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Advice you woul give your younger self

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
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Daily Mail had an article recently where people shared advice they would give their younger selves. A lot of them centered around losing a loved one and not getting to say goodbye. Some others were regrets about marrying the wrong person or giving someone too many chances to do right with no positive change or outcome.

We have all learned some important life lessons by now, so what would you tell your younger self?
 

missy

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Hi Stephanie, I am interested to hear others responses but fyi here is a similar thread.

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/things-you-wish-someone-had-told-you-when-you-were-younger.222731/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/things-you-wish-someone-had-told-you-when-you-were-younger.222731/[/URL]


My advice remains the same.

1. I wish I had realized back then (pre-teen and younger) that no matter what you do there will always be people who won't like you. Once I realized this fact I decided to stop trying to be a people pleaser. And I am much more at peace with myself because of it. I know there are people who don't like me and people I don't like and that's OK. I refuse to have frenemies in my life and other negative energy and influences. There are some things I cannot control but this is one of them and I no longer put up with negativity and people who are toxic to me or my loved ones. Huge and freeing. Wish I had known this when I was a little girl. And the corollary to this that what other people think of you does not matter. To achieve this you have to have the self confidence and peace of mind that comes from within to know it just doesn't matter. That's on them. Not on you.


2. Though I had been told this many times by people I didn't internalize it until I was already much older. And that is that live in the moment. Don't spend time worrying about what was, what will be and instead focus on the here and now and enjoy being young because it all goes so fast. And man does it ever. I am going to be 51 this August and I really cannot fully comprehend how quickly the last 5 decades have flown by. What happened? I was so busy worrying and fretting and studying and working and doing what I thought was the best I could do when life was speeding by so quickly. Living in the moment is (for me) the hardest thing to do but the most rewarding way to experience each day IMO.

I still find this hard because as one gets older generally there are more things to worry about but I work hard on this every day because nothing worthwhile is easy and it is worth the reward of being able to enjoy each moment as it comes.


3. Again I was told this many times growing up. By my dad, my mom, my grandmother, my grandfather. But I just didn't internalize what they were saying at that young age. That no matter how awful things may be at the present time it won't last. Usually. Everything changes. Change is inevitable. Nothing can stop change. So if you are going through a particularly tough and challenging time remember that. It won't last forever and things will get better. Of course the opposite is true too so that brings me back to point 2. Live in the moment and enjoy it while it lasts. Change is hard for me but I am learning that it is OK because sometimes things change for the better sometimes for the worse but always change will continue.


4. I wish someone had told me that going through painful and unhappy experiences in life are necessary to find true joy and happiness. To this day I wish it wasn't so but it is. To achieve peace and happiness you should try to avoid pain and sadness and challenges but learn to live with them and only then will you have the ability to experience true peace and contentment. I didn't do a great job explaining that so I hope it makes sense.


5. Life is not about being "successful" at work, your career, making money, having material possessions etc. Success is not about things or even accomplishments. It's about achieving inner peace and having close and loving supportive relationships.

Again, I was told this time and again by my loved ones when I was a child but still there was a lot of confusion in my mind because I was also told to work hard in school and do the best I could so I could have a good career when I was an adult and have an "easy" life. So you can see where I might have been a bit confused. My parents did share lots of wisdom with me and one big one was to work hard and do the best I could. They never expected more from me as long as I tried my best. I give them credit for not putting pressure on me to achieve the impossible like some of my friend's parents did to them. They just never expected me to do less than I could and always focused on me achieving my personal best. Any extra pressure I put on myself and was not their fault.

6. I was actually including this one with the above thoughts but decided it deserves to have its own listing. And that is that Inner peace and happiness comes from within and not from material possessions or even from other people. YOU are responsible for your happiness and no one else. No matter the external circumstances and outside influences it is up to you to find peace from within. This quote says it best IMO."'The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..."
True dat.
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
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Missy,

My bad, I had no idea there was an existing thread similar to this. I think it is so hard not to worry when you are younger and I can relate to that, I bet a lot of people find they worry less and about different things as they age, probably from having a more mature perspective on life.

I hear you about negative energy and energy vampires, no need for that, everyday is precious and there is no time for negativity.
 

missy

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I think there is always room for these threads because people who missed the thread or haven't responded can have a chance to respond and there are always new ideas so I hope others will respond to your thread Stephanie. It is a good topic!
 

missy

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Adding one that relates to the advice already posted but is slightly different and that is

"Life does not have to be perfect to be happy"

and the corollary "perfect is the enemy of good".
 

kenny

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Stay away from Pricescope. :lol:
 

YadaYadaYada

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kenny|1474855692|4080738 said:
Stay away from Pricescope. :lol:
Nah, it wouldn't be the same without you Kenny ;-)
 

Gem Queen

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Missy. I love your message. There is so much wisdom In it
My grandmother always said " if I knew then what I know now." Can you imagine. She would say she would be a millionaire with that knowledge.
Also, you really need to prepare for retirement. It will creep up on you.
The one thing I have been fortunate enough to realize all my life, never have a friend that only has one friend. If you're their only friend, You are their only friend.
Surround yourself with the people you admire and would want to emulate. You are judged by the company you keep.
Don't value yourself On your bank account, but by how many great friends you have.
I also found that you if you're married, and to a good man, you have a nice life, be careful who you get close to. Women want what other women have.
You never have to stay in a bad relationship. There is always a way out.
Oh. One more thing, a huge thing. Don't have a baby to save a marriage. You will most likely still get divorced and also have shared custody with someone you don't ever want to see again
oh, okay! One more. If someone asks you out that you're not sure if you should or not, or you're not really attracted to them. You have to ask yourself, I did, the least I would have to do is kiss him. Could I do that? Usually it was no and I could afford to buy my own dam meal. Lol
ONE MORE! Always trust your instincts. If something seems off or is telling you not to go somewhere or do something, trust your instinct.
I have a friend that was raped in high school. We are still friends. The other day she told me on that very same day before they were leaving, something she said was in her head saying "don't go." She told her boyfriend, something is telling me not to go. She ignored it. Her life has never been the same. I've known her since I was 15. We are now 53. I've had most of my friends since I was 9. It is wonderful to have a long history with friends who know you and where you come from. It's Priceless.
 

kenny

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StephanieLynn|1474856230|4080741 said:
kenny|1474855692|4080738 said:
Stay away from Pricescope. :lol:
Nah, it wouldn't be the same without you Kenny ;-)
Aw Shucks! :oops: ... I think. :lol:
 

jordyonbass

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If I could talk to teenage Jordy I would tell him that his life isn't going to start until the day after his final exam as that will be the last time he sees 99% of his former peers.

If I could talk to 18-19 year old Jordy I'd let him know that despite all the memories and fun that the crusty-hardcore metal lifestyle gives, it is still probably a good idea to shower at least 2-3 days per week :lol: :lol:
 

YadaYadaYada

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Wow, lots of good stuff in that post Gem Queen.

There is one major thing I would tell my younger self and that is, don't wait until the next day to call your father or it will be too late. My brother called me after he got a letter from my step-mother that our father was dying, seriously who sends that in a letter? Obviously we were estranged so I had not been in contact with my father or brother in many years. I got the phone call and I decided I needed a night to gather my thoughts and I would call him in the morning just to make peace before he passed on.

I drove up to a park we used to go just after sunset. I called the nursing home but I was told it was too late, his condition deteriorated overnight and he was no longer able to speak or understand anything. That was a hard lesson to learn and I was severely depressed for a few months after. In the end though, I forgave myself, I had done all I could with the information I had at the time.
 

Gem Queen

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So true, Stephanielynn. You know that has happened to me in a similar situation. Luckily I saw them all the time. But it still sucks
You know that old saying, don't put off for tomorrow with what you could do for today.
Oh! I do have one last one: regret is a terrible thing. You can never take it back. Always do the right thing. It's much easier.
I Guess these are things I would tell younger people. I believe and stand by everything I've written on this thread.
 

LLJsmom

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Take more chances. Get uncomfortable. If it scares you, you need to do it. Be positive. Get out of your own way and go for what you want. Believe in yourself. Persevere. Don't worry about being perfect. Give yourself a break. Forgive yourself and move forward.
 

jordyonbass

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Another thing I would tell teenage Jordy - go back and watch the first movie of 'The Butterfly Effect' and pay very close attention to the message of the movie; it's possibly one of the most relevant philosophical ideas to the choices I have made in my life (whether good or bad) and I believe it also happens to be applicable to the lives of everyone else in the world.

I wouldn't try scare him, just try to show how choices made can have effects that last for years no matter how small or minor those decisions may seem at the time they were made.
 

Gypsy

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I can't find an old thread I had with the same theme.

My personal one is this:

"Giving a young man an erection is not an accomplishment or a responsibility. A stiff wind can do the same thing."
 

kenny

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jordyonbass|1474864379|4080769 said:
If I could talk to teenage Jordy I would tell him that his life isn't going to start until the day after his final exam as that will be the last time he sees 99% of his former peers.

If I could talk to 18-19 year old Jordy I'd let him know that despite all the memories and fun that the crusty-hardcore metal lifestyle gives, it is still probably a good idea to shower at least 2-3 days per week :lol: :lol:
Mmmmmmm! Nothing like the fragrance of a REAL man! :love:
Natural man sweat can make women ovulate.
I won't say what my body's reaction is to it. :whistle:
 

shaggy1

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1. Don't base any decisions on what a man thinks or wants. Be your own best friend.

2. Ditto for your parents.
 

jordyonbass

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kenny|1474950856|4081184 said:
jordyonbass|1474864379|4080769 said:
If I could talk to teenage Jordy I would tell him that his life isn't going to start until the day after his final exam as that will be the last time he sees 99% of his former peers.

If I could talk to 18-19 year old Jordy I'd let him know that despite all the memories and fun that the crusty-hardcore metal lifestyle gives, it is still probably a good idea to shower at least 2-3 days per week :lol: :lol:
Mmmmmmm! Nothing like the fragrance of a REAL man! :love:
Natural man sweat can make women ovulate.
I won't say what my body's reaction is to it. :whistle:
LOL!!! :lol: :lol:
I don't know about ovulation but I do see some distorted faces when I enter a room after a day of drilling holes in natural clay!!

And back then it was a mix of sweat, booze, cigarettes and all other manner of smells until I jumped in the next available shower. I don't think I could deal with living like that anymore despite how much fun it actually was, even back then I would catch myself saying 'man I should get a hose and some soap' :lol:
 

kenny

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Drilling holes!?!

Jordy Stop! Just stop!

I'm getting the vapors.!
Someone get me a fan and a glass of ice-cold sarsaparilla.
 

jordyonbass

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kenny|1475019387|4081417 said:
Drilling holes!?!

Jordy Stop! Just stop!

I'm getting the vapors.!
Someone get me a fan and a glass of ice-cold sarsaparilla.
Should I deliver those to you in my stinky work clothes? Or my stinky rock n roll duds? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Here's another thing I would have told young Jordy; some of the funniest conversations I will have in life will be with gay men :mrgreen:
 

gemgirl

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This is an easy one for me. "Don't blindly trust everyone". Not all people are inherently good.
 

House Cat

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Cheryl Strayed, the author of Wild, used to do an advice column called "Dear Sugar." This was her advice to her younger self. She entitled it "Tiny, Beautiful Things." It eventually became the title of another book that is a compilation of all of the advice she gave to people.

This is such a moving column...

http://therumpus.net/2011/02/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-64/
 
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