An "Old 2004" Update

[Erin]

Just wanted to say HI to all ma sistaaaaz!!!

Today is a big day for me. I waited for the guy forever to propose. Next month would have been six years (I'm almost 32) and he moves out today...I move out this weekend!

Waited and waited as our relationship slowly went downhill. It was as if he didn't care to make time for us anymore (big red flag). I hung on longer because, well, maybe there was no engagement but we had made plenty of promises to each other and I wasn't going to give up that easy. So he temporarily moved out last October into a furnished apartment with the intention of a separation. This was in order to take time apart and really get back in touch with whether or not each other was who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with.

Turns out, he decided I am. I decided he's not. It's been a grueling three months of him telling me everything I ever wanted to hear and more and basically just coming down to the final gut feeling of - but you never did this when we were together. It takes you losing me to decide you want me? That just doesn't sit well with me. Perhaps I'm taking on the philosophy - the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. It would be a big risk jumping back into this and frankly I just don't want to.

I've found since our separation that I have lots of friends. Turns out I wasn't balancing that very well when I used to wait around for him to give me the attention I wanted. Turns out I'm a natural at golf. Turns out there are plenty of guys who know how to treat women. Turns out I'm infinitely happier by myself than I've been with him. I can't believe I wanted to be with someone who didn't make me happy just because we had already invested so much and promised already.

Girls who are waiting - and I mean frustrated beyond understanding - really take a look at whether or not the reasons are legitimate for the delay. Turns out for us - the delay only prolonged the fact that we're not for each other.

Love reading the "Finally He Proposed" stories, ladies. Keep 'em coming!!! Hopefully one day I'll have one to share.

Erin

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Well I am sorry it didn''t work out, but so pleased that you now have the opportinity to move on and meet the "real thing". You are a brave soul. An inspiration.

Thanks for sharing!

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I applaud you for making a hard decision, from experience I know that the thought process that you go through is definately not an easy one. There is no easy way to think about something like that. Just be thankful that you figured it out before it was too late. There are no easy answers to life''s tough questions. Things will only get better for you. Trust me. Its great that you are taking time for yourself now, thats whats most important. Enjoy life.


You are never to old to live life to the fullest!!

 

[belle]

Date: 5/23/2007 11:24:20 AM
Author:Starset Princess

I''ve found since our separation that I have lots of friends. Turns out I wasn''t balancing that very well when I used to wait around for him to give me the attention I wanted. Turns out I''m a natural at golf. Turns out there are plenty of guys who know how to treat women. Turns out I''m infinitely happier by myself than I''ve been with him. I can''t believe I wanted to be with someone who didn''t make me happy just because we had already invested so much and promised already.

i know how very hard it is to come to this realization but it is so important for growth and happiness. i really believe that you will be stronger for this, even though it sometimes feels insurmountable ''starting over''.
you will find someone that is right for you at the right time. it shouldn''t ever feel forced or one sided. take this time to rediscover YOU and enjoy the time doing it. everything else will fall into place.

thanks for checking in, i was wondering how you were doing!

take care

 

[bee*]

Hey

Well done on doing the right thing for you!! A lot of women would have taken him back but I think it''s great that you really listened to you and decided what was going to be better for you. I think that your post is great and can really help people who are deciding what to do. Best of luck and hopefully you will be back soon as a LIW

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Thanks for the update and good for you SP!!! I''m so glad you came to the resolution that you know is right and you''re being strong through this difficult process.

 

[onedrop]

SP: (although I always think of you as "Erin") I am glad you came back with an update. Sounds like you are in a really good place right now, though you are going through a separation. You sound strong and sure and that is a GOOD thing! Take care...

 

[anchor31]

Erin - You are very brave and strong to do what you''re doing. I applaud you for following your gut and doing what is right for you! You self discoveries are very inspiring. My thoughts are with you!

 

[Kaleigh]

Erin,
Good for you girl. I am so happy to hear you are doing well. You sound strong, and very happy. I wish you only the best going foward!!

 

[Becky P]

You sound so strong and confident in your decision. That is amazing! I am sure that it wasn''t an easy decision to come to by any stretch of the imagination, but as they say, "what doesn''t kill you can only make you stronger." I can TOTALLY understand the not wanting to take him back after it had ended. I''m pretty sure that I''d feel the same way in that situation - which is why I''m sticking with things for now. It''s been a long road, and we''ve gone through a lot, but I really think that one day soon (probably gonna be boy soon tho... but hopefully girl soon!) I''ll be posting a FINALLY IT HAPPENED story! I''m hedging my bets on a Maui proposal in November, but we shall see... stranger things have been known to happen... Good luck with everything, and be sure to check in with us every now and then and just say hello!!!

 

[Erin]

WOW! I forgot how much you guys are a pick-me-up to the self esteem.
It''s so nice to hear you guys echo my validations!

You know what? I am happy and I do feel strong! I think when you know the true answers to the tough questions you can face them head on - tough as they may be - it''s being uncertain that stresses people out.

He came last night and was teary eyed through parts of it - but my emotions are empty for him. It just is what it is now. It''s hard to watch him be so hurt by this decision as he throws away greeting cards and packs up his yearbooks. But we didn''t get to this place overnight. The closer we get to total separation the more empowered I feel.

My girlfriends are going to help me paint my new house walls, sew curtains for me, plant flowers - they''re so excited for me. Not because they disliked him or "him and I," but because they can all see the real me coming out. They make comments like I''ve never seen you with so much energy, your face is just glowing, you laugh and smile more. I love girlfriends!!!

Like many girls do after a break up they change things about their old ways. I decided to cut and dye my hair. I feel Sassy

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. I will be here more often!!!

 

[Erin]

New hair

 

[bee*]

I love the hair cut! It really suits you. Definitely hang around here more often!!

 

[janinegirly]

i loved reading your update! It is so cool and refreshing to see someone dig down and be honest and realize that sometimes it''s a million times better to feel strong and confident (healthy self esteem) EVEN if it means being alone for a bit rather than clinging on and basing our perceived happiness on a ring! so few women realize this--usually we are in denial and make a million excuses until we forget who we are. And look at who you ARE--a strong, vibrant, FUN and gorgeous person (i really love the haircut).
You bf sounds upset and probably totally surprised, but I have to say I feel kind of good to see the tables turned! Guys who keep girls around for years and years making empty promises should realize that it isn''t a sure bet that she''ll stick around or her feeligns won''t change! The waiting and endless conversations with no action does eventually poison the relationship. He lost a great thing, and it took him too long to realize it. When he did, you''d already moved on! Bravo!!!!! I bet you''ll be a LIW soon with Mr. Right--who won''t want to waste a second making you wait!

Keep us posted!

 

[Anastasia]

Erin,

I mostly lurk, but have followed your story. Congratulations on your decision. It sounds like you have no regrets - and as far as I''m concerned that is the true test of whether you made the right decision. Funny how the separation has made him realize what he reallly wants. I would be suspicious of that too - you want someone who can''t wait to marry you. It is the best feeling in the world when you both feel that way.

I know you will find it! You sound like such a bright, fun girl. You are approaching this as an adventure and in a positive light. I''m sure it has been a long road, but you sound strong and like you are sure you have done the right thing.

Best of Luck going forward, and keep us posted!

 

[FireGoddess]

Starset, I am SO happy to hear from you. I have thought about you often and wondered how you were doing. It sounds like you have come to some major realization in your life and I am so happy for you. You sound like you''ve thought about this alot and I really admire your gumption!! I hope there''s lots more happiness in store for you!!

 

[anchor31]

I love the new hair!

 

[FireGoddess]

Omigosh - I scanned the replies and didn''t see your pic - you are a beauty, girl!!!! Love the hair!

 

[Kit]

Wow. This is really great. Reminds me of my friend who, a few years ago, finally moved on from a guy who was good to her, but just an okay guy, they didn''t have a great spark. And she had WAITED for the ring for years. One day she was just like, I''m through. She moved out just as he was about to propose. (great timing on his part, huh?

) Well, after she moves out she says she feels "freshly scrubbed." I love that to this day! Fast forward a few years, she marries one of her best guy friends and they are living happily together. Just celebrated their one year anniversary.

Kudos to you, SP. And P.S. - you are so freakin'' adorable!

 

[flopkins]

hey there!!

nice to see an old ''face''... I myself have not be around PS much lately...

glad to see you are doing better than ever... love the hair!!!

 

[Pandora II]

I know just how you feel! I did exactly that with one of my ex''s. Sat there waiting for six years and then something suddenly snapped. I realised I was happier when he wasn''t there and that I had been sacrificing my friends, my life and my talents to sit around and pander to his every need. When he finally decided to propose I just felt empty - and walked away.

I also spent 2 years dating a guy with a total role reversal. It really shook me up as to just how irritating it can be to be with someone who martyrs themselves for you and doesn''t look after their own happiness. You don''t love them more because of all they do for you. You just end up resenting them and losing respect. was a real eyeopener to me about some of my bad habits and tendency to evolve into a doormat in relationships.

I''m now engaged to a wonderful man who is my partner and equal, and who loves himself as much as he loves me. I''m sure that the same will happen to you Starset Princess. In the meantime make the most of the single life - it''s lots of fun having time for YOU!

 

[ChargerGrrl]

Oh Starset, I remember you!

I admire your courage and dedication to yourself. You took the bull by the horns, girl! Get ready for a great ride.

 

[kanne]

Erin

It''s nice to hear from you and I''m glad that you are out there - living large. Congratulations on being ready to make the leap and trust in yourself. You. Go. Girl.

Lovey

 

[Croí]

starset -
another ''oldie'' here, I remember you too and I''ve been there .... {only for me it went the other way round, he didn''t want me after all} BUT it was still the best ... because then I met my darling hubby and now look at me ! Happily married to a ridiculous degree {probably illegal amounts of married bliss - ha!} and I''m a Mum now too. Life is PEACHY !

it''s great you have such support and that you know and can feel how right this is for you.

look out world SP is about to bloom !

happy for ya !
Croí

 

[fatafelice]

Erin!

I guess I am a little late, but I was just thinking about some of the old LIW girls and wondering how you in particular (and also Blueroses) were doing...I did a search and this popped up!

I am so happy for you because *you* sound so happy! Congrats on making such a tough decision and coming out better on the other side. With all of the positive energy you seem to be putting out there these days, I just know that life will have even more happiness for you in the future!

Great to hear from you! Come back often!

ETA: You're hair looks AWESOME too!

 

[Erin]

Well, I''m finally moved in. Love, love, love my new place. Almost every square inch was painted - heavy cream walls with white trim and doors, and each room gets a one color accent on either one or two walls - all harmonious with each other of course.

Quit smoking.

Found a gorgeous man to spend my days (and nights) with when I feel like it. He''s been divorced about 1.5 years and I''ve been his first (and second and third and fourth...) date. Between dating and marriage he was with his ex for almost 18 years and they have two boys - 7 and 4. He''s such a dedicated father. I haven''t met the children and I''m not anxious to either. This ''relationship'' is about us and having fun, dinners and movies, bowling and golfing, and building each other''s self esteem back up, and doing things we miss doing with a partner - I know what you''re thinking lol!

Poor ex is adamant that this is temporary. He ''knows'' that no matter who comes into our lives no girl will ever compare to me and no guy will ever have the connection I shared with him. You know what? True on both counts. Maybe I needed a better connection, and of course no, you''ll have a hard time finding a girl who wants it all from you and has as much if not more to give back. Good luck, buddy!

I feel so up, up, and away. I truely haven''t been this happy in a long time. I wish you all these moments where everything seems to be just right.

 

[mrssalvo]

starset,

I hardly visit this forum any more but popped in over here today and saw your threads. Girl, I followed your story and just want to say i''m so happy for you and that you are doing so great. You sound so happy and joyful which is a huge difference from posts of the past. congrats on the new guy too and yay for you for not settling!!!!

 

[redfaerythinker]

I would just like to say congratulations. I went through the same thing about a year ago. My guy broke up with me and six months later he realized that he loved me. I looked at him and knew that while we were good together and that we would probably be pretty happy, that I was sure that there was someone out there that would be great. I found my great guy and I hope that now you''ll be able to find yours. Good luck... let us know how it goes!

 

[dianne]

I loved your story...I mean, I''m sorry it didn''t work out--but you have turned this into a wonderful, inspirational message for someone who may need to hear your words to make a hard decision about their own situation. You have found there is...(enter booming, echoing voice) LIFE BEYOND BOYFRIEND. I know so many who can''t seem to do that even when it is evident it should be over. How nice of you to share your story....and despite the fact the relationship is over I am glad you sound perfectly OK with the decision. Good for you!!

 

[poptart]

Sorry it didn't work out, but so glad that you are HAPPY! You 'sound' just great! I'm about ready to forward your story on to a girl I know who needs a little push and liberation. Yay for you!

*M*

ETA: Love the hair!!