Wedding Ag. 3 weeks engaged and already frustrated.

[sugarjo]

Hey ladies,
I''d really appreciate a new perspective on my situation. My FI and mother and myself have been trying to nail down a date for an engagement party, pretty easy right.....Not so much.
Initially we thought it would be nice to do right before Christmas because FI''s dad will be here from his home in Miami, and sister will be in from her home in D.C. Only problem their is my sister (and MOH) will not be able to come to town because it is her boyfriends college graduation. We can''t do it the weekend after Christmas because FI''s mom and step dad will be leaving from their place in Mexico. Next complication: FI''s mom didn''t even get back to me about another possible date, Feb 1st (our 3rd anniversary), until yesterday, 2 weeks after I tried to get initially a hold of them (they were having issues with computers and such down in Mexico). They will be home for the month of December, but away from January until the beginning of March. So Feb 1st out.
Also my dad, also form other side of country, said he would try to make it out in early Feb for skiing/e-party. Now my dad and I are fairly estranged, to put it mildly, but it would be a nice gesture if he could make it. If I wait until March it will be six months since we''ve been engaged!
Am I being way to high maintenance here, I mean, it''s the engagement party, not the wedding.

 

[Haven]

There will be many decisions to be made between now and your wedding date, and you''ll find that none of the solutions satisfy everyone.

I think you need to pick the date that works best for the people who you really want in attendance. If there isn''t one date that works for everyone, so be it. You only become high maintenance when you start expecting a perfect solution to things like this. Compromise is key, here.

 

[Sabine]

I was going to say the same stuff as Haven. Pick the date that works best for you, and if it is important enough to the other people, they will work it out for themselves.

 

[meresal]

Date: 11/17/2008 4:23:26 PM
Author:sugarjo
Hey ladies,
I'd really appreciate a new perspective on my situation. My FI and mother and myself have been trying to nail down a date for an engagement party, pretty easy right.....Not so much.
Initially we thought it would be nice to do right before Christmas because FI's dad will be here from his home in Miami, and sister will be in from her home in D.C. Only problem their is my sister (and MOH) will not be able to come to town because it is her boyfriends college graduation. We can't do it the weekend after Christmas because FI's mom and step dad will be leaving from their place in Mexico. Next complication: FI's mom didn't even get back to me about another possible date, Feb 1st (our 3rd anniversary), until yesterday, 2 weeks after I tried to get initially a hold of them (they were having issues with computers and such down in Mexico). They will be home for the month of December, but away from January until the beginning of March. So Feb 1st out.
Also my dad, also form other side of country, said he would try to make it out in early Feb for skiing/e-party. Now my dad and I are fairly estranged, to put it mildly, but it would be a nice gesture if he could make it. If I wait until March it will be six months since we've been engaged!
Am I being way to high maintenance here, I mean, it's the engagement party, not the wedding.

At the risk of being blunt, and others may not agree, I would say... Yes. Also, getting frustrated with your FMIL this far out, is not going to bode well for the rest of the planning. You have to learn to be patient, especially with people that are out of town. Which it sounds like you have a lot of. Every bride will have this moment, but you have to realize, not everyone is going to have your wedding listed 1st on their things-to-do list, like you and your FI are.

It's the engagement "party", not gathering for all the family. IMHO, that is what showers and weddings are for. Our engagement party was strictly friends and we had a grand ole' time. You should just pick a date, invite who you want, and if they make it, they make it. We didn't do gifts or anything for our party, we just met up for dinner in Austin and went out.

 

[beebrisk]

Date: 11/17/2008 4:40:42 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 11/17/2008 4:23:26 PM

Author:sugarjo

Hey ladies,

I''d really appreciate a new perspective on my situation. My FI and mother and myself have been trying to nail down a date for an engagement party, pretty easy right.....Not so much.

Initially we thought it would be nice to do right before Christmas because FI''s dad will be here from his home in Miami, and sister will be in from her home in D.C. Only problem their is my sister (and MOH) will not be able to come to town because it is her boyfriends college graduation. We can''t do it the weekend after Christmas because FI''s mom and step dad will be leaving from their place in Mexico. Next complication: FI''s mom didn''t even get back to me about another possible date, Feb 1st (our 3rd anniversary), until yesterday, 2 weeks after I tried to get initially a hold of them (they were having issues with computers and such down in Mexico). They will be home for the month of December, but away from January until the beginning of March. So Feb 1st out.

Also my dad, also form other side of country, said he would try to make it out in early Feb for skiing/e-party. Now my dad and I are fairly estranged, to put it mildly, but it would be a nice gesture if he could make it. If I wait until March it will be six months since we''ve been engaged!

Am I being way to high maintenance here, I mean, it''s the engagement party, not the wedding.

At the risk of being blunt, and others may not agree, I would say... Yes. Also, getting frustrated with your FMIL this far out, is not going to bode well for the rest of the planning. You have to learn to be patient, especially with people that are out of town. Which it sounds like you have a lot of. Every bride will have this moment, but you have to realize, not everyone is going to have your wedding listed 1st on their things-to-do list, like you and your FI are.


It''s the engagement ''party'', not gathering for all the family. IMHO, that is what showers and weddings are for. Our engagement party was strictly friends and we had a grand ole'' time. You should just pick a date, invite who you want, and if they make it, they make it. We didn''t do gifts or anything for our party, we just met up for dinner in Austin and went out.

I have to agree with Meresal here, sorry.

There''s no way to coordinate everyone''s availability and plan a party around that. It''s never gonna happen with so many people involved and you will drive yourself crazy trying to do so.

Pick a date and make sure the MOST IMPORTANT people to you are able to make it. After that, everyone is on their own.

Also, remember that while your life is now consumed with engagement stuff and wedding planning, everyone else (except maybe Mom) is going about their business so you cannot expect them to spend a whole lot of energy worrying about your dates, etc...

Just my 2cents. Good Luck with everything...I hope it works out for you.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Actually, I think engagement parties arose as an occasion for both sides of the bride and grooms familys to meet eachother. There isn''t a norm anymore so I suppose some people make it a party with friends, some people do family and friends. I don''t think there is a right or a wrong way to do an engagment party. I completely understand your situation as my mom and future step dad live in a different state than FI family and our collective friends. We are personally waiting to have an engagment party till the spring when our familes can meet. That is the purpose so that they can be introduced prior to the wedding. Who cares if its 6 months later its before the wedding and that is when they could make it here. We might not call it an engagment party but that is what in a way it will be.

As a side note. Not all of my family will be there. Too hard to coordinate so many schedules.

Good luck.

 

[Dannielle]

We got enagaged on the 27th of September and our engagement party is on the 21st of february, some people consider that a long time but it suited FI and I. If people can''t come, to bad for them.. we are having it to suit us.. if you start worrying about everyone else, especially this early in you''ll never be happy.

 

[somehowcollide]

Have you considered having a Friday/Sunday party instead? Or even something on a weeknight?