advice on "rude" people

[DisneyBride828]

I got married in August to my wonderful hubby who spoils me. I enjoy jewelry (clearly as most PSers do, lol) so most holidays, birthdays, etc. I ask for another piece. I have been trying to find the perfect wedding band to go with the ring that we originally purchased to be a stand alone ring. I switch my rings out a lot, and the people where I work always have snide comments about it, such as, "Oh you got another ring?" Or, "I can''t believe you have more than one wedding set!" things like that. I found the most perfect band to go with my ring, but am bummed about it, because i''m afraid to wear it to work. I''m just sick of people judging me. One of my friends actually had the balls to say "you can afford jewelry but you won''t take a vacation with me?". Mind you, this girl is single and doesn''t really get that I don''t want to travel without my hubby. I guess this is more of a rant than a question. LOL. Thanks for listening!!

 

[jan can]

You could just politely say that these are no different than any other hobby. You can afford it so you do it because you enjoy it. Then change the subject.

If they continue to be rude, again politely, ask them how they spend their money. They might get the hint that none of these things are anyone else''s business.

 

[Andelain]

I''ve found a cold, silent stare to be effective also in letting people know thier comments are unwelcome.

 

[nclrgirl]

Yep, I get this from some female acquaintances and from one family member.

It is hurtful, but life''s too short to not enjoy and use something that makes you happy because of how others might react to it. I''m so sorry that you''re experiencing this. I hope that you decide to enjoy that ring!

 

[lizzyann]

Disney, wear your new ring!!! Who cares what people think. When people make comments to me about all of my jewelry. I just frankly say "I''m a jewelry person, some people are bag or shoe people, I''m a jewelry person". And I leave it at that. Like jan can said, it is like a hobby or a collection. If it is something you enjoy and will make you feel good wearing it then do it! If someone says something rude, just say "hey I''m spoiled, what can I say? I deserve it!!!" Let them be jealous!

 

[DisneyBride828]

i didn''t even get it yet. I''ve been eye-ballin it at my local B&M...i was going to purchase it today but then was like..."I don''t wanna hear it on Monday..." I know, silly.

 

[lizzyann]

It''s not silly. Obviously, these people making comments have no class at all. Who does that, I mean really? You just have to say to yourself "they can say what they want, but it makes me happy and I won''t let anyone give me anymore anxiety about my jewelry".........because I plan to buy a lot more down the road!!!!

 

[DisneyBride828]

haha, so true Lizzy!! I find it so childish to hear my co workers commenting behind my back about how spoiled I am, LOL, which is quite funny because we both work very hard, and if I see something I like, i just buy it for myself, and he does the same. My hubby likes his electronic toys, I like my sparkly ones.

 

[kenny]

Let em talk.
I don't care what people think or say about me.

Life's too short.

 

[lizzyann]

You guys sound a lot like me and my hubby! He is an IT Architect (aka computer guy) so he LOVES electronics. He just got his Apple I-Pad in today so he is in heaven!

Honestly (easier said then done) but don''t sweat those people at work. Just feel proud wearing your jewelry and knowing that your hubby likes to see you happy.

 

[marcy]

Just wear your jewelry proudly and don''t worry what they think. How you or anyone else spends their money is no one''s business.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 4/3/2010 7:33:24 PM
Author: kenny
Let em talk.

I don''t care what people think or say about me.

Life''s too short.

Ditto. I would never let other people''s opinions affect my purchasing decisions.

 

[denverappraiser]

This is pure jealousy speaking. I remember explaining to one of my coworkers who was giving me a hard time about a new motorcycle that this was a medical decision. Naturally he asked how that was and I explained that all of that extra money stuffed into my mattress was giving me a backache.

He got the hint.

Neil Beaty
GG(GIA) ICGA(AGS) NAJA
Professional Appraisals in Denver

 

[swingirl]

I can''t ever remembering anyone I worked with noticing my wedding rings. How is it that people are even aware of your jewelry from day to day? I switch from 1, 2 and 0 rings and no one has ever commented. It''s quite inappropriate to talk about jewelry at the office. It''s a sexist subject to talk about and I would be offended if my marital status and gifts were the gossip of the office.

 

[elle_chris]

Date: 4/3/2010 8:23:59 PM
Author: swingirl
I can''t ever remembering anyone I worked with noticing my wedding rings. How is it that people are even aware of your jewelry from day to day? I switch from 1, 2 and 0 rings and no one has ever commented. It''s quite inappropriate to talk about jewelry at the office. It''s a sexist subject to talk about and I would be offended if my marital status and gifts were the gossip of the office.

Same here. Never encountered or heard of anything like this until PS.

I guess I would just smile and say how lucky I am to have so many options.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 4/3/2010 7:40:56 PM
Author: marcyc
Just wear your jewelry proudly and don''t worry what they think. How you or anyone else spends their money is no one''s business.

ditto

 

[smudgedhorizon]

I agree that it no doubt stems from jealousy - I know I would never say no to a new piece of jewellery!

I think everyone has their own hobby that is equally expensive in the long run - my mother for example keeps a horse (which costs a small fortune a month), my other half bless his face spends a fortune on model kits he builds and paints, my dad and his second wife eat out at least 3 times a week every week - just because your ''thing'' is jewellery, something lasting and noticable, you shouldn''t be ashamed.

I''d probably be naughty and switch pieces more often on purpose, then when they comment just give a beaming smile and exclaim ''Oh I KNOW, I''m just so lucky''

Once they see you''re taking their snide remarks as a compliment, they will soon quit doing it I bet.

 

[ArtistJess]

i have slowly been acquiring a few more pieces over the past few years, and have heard the SAME things from people. i save and save and take extra work. i also never buy anything i cannot afford.

i just bought a new eternity band today. can''t wait to hear how people will react.

 

[luv2sparkle]

i look at it as a collection that I enjoy every day. I have had a few rude comments as well. Lots of people collect all kinds of different things. So what you enjoy it. Let it go and just enjoy what you have, and
the new band as well.

I would just tell your friend you don''t want to travel without your hubby. That is not unreasonable at all.

I have found that after a while people will stop commenting. Try not to let it spoil anything for you. Hopefully, they will get tired of being so snarky.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Say "Wow, that is a very rude thing to say. Keep your comments to yourself in future please. Now pass the salt."

Frankly, they only feel like they can say anythng to you at all because you "let" them, they must be able to sense that you care. Confidence is the best defense against rude and ridiculous people.

 

[ArtistJess]

how funny that i just read this today. i just got an email from my best friend telling me she liked my new eternity ring, but (quote) ''I am not a jewelry girl. I''m not sure why, lol. But, then again, I''m very much the practical instead of the pretty. (/quote)

ouch.

i should mention that i have been nothing but practical for a very long time. i work hard, take extra work, and just purchased a honeymoon for my fiance and me. i haven''t been to a mall in longer than i can remember. haven''t gotten new clothes in ages.

just a little tough to hear, that''s all. this girl is my BEST friend.

 

[choro72]

Why are you letting this bother you?

 

[ArtistJess]

choro- is that a collective you, or were you directing that at someone specific?

 

[choro72]

I meant to the OP.

ETA sorry for the confusion.

 

[ArtistJess]

gotcha!

 

[LD]

You live once. Enjoy your jewellery and ignore their remarks.

If it starts to wear thin, you could simply say "I enjoy spending any spare money I have on jewellery, everybody needs a hobby, what''s yours?"

 

[missy]

Date: 4/4/2010 1:36:53 AM
Author: choro72
Why are you letting this bother you?

Huge ditto to this.
There are only a few reasons they are even commenting and none of them good. Jealousy is the first that comes to mind. Never mind them DisneyBride. Some people are petty and sorry you are dealing with this with a good friend. That does make it worse but you know the saying pretty is as pretty does. Some people are not very pretty on the inside and like to cause trouble. Not...worth...your...energy.

 

[joxxxelyn]

I''m of the opinion that rude people need to either be ignored, or the tactlessness needs to be called out in a civil manner. I''d either ignore it or just calmly state that I felt the comment/question was inappropriate. I use my judgment on which one to do. In my opinion I don''t owe it to anyone to justify anything, so there''s never a reason for me to need to explain anything because I don''t answer to them.

 

[RaiKai]

It is only a judgment if you allow it to be a judgment. As in, there are many other ways to react to it rather than taking it personally or being afraid to wear jewelery.

I also don't know why you let it bother you, it is none of their business how you and your husband choose to spend money, or what kind of gifts you exchange, etc. They can make comments about it, but, they still don't know your personal choices or have the right to influence your personal choices. That does not mean they cannot comment on them (as that is their own personal choice) but it does not have to change a thing about your own choices. My personal life is my personal life. Personally something like this would not bother me as it none of their business, and I know it. As do they!

I would either react to it as if it is a compliment, call them out on it, or just ignore it entirely. All depends on your comfort and rapport with them. They'll get it. Quite quickly I bet.

As for your friend wanting to take a holiday with you - nothing wrong with saying you prefer to travel with your husband - and it has nothing to do with finances.

 

[decodelighted]

Advice on "rude people"? Get over 'em! Grow a thicker skin. Become more secure in what you choose to do. And then you won't care so much what ANYONE says to you. You can't cure the world of rudeness but you can change how you react to it.

Artist Jess: I don't know why you think what your friend said to you was rude at all? She was talking about how SHE is -- not saying SHE is better than YOU or how she IS is better than how you ARE? Are you sure you aren't over-personalizing an innocent comment needlessly?


ETA: Some of the language you both are using betrays some guilt on your own parts about the indulgence in jewelry. "Spoiled"? Really? You are spoiled as in bad or overindulged? Or are you being cute about the usage? Perhaps both? I've noticed that people who are most sensitive to criticism are picking up on the way they feel THEMSELVES -- subconsciously or maybe even a bit consciously. If you have ANY feelings of guilt or that $$ should be spent differently, it will smart 10x worse if anyone ELSE says something along those lines. If you are perfectly secure in what you've done & spent ... other people's opinions aren't as *electric* or powerful. JMHO.