc I don''t plan on an upgrade.

 

[Anna0499]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:46:03 PM
Author: meresal

This is ridiculous!!! I would be very offended and my SO would have too. Props to him for walking out.

The saleslady that C is working with just reminds him everytime he goes in, that he's going to get a good long break before the upgrade

I think it's cute, bc I don't plan on an upgrade.

I agree! I was outraged - my SO is very intimidated by "girly" stores; i.e. Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, so I was disappointed that the saleslady didn't try to make him feel more comfortable about his purchase. Plus, I never asked my SO for a certain carat size, so she was assuming I had demanded a 2ct. SO knows nothing about diamonds so I was worried when he told me he went to a jewelry store alone because I know how predatory some salespeople are trained to be with clueless males walking in their stores. Hopefully that lady is gone because I imagine the store loses a lot of business and money from her working there. Now that I've found PS, I going to do everything in my power to convince him to buy online. It might help with his unease.

ETA: Didn't mean to threadjack!

 

[MoonWater]

Oh wow, I just read KesVayReas''s story. Talk about jealous. What the heck was wrong with that girl? I''m glad to say that the people I was talking about aren''t actually friends of mine.

 

[fieryred33143]

Well my little beautiful girl is a whopping .75 so I doubt anyone would think anything of it.

I will say this however...when my best friend saw my ring, I could feel the tension. My tcw is 1 carat with the side diamonds. Her tcw is 2.5 with her center stone being a 1 carat marquise. It is beautiful!! But its a J. It''s a very white J...but when you put it side by side with my G, it looks tinted. The first thing she said when she saw the ring was "yours is a lot whiter and sparkles a lot more...can''t wait until I upgrade"

I think that you are going to run into instances where the little green monster appears. That’s just human nature. For someone to say they would never be jealous of another is false. But once the jealousy hits, it takes not even a minute before it goes away and then its all wedding talk.

 

[KesVayReas]

Date: 7/11/2008 12:55:27 PM
Author: MoonWater
Oh wow, I just read KesVayReas''s story. Talk about jealous. What the heck was wrong with that girl? I''m glad to say that the people I was talking about aren''t actually friends of mine.

At my wedding, she literally TACKLED 3 girls to catch my bouquet and really emabrrased herself. She did happen to get engaged last winter and I saw her when she came to a party I was hosting for a mutual friend. I congratulated her, hugged her, and honestly didn''t remember to ask to see her ring. I haven''t talked to her since. Probably for the best.

 

[customcushion]

My insurance broker remarked that we were insuring the ring for about 4x the typical replacement cost that they see, and that it must be some ring. I assured him it was

He then asked if my fiance''s family is into jewelery, or if she was really into jewelry. I told ''him not more than most girls.''

He told me if I don''t show his wife the ring, we''ll get along a lot better. He was being more funny than jealous/rude I think.

A waitress last night gushed over her ring for about 3 minutes, including telling my fiance (excitedly) to ''shut up'' when she saw the surprise diamonds on the side. It was sort of funny. The owner of the restaurant saw it, put his sunglasses on, and said WHOA

When they left, Sarah said I did a good job

 

[meresal]

Date: 7/11/2008 1:24:20 PM
Author: customcushion
My insurance broker remarked that we were insuring the ring for about 4x the typical replacement cost that they see, and that it must be some ring. I assured him it was

He then asked if my fiance''s family is into jewelery, or if she was really into jewelry. I told ''him not more than most girls.''

He told me if I don''t show his wife the ring, we''ll get along a lot better. He was being more funny than jealous/rude I think.

A waitress last night gushed over her ring for about 3 minutes, including telling my fiance (excitedly) to ''shut up'' when she saw the surprise diamonds on the side. It was sort of funny. The owner of the restaurant saw it, put his sunglasses on, and said WHOA

When they left, Sarah said I did a good job

I''m guessing this happens more often than not!!

I giggled when I read your last comment. I always think it is nice when guys gush about being complimented by the women in their lives. It''s like a puffy chest, look at me, sense of accomplishment... in a cute way. Does that make sense?

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 7/11/2008 1:15:54 PM
Author: KesVayReas

Date: 7/11/2008 12:55:27 PM
Author: MoonWater
Oh wow, I just read KesVayReas''s story. Talk about jealous. What the heck was wrong with that girl? I''m glad to say that the people I was talking about aren''t actually friends of mine.

At my wedding, she literally TACKLED 3 girls to catch my bouquet and really emabrrased herself. She did happen to get engaged last winter and I saw her when she came to a party I was hosting for a mutual friend. I congratulated her, hugged her, and honestly didn''t remember to ask to see her ring. I haven''t talked to her since. Probably for the best.

She tackled 3 girls?!?! Wow, she is all sorts of wrong in the head. Good for you for not asking to see her ring. She was probably really disappointed that you weren''t interested. In fact, I think that is a case for a lot of women with that type of show offy personality. My Ering is for my and FI''s enjoyment. I actually felt really uncomfortable when people I didn''t know well started grabbing my hand to look. I wanted to shrink and slip out of the room. Perhaps I''m weird. I only like to show it off to men so they will leave me alone LOL!!

 

[Deelight]

meresal I could have written aspects of your post myself, as I have mentioned before in my social circle larger diamonds are not the norm, actually in Australia diamonds over 1/2 carat are not really seen that often.

A few of my friends are engaged but I think maybe 1 or 2 might say something snarky when they see it like OMG can you believe how much money they spent or I see why it took so long for you guys to get engaged (we have been going out 10 years)

or something eagerly as vile. If they did say something I don't think they will mean to be horrible, maybe a little tactless but I have heard them beeeetch about one of the girls SIL and about how she likes and is getting a larger diamond and certain things have been said previously so who knows. Thing is both have very dainty fingers and really suit their rings I really like them on them. I have actually second guessed getting mine and going smaller but then I wouldn't be happy. I am also a little worried that his/my family will think we are being overly frivolous and wasting to much money for a little sparklie.

I guess I will just deal with it if it comes, I hope it doesn't though.


KesVayReas Your friend is completely rude good for you for being the better person

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 7/11/2008 2:28:11 PM
Author: Deelight
meresal I could have written aspects of your post myself, as I have mentioned before in my social circle larger diamonds are not the norm, actually in Australia diamonds over 1/2 carat are not really seen that often.

A few of my friends are engaged but I think maybe 1 or 2 might say something snarky when they see it like OMG can you believe how much money they spent or I see why it took so long for you guys to get engaged (we have been going out 10 years)

or something eagerly as vile. If they did say something I don''t think they will mean to be horrible, maybe a little tactless but I have heard them beeeetch about one of the girls SIL and about how she likes and is getting a larger diamond and certain things have been said previously so who knows. Thing is both have very dainty fingers and really suit their rings I really like them on them. I have actually second guessed getting mine and going smaller but then I wouldn''t be happy. I am also a little worried that his/my family will think we are being overly frivolous and wasting to much money for a little sparklie.

I guess I will just deal with it if it comes, I hope it doesn''t though.


KesVayReas Your friend is completely rude good for you for being the better person

I was worried about this too! In fact, when FI''s mom looked at the ring for the first time, I could tell she thought it was super expensive (and perhaps it is in her mind, she''s been married 40 years, I''m sure she and her husband would never spend what we did on this ring lol). But I wanted to really love what I was wearing for the rest of my life. Also, we aren''t rushing into children, we''re young professionals, and we aren''t consumers. I don''t have nearly enough clothing, bags, and shoes for a woman my age!

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 7/11/2008 3:12:14 PM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 7/11/2008 2:28:11 PM
Author: Deelight
meresal I could have written aspects of your post myself, as I have mentioned before in my social circle larger diamonds are not the norm, actually in Australia diamonds over 1/2 carat are not really seen that often.

A few of my friends are engaged but I think maybe 1 or 2 might say something snarky when they see it like OMG can you believe how much money they spent or I see why it took so long for you guys to get engaged (we have been going out 10 years)

or something eagerly as vile. If they did say something I don''t think they will mean to be horrible, maybe a little tactless but I have heard them beeeetch about one of the girls SIL and about how she likes and is getting a larger diamond and certain things have been said previously so who knows. Thing is both have very dainty fingers and really suit their rings I really like them on them. I have actually second guessed getting mine and going smaller but then I wouldn''t be happy. I am also a little worried that his/my family will think we are being overly frivolous and wasting to much money for a little sparklie.

I guess I will just deal with it if it comes, I hope it doesn''t though.


KesVayReas Your friend is completely rude good for you for being the better person

I was worried about this too! In fact, when FI''s mom looked at the ring for the first time, I could tell she thought it was super expensive (and perhaps it is in her mind, she''s been married 40 years, I''m sure she and her husband would never spend what we did on this ring lol). But I wanted to really love what I was wearing for the rest of my life. Also, we aren''t rushing into children, we''re young professionals, and we aren''t consumers. I don''t have nearly enough clothing, bags, and shoes for a woman my age!

LOL...this reminds me.

When I showed my mom the ring, her first response was "poor R he must have worked really hard to get this for you. He''s such a loving guy." It''s less than a carat for crying out loud!!!

Wait till she sees the blinged out wedding band I chose.

I love my mommy.

 

[that_someone_special]

Well, for rings, no. But back when I thought money wasn''t real I always wanted a 2.5 ct princess cut ring dripping in diamonds. I''m not like that now, I''ll be lucky if I get a carat (plus, I''m a RB girl now) BUT, my friends always joke about when I get my "lantern" and stuff like that. They even found an ad once where this woman had a ray of light coming from her ring finger and joked it was me. It was cute at first, but now I''m just like... leave it alone- you know he cant afford that right now!!

Another thing.. a friend of mine got a new blackberry. It was one that I didn''t have. I played around with it and thought it was cute! I loved it. I told my boyfriend I wanted one and he said I could wait. He needed a new phone, and got the blackberry I wanted A few weeks later I got mine since he somehow broke my phone. So, here is my friend with this new phone and now the BF and I have the same phone as her. I felt weird about it like, "ohh I''m copying you.." but she seemed ok with it. I know it''s only a phone!! But I didn''t want her to feel I was competing with her, ya know???? I just really love the phone!

I hope that wasn''t too far of topic.

 

[meresal]

Deelight & Moonwater:

Crazy, but C is worried about the same thing. My parents have already seen the setting I''m getting and have an idea about the diamond, but they say whatever makes you happy. As for his parents, he''s worried that they are going to think he spent too much on it, however, I only think possibly that his dad will say something. His mom has made jokes to me about, "Don''t accept anything under 2 ct", and I know she knows how much that costs... so I don''t think it will be a problem with her. Fingers crossed!!

Are you girls early/mid 20''s?

 

[that_someone_special]

Crap. I was just thinking I was early 20''s.. but I''m 24.5 and that''s midtwenties to me. WHERE DID THE TIME GO??

 

[MoonWater]

I will be 30 next week. FI and I have been together for over five years and live together for over 4 years. We mapped out a five year plan for babies, my Masters degree, and a house. So I sorta feel like no one should bother being concerned about our finances. We aren't stupid and we're not starving! I'm already eyeing some diamond studs to wear on my wedding day (in 3 months!) hahahaha. shhh...don't tell anyone. Ahem.

 

[KesVayReas]

I just turned 23...
Was 21 when we got engaged, 22 when we got married.

My less than polite friend was about my same age.