Am I out of line?

[Smurfysmiles]

Ok, so one of the bridesmaids is complaining that there are enough dress choices in holly tea length from db. There are 4 and further more a longer one could be altered. I told her I''m already letting everyone pick the dress they want as long as it is tea length. Am I out of line here?

It feels as though everyone is so wrapped up in their own problems that they forget that I''m not asking much of them, just to pick a dress and show up basically and they get so picky about everything

 

[Tuckins1]

I don''t think you''re being unreasonable at all. You gave her a few parameters and let her pick the rest, so she should be happy with that! I gave my girls a website, and told them what color I wanted. Everything else was up to them. They all had different dresses, but the same color. Same thing with the shoes. They looked great! Tell your friend to stop being so picky... There must be at least one that she likes!!!

 

[BigDiamonds]

Nope, perfectly reasonable. It may not be her ideal dress, but I''m sure she can find something that is just fine.

I think people sometimes lose track of how far the bridesmaid role has come...it used to be one dress with big puffy sleeves in a horrible color. At least she gets to pick!!!

 

[Smurfysmiles]

ok thank you so much guys
i hate being firm about things with friends bc i want them to be happy too

 

[trillionaire]

you can remind people that being in the bridal party is a privilege, not an obligation. If she would rather wear something else, I''m sure it would look lovely on her as a guest.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/10/2009 10:09:22 PM
Author: trillionaire
you can remind people that being in the bridal party is a privilege, not an obligation. If she would rather wear something else, I''m sure it would look lovely on her as a guest.

lol ooooh snap trill

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Nope, not at all. You are letting them pick. If there is a longer one they like better, a decent seamstress (other than DB, they''re pricey!) should be able to alter a longer one with no problem, and hopefully not charge a lot to do it.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

And, to add, you can''t spend your time worrying about what others think. You''ve got way too much to do rather than to coddle someone because they aren''t happy with the dress selection!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

I second what everyone else says... You''re being quite flexible. You totally have the option to say, "You girls are wearing THIS dress. Period." Instead, you''re not even being picky about FABRIC... Just color and length. They can choose less costly dresses or else choose a dress that is uber-uber flattering.

Granted, the BM is paying for her own dress BUTTTT, as Trill said, It''s a PRIVILEGE to be a maid. And whether they like it or not, it should be all about the bride & groom and what they want for their wedding.

That being said, it''s still very nice that you''re trying to determine the best way to handle this situation and trying to remain fair and civil. It shows what a good friend you are!

 

[missjaxon]

I agree with everybody else here, she is lucky that you are allowing them to chose their own dresses. I don''t think asking that they all be a certain color and length is asking a lot. It ultimately is about your vision of the day and you would hope that your bridesmaid would have your happiness in mind. There are just certain times in life it is all about you and in my opinion I think your wedding day should be one of those days (as long as you are still considerate of others and don''t become a bridezilla!

)

 

[Deelight]

Date: 1/10/2009 9:50:32 PM
Author: BigDiamonds
Nope, perfectly reasonable. It may not be her ideal dress, but I''m sure she can find something that is just fine.


I think people sometimes lose track of how far the bridesmaid role has come...it used to be one dress with big puffy sleeves in a horrible color. At least she gets to pick!!!

Ditto, also by lettting them pick your letting them pick thier own budgets, tell her the harden up (nicely of course

), good luck .

 

[honey22]

Ditto, I think sometimes problems can arise when you get them too much freedom to choose. Ultimately you need to be happy and might just have to nicely pull rank

 

[galvana]

i agree with everyone, they should be happy with you letting them pick!
but i am finding that wedding planning can be "not so much fun" and you are always going to make someone unhappy.
lol

 

[Nocturnius]

No, you aren''t being unreasonable.

I tried to let my girls pick their own dresses. The two bridesmaids who actually stuck it out and were actually IN the wedding both picked the same dress. The one that ditched had me drive three and a half hours across the state to the only bridal salon that carried the specific dress she anted and then never showed up to meet me.

You''ve given them THREE criteria, designer, color and length. If they can''t do that, that''s just ridiculous. I suggest telling them to at least TRY the dresses on - trust me, they NEVER look like the photo.

I''m sorry you''re having to deal with this.

 

[anniee19]

I don''t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think letting bridesmaids choose their own styles is being very flexible, and I did the same thing. But, did you choose to go to David''s Bridal because you really loved those 4 dresses? If so- I completly think that''s fine and understandable that you ask them to wear any of those 4. But if you''re not crazy about the style of any of those four, I would recommend looking at other bridal shops for more variety. I say that because we went to a local shop and then to David''s Bridal and I wasn''t impressed with the selection of short dresses. There really aren''t that many styles and they are almost all in satin (for you- completly fine for a fall or winter wedding but I''m getting married in May and wanted something lightweight). At the other local bridal shop, we found about 4 different lines of dresses that were all similar but with different top styles that came millons of colors. The dresses came to a total of $130 with a 10% discount and all of my bridesmaids were over the moon that they got to choose a style that they really loved and looked best for them. 2 chose straps, 2 chose strapless and one chose halter. Let me see if I can find a pic to attach. We ended up going with long dresses after all, when I planned on going with tea- length. It really helps to see the dresses on a realy person! Good luck with getting your bridesmaids on board- the hardest part for me was getting them into the store to be fitted and have their dresses ordered! Took us forever!

 

[Haven]

Date: 1/11/2009 8:40:16 AM
Author: Nocturnius
No, you aren''t being unreasonable.


I tried to let my girls pick their own dresses. The two bridesmaids who actually stuck it out and were actually IN the wedding both picked the same dress. The one that ditched had me drive three and a half hours across the state to the only bridal salon that carried the specific dress she anted and then never showed up to meet me.

You''ve given them THREE criteria, designer, color and length. If they can''t do that, that''s just ridiculous. I suggest telling them to at least TRY the dresses on - trust me, they NEVER look like the photo.


I''m sorry you''re having to deal with this.

Ditto. I let my girls pick their own dresses, too, and I really should have just chosen one and given them the purchasing information.

I agree that if they don''t want to play by these very reasonable rules, they do not have to stand up in the wedding. They can certainly attend as a guest and wear whatever they choose.

 

[musey]

It doesn''t really matter if you''re being reasonable or not, because you cannot change what''s available. You also cannot change how she feels about what''s available. So you''re kind of out of options.

The best you can do is say yes, I''m sorry there aren''t more options (even if you''re not), but I hope that you can find something acceptable to you. Though I''m not sure exactly why she''d be picky because (and I mean absolutely no offense here) that color doesn''t seem very re-wearable - so if it''s just for the one day then why does it matter if she likes the dress?? If it were me, I''d just go for the cheapest one

The only other thing I could suggest is buying by-the-yard fabric from DB and letting her make her own, if she really wants to.

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/11/2009 2:05:59 PM
Author: musey
It doesn''t really matter if you''re being reasonable or not, because you cannot change what''s available. You also cannot change how she feels about what''s available. So you''re kind of out of options.

The only other thing I could suggest is buying by-the-yard fabric from DB and letting her make her own, if she really wants to.

+1

 

[Smurfysmiles]

Date: 1/11/2009 4:38:56 PM
Author: Steel

Date: 1/11/2009 2:05:59 PM

Author: musey

It doesn''t really matter if you''re being reasonable or not, because you cannot change what''s available. You also cannot change how she feels about what''s available. So you''re kind of out of options.

The only other thing I could suggest is buying by-the-yard fabric from DB and letting her make her own, if she really wants to.

+1

haha nice

I think we may end up switching to longer dresses. My sister pointed out the other day and it will be the middle of november and in fargo which means...snow. plus there are more choices so i think i may be switching simply because of the seasonal concerns and hopefully everyone will be a little happier that way too

 

[kittybean]

Date: 1/11/2009 6:00:53 PM
Author: Smurfysmiles

Date: 1/11/2009 4:38:56 PM

I think we may end up switching to longer dresses. My sister pointed out the other day and it will be the middle of november and in fargo which means...snow. plus there are more choices so i think i may be switching simply because of the seasonal concerns and hopefully everyone will be a little happier that way too

That sounds extremely reasonable to me! Hopefully everyone will end up pleased with their choices.