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Advice about noisy neighbors

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aprilcait

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Hi, everyone! My FI and I just moved in to a great new condo. We really love it, except for our neighbors upstairs whom we have come to refer to as "nocturnal rabbits".


Most of the time, our upstairs neighbors are quiet and really not a problem. However, they seem to have a regular schedule for "couple time" that is quite inconvenient for us. At 4:30 am every other day or so my FI and I are woken up by the sound of squeaking bed springs and a rocking headboard (definitely not fun since I wake up at 6:30 am for work). The main problem is that neither FI nor I can get back to sleep after these nocturnal lovefests because the neighbors, then, noisily walk around upstairs, etc.


I realize that our neighbors, likely, have NO idea that we can hear all of this or that their schedule has negatively affected us at all. FI and I are really having issues with the lack of sleep and would like to resolve this issue as soon as possible but in the friendliest possible way. Any advice on how to approach our upstairs neighbors with this?
 

dmbfan

Shiny_Rock
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Dec 1, 2005
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FI and I are really having issues with the lack of sleep and would like to resolve this issue as soon as possible but in the friendliest possible way.
You said it yourself. Why dont you invite them over and introduce yourselves and be upfront about the situation.
 

aprilcait

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I know that''s what I need to do. I am just really bad about confrontation. Plus, we''ve never met and I feel it would be very awkward to say "Hi, we''re your new neighbors. We can hear you get it on at 4:30 am, would you mind keeping it down or tightening the screws in your bed frame?" Still, maybe I just need to buck up and do it.

Do you think a note or a face-to-face would be better?
 

sparkel

Shiny_Rock
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Mar 22, 2006
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I don''t really have a problem with confrontation but that is super akward. Maybe a note slid under their door (unsigned) explaining the problem. I think even if you knew them it would be a wierd convo. Instead you could just write a polite note informing them that you are able to hear and you don''t have to mention your location just say that you can hear their "activities" and the subsequent stomping. That doesnt necessarily point to you. Also I think you should explain in the note that you chose to explain the problem in a note to avoid embarassment for either party not as a way of being rude.

Let us know what happens I''m curious to find out how that is resolved!

Rebecca
 

MichelleCarmen

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Can you try putting in ear plugs? lol Personally, I do not see any way that either handing them a note or talking to them face-to-face will end positively. Even if the couple isn''t offended by your confrontation, they will be embarrassed by you hearing them. You wouldn''t want to be stuck seeing them for years to come with them recollecting your asking them to quiet down!
 

Maisie

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I have had this problem but from the other side. When I moved in with my ex we had a bedsit in a really old house. The owners sister occupied the other half of the house.
One day she popped round and said ''hello sweetie, just wanted to welcome you to the house and ask if at all possible - would you move your headboard away from the wall? It makes the most awful din''.....

I was absolutely mortified! I would really recommend just sliding an unsigned note under the door.
 

aprilcait

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MC, I actually looked in to getting earplugs, but then I realized that we really shouldn’t have to wear earplugs in our own place. If I was a light sleeper, perhaps I would be more open to doing so, but it really does take a lot to wake me up once I’m asleep. So, I’m not feeling like I’m being too unreasonable.


I think I''m going to go with Sparkel''s suggestion: the anonymous note that explains why we chose that format, etc. Any suggestions of how to phrase it in a friendly, non-confrontational way that minimizes embarrassment for our neighbors?
 

Maisie

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Date: 2/6/2007 11:14:34 AM
Author: aprilcait

MC, I actually looked in to getting earplugs, but then I realized that we really shouldn’t have to wear earplugs in our own place. If I was a light sleeper, perhaps I would be more open to doing so, but it really does take a lot to wake me up once I’m asleep. So, I’m not feeling like I’m being too unreasonable.



I think I''m going to go with Sparkel''s suggestion: the anonymous note that explains why we chose that format, etc. Any suggestions of how to phrase it in a friendly, non-confrontational way that minimizes embarrassment for our neighbors?
Dear Neighbours,

Please stop bonking all night as its keeping us awake.
Thankyou.

Love from us downstairs

 

KimberlyH

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Jun 15, 2006
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I've lived in both an apartment w/ very thin walls and the common wall was between my bedroom and my neighbor's new baby's bedroom; I also lived in downstairs of a condo complex where I was in a similar situation as you.

The neighbor's with the baby came to me a few days after their baby was born to find out if I wanted them to switch bedrooms so I didn't share a common wall with the baby and I declined as the noise wasn't that bothersome.

The neighbor at the condo, well we deemed him and his wife "noise patrol" as they had no qualms about telling me to keep it down. This infuruiated me as I had guests over maybe 5 times the entire time I lived there, I turned the stereo up to a loud volume a sum total of two times when I knew they were home It wasn't to annoy them, I was cleaning my house and wanted to listen to music), both times it was before 10pm. I basically was home to sleep and get ready for work, the rest of the time I was out. It turned into a really bad situation, they would intentionally stomp around at 5 in the morning (they stomped on the ceiling over my kitchen so hard they actually cracked the casing around my kitchen light), they parked in my parking spaces and were just out of control. One night he came over huffing and puffing about TV noise at 8pm, rang the door bell said "oh, it's not you. Can't you hear that (bleep)" to which I said "no" and then stomped off to figure out who it was.

I never understood their behavior as they made the choice to live in a condo and it just sort of goes with the territory, I never thought to complain to them about the noise they made for that same reason. I would suggest you hold off on saying anything for a few weeks, give yourself time to adjust to your new environment and the noises that come along with it. If you do that and absolutely can't adjust I would deal with them face to face and just poliltely explain that you know how awkward this is but that you are having difficulties sleeping because you can hear them in the morning, if they could perhaps step a bit lighter it would be greatly appreciated (hopefully they'll catch your drift and you won't have to deal with the real issue head on).
 

aprilcait

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LOL! Maisiebelle, your story was so funny...but only because I''m not you.
You poor thing! I would have been totally embarrassed if that had happened to me. I am DEFINITELY going with the anonymous note under the dor route.

The neighbors have a little girl (I''m guessing 3 or 4 years old). You don''t think she''d grab the note from under the door and not give it to her parents, do you?
 

Abandonhope

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Date: 2/6/2007 11:16:33 AM
Author: Maisiebelle

Dear Neighbours,

Please stop bonking all night as its keeping us awake.
Thankyou.

Love from us downstairs

Oh, and I vote to use this for the note.
 

divergrrl

Ideal_Rock
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Dec 9, 2002
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2,224
I''m just shocked that someone is having that much sex. Everyother night? Do not inform my husband.

Diver.
 

Kaleigh

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My vote goes for the note as well. What an awkward situation, good luck!!!!
 

Maisie

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Date: 2/6/2007 11:27:16 AM
Author: aprilcait
LOL! Maisiebelle, your story was so funny...but only because I''m not you.
You poor thing! I would have been totally embarrassed if that had happened to me. I am DEFINITELY going with the anonymous note under the dor route.

The neighbors have a little girl (I''m guessing 3 or 4 years old). You don''t think she''d grab the note from under the door and not give it to her parents, do you?
lol I don''t mind you laughing - it is funny now..... really bad at the time though!
 

strmrdr

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make a tape recording and burn it to an audio cd and mail it to them titled "your love sounds fix your bed!"
 

Maisie

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Date: 2/6/2007 11:42:59 AM
Author: divergrrl
I''m just shocked that someone is having that much sex. Everyother night? Do not inform my husband.

Diver.
Lol! Your post made me laugh lots!
 

larussel03

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Oct 22, 2005
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We were hearing similar noises around 4am in our apartment as well. We''re on the 1st floor, and the floor above us is so squeaky, you can hear whenever anyone walks around, but this was distinct banging or somehting every night at 4am. Then like bouncy noises (ew) and then walking around. I was sooooooooooooooo irritated!!!

FI would just get up and take his hockey stick and pound the ceiling with it (made sense to our foggy, just woken up selves) and after a couple days it stopped completely. That''s a pretty clear indication, I think, if you are scared to write a letter. Grab a broom stick and pound away for a few seconds.
 

crown1

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Nov 22, 2006
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if their phone were to ring during the noisy activity it would get their attention. i am not sure that this is appropriate but they would get the message. another option would be to play some cd''s when the activity starts. do you have barry white? i think he is the one who sang all of the sexy songs. maybe sexual healing would be a good one. i wouldn''t rule out the earplugs since i am probably to chicken to do anything.
 

merrijoy

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Date: 2/6/2007 12:08:21 PM
Author: crown1
if their phone were to ring during the noisy activity it would get their attention. i am not sure that this is appropriate but they would get the message. another option would be to play some cd''s when the activity starts. do you have barry white? i think he is the one who sang all of the sexy songs. maybe sexual healing would be a good one. i wouldn''t rule out the earplugs since i am probably to chicken to do anything.
This is making me laugh! Very good idea!

Mer
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Tricky! I support the 'note under the door' thing. Definitely don't do it face to face! So embarassing. But getting woken up at 4:30 really sucks and you'll just get more and more annoyed if you do nothing, right?

Does your condo association have noise rules about floors? Some buildings require a percentage of the floor to be covered by carpets or have strict standards about noise-reduction padding in hardwood flooring. You could check into that. Maybe they put down hardwood and skimped?

I'm really sensitive to noise so try to be very considerate. And luckily, my neighbours are really good too. I can sometimes here my upstairs neighbour's dog's claws click click clicking as he shuffles around. I find this unbearably cute (I'm a sucker for animals). But luckily, my bedroom backs on to my nextdoor neighbour's kitchen, so unless she's having a late night snack when M is over / or she's having late night kitchen counter fun, we don't bother each other. phew.
 

movie zombie

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condo living comes with problems as you already know.....and why shouldn''t you wear ear plugs in your own space/place? they may figure they have the right to have sex at 430a in their own space if they want to.

having said that, i vote for a good pair of ear plugs, waiting a few weeks to get acclimated and the broomstick/hockey stick method along with the note under the door suggesting moving the headboard away from the wall. i''d do the headboard and stick method the same day so perhaps the message might be heard.

movie zombie
 

njc

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Date: 2/6/2007 11:42:59 AM
Author: divergrrl
I''m just shocked that someone is having that much sex. Everyother night? Do not inform my husband.

Diver.
Maybe they are making a baby!?

But I agree... dont tell my hubby!
 

belle

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 19, 2004
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10,285
you know what they say, ''if you can''t beat ''em, join ''em!'' not literally of course! but hey, if it''s waking you up anyway.....


seriously though, as others have pointed out, that is one of the downsides of condo/apt. living. being upstairs is always better! until you have to carry the couch

i hope you find a amicable solution.
 

VegasAngel

Brilliant_Rock
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Oct 12, 2005
Messages
1,532
So many funny stories & solutions when you type what to do about noisy neighbor having loud sex in google. One idea was to call the police (NON emergency line) & say you hear really loud screaming upstairs and are worried

Totally know what your going through. You might as well sign your note if you leave one they will know where/who it came from. I was not as nice about the sitatation with my neighbors. I would bang the celing with a broom, Blast God Bless America & a certain song by Nine Inch Nails etc.. Thats the crappy part about living in a downstairs unit.



Edited: Omg I found the responses hilarious http://hyperthink.net/blog/CommentView,guid,97a8cc52-c8f0-4a8e-84f4-1aaab36c1dfd.aspx
 

scarleta

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I have been in similar situation some years ago and I understand your frustration.Have not read all the responses yet, but here what I would do.Just go over there with your FI ( when you are in a very good mood) , intruduce yourselves and welcome them to your neighbourhood if they are new , or just say something like this:sorry we have had no time or opportunity to meet you B 4 .If you wish you may bring with you box of chocolates, cookies or something like that.It would be helpful if you were invited inside.Then I would go straight to the point and just let them know how much you like this neighbourghood and your home, but there is something that is really bothering you and just go straight to the point.Be as precise as possible and describe the situation without any feelings ( do not get upset ).You may point out to them that the walls are really thin etc..At the same time if they are receptive try to mutually come to some resolution. I wish you luck and above all do not make enemies in the process , rather aim to make friends.It may or may not work but its worth trying.
BTW my situation improved after they moved out months after, because the guest of my former neighbours were still coming in to visit them at 2 or 3 AM ( their suite was vacant ) were knocking in my door to enquire about their wereabouts.We did not make enemies with them and they were really nice people other than that .They were home from midnight on and that''s when the party started.They were not aware of the noise they created and always appologized and finally moved to the suburbs with no neighbours so they could continue their life style and not upset the neighbours.I wish you luck its not an easy solution..
 

Maisie

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Date: 2/6/2007 1:03:32 PM
Author: scarleta
I have been in similar situation some years ago and I understand your frustration.Have not read all the responses yet, but here what I would do.Just go over there with your FI ( when you are in a very good mood) , intruduce yourselves and welcome them to your neighbourhood if they are new , or just say something like this:sorry we have had no time or opportunity to meet you B 4 .If you wish you may bring with you box of chocolates, cookies or something like that.It would be helpful if you were invited inside.Then I would go straight to the point and just let them know how much you like this neighbourghood and your home, but there is something that is really bothering you and just go straight to the point.Be as precise as possible and describe the situation without any feelings ( do not get upset ).You may point out to them that the walls are really thin etc..At the same time if they are receptive try to mutually come to some resolution. I wish you luck and above all do not make enemies in the process , rather aim to make friends.It may or may not work but its worth trying.
BTW my situation improved after they moved out months after, because the guest of my former neighbours were still coming in to visit them at 2 or 3 AM ( their suite was vacant ) were knocking in my door to enquire about their wereabouts.We did not make enemies with them and they were really nice people other than that .They were home from midnight on and that''s when the party started.They were not aware of the noise they created and always appologized and finally moved to the suburbs with no neighbours so they could continue their life style and not upset the neighbours.I wish you luck its not an easy solution..
While I would have appreciated the cookies I have to say I would rather not have had the woman knock on my door. It was really REALLY embarrassing and I would have much preferred a little note under the door.
 

psaddict

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 9, 2006
Messages
105
This may not be an option at all, but do you have more than one bedroom? Would it be a possibility to have your bedroom not directly beneath theirs? I''m just worried that if you leave them a note, they may walk more lightly or put down a rug, but not stop with the 4:30 AM couple time. I mean, if they want to get it on in the morning before work, and that''s when they wake up, they may not be willing to just stop completely.
 

dmbfan

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Joined
Dec 1, 2005
Messages
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Date: 2/6/2007 12:41:18 PM
Author: njc


Date: 2/6/2007 11:42:59 AM
Author: divergrrl
I'm just shocked that someone is having that much sex. Everyother night? Do not inform my husband.

Diver.
Maybe they are making a baby!?

But I agree... dont tell my hubby!
Wow, really.....


Aprilcait- I think Kim had the best suggestion. Since you just moved in, you should just go upstairs and tell them that you hear them "walking around" and making noise at 4:30am and let them know that it has become hard to sleep the other two hours. You never have to mention the "noise" they make and hopefully they catch on. If you see that they are receptive and nice, then you could have the guys chat this out at a later time.... trust me, they would not be embarrassed at all if is just them chatting
 
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