Advice needed - neighbor posting your house pics on IG

[PintoBean]

My friends live in a historic landmark home with a name. It is within my HOA. Recently, volunteers they know at another historic home that allows tours told them that they've been seeing pictures of the home on Instagram. A quick google search brought up the IG account and the photos - they are being posted by the next door neighbor, "K". What creeps my friends out is that she's taking pictures of flowers in their backyard in such a way - think macro of a plant - that she had to have BEEN in the backyard to take the picture. She also takes pictures of the house number, zoomed in photos of doors, etc.

I have suggested that since this is their next door neighbor, they politely tell her that friends alerted them to the pictures online, and while it looks like she has an appreciation of the wife's plantings, and the husband's paint scheme/design, could she please let them see the pics before she posts on the internet so that they can approve/disprove posting the pic(s)? Then explain that they purposely keep a low footprint on the internet, and hopes that K understands this. Also, while the house has significant historic value, it is still a private residence and they are afraid of attracting unwanted attention.

If this was your next door neighbor, and you were alarmed, upset, unnerved to discover these pictures online, what would you do?

 

[Marquise_Madness]

My friends live in a historic landmark home with a name. It is within my HOA. Recently, volunteers they know at another historic home that allows tours told them that they've been seeing pictures of the home on Instagram. A quick google search brought up the IG account and the photos - they are being posted by the next door neighbor, "K". What creeps my friends out is that she's taking pictures of flowers in their backyard in such a way - think macro of a plant - that she had to have BEEN in the backyard to take the picture. She also takes pictures of the house number, zoomed in photos of doors, etc.

I have suggested that since this is their next door neighbor, they politely tell her that friends alerted them to the pictures online, and while it looks like she has an appreciation of the wife's plantings, and the husband's paint scheme/design, could she please let them see the pics before she posts on the internet so that they can approve/disprove posting the pic(s)? Then explain that they purposely keep a low footprint on the internet, and hopes that K understands this. Also, while the house has significant historic value, it is still a private residence and they are afraid of attracting unwanted attention.

If this was your next door neighbor, and you were alarmed, upset, unnerved to discover these pictures online, what would you do?

Take screenshots of this Instagram.

It's one thing to take photos from the sidewalk and it's one thing to cross into private property to take close ups. That's creepy. I would talk to the HOA about it. If it doesn't stop, then I would ask Instagram to subpoena who owns the account. If you know who it is, get a restraining order.


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[the_mother_thing]

Was there context/verbiage to accompany the pictures? Like, "does anyone know what type of plant this is?" ... not that it makes it okay because he/she could always just ask the homeowner.

I think I'd do exactly as you suggested, for starters.

How creepy that "K" would be posting pictures of someone else's home/landscape on his/her IG account. That's like posting close-ups of your friend/neighbor's spouse or kids or something. You just don't do it without their permission.

 

[PintoBean]

My friends live in a historic landmark home with a name. It is within my HOA. Recently, volunteers they know at another historic home that allows tours told them that they've been seeing pictures of the home on Instagram. A quick google search brought up the IG account and the photos - they are being posted by the next door neighbor, "K". What creeps my friends out is that she's taking pictures of flowers in their backyard in such a way - think macro of a plant - that she had to have BEEN in the backyard to take the picture. She also takes pictures of the house number, zoomed in photos of doors, etc.

I have suggested that since this is their next door neighbor, they politely tell her that friends alerted them to the pictures online, and while it looks like she has an appreciation of the wife's plantings, and the husband's paint scheme/design, could she please let them see the pics before she posts on the internet so that they can approve/disprove posting the pic(s)? Then explain that they purposely keep a low footprint on the internet, and hopes that K understands this. Also, while the house has significant historic value, it is still a private residence and they are afraid of attracting unwanted attention.

If this was your next door neighbor, and you were alarmed, upset, unnerved to discover these pictures online, what would you do?

Take screenshots of this Instagram.

It's one thing to take photos from the sidewalk and it's one thing to cross into private property to take close ups. That's creepy. I would talk to the HOA about it. If it doesn't stop, then I would ask Instagram to subpoena who owns the account. If you know who it is, get a restraining order.
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I am the president of the HOA, my friend is a fellow board member, K is my friends next door neighbor, and K's mom is the secretary on the board. This is why we are trying to tread carefully. Taking screenshots is a great idea.

 

[PintoBean]

Even better, as I scroll through the pics on K's IG, I see a pic of two men from a band K saw and one of them is my friend/DH's coworker's husband. She credits the band but not him lmao!

 

[the_mother_thing]

If confrontation is not desired just yet, does your HOA have a newsletter, facebook, website, etc. that perhaps a 'neighborly reminder' can be posted/shared - for everyone's security & privacy concerns - to not post pictures of others' homes on social media without consent?

 

[Marquise_Madness]

If confrontation is not desired just yet, does your HOA have a newsletter, facebook, website, etc. that perhaps a 'neighborly reminder' can be posted/shared - for everyone's security & privacy concerns - to not post pictures of others' homes on social media without consent?

I agree about this-

In the newsletter, post a memo about not posting photos of houses without permission.


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[december-fire]

Pinto,

You said you want to tread lightly, but I'm not sure why or exactly what you mean.

How do you feel about a seven-foot barbed-wire fence, siren-and-lights alarm system, and a few large dogs?

Because I think that's treading lightly. I wouldn't suggest land mines as an initial response.

If you want something more subtle than the fence-alarm-dog solution, your idea of talking to the neighbours is good.

I'd be polite but make it very clear what is and is not acceptable.

I'd ask 'K' if she'd been in my backyard taking photos and, if yes, then tell her that it is private property and I'd appreciate it if she wouldn't do that in the future.

Sounds like 'K' doesn't understand boundaries and respect for other people's property. A message that is too politely worded doesn't tend to be understood by someone like that. I think 'K' is probably the kind of person who inspired the expression 'give an inch and they'll take a mile'.

As President of the HOA, I think you have every right - and the responsibility - to make it clear that respecting people's privacy and property is key.

 

[december-fire]

Just saw the suggestion about the newsletter.

I tend to be direct and, if there is only one guilty party, then I'm not keen on delivering the message to a larger group.

The guilty party tends to ignore widely-delivered messages, and I don't think its respectful to others to 'remind them not to do' that which they aren't doing.

 

[distracts]

Pinto,

You said you want to tread lightly, but I'm not sure why or exactly what you mean.

How do you feel about a seven-foot barbed-wire fence, siren-and-lights alarm system, and a few large dogs?

Because I think that's treading lightly. I wouldn't suggest land mines as an initial response.

If you want something more subtle than the fence-alarm-dog solution, your idea of talking to the neighbours is good.

I'd be polite but make it very clear what is and is not acceptable.

I'd ask 'K' if she'd been in my backyard taking photos and, if yes, then tell her that it is private property and I'd appreciate it if she wouldn't do that in the future.

Sounds like 'K' doesn't understand boundaries and respect for other people's property. A message that is too politely worded doesn't tend to be understood by someone like that. I think 'K' is probably the kind of person who inspired the expression 'give an inch and they'll take a mile'.

As President of the HOA, I think you have every right - and the responsibility - to make it clear that respecting people's privacy and property is key.

I agree with this. K doesn't understand boundaries - if so, she wouldn't be doing this! You need to come down hard.

 

[House Cat]

I don't understand the desire to tread lightly.

This woman trespassed onto the property. She took the time to take macro shots of the flowers on the property. She then posted those photos and others of the house onto IG!!!

I would be calling the police!

And she would be grateful that she was dealing with the police!

 

[CJ2008]

Just saw the suggestion about the newsletter.

I tend to be direct and, if there is only one guilty party, then I'm not keen on delivering the message to a larger group.

The guilty party tends to ignore widely-delivered messages, and I don't think its respectful to others to 'remind them not to do' that which they aren't doing.

I agree, for those very reasons, on delivering the message directly.

 

[PintoBean]

They don't want to escalate it to the HOA and community level when I suggested the newsletter. The truth of the matter is that the community tends to ignore newsletters, unfortunately. We are also a small HOA of less than 40 houses.

They are only wanting to tread lightly because it's their next door neighbor.

I told them that if it were me, I would have a lawyer send a cease and desist letter... Especially after the husband told us that 3 years ago, when he gave a special house tour, K took a picture inside the house and he told her point Blank not to post on the Internet, and today we spotted a picture of a light fixture from inside the house from 3 years ago.

The husband thinks that this is on the bottom of shit he needs to worry about, while the wife says that she's perturbed that the pictures show that K has absolutely been on their property in order to take those pictures. Mat first the wife just didn't want to say anything to K, but after her husband's reaction, she's motivated to say something. I went over with her a few times to stick to the following talking points - 1. Friends alerted her to pics on Instagram, 2. She saw the pics on Instagram, 3. She is very private, so 4. Please remove the pics of her house and garden from Instagram.

 

[PintoBean]

If confrontation is not desired just yet, does your HOA have a newsletter, facebook, website, etc. that perhaps a 'neighborly reminder' can be posted/shared - for everyone's security & privacy concerns - to not post pictures of others' homes on social media without consent?

We only have newsletters right now, and I stopped pushing for more bc The board is me, Then the next youngest is 67 followed by 4 85 year olds and an inept property manager. I'm the only one working full time and constantly doing the heavy lifting.

Pinto,

You said you want to tread lightly, but I'm not sure why or exactly what you mean.

How do you feel about a seven-foot barbed-wire fence, siren-and-lights alarm system, and a few large dogs?

Because I think that's treading lightly. I wouldn't suggest land mines as an initial response.

If you want something more subtle than the fence-alarm-dog solution, your idea of talking to the neighbours is good.

I'd be polite but make it very clear what is and is not acceptable.

I'd ask 'K' if she'd been in my backyard taking photos and, if yes, then tell her that it is private property and I'd appreciate it if she wouldn't do that in the future.

Sounds like 'K' doesn't understand boundaries and respect for other people's property. A message that is too politely worded doesn't tend to be understood by someone like that. I think 'K' is probably the kind of person who inspired the expression 'give an inch and they'll take a mile'.

As President of the HOA, I think you have every right - and the responsibility - to make it clear that respecting people's privacy and property is key.

I said tread carefully, not lightly, because of the fact that K's mom is also on the board. And we have 3 members on the board , including K's mom who say things like, why spend 10% more on a material that will last a lifetime when 10% less gets you something that lasts a decade? We won't get any use or enjoyment out of something that lasts a lifetime. They are on the board for themselves, while I constantly have to remind them that the decisions they make are not about them but should take into the consideration their fiduciary duty to the community to do what's best for the community. And no one else is on the board or wants to be on the board bc of a history of BS that predates me.

You are right about the give an inch and take a mile. I am concerned about my friends relationship with K as neighbors. For example, my friends just replaced a shared fence for $3,000 that was a particularly difficult job because the posts were cemented behind a historic stone wall that had to be preserved. A quote was initially received from a vendor, but due to the difficulty of the job, my friend opted to use specialized workers. K didn't want to pay extra for cedar, so the friend said fine, we will absorb the cedar difference in price. So originally, K would be responsible for $250. then K demanded the fence be raised so extra mud excavation had to be done, and stone had to be added on top of the stone wall to fill in gap - hence the job escalating to $3k. So ultimately K puts a check for $250 in my friends mailbox.

I think my friends are too passive. They don't like to make waves... They're 67 and 70 and I guess they want some peace in their retirement.

I hope they sleep on this and decide to take a firmer approach tomorrow.

 

[PintoBean]

Just saw the suggestion about the newsletter.

I tend to be direct and, if there is only one guilty party, then I'm not keen on delivering the message to a larger group.

The guilty party tends to ignore widely-delivered messages, and I don't think its respectful to others to 'remind them not to do' that which they aren't doing.

I agree, for those very reasons, on delivering the message directly.

Agreed - I feel like the newsletter is too passive aggressive and everyone will assume it's someone else . This needs to be dealt with directly.

We saw more disturbing pics - like close ups of door knockers and door knobs and locks. I point blank said to the friend (wife), you either say something about this, or learn to live with it. Hee hee this made her admit out loud that she doesn't like this, she feels invaded, etc. This is clearly ongoing for 3 years now, and once she saw the time stamps it hit home this wasn't a one off random thing this is continuous.

 

[azstonie]

Just saw the suggestion about the newsletter.

I tend to be direct and, if there is only one guilty party, then I'm not keen on delivering the message to a larger group.

The guilty party tends to ignore widely-delivered messages, and I don't think its respectful to others to 'remind them not to do' that which they aren't doing.

Same here. If you want something to stop, the exact person doing it has to be communicated with in clear, not vague, language. OTH, have I missed something, is your neighbor, the actual homeowner, grieving this or taking it forward in any way?

 

[PintoBean]

I don't understand the desire to tread lightly.

This woman trespassed onto the property. She took the time to take macro shots of the flowers on the property. She then posted those photos and others of the house onto IG!!!

I would be calling the police!

And she would be grateful that she was dealing with the police!

Yeah, me neither... I told my neighbors they should have her husband walk around semi nude around the property. Try to take some nice landscape shots, then!

I wish they were me... I was always stepped on, so where I am in life now, homey don't play that. Flaming cat poop would be dealt to K, K's homez, The HOA, the management company, Instagram, Google (don't be caching that flaming poop)!

And the cray cray in me - I'm always a fan of the pebble under the cap of the tire air valve for the slow leak factor and the sugar or tampon in the gas tank... We've talked about doing that since we were hood-tots, but mebbe it's time to implement.

 

[PintoBean]

Just saw the suggestion about the newsletter.

I tend to be direct and, if there is only one guilty party, then I'm not keen on delivering the message to a larger group.

The guilty party tends to ignore widely-delivered messages, and I don't think its respectful to others to 'remind them not to do' that which they aren't doing.

Same here. If you want something to stop, the exact person doing it has to be communicated with in clear, not vague, language. OTH, have I missed something, is your neighbor, the actual homeowner, grieving this or taking it forward in any way?

Absolutely. Direct is the way. I'm going to talk to the friend wife to,orrow again. Go over the talking points. Make it feel like second nature to rattle them off her tongue when if and when she sees K.

Also, I think the husband wasn't as receptive today because he spent 5 hours waiting in a queue at the DMV today. I will try to talk to him tomorrow after he's had time to decompress.

 

[QueenFVS]

What compels a person to act this way???? Just don't get it.
PB- "homey don't play dat". CLASSIC like "two snaps and a head roll"!

 

[the_mother_thing]

FTR - I personally agree with the direct approach to the offenders, but must have misinterpreted that your neighbor's wanted to avoid confrontation. If this were me/my home/privacy being invaded, I'd have been over there in a hot minute, with a third party witness to the conversation, and I'd document it in writing (e.g., follow-up with a certified letter to the offender) so there is a record and witness to the discussion, should legal action later be necessary.

Pinto - you being the HOA president, are you offering to go with them to serve as a witness? Or are you trying to stay out of it/keep the HOA out of it? I can see both sides, but without a third party witness, it could later become one's word against the other's, even with the letter documenting the discussion.

 

[PintoBean]

FTR - I personally agree with the direct approach to the offenders, but must have misinterpreted that your neighbor's wanted to avoid confrontation. If this were me/my home/privacy being invaded, I'd have been over there in a hot minute, with a third party witness to the conversation, and I'd document it in writing (e.g., follow-up with a certified letter to the offender) so there is a record and witness to the discussion, should legal action later be necessary.

Pinto - you being the HOA president, are you offering to go with them to serve as a witness? Or are you trying to stay out of it/keep the HOA out of it? I can see both sides, but without a third party witness, it could later become one's word against the other's, even with the letter documenting the discussion.

I think we'd start with a one on one so that it's more so personal, right, in order to play up the privacy bit. But I'd make sure my friends document when and where discussion occurred what was said etc. if within a week or two (say K goes on vacation, who knows), if nothing is taken down, I think we should escalate to me the HOA president. I'm hoping it doesn't have to come to that.

 

[PintoBean]

What compels a person to act this way???? Just don't get it.
PB- "homey don't play dat". CLASSIC like "two snaps and a head roll"!

I think it's envy, a need to show off. K can post pics of this beautiful house for starters like any joe shmo from the street, but by posting close ups it intimates that she's IN with the homeowners and has access to the house in such a way that the public does not. Me guessing...

 

[House Cat]

I don't understand the desire to tread lightly.

This woman trespassed onto the property. She took the time to take macro shots of the flowers on the property. She then posted those photos and others of the house onto IG!!!

I would be calling the police!

And she would be grateful that she was dealing with the police!

Yeah, me neither... I told my neighbors they should have her husband walk around semi nude around the property. Try to take some nice landscape shots, then!

I wish they were me... I was always stepped on, so where I am in life now, homey don't play that. Flaming cat poop would be dealt to K, K's homez, The HOA, the management company, Instagram, Google (don't be caching that flaming poop)!

And the cray cray in me - I'm always a fan of the pebble under the cap of the tire air valve for the slow leak factor and the sugar or tampon in the gas tank... We've talked about doing that since we were hood-tots, but mebbe it's time to implement.

Oh girl!

The naked 70 year old husband could be a deterrent!

Your poor sweet neighbors! See? This is the kind of thing that makes me angry!! Rude, awful people who take advantage of the sweet souls of the world! I am a bully-the-bully kind of person. Whenever I see someone taking advantage of a lovely and precious person, my hair catches fire!

I hope they can find it within themselves to make this person stop her unacceptable behavior.

You're a good friend to help them through this!

 

[december-fire]

Pinto,

Sorry I misquoted you! The situation got me ticked off.

Having read the ages of the homeowners and thought about this a bit more, I'd advise calling the police and let them deal with it. I'm not one to immediately phone the police because they're busy with very serious matters. However, this isn't an HOA or community matter. This is about trespassing. And posting photos of locks and the house number? The homeowners could be feeling less safe in their home.

The person doing this isn't capable of hearing or understanding a message from a neighbour.

Let the police deal with her directly.

I feel for your neighbours. They shouldn't have to deal with this stressful situation.