Age difference between children?

[curlygirl]

Just wondering how many years (months) apart your children are. What are the pros and cons of having them close together or farther apart? Yes, I''m doing research for myself!

 

[lyra]

Three years by choice.

Lots of pros. Can''t think of cons. They are now almost 18 and 21. The biggest pro to date is they are not in university at the same time yet! I guess in the early days it was great to have only one in diapers at a time too.

 

[aljdewey]

I''m honestly more in favor of them closer together in age (i.e. 2-4 years apart).

Being closer in age means they''re more likely to share interests in the same activities at the same time, thereby having more shared experiences to build history together. My sister is 3.5 years younger than I, and I think much more than that would have made it hard for us to participate in things together.

My girlfriend''s sons are 20 and 11, and I see things that have been hard for them. Older children are naturally more expected to help out in babysitting/responsibility for younger sibs, which can foster a different relationship. Also now that he''s in college, the younger boy feels his absence quite a bit. It''s almost as though they''ve grown up in the same house, but not necessary as ''siblings'' would.

There is no ''right'', of course; it''s just what my goal would be in planning if I were fortunate enough to plan and execute.

 

[sumbride]

My siblings are all 3 years apart, but I was the "bonus baby" and there are 5 years between me and my closest sibling. My sister and I are 11 years apart. I''m not really close with any of my siblings. I used to have a good relationship with my oldest brother (8 years) but that has dropped off. I''d say 3 years is good... no stepping on each other''s toes, but still able to relate some. Five years makes it more like "2 only children in the same house". At least that is what it felt like for me.

My mom said 3 years was hard because they WERE in college at the same time... and as it took 5 years for each of them to finish, it overlapped by 2 years sometimes. It only took me 4 years but my school cost a lot more so that didn''t help much.

 

[Lynn B]

I am the youngest of 3 girls. My mom NEVER used birth control (EVER!

) and had Big Sister #1 ten months after she and dad were married. They thought another baby right away would be fine, so they just decided to let nature take its course. Well, nothing for TEN YEARS then Big Sister #2 came along. Same thinking on their part, and again, NOTHING for 7 years and then I came along. Then Mom had to have a hyterectomy, so that was the end of that! I deeply love my sisters and we are very close, despite the age differences (17 years between me and oldest sister!)

Fast forward. My DH and I got pregnant just a few months after we were married and had DS. We pretty much planned to just have an "only" but that thinking changed when DS was 10 years old and DD came along! So we have the big age span, too.

It definitely has its pros and cons. Our kids are close, despite the age difference. And when he was an older teenager... he was a really good occasional babysitter for his little sister, which was very convenient sometimes. College costs were spread out, and that helped. And only one teenager in the house at any given time probably saved my and DH's sanity! But one thing my mom and I laugh about is that when you have your kids far apart, it's like you are in PTA Hell - foreverandeverandever!!!

 

[Jul]

We have 3 children, 22 months apart....we got twins the second time around!

Pros: they are great friends to each other and all have similiar interests (they are all boys), they share friends at school, when doing family activies, everyone is in agreement with what they want to do

Cons: the early years were difficult, just taking care of 3 babies and once; they will all be headed to college around the same time (they''re now 13 & 15) and we are worried about how much we will be able to help them financially; when they do head to college, empty nest syndrome will probably hit us hard

Our "plan" was to have two children two years apart while in our twenties & a third later on in our thirties...plans don''t always work out how you want, but we wouldn''t change a thing!

 

[diamondfan]

I had my first two 2 years, 8 months apart, end of 1992 and summer of 1995 in 2001. It was not totally planned, I did miscarry a bit earlier and then got pregnant with my second.

I then had my third in 2001. I was not sure we would have the third and then we did. The age spread is large, but I am sort of happy, they are all boys so they really can have a strong bond, and when my middle goes to college I will still have one around! The empty nest thing does freak me out a bit, I am already thinking about my oldest leaving and having a rough time with that!!

Pros are that I will not be alone for a longer time now, cons are the age difference now is tough, even the older two who are closer in age are not always able to participate in the same things, though we tend to allow our 12 year old to do things at a younger age so he can be with his big brother. But my youngest is in a totally different place. I hope when they are older the ages won't be a factor, but sometimes now it is hard to entertain all three at the same time.

 

[mrssalvo]

my girls are 19 months apart and this one will be 4 years younger than my current youngest. It was very hard when my second came along. they were both in diapers etc. But, they both still napped so I could usually catch a nap too, which was nice. They truly are the best of friends and play together all the time, leaving me time to actually make dinner or whatever, without having to entertain one of them. We''ll see how having the 4 year spread works out. I actually wanted a to start trying for a 3rd a couple of years ago and hubby wasn''t on board. I think 2-3 years apart would be the ideal. of course nature doesn''t always agree, some come sooner and others take a lot longer, so I vote to start trying when YOU feel ready and not worry to much about the age spread. oh i ''m 4 years older than my brother and 6 years older than my sister. my sister and got along but didn''t really start becoming the close friends like we are now until we were much older.

 

[bee*]

I think 3 years is also good. There''s 3 years between my sister and I and we always had each other growing up and on holidays with our parents. There''s ten years between myself and my youngest sister and it has been difficult for her as my other sister and I aren''t home as much and she has to holiday alone with my parents etc.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

My boys are 22 months apart (5 & 7) and they have everything in common. They play with the same toys, watch the same TV shows, and can play outside doing similar activities, plus going to family events that we all can enjoy - movies being a big one. If they were many years apart, it''d be a pain because just as I was getting over the baby proofing stage, that whole process would be happening all over!

Having them close together was very tough the first few years, however, and I never got a break. Dealing with two car seats was stressful and it took me three times as long just to do simple tasks like running to the grocery store for dinner! Now, they do play alone enough that I can get time to myself, but the only down side is since they''re close in age and always together, they fight ALL THE TIME! Over the silliest of things, too, so that drives me nuts!

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think three years or less. My brother and I are a year and a half apart and we are very close and always have been even though we do not share any of the same interests.
My FI has three younger brothers, all about a year apart and they get along very well even though they have all taken very different paths in life.
My cousins are 5 years apart and they always fight, even now. I think the older one gets too used to being the only child when they have been alone that long.
My other cousins are 3 years apart and they seem to do fairly well together although not as close as my brother and I or my FI and his brothers

 

[Kaleigh]

My kids are 18 months apart. It was hectic having 2 in diapaers that''s for sure. But it goes by quickly. I loved seeing them play together and be such good friends. Now they fight all the time.

But they''ll come around, at least I hope so, hehe.

 

[nicolejrx]

My sister and I are 16 months 2 days apart and I am hoping to do the same when my husband and I have kids. My mom said yes it was hard when we were both babies but around ages 2 and 3 we were already playing with the same things and entertaining ourselves that she felt almost lonely sometimes! Hehe I am very close with my sister and I really want that for our future kids. As my husband and I look at it, "Short term pain for long term gain!"

Nicole

 

[Joolskie]

I was raised as an only child. I am now the mother of two boys who are 2.5 years apart in age. The sibling thing is something that I am figuring out as I go along. LOL!

There are benefits to my boys being close in age... now that they are 4- and 7-years-old, they share the same interests and play together very well. Conflicts are starting to come up now though as my older son wants to have play dates just be with him and his friend. I can totally understand his point. But I can''t have my younger son crying because he feels left out.

This example of course has raised it''s ugly head today. I would think that when children are further apart in age, this sort of thing does not occur as they are at different stages.

 

[Octavia]

I don''t have kids, but I am almost 8 years older than my brother and I wouldn''t advise spacing kids a "medium" distance apart. If we had been closer in age (up to 4 years apart) I think we would have felt more like siblings and less like kids inhabiting the same house. And if I had been older (12/13+) I would have relished having someone take up my parents'' attention

The trouble with my situation was that I was an only child, and really liked being an only child. I was old enough to understand that my life was going to seriously change, but not old enough to really understand or appreciate what it meant for my parents and our family. For a long time, I resented my brother a) for disrupting my life, and b) because he always got in the way when I had friends over, so my house wasn''t a popular gathering place and I constantly had to go elsewhere. He grew up resenting me because a) I was so much older and got to do things he couldn''t at the time, and b) he hated when I babysat and got to be "in charge" of him. It got better once I had a car, and better yet when I went away for college and adult life. But I still can''t say that my brother and I are close, even though we finally like each other. My good friend has a brother 7 years younger than her and they had virtually the same experience.

Honestly, the gender of the children probably makes a big difference in the way the relationship unfolds, but I will not be happy if I end up having kids spaced as my brother and I are. It''s just messy.

 

[somethingshiny]

I think whatever happens ends up being the "perfect" age gap. My brother and I are a year and a half a part and still very close. We played together and dated each other's friends. My sis is 6 years younger than me and we are very close. Her son is not quite a year younger than mine. My baby sis is 10 years younger than me and we are very close. She's just coming into her own and since I had such a hand in raising her, it's really neat to see.

I have a friend who's kids are 13 years apart and my brother's step-daughter and soon-to-be son will be almost 14 years apart. I also have a friend whose kids are not even TEN months apart. (for god's sake, let the girl recover...)

But, I digress, whatever happens seems perfect for each family.

ETA- from the practical standpoint, The stuff you have from the first child (crib, carseat, swing, etc) should still be usable for the second child if they are under 3 years apart. After that, safety stuff usually changes and could cause your carseat to no longer be legal. And, after 5 years, it would be like raising another "only child" or another set of children (as in my family, the "big kids" and the "little girls" were two seperate entities.)

 

[divergrrl]

my two are 2yrs 9 mos apart....i love the difference....i think that time frame to about 3.5 years is great if you can swing it!

Lilly so cute you need another?

 

[sunnyd]

I''m the oldest in my family, my sis and I are 16 months apart, which was both good and bad...sometimes we would get along and play fine because we were the same age and had similar interests. But because we were the same age and had similar interests, we often fought for the attention from the parents, because it was "the same spotlight". Does that even make sense?!

On the other hand, my brother and I are 6 years apart, and it''s a much different relationship. I don''t know my brother as well as I know my sister, because the gap meant we just didn''t ''hang out'' as much.

But in my BF''s family there are 4 kids with a 10 year age span, and they''re close as could be! My family is weird I guess...hehe.

 

[upgrading mama]

my first 2 kids are 15 months apart and I am currently 17weeks prego with number 3. He/she will be just over 4 yrs younger than #1 and just under 3 yrs younger than #2.

Well my first 2 are boys and are total playmates. Of course they fight over toys sometimes but it is definately nice to have them together to keep eachother occupied..since we are already in that stage already. While it was a ''surprse'' to us to have them so close together, in hind sight, I couldn''t be happier. I was almost tempted to not have the 3rd if it didn''t happen soon bc I think 4 yrs will be a bigger gap to overcome, especially when 1 and 2 are so close.

So, I am advocate for "closer together".

 

[Haven]

I''m six years older than my sister, and I always wished we were closer in age. We''re extremely close now, as adults, but when we were younger she was so little that we were never really close then. When we have kids, I''d like them to be as close together in age as I can manage. I have no idea how close that will be, but preferrably somewhere around two years. (I know--easier said than done.)

 

[robbie3982]

Date: 1/21/2008 6:03:48 PM
Author: Octavia
I don''t have kids, but I am almost 8 years older than my brother and I wouldn''t advise spacing kids a ''medium'' distance apart. If we had been closer in age (up to 4 years apart) I think we would have felt more like siblings and less like kids inhabiting the same house. And if I had been older (12/13+) I would have relished having someone take up my parents'' attention

The trouble with my situation was that I was an only child, and really liked being an only child. I was old enough to understand that my life was going to seriously change, but not old enough to really understand or appreciate what it meant for my parents and our family. For a long time, I resented my brother a) for disrupting my life, and b) because he always got in the way when I had friends over, so my house wasn''t a popular gathering place and I constantly had to go elsewhere. He grew up resenting me because a) I was so much older and got to do things he couldn''t at the time, and b) he hated when I babysat and got to be ''in charge'' of him. It got better once I had a car, and better yet when I went away for college and adult life. But I still can''t say that my brother and I are close, even though we finally like each other. My good friend has a brother 7 years younger than her and they had virtually the same experience.

Honestly, the gender of the children probably makes a big difference in the way the relationship unfolds, but I will not be happy if I end up having kids spaced as my brother and I are. It''s just messy.

I''m 8 years older than my sister. I actually really wanted a little brother or sister and we got along great up until I started middle school. From about 11-18 I was a very bratty preteen/teenager. By the time I finally got over my bratty teenager stage, she was just starting hers lol. Luckily she''s way less bratty at 16 than I was so we get along now, but we''re definitely not close.

Part of our lack of closeness probably has to do with the fact that I only lived in the same area as her for a few months at a time since I turned 18 and left for college (was that really 6 years ago already???). It also doesn''t help that she hates talking on the phone.

I''m definitely jealous of people who have siblings close in age that they''re close to. I want to have mine no more than 3 years apart for this reason.

 

[CrownJewel]

My brother is 6 years older than me (we don''t get along at all...but I don''t think it''s an age difference problem). I am the middle child. My sister is 5 years younger than me. I am proof of what Alj said re: significantly older siblings having the obligation to babysit. My brother didn''t have to babysit me as much because my grandparents were still around to take care of me. But then they passed away soon after my sister was born. In middle school and high school, I was not allowed to take part in after school activities because I had to pick up my sister from school, cook for her, play with her because both of my parents worked and my brother was off doing HIS after school activities (which was "ok, because he''s a boy").

I love my sister to death and we get along VERY VERY well. I am very proud of her, and I had fun playing "teacher" as she was growing up. I am sometimes jealous though, that I couldn''t pursue a lot of my interests because I was responsible for her during the times that my friends were out playing and taking part in sports or other extracurriculars.

Obviously, not all parents are like mine...if you are mindful of giving each child equal opportunity, then they''ll turn out great! I think I turned out ok anyway, despite being a professional babysitter at age 11!!

 

[snowflakeluvr]

my first two children are twenty two months apart. our last two children are twenty one months apart. i think that is too close.
my children are 19,17,12, 4 and 2.
my favorite span is between the 17 and 12 year old. the older two were in school and my (not so little now)guy and i had the MOST fun, shopping, napping, parks, lunch with daddy, etc..
if you have an available and very helpful spouse(mine has always traveled) and/or grandparents/family support, any age should be great. i will always wish i had had some help from family, even though i know that over-involvement can have its drawbacks.
good luck with your decision-when you''re all done having children, your family will be exactly as it is meant to be!

 

[LitigatorChick]

O months apart - one baby is all I can handle!!!!

 

[Allisonfaye]

My daughters are 2 and 4 (20 months apart to the day). I love it. They are so sweet together. They play great together. I didn''t expect to get pregnant at 41 the first month that we tried but I am so glad it happened. I think my girls will always be the best of friends. Since my sisters and I are not close, that means the world to me.

 

[qtiekiki]

I am in the middle in my family. My older sis is 2yrs older than me, and I am 18mos older than my younger sis. I''ve always been really close to both, but there were time when my older and younger sis weren''t as close as they are since their age difference is bigger. We hung out, did a lot of things together and shared clothes. It''s really fun to grow up with someone around your age. Plus the kids learn faster with each other around.

 

[fleur-de-lis]

I''m engaged and a traditionalist, so that means I don''t have kids yet.

My brother and I are two years apart, however, and I think for the most part it worked out really well... well, at least for me, hee hee. We played together quite a bit when I was a child, so I was always exposed to educational playthings a few years more advanced than what I should have been. When my father began to teach my older brother how to read, I hung around and learned to read at a ridiculously early age. His friends became my friends and my friends became his, so there was less gender biases in both of our attitudes which I think served us both well as adults. If you asked him, he might hold a few resentments, lol. Whenever he''d fight for a more permissive age-appropriate curfew, I pretty much got one by default. He broke in all the teachers at school, and by the time I had them I had a crib sheet of what to do to receive good grades from each.

But I suppose he got his revenge in his own way: being a natural class clown, he made ALL of the teachers really wary and afraid of the next one of us who came along, so I typically had to spend the first few weeks of each new school year tiptoeing around the teacher. In many ways, being two years apart makes our relationship very similar to the occasionally combative and occasionally cooperative relationship of Bart Simpson and Lisa Simpson!

 

[zoebartlett]

My sister and I are almost 6 years apart. I think my parents wanted their kids to be closer in age but things didn''t work out that way. I''m sure my parents liked that I could babysit alone when I became old enough. My sister and I got along pretty well but it was hard at times, especially when I had friends over. She always wanted to play with us and we wouldn''t let her. It probably would have been easier if we were closer in age and then we might have played together more.

If my FI and I have kids, I think we''d like to have them about 2 or 3 years apart. We''re still on the fence though.

 

[Miranda]

My boys are 20 mos. apart and DD was born 7 years after DS #2 was born. There are pros and cons to both. I love having the boys close together. They are great friends and play together constantly. They did bicker a lot when they were younger, but, now they get along great - for the most part. DD is kind of like an only child because of the 7 year spread. She and I do things together a lot because DH and the boys are doing things that older kids do. I am glad she''s a girl because I think a little boy would feel really left out. It doesn''t bother her at all when the boys are off together doing their thing. Their interests and her''s are very different and she''d rather not be playing sports like them...She''s more of a ballet girl...And they are NOT ballet boys, LOL! When there is a bigger gap in ages you have more time to spend individually with each child. I don''t think that is a pro or con it''s just a matter of perspective. Good luck with your decision! I''m looking forward to seeing another darling Curly baby around here!

 

[iheartscience]

I don''t have kids, but my older siblings are 5, 7 and 10 years older than my twin sister and me. We were definitely "pleasant surprises!" Growing up I was definitely best friends with my twin sister, but we did play with our older brothers sometimes, who are 5 and 7 years older. They both wrestled, so they especially enjoyed testing out their wrestling moves on us.

I think they contributed to us both being really into sports, though, which was great.

My older sister was 10 when we were born, and she helped my mother out a lot. So much that we used to call her and my mom both "Mommy" when we were little! Once she went away to college, we really barely knew her, though. She did move back in with my parents for about 2 years while she got her master''s degree, and she''s said several times that she''s glad she lived with us again because she really got to know me and my twin sister. Now us three sisters are the closest out of all five of us, and I think that has a lot to do with being female and just staying closer than with my brothers.

My mom is really glad she had us because she always said she would have been so lonely without us! And I really didn''t mind the gap because I had my twin sister and because by then my parents were a lot less strict and we got away with a lot more than my older siblings did! They''re still bitter about it, I think!