Another MOBzilla meltdown

[zoebartlett]

First, the original venue you posted is beautiful! I can see why you love it.

Although I haven''t been in the same situations as you, I have occasionally had someone offer me something or do something for me, and then hold it over my head. That''s not a fun place to be. I have to admit, taking your mom''s money would be tempting, but I''d hate to see it end up resulting in your mom feeling entitled to act in inappropriate ways to get what she wants. She''d do this because she gave you money -- she''d feel entitled.

I''d be very honest with your mom and tell her how wrong of her it was to ruin the other venue for you and your FI. She had no right to do that. If you accept her offer of giving you money, be very clear that she must relinquish it free and clear -- no strings attched. You and your FI get to make decisions, and your mom CAN NOT act like that in the future. She has continuously ruined what should be the happiest time of your life -- over and over again. Tell her that. She needs to know how much she''s ruining things for you. I''m not suggesting cutting her and the rest of your family out of your life, but putting some distance between you while planning this wedding might not be a bad idea.

I''ve followed your other posts, so I know how unsupportive your family has been in the past. I still don''t understand why they do it. I''m wondering why your mom even blew up at the person at the other venue in the first place.

 

[EricaR]

Oh Ally, what a mess!

I don't have the cultural push with my parents, but my mom sounds really similar to yours. If I let her, she would plan the whole wedding and hopefully remember to invite me. I shudder just remember my college graduation party. She invited mostly people I didn't know, her co-workers, people she knew from her craft classes, etc. She has an idea in her head of what my wedding should be, even if it doesn't come close to my idea.

So what are we doing for our wedding? Getting married on a beach, in Mexico, with a grand total of 10 guests. My mom has NO say in what we are doing. I inform her of plans after they are made. I didn't even take her dress shopping with me. Within 12 hours of getting engaged she sent me an email with a link to the wedding dress she wanted me to buy.

It might have sounded like an extreme reaction, cutting her out of all plans, but I knew I had to do it to keep my sanity. This is MY wedding, not my mom's wedding, and I want to involved the people I care about. Mom isn't taking it well - at least once a week she calls to ask me why I'm not inviting someone or other. I just shut that down by saying something like "My wedding, my rules!"

 

[diamondfan]

Do not know all of the history with your mom, but I would not let her do this in reference to my wedding. No way. I would humbly apologize to the owner and get it booked, and call it a day. Let her threaten and blackmail all she wants. I would not let it affect me now, since this seems to be her typical M.O. If she really would not attend, she is being silly, but you have to move forward.