Another what would you do ????

[Jaders731]

Hi Ladies...

Just wanted to pose another "what would you do if" question...

What would you do if one of your bridesmaids backed out?

I only wish this were a hypothetical question, but its not... one of my girls just backed out!

I just want to curl up and cry right now!

 

[Larissa]

Ask why.

If it''s due to expenses, I''d attempt to take some of the burden.

If it''s because she''s having a hard time with my demands, I''d want to speak to her, let her know I respect her decision, discuss what is unrealistic about my requests, and that the friendship is more important than her being a bridesmaid.

 

[Scooba]

It depends why...I agree that if it was financial I''d help her out, if it was another reason I would ask if there is anything I could do to change her mind, it would mean alot if she were there yadda yadda, andif nothing can be done for whatever reason then I''d chill and tell her I love her, not a big deal.

 

[Scooba]

can I ask why yours backed out?

 

[Jaders731]

Well.. after trying for two weeks to get a hold of her.... she emailed me and in a nutshell.. this is what she basically said:

She couldnt afford it financially.. Which I understand.. but had offered to pay for her... she said the everything that comes with it is also expensive.. again.. I understand that.. but I purposely chose long dresses.. so they could wear whatever shoes they wanted.. and they are even barefoot on the beach.. i also explained that no fancy hair do''s were necessary... I would be supplying jewelry.. etc... I really was trying to help out financially.. and the dresses are only $108.

Second.. she basically said she never wanted to do it from the beginning and that she is too busy.. which I think is the most hurtful thing of all... I dont even know how to respond to that...

Just for a little history... she called me in june to tell me she was getting married, 7 days before she was getting married... she said she never thought I would come because I live out of the country... thats why she didnt tell me sooner... I got myself a ticket and went... I would have moved the earth to get there.. and she knows that... and she has no idea how much that cost (it was A LOT.. like take what you would imagine a last minute trip off an island to cost.. and DOUBLE it)
But to me.. it didnt matter..

I''m just upset.. because even after offering to pay for everything.. it just sounds like she doesnt want to do it.. and that hurts most of all!

 

[Scooba]

oh...WOW...how much do you value this friendship, I am all about not being a typical bratty girl and getting mad and dramatic and ending friendships and stuff but WOW!

Now what would I do? I''d be PO''s, and really hurt, I would wait a few weeks and see how you feel about her and if you value the friendship I would call (I''m assuming you don''t live close?) and tell her that you were really hurt that it sounded like she just didn''t feel like doing it, ask if you did anything wrong, see if you can get past it, but you better really love this girl to give her all that.

 

[diamondfan]

Well, this is sadly not too uncommon.

It is hurtful and I think you are clearly the very giving type in your relationships. Is she more of a taker?

You can feel bad about it but that is where her head is so I would try not to let it spoil your plans. It is really inconsiderate of her but you cannot force her.

It you offered to miminize her work load and help financially and she still won''t, there is not much to be done.

Personally, I think it stinks. You either decline in the beginning or you keep your committments. If money is an issue you can bring it up then, and see what the bride to be offers. Of course it is your right to decline, but once you agree to it, you should try to follow through unless something really unavoidable comes up. To me, it just seems like she is being a bit selfish...

I am sorry and hope you can replace her and if not that it is not too much of an issue for you.

 

[anacgarcia]

Here in Mexico bridesmaids are not as usual as they are in USA, we were "bridesmaids" in a friends wedding and the only thing we did was going all dressed in the same color.. so for me it''s not a big deal for me if one of them chose to not be a bridesmaid.. but it would be if one of them chose not to attend..
in fact of the things that keeps me worried is one of my close friends not attending.. ''cause we always try to travel together and we never have the opportunity..

I hope they can all make it to my wedding!!

 

[KimberlyH]

I would be sad and upset and then I''d just let it go. As horrible as it seems, she doesn''t sound as vested in your friendship as you are and nothing you do will change that. I may extend an olive branch first by letting her know she''s still an invited guest (if you are determined to salvage the friendship. Bu then, I would back WAY off and let her make all the moves.