Another ring violation!

[BriBee]

I am wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar awkward situation. Now that I''''m newly engaged, I''''m obviously showing off the ring to everyone. However, I''''ve had at least 3 girls ask if they could try it on! I was a little taken aback by this, and at least one of them could see the shock on my face because she apologized, but still wanted to try it (she is my MOH). I''''m just wondering if this has happened to you, and how do you handle it? I HATE taking my ring off if I''''m not at home and placing it directly in its box. Not to mention the risk that someone could drop it or any number of icky things! What do I do? Am I right to think this is RUDE?

 

[asscherisme]

I got engaged almost 14 years ago and I can say that no-one ever asked me to try my ring on. I would have said no if they did ask.

I did however have my future sister in law ask to try on my veil at my wedding reception! That shocked me!

Anyhow, could you just say that your insurance only covers you wearing it? Diamond can break and chip if dropped, especially on tile or concrete. Can you imagine not only the sentimental loss but having to call your insurance company and explain a friend dropped it? It may not be covered. I know with my policy, its only covered if I wear it.

Funny story, my husband once dropped my ring on tile! I was very upset. But at least it was my husband so even if it was damaged, I would have forgiven him and insurance would not be an issue. Took it to the jeweler and it was fine. Since then, I joke he is not allowed to touch my rings and if he does hold it for any reason, its over carpet or the bed or couch

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Many PSers weighed in on this recently. It seems pretty evenly split between the "who cares, it''s just a ring" camp, the "I only take let close relatives/friends try it on" camp and finally the "You can try it on over my dead body" camp

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/superstitious-do-you-let-others-try-on-your-ring.71914/

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:08:02 PM
Author:BriBee
Am I right to think this is RUDE?

Maybe it''s just me .. but I''m super

at all the threads lately about what is "rude" or not. It''s SO POINTLESS to rag on other people''s behavior -- especially if its of the "non-injurious" kind. I mean -- whatEVER -- so you experienced an uncomfortable moment or two ... does ANYONE have to be at fault? Can it just be a difference of opinion? Can there be shades of GRAY in the world? Or does everyone need to feel all high & mighty/justified/"right" all of the freakin time.

And I don''t really mean this personally, Bribee ... this is the tenth (maybe) "How Rude" type thread in the past couple of weeks. I really just don''t understand all of the indignant righteousness ...

 

[BriBee]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:14:19 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady
Many PSers weighed in on this recently. It seems pretty evenly split between the ''who cares, it''s just a ring'' camp, the ''I only take let close relatives/friends try it on'' camp and finally the ''You can try it on over my dead body'' camp

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/superstitious-do-you-let-others-try-on-your-ring.71914/

Thanks for the link! I wasn''t sure where to post this, I had just seen a few other similar-ish threads like this is SMTR

 

[Nicrez]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:15:46 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/12/2007 3:08:02 PM
Author:BriBee
Am I right to think this is RUDE?

Maybe it''s just me .. but I''m super

at all the threads lately about what is ''rude'' or not. It''s SO POINTLESS to rag on other people''s behavior -- especially if its of the ''non-injurious'' kind. I mean -- whatEVER -- so you experienced an uncomfortable moment or two ... does ANYONE have to be at fault? Can it just be a difference of opinion? Can there be shades of GRAY in the world? Or does everyone need to feel all high & mighty/justified/''right'' all of the freakin time.

And I don''t really mean this personally, Bribee ... this is the tenth (maybe) ''How Rude'' type thread in the past couple of weeks. I really just don''t understand all of the indignant righteousness ...

Agreed with Deco. To me this is no more rude than a stranger patting you on the back or the hand. I don''t think everyone is wired the same, and people''s intimacy spaces are different. Personally, people can pat me on the back, the hand, and borrow my jewelry, but if they get to a point I disapprove (usually it''s verbal) I will let them know, because again, everyone has their barriers.

Personally, I hate perfect strangers calling me "honey", or "sweetie". That''s my limit, and I tell them.

 

[Cleopatra]

I have to say that I''m in the "don''t care camp" - I don''t think it''s rude. Especially when i''m one of the only girls in my group of friends who is engaged. I know the fascination women have with sparklies - and if my ring can give them a thrill for a few minutes, why not?

 

[BriBee]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:15:46 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/12/2007 3:08:02 PM
Author:BriBee
Am I right to think this is RUDE?

Maybe it''s just me .. but I''m super

at all the threads lately about what is ''rude'' or not. It''s SO POINTLESS to rag on other people''s behavior -- especially if its of the ''non-injurious'' kind. I mean -- whatEVER -- so you experienced an uncomfortable moment or two ... does ANYONE have to be at fault? Can it just be a difference of opinion? Can there be shades of GRAY in the world? Or does everyone need to feel all high & mighty/justified/''right'' all of the freakin time.

And I don''t really mean this personally, Bribee ... this is the tenth (maybe) ''How Rude'' type thread in the past couple of weeks. I really just don''t understand all of the indignant righteousness ...

I wan''t looking to be justified, and certainly didn''t mean to come across as indignant, high and mighty, or anyting else you mentioned. I was more hoping for a little advice, or interested to see how people have handled a similar situation. I don''t know how to tell people "No" or that I''m uncomfortable with this without myself coming across as "rude." Maybe "rude" is the wrong word, but the situation makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

[snuggles1]

IMHO

close friends/close family = ok to try on ring, as for a single girl, that might be the closest they ever come to a ring

strangers/acquaintances = not ok, rude

but how many of you have asked a stranger to snap a pic of you on vacation...you know really, they could just walk off with your camera...

 

[asscherisme]

I don''t think its fair to attack her choice of words. She was just feeling taken back and shocked and felt her space was violated. Thats what I think she was trying to get across. I don''t think its fair to put her down for her choice of words in expressing herself. This is a friendly place. I would like to think that she just had not cooled down and though carefullyl about word choice before posting. But the meaing is the same. She felt her space was violated and I totally get that. I have a need for personal space as well.

 

[Circe]

I''m totally with you on this, BriBee ... I''m not a fan of having people handle my most sentmental possessions, for both emotional and pratical reasons. My response is always just to smile and say, "Sorry, I never take it off". (Which, with the exception of cleaning, is the gods honest truth.) I don''t see it as an act of active or malicious rudeness, just different personal boundaries ... but it''s a line that I''m not comfortable crossing. Now, if someone were to insist even after knowing how I felt, *that*, IMHO, would be rude ....

 

[MoonWater]

It''s not rude, per se but it''s damn annoying. Frankly I would simply tell them no. Let them know you don''t like to take it off, that simple. They have no right to your ring.

 

[Gypsy]

When we are at GTG or anything of the like with PSers... I'm shameless in trying on people's rings. It doesn't bother me in the least. Actually seeing my ring on someone else's hand sometimes gives me a better idea of what it looks like-- perspective if you will. We are all wired different. I don't think that it's rude to ask if you can try on another person's ring (as long as you know them, or something) just like I don't think it's rude of them to say no.

 

[BriBee]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:29:32 PM
Author: asscherisme
I don't think its fair to attack her choice of words. She was just feeling taken back and shocked and felt her space was violated. Thats what I think she was trying to get across. I don't think its fair to put her down for her choice of words in expressing herself. This is a friendly place. I would like to think that she just had not cooled down and though carefullyl about word choice before posting. But the meaing is the same. She felt her space was violated and I totally get that. I have a need for personal space as well.

Thanks for this. I wasn't meaning to be negative at all, and I always felt like PS was the place I could ask all these kinds of things without being judged.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:46:35 PM
Author: BriBee

Date: 11/12/2007 3:29:32 PM
Author: asscherisme
I don''t think its fair to attack her choice of words. I don''t think its fair to put her down for her choice of words in expressing herself.

I always felt like PS was the place I can ask all these kinds of things without being judged.

Ironic, no? To ask us to judge *others''* behaviors ... but not wish to BE judged yourself? Anyway -- I said my comment wasn''t directed to you personally. I''m exasperated GENERALLY about this topic. In *life* .. not just the internets.

For instance ... it drives me up the wall batty when I go to Outlet Malls & tourists from other cultures invade my personal space. IMHO that''s terribly "rude" -- but I don''t expect everyone to see things the way I do .. and other cultures have the right to view personal space differently. I have to accept that shopping at Outlet Malls that cater to foreign tourists might have some uncomfortable moments for me. But I''m not about to ask if other peopel think that''s "rude" too. I''m fine with my OWN opinion.

 

[bee*]

As I said in the other thread, where I live everyone tries on your ring and turns it to their heart three times and makes a wish. I wouldn''t give it to strangers to try on, but with friends and family they''ve all tried it on. I wouldn''t say that people are rude asking to try it on. I''ve tried on my friends rings and I agree with Gypsy in that it lets you see how your ring looks like in a new light.

 

[Circe]

Dang, talk about peeling the onion ... judging for judging for judging, ad infinitum.

Being fine with your own opinion is generally the best way to go, but it never hurts to ask for coping strategies, especially if you''re unsure, which is what I think BriBee was going for here: not so much a chorus of chirping "Yep, raised in a barn" responses, but a check to see whether her reaction was out-of-bounds, and, if not, how to communicate her feelings to others without hurting *their* feelings.

Now, on the prevalence of "How RUDE" threads that have been popping up ... I''ve been noticing them too, just because this is the kind of stuff I like to analyze. I''d put it down to the viral effect of the internet: the topics are completely in keeping with the ubiquitous (why?!?) finger-tapping threads and the threads on too-specific ring spec. questions and the threads on how to deal with too-big/too-small rings and the reactions that they pull, but the phrasing is more homogeneous. Sort of a domino effect ... each thread associating the bending of personal boundaries with concrete bad manners inspires another, and another, and another, until some better bit of phrasing takes over. Dare I suggest "How ironic?" Even when it''s not, I like the Alanis reference ....

 

[BriBee]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:59:42 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/12/2007 3:46:35 PM
Author: BriBee

Date: 11/12/2007 3:29:32 PM
Author: asscherisme
I don''t think its fair to attack her choice of words. I don''t think its fair to put her down for her choice of words in expressing herself.

I always felt like PS was the place I can ask all these kinds of things without being judged.

Ironic, no? To ask us to judge *others''* behaviors ... but not wish to BE judged yourself? Anyway -- I said my comment wasn''t directed to you personally. I''m exasperated GENERALLY about this topic. In *life* .. not just the internets.

For instance ... it drives me up the wall batty when I go to Outlet Malls & tourists from other cultures invade my personal space. IMHO that''s terribly ''rude'' -- but I don''t expect everyone to see things the way I do .. and other cultures have the right to view personal space differently. I have to accept that shopping at Outlet Malls that cater to foreign tourists might have some uncomfortable moments for me. But I''m not about to ask if other peopel think that''s ''rude'' too. I''m fine with my OWN opinion.

Well it''s obvious to me that my intentions have been misconstrued. I posted on here hoping for some friendly advice as to how I can politely decline handing my ring over to people, as I am fearful of it being dropped, mishandled etc... This may seem paranoid, I just wanted a little advice is all.
I would like to thank everyone for their input, and I think I''ll withdraw myself from this topic now, as it has gone far beyond my original intentions.

 

[777_LDY]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:46:35 PM
Author: BriBee

Date: 11/12/2007 3:29:32 PM
Author: asscherisme
I don''t think its fair to attack her choice of words. She was just feeling taken back and shocked and felt her space was violated. Thats what I think she was trying to get across. I don''t think its fair to put her down for her choice of words in expressing herself. This is a friendly place. I would like to think that she just had not cooled down and though carefullyl about word choice before posting. But the meaing is the same. She felt her space was violated and I totally get that. I have a need for personal space as well.

Thanks for this. I wasn''t meaning to be negative at all, and I always felt like PS was the place I could ask all these kinds of things without being judged.

I don''t think you were being negative, you were just genuinely wondering if others have gone through the same thing. Like you said, you are newly engaged so you''ve never experienced those kinds of requests before. I have had friends that have asked me too and I was fine with it, but I have also been asked in a very rude and akward manner before which I posted in the other thread. Every situation is different, but more important it''s new to you. Don''t feel bad if you don''t want to take off your ring, just tell others your FI said you weren''t allowed to or something.

Congrats on the engagement!

 

[Circe]

BriBee, it''s a good topic, and a valid reaction/opinion to have. Hopefully some of the advice in this thread or the other will help with the actual issue ....

P.S. - I hope my over-analysis didn''t contribute to your feeling jumped on! I can never resist the urge to deconstruct stuff like this, but I definitely didn''t mean it to come off as disapproving ...

 

[anchor31]

It's not something I was ever asked, so I guess I don't understand why someone would do that in the first place. I've had people ask me how big it is/how much it cost, others telling me my FI must be rich (if he was, it'd be a whole lot bigger!

), I've evn had people stick their fat thumb on top of it... But nobody asked me to try it on. If someone did, I probably would ask why...

Sorry you feel this way Bribee!

 

[Sparkster]

I'm sorry, but I don't see why it's RUDE to have someone ask to try on your ring. I can understand why some people don't want others to try on their ring, but I don't think it's rude to ask someone. Friends and work colleagues ask to try on my ring and I don't care and let them. Strangers never ask because I don't show it off to them.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/12/2007 4:21:24 PM
Author: BriBee

Date: 11/12/2007 3:59:42 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/12/2007 3:46:35 PM
Author: BriBee

Date: 11/12/2007 3:29:32 PM
Author: asscherisme
I don''t think its fair to attack her choice of words. I don''t think its fair to put her down for her choice of words in expressing herself.

I always felt like PS was the place I can ask all these kinds of things without being judged.

Ironic, no? To ask us to judge *others''* behaviors ... but not wish to BE judged yourself? Anyway -- I said my comment wasn''t directed to you personally. I''m exasperated GENERALLY about this topic. In *life* .. not just the internets.

For instance ... it drives me up the wall batty when I go to Outlet Malls & tourists from other cultures invade my personal space. IMHO that''s terribly ''rude'' -- but I don''t expect everyone to see things the way I do .. and other cultures have the right to view personal space differently. I have to accept that shopping at Outlet Malls that cater to foreign tourists might have some uncomfortable moments for me. But I''m not about to ask if other peopel think that''s ''rude'' too. I''m fine with my OWN opinion.

Well it''s obvious to me that my intentions have been misconstrued. I posted on here hoping for some friendly advice as to how I can politely decline handing my ring over to people, as I am fearful of it being dropped, mishandled etc... This may seem paranoid, I just wanted a little advice is all.
I would like to thank everyone for their input, and I think I''ll withdraw myself from this topic now, as it has gone far beyond my original intentions.

You shouldn''t withdraw because of one person. Frankly, I think if a topic bothers a person that much they should refrain from reading and posting. So let deco leave if she has a problem with what you said. I understood where you were getting at and it seems most everyone else did as well. Even if we don''t agree with how you felt about it (althought I can relate, but I''m OCD and I don''t want people touching my stuff lol).

 

[TravelingGal]

I do feel this topic has been discussed to death recently...but then so have lots of other things. Sometimes it strikes me as general excitement and "showing off" a bit...like, "oh my god, look at me! People want to try on my awesome ring! Eek!" But I know that''s more perception than intention.

I don''t think it''s rude to ask, and I don''t think it''s rude to say no. It''s kind of easy, really. But everyone''s comfort level is different.

Sometimes I wonder how some people make it to the bathroom without asking advice (this isn''t directed at you BriBree). There''s another thread on PS that I couldn''t even answer...I was kind of amazed because the answer to me is kind of obvious.

But then again, this is coming from a girl that can''t decide between martini, bezel, platinum, blah blah blah. Different strokes for different folks, and being "amazed" at the question doesn''t make the question wrong or wonky...

 

[door knob solitaire]

My mommie taught me you take it off...you can loose it. Following her instruction I was trusted to wear her valuables.

I have had many strangers ask me if they could try it on! ARE YOU KIDDING? I can hear the insurance man...Lemme get this straight, someone you have never met, asks to try on your jewelry...and then they ran away?

Once I was asked to be a model...(hand...nail guinea pig) at my SILs cosmetology class exam. When I walked in she asked me to wash my hands with this antibacterial soap...while in the sink she felt it necessary to coach me. (Argghhh) anyway the next request was for me to remove my rings. Solitaire and a plain thin band. I replied with a "I''m sorry I don''t remove my jewelry." She said I had to that the teacher would take off on her grade. "I really am sorry...but had you told me before coming I could have secured it at home, safely...but I will not remove it here in public." Teacher came around and SIL screamed she won''t take it off! It isn''t my fault. Again...I will not remove my jewelry no where no how no way.

My other SIL has the bad luck thing line when someone asks her.

Yes, I was often asked to try on my ring. I have only allowed my mother. After all, she deserves to be trusted. In the old quote...I trust in God, all others pay cash. Friend or Foe I say NO!!! Just say no, thank you.

DKS

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/12/2007 4:39:28 PM
Author: MoonWater

You shouldn''t withdraw because of one person. Frankly, I think if a topic bothers a person that much they should refrain from reading and posting. So let deco leave if she has a problem with what you said. I understood where you were getting at and it seems most everyone else did as well. Even if we don''t agree with how you felt about it (althought I can relate, but I''m OCD and I don''t want people touching my stuff lol).

Except...

People are allowed to say they disagree or have a problem around here...last I checked.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/12/2007 4:45:51 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/12/2007 4:39:28 PM
Author: MoonWater

You shouldn't withdraw because of one person. Frankly, I think if a topic bothers a person that much they should refrain from reading and posting. So let deco leave if she has a problem with what you said. I understood where you were getting at and it seems most everyone else did as well. Even if we don't agree with how you felt about it (althought I can relate, but I'm OCD and I don't want people touching my stuff lol).

Except...

People are allowed to say they disagree or have a problem around here...last I checked.

Oh, but of course, otherwise I wouldn't have posted the reply that I did. However, there was a certain tone in deco's post that the OP noticed, I noticed, and others noticed. Was it necessary? No. Could she have gotten the same point across without it? Sure. Someone posted an issue they were having and it didn't come off that bad (unlike other posts I've read that called something "rude") so tone in her response really wasn't necessary. Inserting the qualifier about it not being directed at her wasn't very useful because if it wasn't she should have refrained. She very easily could have posted the same post in one of the "Rude" threads that actually did bother her instead. The poor woman was just asking how to handle that type of situation. Her follow up post was even worse. But that's just my humble opinion.

 

[ang3199]

IMHO I don''t think it is rude at all. Actually, I''m flattered that anyone would think my little ring is pretty enough to want to try it on. It makes me feel good when people ask.

 

[Nicrez]

From another perspective, I am CONSTANTLY asked to wear jewlery that isn't mine. In the industry there is a sort of blase attitude about jewlery I suppose, since we deal with it all day. Of course there is insurance, and the person whom you ask to try it on is usually an employee or perespective client. We deal with the extraordinary things that are irreplaceable and unless it's particularly delicate, it is still tried on and handled. That's the business. If you don't see it, you don't buy it. Many times I have seen something in a case, take it out and it's totally alive once it's on and worn. Nothing kills a sale like, "Sorry don't touch." Also, in my field, I wear pieces at shows and even around. It's part and parcel with the job. We even lend out pieces (not even on consignment) at shows to let them try it on, wear it at the show, etc. Yes we had one girl lose a piece when she went to the ladies, but since the business is based on trust, reputation and integrity, these are almost non-issues.

Unless your ring was custom made, (and even then) I don't think you are the first finger to have it on. Maybe why I am partial to Antiques. The fact that others HAVE worn it. I like that soft, warmn imprint of humankind on things I consider art. Each generation has a story, and each loving admiration of a piece makes it part of someone's heart. If I love something I like to share it. But I am not reckless, perhaps just trusting. If they want to try it in front of me, all right. If they want to walk off with it, no. Usually a perfect stranger who is asking to try on your ring, isn't just that. Usually it's at a party or intimate setting, like work. It's not the same as a camera in the middle of a busy NYC street... Would I take off jewlery on a busy NYC street? No. It's all common sense.

I once knew a friend who was so enamored with an edwardian necklace she went in almost every day to a jewlery store and tried it on. After a while, they had it ready for her, even though she said she wouldn't spend that kind of money for it. The women at the store were totally entertained by her and this ritual (they were VERY sweet with her), until one day she came in and another woman had tried it on. Needless to say, a very very grumpy husband came in that night to pick it up, and my friend lets everyone try it on...as long as they return it to her.

To each his own, I can't see any particular reason why another person would have bad vibes on a material object. To me it's the thought BEHIND the object, not the material posession. If you lose the ring, will you divorce? Even if it's YOU who loses it? No. It could be because you are not used to having so much of your money invested in one item? That is a consideration, perhaps. Some people are risk-averse, some are not. All I can say is, within the industry, this is so common practice, I often come back from a fellow vendor sporting a tiara or diamond necklace or earrings, simply for fun. That's why insure things. Things happen. Life happens.

If it can't be enjoyed, it might as well be in vault, IMHO.

Also, honestly, it's totally unecessary to get so personal or upset about anyone's posting or response. These are virtual strangers with different opinions and different ways of communicating. If you don't like what is said, let it go. This isn't personal, it's IMPERSONAL. That's somewhat the point of an internet chat forum, no...?

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/12/2007 5:02:15 PM
Author: Nicrez


Also, honestly, it''s totally unecessary to get so personal or upset about anyone''s posting or response. These are virtual strangers with different opinions and different ways of communicating. If you don''t like what is said, let it go. This isn''t personal, it''s IMPERSONAL. That''s somewhat the point of an internet chat forum, no...?

Actually no. There are people behind these words and those people have feelings. I think that''s the biggest problem with the internet. People tend to be much more brash and rude online because they think they are only words. Considering what this forum involves (engagement rings, weddings, pregnancies, babies) it''s even more obvious that feelings, very STRONG feelings are involved. Everyone has a right to their opinion, and offline I am one of the biggest bitches around, but I do believe in being respectful unless someone says somethig that warrants a strong response (like being offensive to others). But that''s just me.