Answering questions about children

[sap483]

I''m sure this has been discussed on here before; but I was unable to find any older threads. DH and I are going to visit his grandmother this weekend. His parents will be joining us as well and several of his aunts/uncles live around there too- so it will be a big family gathering. Inevitably, the topic of when we''re going to have children is going to come up. We are still several years from that point, and have expressed that before. Yet, people still continue to ask. While I understand that everyone has the best intentions when asking us, it is nevertheless annoying to have to answer the same question time and again. Also, due to health reasons, I have good reason to believe that when we do start trying, it''s going to be difficult- and having them ask at that time could be painful. Can anyone offer me advice on how to make it clear that we will let them know when we are ready and in the meantime we would prefer that they not ask us? Of course, I want to be polite and not hurt anyone, but obviously they aren''t getting the message. Thanks!

 

[neatfreak]

"When we have something to share, you'll be the first to know, we promise"

 

[natalina]

I think NF said it perfectly.

 

[sba771]

So I lurk on the nest a lot and I must say they have some pretty snarky responses (but they do get the point across). I know these may not be the best, but if it gives you a little laugh and maybe you can think of a nicer way to put it then they do- but you get the general idea:

Something like- "I didn''t know the status of my uterus was up for public discussion" or "when DH and I decide to have unprotected sex you will be the first to know."

The nest''s theory is that people get uncomfortable when you actually start mentioning the process or sex, so that might weird them out enough not to say anything again.

I do get this from my FMIL- she started when we were dating for less than 2 months. I had my FI finally take care of it or else I was very close to mentioning something about our sex life to her. What 21 year old (at the time) wants to be badgered about having a baby when you just met the guy?!

I do wish you luck and ultimately saying "its not something I am comfortable sharing and I would appreciate it if you stop asking, then add what Neatfreak said" will hopefully get the idea across nicely.

 

[Dreamer_D]

I like NF''s response, but I also feel that if your family is making YOU feel bad by asking, then don''t worry about making some of THEM feel bad by saying something more direct.

 

[elrohwen]

I just answer "not for a long time" and no one seems to push the question any further. But maybe your relatives are more pushy than mine.

 

[innerkitten]

I''m guilty of asking people that question often. Mostly it''s just out of small talk and if I ask my friends it''s just that I''m really excited at the idea that they might be thinking of having kids. But I don''t ask more than once. And I respect all types of answers.

 

[julabean]

I think NF said it perfectly. We get this a lot from our family and my standard answer is "Maybe we''ll start thinking about it in a few years from now! We''re simply enjoying married life for now." My cousin just had a child 10 months ago, so it comes up a lot, but it''s easy to say that we''re enjoying someone else''s baby right now!

 

[snlee]

Ditto what NF said.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Ditto what NF said again, and if that doesn''t work, something along the lines of "I''m not sure, but we''re certainly practicing a lot."

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 2/13/2009 10:34:22 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Ditto what NF said again, and if that doesn''t work, something along the lines of ''I''m not sure, but we''re certainly practicing a lot.''

Love this, and ditto NF. Good luck.

 

[Steel]

Date: 2/13/2009 9:33:01 AM
Author: neatfreak
''When we have something to share, you''ll be the first to know, we promise''

Great line NF...but SBA has a point too if you find that some people cannot keep their beak''s out.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Date: 2/13/2009 10:47:30 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 2/13/2009 10:34:22 PM

Author: AmberGretchen

Ditto what NF said again, and if that doesn''t work, something along the lines of ''I''m not sure, but we''re certainly practicing a lot.''

Love this, and ditto NF. Good luck.

LOL - believe me, with my MIL, I''ve been tempted once or twice

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yep, I think what Innerkitten said is right. . .the question mostly comes out of small talk and the topic probably stems from not knowing what else to talk to you about.

Think of the whole concept in the positive light - after two months, your FMIL likes you and has imagined you and your FI getting married and having kids!